One of the things I do with my clients is use examples from my personal life to teach the coaching concepts that have changed my life that will change theirs. Taking these teachings out of the hypothetical and seeing how they work in practice is so powerful, so that’s what we’re doing in today’s episode. I’m directly demonstrating the impact of coaching.
What I’ve found is that some people are interested in coaching one on one or joining my mastermind, but they’re hesitant because they’re not crystal clear on what coaching is, the impact it can have, and what results they’ll get from the experience. So, if you like what you’re hearing but you’re not sure if coaching is for you, listen closely.
Tune in this week to discover the true impact of coaching. I’m sharing stories from my personal life since I began on this coaching journey, and contrasting these experiences with how I’d have dealt with those circumstances if I didn’t have these coaching tools.
If you’re interested in taking the coaching topics I discuss on the show a step further, get on the waitlist for the Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind. This is a six-month group coaching program where you’ll be surrounded by a community of like-minded individuals from the legal industry, pushing you to become the best possible version of yourself. You can get all the information and apply by clicking here!
I have a few masterclasses planned for the remainder of 2022! November 29th is all about how to be confident. And December 16th, we’re going to work on setting the pace for 2023 by learning to stop tolerating the parts of your life you don’t love. All of the masterclasses are at noon Eastern Time, so mark your calendars.
If you enjoyed today’s show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave a rating and review to let me know and help others find The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast. Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to follow, rate, and review!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- The overall impact that coaching has had on my life and my clients’ lives.
- How I use coaching tools to navigate everyday life situations with more intention.
- Some of the ways I would have reacted to uncomfortable situations before I found coaching.
- Why there is no benefit that comes from bullying yourself.
- The importance of learning to gag-and-go through discomfort, negative thoughts, and anxiousness.
- How coaching helps you dial down the guilt and worry you feel when you stop people-pleasing and worrying about everybody else’s opinion of you.
- Some of those life-happens moments that, without coaching, could be considered a real nightmare.
- Why coaching tools aren’t about being positive all the time, and what they’re really about.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- I would really appreciate it if you would leave a rating and review to let me know and help others find The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast. Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to follow, rate, and review
- If you want more information about the Less Stressed Lawyer mastermind, visit my LinkedIn, my Instagram, or email me!
- Get on my email list!
- Episode 28: Thoughts About Time and Your To-Do List (Time Management Series)
- Brooke Castillo
Full Episode Transcript:
You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 35. We’re talking all about the impact of coaching. You ready? Let’s go.
Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach, Olivia Vizachero.
Hello, how are you? Hope your week’s going well. Mine is off to an amazing start. Early enrollment for the next round of The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind just opened and people have been sending in their applications. I just sent out the first batch of acceptance emails, and I can’t wait to welcome the next class of the mastermind. It’s going to be so amazing.
We’re gonna meet in Charleston to kick off the mastermind with a three-and-a-half-day live event. I’m just so excited to see everyone that’s gonna be in the mastermind in person. I just can’t wait for that, it’s probably my favorite part of the entire six-month group program. So, I’m excited to see the returning people. I’m excited to see the new faces and get to know everyone better. I just can’t wait.
That’s what’s been going on in my neck of the woods. Speaking of the mastermind, that is one of the reasons that I’m picking today’s topic, to talk about the impact of coaching. One of the things that I do with my clients in our sessions is that I use a bunch of examples from my personal life. In order to teach the coaching concepts that I teach. I find that people really learn by example, I know I do. So, I use a lot of examples of my coaching.
I will also use examples from other clients, anonymously of course. If it’s a one-on-one session and I’m talking about an experience that a different client of mine had, I keep it anonymous. But I love to share example because you get to see what it looks like in practice. We take it out of the hypothetical, and we get to see exactly how it works, what people struggle with, what people go through, how they overcome it.
And then, we can take what we learned from the example and apply it in our own lives, with all that really good context. Now, I’ve had a bunch of people over the years who are interested in working with me. Whether they want to work with me one-on-one or they want to join the mastermind, they’re interested in working with me, but they’re a little hesitant. Because they’re not quite crystal clear what exactly they’ll get out of coaching. They’re not quite sure, on the results.
