Episode 42: Controlling Other People, Wanting Them to Change & The Key to Being Happier

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Controlling Other People, Wanting Them to Change & The Key to Being Happier

There’s one change you can make to improve your overall enjoyment of life, and that is to stop trying to control other people. If you need other people to change in order to feel happy, that day will never come. So, this episode is all about what happens when you find yourself controlling other people and wanting them to change, and the key to being happier.

This topic comes up in my coaching practice all the time. It’s natural to want other people to change. But the truth is, they don’t want to change, and you can’t make them. Giving up on needing to control others isn’t about letting everyone have a free pass to walk all over you; it’s about taking control of your own emotions.

Tune in this week to discover how everything changes when you truly understand that other people don’t need to change in order for you to feel happier. I’m sharing some stories from my own professional life about wanting other people to operate differently, why this never works, and what you can do instead to start taking control of your own happiness.

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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why needing others to change so you can feel happy is never going to work.
  • What having an instruction manual for the people in your life looks like.
  • How to see the impact that needing to control other people is having on your happiness.
  • Stories from my own history of believing I knew what was best for other people.
  • What changes when you step into acceptance that other people aren’t going to change.
  • How to start taking control of your own happiness, evaluate your options, and decide how to move forward.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 42. Today, we’re talking all about Controlling Other People, Wanting Them to Change & The Key to Being Happier. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach, Olivia Vizachero.

Hi, my loves. How are you? Happy holidays. I am recording this from the comfort of my new condo in downtown Detroit and it is frigid here. I know that you have probably, no matter where you are really in the country have probably experienced some of the same within the last week. But man, today it was no joke. I am actually recording this episode on Christmas Eve, and I do all of my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. That’s been a tradition that I’ve been doing since I think I was 18.

So I went out this morning and I ran a ton of errands and got a bunch of stuff. I already knew what I was going to get so I had the game plan together. .But I ran out and did that and it is no joke out there. I think I started this morning, and it was one degree, by the time I got back home it was 11 degrees heatwave. So I broke out my good old mink coat and traipsed around in the winter air in order to get all my holiday shopping done. I hope your holiday season is off to a wonderful start. I’m so excited for the New Year.

I have a very full start to the year, so I dive back into work after my couple weeks off. I always take the last few weeks of the year off. And I’ll dive back into working with my clients, and then before I know it I’ll be headed to Cabo for my business mastermind with my business coach. And then I basically head straight from Cabo to Charleston for my mastermind live event with everyone from The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind. So it’s going to be an exciting couple weeks after the first of the year.

I also am getting ready to trek down to Indiana to go see a couple of coach friends of mine for New Year’s. That was really unexpected and a last minute addition to my game plan. But I’m so excited. I love spending time with other entrepreneurs. I just love geeking out about all things business. So I’m really looking forward to that as well.

Now, speaking of the New Year I was thinking about what do I want to talk about on today’s episode. And I really wanted to give you the number one key to being happier in 2023. So today we’re talking about controlling other people, wanting them to change and the key to being happier. Now, if there’s one change that you make that would have the biggest impact on your happiness, just your overall enjoyment of life, it’s to stop trying to control other people. I’m going to say that one more time.

If there’s one change that you can make that would have the absolute biggest impact on your happiness and your overall enjoyment of life, it’s to stop trying to control other people. It’s to stop wanting them to change especially when they don’t want to. This is so important. You will never be happy if you’re always needing people to be different than they are so you can feel the way you want to feel.

This episode was actually inspired by a recent conversation I had with a former client and someone who’s become a really good friend of mine. And we were messaging back and forth, and I actually said that statement to him. He was talking to me about something involving his work and I said to him. “You’ll never be happy if you’re always needing people to be different than they are so you can feel the way you want to feel.” And as soon as I said that, he was like, “Olivia, that’s so good it needs its own podcast episode.”

So here you have it. I’m recording an episode specifically on this because I agree with him. It is so important. It requires its own episode. And if it’s the single change you make in 2023, it will radically change the quality of your life. It’s probably the thing that I coach my clients on the most actually. When I first started my coaching business and even in the pre coaching business days, when I knew that this is what I wanted to do but I hadn’t made the switch yet from practicing law. I assumed the thing that I would coach on the most would be time management.

And I still coach plenty on time management, don’t get me wrong. But the thing that I actually coach on the most is this topic. Trying to control other people and wanting them to change, and how it wreaks havoc on your ability to enjoy your life. So I’m constantly coaching clients, getting them to stop trying to control other people, to stop wanting them to change, or trying to get them to change, not because you want to let people off the hook which is normally the pushback that I get.

It’s because you attempting to control other people which does not work, and constantly wanting them to be different than they are is a recipe for your own unhappiness. So we want you to stop trying to control them so you can have better quality of life. Now, I talked about this a little bit in the episode that I did on should thoughts, should thinking. But essentially we all walk around, and we have manuals, just like instruction manuals that come with the gadgets that we buy. We have instruction manuals for the people in our lives and they consist of a whole bunch of rules that we have written for them.

And normally we don’t share our instruction manuals with people, we just keep them filed away somewhere. And when people don’t act in conformity with the manuals that we’ve written for them, we end up getting really frustrated. And it’s basically our understanding of how the world should be, is upset, it’s all wonky. So what we do in order to right what we perceive as a wrong, we try and control other people to get them to behave in accordance with the manuals that we have for them.

We think that they should do some things and they’re not doing them. And then we feel frustrated because we’re thinking that they should be doing it differently. And then in order to feel better we want them to be different. We want them to fall in line and act in accordance with the rules that we have for them. The problem with this is that people don’t like doing that. A lot of times what we want someone to do isn’t what they want to do, or even more simplistically than that, it’s simply not what they’re doing.

Regardless of anyone’s wants it’s just not what they’re doing. So they’re acting in a certain way, and we want them to be different than how they’re acting. So we end up arguing with reality which causes us so much emotional suffering, unnecessary emotional suffering at that.

Another concept that is related to this issue of trying to control other people and wanting them to be different than they are is that we actually usually think that we know best. We think we know what’s best for someone else. We think we know what’s better for them to do instead of not do. And so oftentimes we’re really well intentioned because we’re thinking we know best. They’re acting in a way that isn’t ‘best’ as we define it. So we just want them to course correct and do the ‘right thing’ and then everything would just be marvelous.

The world would be back on its axis, and everything would be great. The problem with this is that we all have differing opinions about what’s best. And although there’s not one right best, even if there were, people don’t have to always do the ‘best.’ They don’t have to do it that way. They get to exercise freewill. They get to choose to do whatever they want, even if it’s ‘wrong’ which again is always just our opinion. It’s never factually wrong unless you’re talking about math. Math has right and wrong answers. But every other situation that we encounter in our lives isn’t like math.

There is different factual things that happen and then we slap an opinion on top of that, that it’s the right way to do something, or it’s the wrong way to do something. When we do that and we think that there’s a right way and then someone else is doing it a different way than we perceive to be the right way, we get upset. We essentially upset ourselves because we’re holding this opinion and we’re thinking that they need to be doing it differently than they are.

I was majorly guilty of doing this myself in my past life. So I wanted to tell you a little bit of a story from my own experience where this really sank in for me. When I was at my last job I did not agree with how the firm management operated. I essentially thought everything should have been handled differently than the way that they handled it. I wanted us to reduce our overhead. I wanted us to market a certain way. I want us to modernize the practice. And I had been brought back once I left big law to work there under the guise of me being someone who would have a say in those matters.

I’d be able to vote. I’d be able to weigh in. I’d be able to make changes but upon returning to the firm that didn’t go as smoothly as I had envisioned. And I found myself constantly arguing with the way that things were being run. I wanted to control the firm management, I wanted them to change. I wanted them to be different than they were. And I kept walking around causing all my own frustration by thinking the thought, you can’t do it this way, you can’t do it this way. They should be doing it this way and they’re not.

Essentially I just spent every single day thinking that they were doing it wrong, and I just kept wanting them to change. I wanted them to be different. And if you think that I was wanting all of this in silence you would be incorrect. I was very outspoken about wanting them to be different, about wanting them to change because I in that moment thought I knew the ‘right way’ for the firm to operate, the right way for the firm to be managed. So I wanted them to change so they could fall in line with the right way of doing things.

Now, all this wanting them to be different, all of this trying to control their behavior to no avail caused me so much resentment, so much frustration, truly so much outrage. I was towards the end there in a constant state of outrage. And then finally one day it clicked for me. I realized, no, no, no, I am the one who’s wrong. I kept telling myself that you can’t run a business this way and it turns out you absolutely can run a business this way because they were. That’s how they were running it and I don’t think that it was operating well but it was operating.

And some people didn’t mind it as much as me. So again, that just underscores the fact that this is a subjective issue. I wanted it to be different, other people didn’t mind as much. We all have our own tolerance levels for other people’s behavior, and what they choose to do, and what they choose to not do. And I remember so clearly the calm that washed over me when I realized they can run a business this way. They literally get to choose this. They get to choose to do it this way and then I am empowered to make a choice based on their decision.