So, I wanted to use some examples from my own life, to show you the results I’ve gotten through coaching. And obviously, there’s like the big picture example, right? Through coaching, I changed careers. I took the risk of starting my own business, even though I still don’t feel like it was much of a risk because I really believed in myself.
But I was able to do all of that, and not people-please family members and deal with feeling misunderstood, all those big things, because I had found coaching, and I knew how to navigate those emotional situations. But today, I want to talk about the more common everyday scenarios that I encounter. I’m able to use the coaching tools that I’ve mastered, the same tools that I teach to my clients.
I want to explain to you how I use them, in order to navigate those everyday life situations. In order to have a completely different experience in the world. A much more positive experience, a much more grounded experience, a much more intentional experience. Okay, so let’s dive in.
I’m gonna start with two recent scenarios, that actually happened just in the last week. So, the first one, is that someone reached out to me and asked me to write an article for a legal publication. And of course, super honored, I was so excited to say yes. So, as soon as I agreed to do it, I added the item to my to-do list.
That’s my rule, as soon as the need arises, the task goes on my to-do list. I talked about that in the time management series. I have one to-do list, and all of the tasks that I need to complete go on it. So, when I review my to-do list, I see it and I can add it to my calendar. Like, the time that I’m actually going to be writing the article. So, that’s what I did here.
I received the assignment before I went on my three-week trip, traveling all over the world. And I put the item on my to-do list, but I didn’t add it to my calendar, the actual writing time, yet, because I wasn’t sure when I was going to do it. So, I wanted to wait until I got closer to the deadline to add it to my calendar. And, that doesn’t present a problem for me. I am so intimately acquainted with my to-do list and my calendar, I check them both every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
So, if it’s on my to-do list, it’s not going to get missed. I wanted to wait until after I got back from my trip, when I had a better sense of what was on my plate, so I could calendar the task. When I was going to sit down and actually write the article, and be really realistic about it rather than reshuffling it around.
I finally reviewed my to-do list, the week of, and I found the chunk of time that I was going to write this article. I chose to write it on Thursday night; that’s when I had a decent chunk of time and I put it on my calendar and made the plan. Now, come Thursday, I had a full day of calls and then intended to write the article in the evening.
But the following day, on Friday, I had scheduled a branding photoshoot with my photographer to get some new photos for my website, for the mastermind launch, and for my social media accounts. And there were several things that I needed to do, in order to prep for the photoshoot. I underestimated the amount of time that it was going to take me to do them.
So, I hadn’t built that into my Thursday night game plan. And because that was pressing, I had to be somewhere, I ended up prioritizing those items. I didn’t, at any point in the day, check back in with my calendar. After I got started on the photoshoot prep, it was already pretty early in the evening. I didn’t check back in with my calendar to see that chunk of time.
Now, this is pretty uncharacteristic for me. I was just spinning too many plates; I had a little too much on my list for the day. So, my day was overly full. And like I talked about in the time management series, sometimes that happens, right? Sometimes you plan inaccurately and when you do that you need to go back, analyze what happened, evaluate, and make changes. Which I definitely did with this instance.
So, I didn’t write the article Thursday night. And then the next morning, I got up, prepped for the photo shoot, went to the photo shoot, and my day was like off to the races. And there was no other reminder or alert on my calendar about writing the article. It was still on my to-do list, but I knew I had the photo shoot for the day.
There was really no other point for me to check in with my to-do list that day. So, I went about the day. And again, it just completely slipped my mind. Now, I wake up Saturday morning, and the first thing, literally as soon as I opened my eyes, it dawns on me, “Oh my god. I didn’t write this article that was due on Friday.” And of course, like my stomach dropped. I was like, “Oh shit. Oh, no, this is not good,” right?
I took a deep breath, I grabbed my laptop, and I didn’t even get out of bed. I just open up my laptop and I cranked out the article. Like I said, I had it outlined already. I had done the prep work for it. I really just needed to write it. It wasn’t very long; it didn’t take me a long time to finish it. But I definitely had some negative thoughts about not having turned it in on Friday.
Now, without coaching, I could have had a fun time, I’m being super facetious here, I could have had a lot of fun going down a shame spiral. Really beating myself up, telling myself how unreliable I am. And that, how could you forget? And being really, really mean to myself about this. And feeling embarrassed. And I could have like apologized endlessly, over and over again, to the person who had asked me to write the article. All these things that I would have done, had it not been for coaching.
But because of coaching, I didn’t beat myself up. Instead, this is how I talked to myself: I acknowledged that I am a human, who was imperfect sometimes. Then I evaluated, I took full responsibility. I didn’t blame anything other than myself. But really not from a negative place of blame, just from taking ownership that I had created this result. And I asked myself, “How did I create this result?” From evaluating, I could figure out what didn’t work.
One of the things that didn’t work, is that I should, or could have, also calendared the deadline for a separate day as an extra reminder. I also, like I said, I didn’t check in with my to-do list the day of the photoshoot. Because I thought my day was already planned perfectly, to a tee, so that there was no reason to check it that morning.
So, those are two things that I could do differently going forward. I could calendar the deadline, too. Not just the time that I’m going to be working on the task, so I have security system, like an extra reminder. I could also make sure, no matter what, when I wake up in the morning, I default check my to-do list. Not just my calendar, but also my to-do list; just scan through it one time to make sure I’m not missing anything.
Now, another thing that I probably would have done pre-coaching, is that I would have avoided the task more. I would have felt really embarrassed. I would have felt really guilty. And I would have procrastinated, rather than just grabbing my computer immediately and starting on it.
Getting it done as soon as possible, and sending it off. I would have agonized while procrastinating. It would have been miserable, and I would have been a bundle of anxiety. Not a fun experience. But that’s probably what it would have looked like in practice.
Instead, I got right to work. I typed up the article, I edited it, and I sent it off. And guess what? It wasn’t a problem. The person was so lovely. They read through it, they edited it, and sent it back to me this weekend. And now, I get to review the final changes, and it’s gonna get published. Everything worked out perfectly.
If you make mistakes like this, too. If you have imperfections, and you forget something, by an honest mistake. Instead of beating yourself up, through using the coaching tools that I teach, learning that no benefit comes from bullying yourself, that it’s only going to lead to more negative things.
And learning how to gag-and-go through the discomfort of feeling that guilt, of feeling that anxiousness, you can finish the task and send it off, and shorten the amount of time that something’s late, rather than elongating it. So, that’s the first example that’s happened recently.
Another example, is that I recently went out to… I’ve got like a hole-in-the-wall bar that I go to sometimes, for a burger and a beer. Especially if it’s been like a long week, and I’m pretty tired, I’ll just go up there and get a quick bite to eat, and then come home and call it an early night.
So, I did that the other day. And when I went in there, I had a couple people, a couple guys, come up to me while I was there, and kind of try hitting on me and offered to buy me a drink. Because I’ve really cut back on my drinking, I really didn’t want any extra alcohol; I went up there to have a cheeseburger and a beer. And, that’s all I wanted to drink. I was really clear on that.
I was also working while I was there. I was on my phone, I was doing things on social media, specifically for the mastermind launch. So, they were really time sensitive, and I had no interest in being bothered. Now, had this happened before I found coaching, I would have people-pleased.
These guys would have come up to me, and probably, it wouldn’t even be plural. Because the first person would have come up to me and I would have engaged in a conversation with them. Even though I really didn’t want to be in a conversation with them.
I would have probably accepted the drink, and drank it to not be rude, to avoid having them think that I was impolite. I would have consumed more alcohol than I would have wanted to, out of that like guilt or fear that someone was going to be offended by my decision to turn down their offer. I would have talked to them, because I wouldn’t want to be rude and dismissive, all of those things.