And when you stop arguing with what people are doing and you just step into that acceptance of it then your choices get really clear. They become super obvious and typically you normally have three choices. You can, number one, accept what they’re doing and make peace with it. Two, you can stay and keep dealing with it but hate it. I really don’t recommend option number two. And option number three is that you can make a change. And that’s what I ultimately chose to do.

I recognize that I could stay and try and make peace with it, but if I was being really honest that was never going to work because I don’t think there’s any amount of thought work in the world that would make me accept and be on good terms with the decisions that they made. I have opinions, strong opinions on how a business should be run and I just disagree with how they choose to run it. So I wouldn’t have been able to get myself to a place where I could accept and make peace with it.

The second option was to stay and keep complaining and keep hating it. And that was causing me a world of frustration. I don’t recommend that option like I said, at all.

And then my third option was to leave. And ultimately that’s what I chose to do. And I left feeling really empowered to go out and start my own business and run it the way that I wanted to run it. Because, and this is absolutely true, that is the only thing that was within my control at the time. I cannot control other people. So it’s a complete exercise in futility to attempt to try and control other people. It’s not going to work. And the only thing that I could control was myself. So that’s what I ultimately did. I controlled myself and I left, and I started my own business.

And now I get to run it however I choose to. I have all the power there. I get the final say. No one’s going to disagree with me because I’m a solopreneur. So it’s all up to me and I love that about owning my own business now. Now, this experience, it’s not the first time that I had had this realization but of all the instances where I was at one point trying to control someone else and then I realized, I woke up, realized what I was doing and then finally stopped trying to control them, stopped wanting or needing them to be different.

And just let them be who they are and made my decisions from there. This is the story of that experience that sticks out the most to me. But I have a ton from my own life where I catch myself whenever I’m in a really heightened negative emotion. I’m like, “Where am I wanting someone to be different than they are? Where am I expecting someone to behave differently than they’re currently behaving?” And when I catch it and I drop into that state of acceptance I feel so much better.

If you do this, if you learn how to catch this for yourself when you’re wishing someone else was different, when you’re trying to control someone else’s behavior. If you harness the skill of interrupting yourself and realizing they get to be them, you get to be you, and you get a choice to make going forward, on how you want to expend your energy, how you want to spend your time. You’re probably going to choose to stop arguing with what is because it’s simply not within your control. And instead you’re going to focus on you. It’s going to have you feeling so much better.

Now, you know I love a good example. So I wanted to walk through a couple examples of this for you so you can really identify it in your own life. So let’s start with work. Maybe you work at a law firm, and this is kind of akin to the story that I just told you. But I see this with my clients a lot. They want their firm to be more modernized than it is. So they will do all the research on legal practice management software, all the different tech that can be implemented.

And the firm management is really resistant to change, or they’re resistant to give up the billable hour and switch to a flat fee model, or a subscription model, or anything that is a little bit more new age than how it’s ‘always been done.’ And my clients will derive so much frustration from these situations where they’re wishing that the firm management was different than it is. And more modern, and more up to date, and more up to speed than they actually are. And instead of just accepting that the firm management is the way the firm management is.

And normally there should be no surprises here because the firm management’s probably acting in complete accordance with how they’ve always acted. But regardless, my clients tend to get super frustrated, and they think that the law firm owners are doing it wrong, and that they need to make a change. And that this is the bad way to do it or the wrong way to do it. And it leads to so much tension in the workplace.

Now, can you make suggestions? Of course you can and I help people with that all the time. I help coach people to get them to where they’re advocating for the change that they want and they’re able to present the strongest case possible. Not from a place of frustration, and resentment, and annoyance, but feeling really empowered, feeling really confident and compelled, and convicted. That the change that they’re suggesting is the best for everyone.

But once you do that, once you communicate your request and if it gets shot down or they don’t make the change, even if they just give you some lip service and they don’t do anything different. You get to decide. You get to make the same decision I made. Do I stay and accept this? Do I stay and keep hating it? Don’t recommend. Or do I leave, is this worth leaving over? And most people unintentionally are picking option number two because they’re staying. They’re not making any change and they just keep arguing with how it’s being done.

They keep thinking that the management’s doing it wrong. I see this a ton with bonuses too. A lot of my clients will work at places either where there’s no clear compensation model for business development, and they want to make more money but there’s not really a path for them to do that. And instead of advocating for a merit based system, they just complain about how it’s done.

Or another thing that I see all the time is where there is a merit based system, but the person hasn’t met the requirements. So if there’s a billable hour requirement, or a specific business origination number that you need to hit in order to get compensated with a specific bonus, or at a specific rate. People won’t hit it and then they’ll get angry with the firm because they’re not making more money. And the firm gets to make whatever rules it wants to.

You don’t have to like any of the rules, but if you keep going to war with how your firm is being operated you’re going to be constantly upset. And it’s not the firm’s fault. I hate to be the one to break that news to you but it’s not the firm’s fault. You’re upsetting yourself with your expectations and with your attempts to control something that’s not actually within your control. And it’s a recipe to be miserable. So if you want to be happier I highly recommend that you either pick option number one or option number three. Accept it for what it is or leave.

Both options are totally valid and they’re going to make you a lot happier than picking that second option unintentionally. I also see this a ton, speaking of compensation, I have quite a few clients that work for larger firms and in of council capacity. And there are certain terms, conditions, and an agreement that you enter into when you become of council to a firm. And typically it’s a different compensation structure. And everyone knows that going in.

And yet the number of clients who are in this position that I have to coach on their thoughts about their compensation and how unfair they think it is that they make x amount and the other people within the firm make y, whether the other people in the firm are the same age, or the same level of seniority, or less experienced. There’s so much that goes on there and people get so upset about it. And again the firm is just acting probably in accordance with the way that it’s always acted. It’s following the same agreement that you signed on for.

And here you are now wanting to modify the terms of that agreement unilaterally. And you’re wishing that they were different. You’re expecting them to change. You’re wanting them to change. You’re really in a state of needing them to change so that you can feel better and it’s so disempowering. So I want to invite you to stop doing this. Identify when you’re feeling these really strong negative emotions, where am I expecting someone to be doing something different than what they are?

Where am I needing someone to change so I can feel better? And can you drop into a state of understanding that they’re exercising the freewill that they have whether you like it or not. They’re exercising their freewill and they’re literally allowed to. I know so many people get frustrated with the over-usage of the word ‘literally,’ but this is the perfect time for it because people literally get to do whatever they want. They have freewill, they get to choose.

You don’t have to like it but you going to war with the choices that people make, with how they exercise their freewill and constantly trying to control their behavior is setting you up for a world of frustration, a world of hurt, a world of discontentment. I don’t want you to create a world of discontentment for yourself in 2023. I want you to enjoy your life. I don’t want you to be at war with everyone in it expecting them to be different than they are and then resenting everyone for it.

I’ve also had a lot of complaints recently for people and firms if they’re not in a huge firm and there’s no formal annual review process. And there never has been if that’s how your firm operates. There probably never has been a formal review process and yet every year you upset yourself by trying to control the firm and expecting them to do it differently than they always have done it. And you’re the one who’s causing your own pain. Don’t expect people to act completely different than the way that they’ve always acted.

That’s not on them. That’s on you if you’re upset. When people act completely on brand, when they act in direct conformity with how they’ve always behaved, when they are doing it the way they’ve always done it, and you’re upset. This is a you problem my love. Perhaps you do this with clients. They’ll call you and they’ll tell you either a bunch of irrelevant stuff that you don’t actually need to know, or you have to have the same conversation over, and over, and over again. Now, this may be a situation that’s ripe for a boundary.

And I’ve already recorded a whole episode on that. So I won’t rehash that here but expecting people to be different than how they are isn’t going to work. Maybe you tell them that you’re on vacation and they call you anyways, of course they do. You can’t control that. You can only control whether you answer the phone or not. Or you ask them to get you certain documents and they ignore your request, and you have to follow up with them. And you’re trying to control their behavior. It’s just not something that’s within your control.

So if you have a ton of frustration around your clients and you’re thinking that they should be doing it differently than they are, you really want to check in with yourself here. You’re trying to control them. You’re trying to get them to do something that they’re just not going to do. And if that’s the case you’re going to find a lot of frustration, a lot of resentment, a lot of outrage with your client interactions because you’re wishing or needing them to be different than they are.

So take a second and check-in there. The people that you interact with, with work, whether it’s a supervisor, or a colleague, or someone that you supervise. This comes up a ton too, not just with clients but also with subordinates. I coach a ton of my clients on this. They want people to do it differently than the way that they’re doing it. And when you are supervising someone you definitely get to have some repercussion if they’re not meeting the mark. That’s one of the qualities that you get as a supervisor. It’s one of the aspects of your role.