And instead, I didn’t do that. People came up to me, one by one. And as much as like, I’m flattered that they thought I was attractive, and they told me so. They came up and wanted to chat. Like, that’s all lovely. I don’t need to be rude to anyone, and I’m not mad that they came up to me.
But I simply just didn’t want to engage in a conversation. So, when they came up, and they asked me if I was there alone, I didn’t lie, because I also don’t like lying. I can just own the fact that I’m by myself. I very expressly and directly said, “Yes, I am here by myself, and I want to be.”
A couple of them kind of like leaned their head sideways, and they’re like, “Oh, really?” And I was like, “Yep, I’m here just to grab a bite to eat and have a beer, and want to get some work done. So, thanks so much for the drink offer. I’m all set. I hope you have a great night.”
They were a little surprised that I turned down the drink. I think a lot of people aren’t used to being told no like that. But I didn’t have to be rude. I didn’t have to tell anyone to go screw themselves. It wasn’t like that at all. But I was so confident, and assured, and comfortable with me meeting my own needs. And me, taking care of myself in this moment.
And setting a boundary, that I didn’t want to drink more than I had already planned to drink. That I didn’t want to have a conversation that I didn’t want to have. Right? That I wasn’t going to do either of those things. So, I really owned it, and was just very direct and very honest. Again, not rude, but I did not beat around the bush. I resisted the urge to people-please.
So, if you’re a people-pleaser, and you find yourself in conversations you don’t want to be in, because you’re afraid to have people think that you’re rude, or impolite, or inconsiderate, coaching will really help you with this. It helps you dial down the guilt you feel, dial down the worry you feel. You will learn to allow yourself to feel misunderstood by other people. You care so much less about other people’s opinions of you because you like yourself and you have a strong opinion of you.
I have such a strong opinion of myself, not a hubristic opinion of myself, but I really like me, and I’m very certain about the decisions I make for myself. I love my reasons for making them. I loved my reasons for saying no, when people wanted to approach me and engage me in a conversation I didn’t want to have. So, I honored that decision because I knew my reasons, and I liked them.
Again, if this is you, if you’re used to people-pleasing and doing things you don’t want to do, coaching is the solution for that. Speaking of people-pleasing, another thing that I recently encountered, it was actually about my trip to Italy, that I just got back from.
When I originally agreed to go on that trip, I planned to go on it with a really good friend of mine. I talked to her about this already. She knows that I’m going to talk about this situation on the podcast. We had discussed it, in my last night in Italy, that I wanted to mention it on the podcast because it’s such a good example of not people-pleasing.
So, I agreed to go on this trip, and it was supposed to just be me and her, and we were going to spend two weeks in Europe. We were going to spend a week in France, and a week in Italy. And later on, probably several months, after we originally decided to go on a trip together to celebrate her 40th birthday, she let me know that her sister was interested in going.
I’d only met her sister I think one time, but I was all for it. Her sister’s really great, super sweet. And then, I later learned that her sister’s roommate also wanted to go. So, now there were four women going. I was totally fine with that; more the merrier.
But the one thing that I communicated, was that it would be my preference to have separate rooms, if possible. And at the very minimum, for everyone to have a separate bed. Or, at the very least, for me to have a separate bed, because they get to do whatever they want to do. But I didn’t want to share a bed with anyone.
When I communicated my preferences, there were no problems. My friend was like, “Not a problem. Love it. Got it. Good.” But as we got closer to the departure date, and we started making the final arrangements, my friend sent out an email with suggestions on where we should stay. And in her email, what I noticed, was she had circulated several options for Airbnbs® instead of hotels.
In a lot of the places that we were going to be staying, we would be sharing beds. Now, nothing against Airbnbs, I’m all for them; they’re lovely. But I’m a little bit of a hotel snob. I love a hotel. I love room service. I love a concierge. I love that someone comes and tidies my room every day, and makes the bed, and maybe they do turn down service, depending on where you’re staying.