But you want to be sure to only be focused on what you can control, which is implementing whatever repercussion comes when someone doesn’t meet the mark, when they don’t rise to the occasion, when they don’t meet the standard that you’ve set for them. You can’t actually control their behavior. They get to do whatever they’re going to do. So they don’t have to respond to an email after a certain period of time. Now, you can make it a job requirement that they respond within a particular amount of time if that’s what you want.

But wishing them, and needing then, wanting them to be different and to be more responsive, first make sure you define responsive. But even if you have defined it and they don’t become more responsive, that’s within their freewill. It’s within their right. And trying to control them and get them to be more responsive is going to frustrate the living daylights out of you because they literally don’t have to conform.

Now, if you want to fire the person, you get to fire them or you get to give them a negative review if you work in a firm structure that’s larger than you just being the employer. It’s up to you. You can give them a talking to. I don’t know how effective those are. And I’ll do a whole separate episode on that, and why I don’t think that those work. But you get to do that if that’s what you choose to do if that’s the repercussion that you pick. But attempting to control someone else’s behavior is just going to send you straight to frustration land.

The same thing is true in our personal relationships. Take a second and think about the people in your life who you are constantly trying to control. Maybe it’s your spouse, or your partner, or your siblings, or your parents. And you think that they shouldn’t say the things that they say. And you tell them how to talk or what not to do and what they need to do. Maybe with your spouse you want the person to be more of a planner or more driven and motivated.

And you’re constantly wanting them to be different and because they’re not the way that you want them to be you are blaming them for your unhappiness. even though their behavior is not causing your unhappiness, your thoughts about their behavior is what’s making you unhappy. But you really want to check in with yourself here. Are you expecting this person to change, is that a valid desire of yours? Do they want to change? Oftentimes what I find is that other people don’t want to change the way we want them to change.

It’s so just for ourselves, it’s not for them, it wouldn’t benefit them because it’s not what they actually want to do and yet we still desire it so deeply that they change so that we can be happier. Now, newsflash, because other people’s actions don’t cause our happiness it doesn’t actually even work. If this is how your mindset is primed and operates you’re just going to find another thing to attempt to control. You’re just going to find another thing that you want to be different.

It becomes this never ending parade of needing people to change so you can feel better. There is a lot of victimhood in this too. Again, I’m bringing the truth with this episode. There is a lot of tough love for you in what I’m saying here. But I’m saying it because of the massive impact making this change will have on your life. As long as you’re attempting to control other people and needing them to be different than they are so that you can feel happy, you’re going to be really unhappy.

Mostly because you’re going to feel super powerless and out of control because you literally are powerless and out of control over what other people choose to do. You know when it comes to your friends and family, maybe you’re thinking they need to be less opinionated or more supportive. And oftentimes we don’t even really know what those terms look like. But we’re just wanting them to be different than they are.

I have told this story to a couple of my clients before, but I dated a man for a really long time. And one day, we weren’t seeing each other anymore but we still had a friendly relationship with one another. And I was joking with him, and I said, “You know, I really love you. I just wish you were a completely different person.” And I kind of chuckled and laughed it off at the time. But after he left he had stopped by my house to help me with something, and after he left it dawned on me that I wasn’t actually joking. I really did mean that.

There were parts of him that I loved. And there were a lot of parts of him that I didn’t love, and I really wanted him to be different than he was. And I spent a lot of our relationship trying to control his behavior. He also spent a large part of our relationship trying to control my behavior which is why we were not a great fit. We’re both just trying to control how the other one shows up rather than controlling what we actually control, which is ourselves and our own behavior. And it led to so much conflict, really unnecessary conflict.

We could have just appreciated each other for who we were and probably gotten along much better. And this is really common. I want you to think about what relationships you have in your life, where you’re doing this. Where are you wanting someone else to be completely different than they are and where are they wanting you to be different than you are? And can you see how it leads to so much unnecessary conflict? Maybe it’s you don’t want someone to make comments about the way that you parent.

I coach a ton of my clients on that. Their parents, the grandparents in this situation voice a lot of different opinions about the way that their kids parent their kids, the grandkids so to speak. And it leads to so much frustration because everyone in that situation is thinking that everyone should be doing something differently than they are rather than everyone going into it and saying, “This is what I control. Other people get to do whatever they want to do and I’m just going to focus on myself.”