I really love a five-star luxury hotel experience. It’s just like an extra little pampering that really makes it feel like a vacation for me. I love an amazing hotel robe. I am on like a consistent quest to find the places with the best hotel robes. So clearly, I love a hotel. Now, when I saw this list, I was like oh, that’s not what I wanted to do, the Airbnbs and the shared beds, right?
Now, instead of getting upset and sending off a sassy email back, I took a deep breath. I recognized that all that was happening, at that point in time, was that my friend was asking for input on the suggestions that she had circulated. So, that’s exactly what I did, I gave my input.
So, I responded. I was really direct, and said, “Hey, I’m a hotel girl. My vote is for us to stay in hotels in every city that we stay in. And you already know where I stand on no shared beds. So, that’s what gets my vote.” I also included that I understood that that would probably be more costly, and that that was my preference; to spend more money to have that type of travel experience.
Several days later, I learned that the group had voted, kind of behind the scenes, I wasn’t really privy to those conversations. But the group had voted, and they wanted to do several Airbnbs. There was a little bit of a compromise, some hotels, but mostly Airbnbs. And again, there would still be shared beds in some of the places that we stayed.
Now, prior to coaching, I probably would have been pretty disgusted. And I would have gotten really frustrated, and either been passive aggressive, or confrontational. That wouldn’t have been good. Also, prior to coaching, I would have been pissed about it. But I also would have people-pleased. I wouldn’t have communicated my preferences.
I would have agreed to go on it, because I wouldn’t have wanted to be “ridiculous” by honoring my own preferences, my own wishes for the trip. So, I would have people-pleased, and then I would have gone and been super resentful, like the whole trip.
Every time something happened that wasn’t to my liking, it would have fed into this narrative; that I didn’t get to pick. That I was right, we should have done it my way. And, this was awful. I can’t believe I’m spending all this money to be in Europe for several weeks, and I’m doing it this way, in the way that I didn’t want to. I would have had this victim narrative about; this was happening to me, and I didn’t get a say. I can’t believe that they chose this, and how unfair. This wasn’t what I agreed to, yadda yadda yadda.
But because I have found coaching, and I live and breathe these tools that I teach, I didn’t do that. I took a deep breath, I got myself to clean space, and I recognized the only person in this scenario that I could control was me. So, I asked myself, “What do you want to do?” And my honest answer, was that I did not want to travel with them. I didn’t want to stay with them. I didn’t want to stay in the Airbnbs. I didn’t want to share beds.
I felt like there was this conflict between the way I wanted to do the trip, and the way they wanted to do the trip. I was clearly more comfortable spending a lot more money on lodging than they were. And, that’s okay. Now, I decided at this point, that I was going to politely back out from going on the trip. And when I reached that decision, I had a ton of resistance to it. Because I’m a human, and my brain immediately went in to protection mode.
It was afraid that I’m going to risk my relationship with my really good friend, because I agreed to go on this trip. And now, their trip was going to be a little bit more expensive. Even though they were doing it like the less expensive way, by staying where they were staying. But it was still going to be more expensive because they would be splitting things three ways, not four ways anymore.
So, I thought about all of that. And I was like, “Is it worth it? Can I just suck it up?” Right? I still… I’m a human, I had that urge to people-please. But again, I grounded myself. I recognized that there was no scenario in which I go on the trip, and have an amazing time staying where we were going to stay, how we were going to stay.
That wasn’t a realistic option. I know me, that wasn’t going to happen. So, the only two real options were to people-please, and go and be miserable. Or, to not people-please and do the trip my way. So, I decided to gag-and-go through my worry. I felt worried that my friend wouldn’t handle it well. I love her. I expected her to be pretty good with it. But like, you never know when you back out on something, how someone’s going to take it.
So, I was hopeful, but not completely certain that it would go over well. But I decided to politely back out of the trip. Now, as a consolation, this is what I was willing to offer. I told her that it felt like there was conflict between the two ways we wanted to travel. Between the experience of really decadent travel and things being affordable; it felt like there was a conflict there.