We do this with our friends too. I talk to a lot of people who think that their friends should be more thoughtful or make more of an effort. Maybe they need to text back faster or make more of an effort to spend time with one another. And if you’re constantly thinking that your friends need to be showing up differently than they are so that you can feel supported, so you can feel connected, so you can feel like you belong, or that you’re loved and cared for. Then you’re going to constantly feel terrible.

Other people don’t make you feel those feelings. They don’t make you feel supported. They don’t make you feel appreciated. They don’t make you feel connected or loved. You create those feelings with your thoughts about them. So you can generate those emotions for yourself at absolutely any time. You don’t need them to change what they’re doing at all in order to feel those feelings. Now, this concept that I’m talking about in this episode is really the main thesis of emotional adulthood.

Emotional childhood is where you blame other people for how you feel. You make other people responsible for your negative emotions which is never actually what’s going on. You’re always creating your own negative emotions with your thinking. But when you’re in a state of emotional childhood you’re not acknowledging that truth. Instead you’re in a state of victimhood, you’re in a state of blame where you’re assigning responsibility to other people. Which means you’re outsourcing all of your power over your emotional experience. You’re giving it away to them.

And it’s not something that they’re controlling. It’s something you’re controlling but a lot of us aren’t taught this growing up. So that’s the whole point of this episode. It’s to teach you that when you require other people to be different so that you can feel better and you’re requiring something to change that’s actually outside of your control you’re not going to feel better. You’re going to feel powerless. It’s going to feel really awful.

I invite you to stop doing this, this year. Get in the habit of really paying attention every time you get upset. Am I attempting to control someone else’s behavior? Am I wanting or needing someone to do something differently than what they are doing so that I can feel better? And if your answer to those questions is yes. You want to reclaim your power over your emotional experience. You want to identify that it’s your thinking and you want to find the thoughts that you’re thinking that are contributing to you feeling the way that you feel in that moment.

And you want to take your power back. You want to acknowledge that you’re the one making yourself feel that way. And you want to get to a state of understanding, a state of acceptance that they get to do it however they want to do it and you get to choose to hate it. You can choose to accept it, or you can choose to make a change where you don’t have to deal with it anymore. Those are your three choices, always, always, always. Like I said, don’t pick option number two, it doesn’t lead to anything good.

Alright my friends, I promise you if you spend time this year making this shift and releasing your attempts to control other people and you stop needing them to be different than they are you will be so much happier in the new year. That’s my wish for you. I want you to feel more empowered, more in control over your emotional experience. I want you to feel more at peace emotionally. And the way to accomplish that is to stop trying to control the people in your life.

Just focus on you, you’re the only person you can actually control. Spend all your time and energy there. And remember, if you struggle with this If you’re like, “Olivia, I get it, I know that this is the answer, this is the reason that I am so frustrated, and upset, and resentful, and annoyed and irritated all the time, or disappointed all the time.” If you know that this is your work, but you have no idea where to start. This is what I do. This is exactly what I help people with. This is what you will learn how to do in The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind.

I will take a microscope to your life in the best way possible. That might not sound like fun, but I assure you it is so worthwhile. But we’re going to take a microscope to your life and find all the different instances where you’re trying to control other people. We’re going to find all the different instances where you’re wanting, or needing, or expecting someone to be different than they are so that you can feel better.

And I’m going to teach you how to get to a place of understanding and acceptance and reclaim all that power over your emotional experience so that you can feel in control. So that you can feel better, and you can simply just enjoy the people in your life rather than resenting them and wishing that they were different than they are.

Alright, enrollment for the mastermind closes January 6th. If you want to be in this upcoming round and I promise you, you want to be in this upcoming round. Don’t wait for the next one. Let’s start this work right now so you can actually feel better way sooner. And plus, the live event in Charleston, February 1st through the 4th, is going to be incredible so you don’t want to miss out on that either. So enrollment closes for this upcoming round January 6th. Make sure you go to my website, thelesstressedlawyer.com. I know that’s so many s’s. thelesstressedlawyer.com/mastermind.

Go submit your application. Spots are limited so don’t wait until the 6th. Get in, do it now, you might have some time off over the holidays. I know it can be a little bit of a hectic time. That’s what I recorded the last episode for. So you could navigate this time with a little bit more intentionality and grace. But use this time to your advantage and make sure you go secure your spot. We will tackle this issue once and for all in 2023.

You’ll stop trying to control other people and you’ll feel so much better as a result. It really is the key to having a much more fulfilling, enriching, happier life and you’re going to master it in the new year. Alright, that’s what I’ve got for you this week my friends. Have a wonderful holiday season and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero, or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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