I felt like I was the only one pushing in the comfort direction. I wanted to make things easier. And that the trip was different than the one I had agreed to go on. So, for those reasons, and to avoid having a bad experience, actually on the trip, I was going to politely decline and not go with them.
But I added that I was willing to meet them in Rome. I wouldn’t stay with them. I’d come for the second half of the trip, the Italy portion of the trip. And I would stay in my own hotels, in my own rooms where I wanted to stay, in the types of hotels that I wanted to stay at. And we could meet up for lunch, dinner, seeing the city, all of that stuff.
I also knew we were going to go to the Amalfi Coast. I’ve been there before; it’s very hard to get around. And I wanted to stay in a particular location close to the beach, because of all the stairs there. And I also didn’t want to share rooms there. So, I was gonna stay by myself there, as well.
Now, prior to coaching, I would have been afraid of people thinking that I was ridiculous, and just too over the top, that I wasn’t being fair. I would have had so many fears around communicating my preference. But because I have these tools, I chose to honor what I knew I wanted to do.
I still really did want to go to Italy, and I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted to spend time with them. I wanted to go to dinners together, I knew that would be so much fun. And by doing the trip my way, it would enable me to show up as my best self; not resentful, not annoyed, not frustrated, not righteous, right? I’d get to show up and have fun and be delighted. And, that’s exactly what happened.
So, I told my friend how I was going to do the trip. And she was like, I totally understand; she was amazing. She handled it so well. And, that’s what I ended up doing. I stayed in super luxurious places. I had my space all to myself. So, I had plenty of alone time to decompress, to recharge my batteries. I was able to show up and have so much fun with the three girls that I met there.
We laughed, just completely laughed our asses off at dinner every day. Had so much fun bopping around the different cities. I got to really show them Rome, which was so much fun. I’ve been there several times, so I was able to kind of be like a little tour guide for them; that was amazing.
I was actually able to spend more time in Rome, which was really important to me. Because I went there earlier than they were going to get in, coming from France. So, everyone had the best of both worlds. The only reason people were able to have the best of both worlds, is because I have learned the skill set of how to be honest with myself about what I want.
I’ve also learned the skill set of how to provide that to myself and not compromise it. That is what I have gotten out of coaching. That, on a consistent basis, creates you living a life on your terms. A life you enjoy. A life you prefer.
If you are not living a life you prefer, if you are people-pleasing instead, and you are constantly doing shit you hate and feeling resentful about it, it is time to get coached. It is time to learn the tools that I teach my clients every day, so you stop doing that. So, you can live a much more enjoyable life. And so, other people can experience a better version of you.
Because, you know what none of my friends wanted? They didn’t want to be on vacation with a resentful, bitchy Olivia. That’s not fun for anyone. So, if you’re people-pleasing, you’re probably not showing up as the best version of yourself.
You’re doing things because you feel like you should do them. You’re doing things out of guilt or out of fear. And then, you’re probably not showing up as your most fabulous self. You’re probably showing up frustrated, and annoyed, and resentful, and super righteous. And, no one likes that. It’s not fun for anyone.
You’re not doing people any favors when you people-please. If you’re a people-pleaser, it’s time to figure out how to stop. And I promise you, the way to figure out how to stop is to get coaching.
All right now let’s switch gears a little bit. I want to talk about a couple like life happens moments that I think a lot of people, without these coaching tools, would like really lose their shit over. The first one, is when I was in New York, before I went to Italy.
I love how recent all these examples are. It’s like, so the point of this podcast episode. It’s that I use these tools every single day in my life, and they make a monumental difference. What’s really wild to think about is like, think of the compound effect of this.
If every single day, I’m using these tools to create a completely different experience for myself, think about the opposite. If in every single one of the instances, that I’m talking to you about, I was in victim mode, and I was angry, and frustrated, and reactionary, and doing really awful things that don’t serve me.
The compound effect of that, versus the compound effect of being able to manage my mind, manage my emotional experience, and manage what I do and don’t do. It’s just incredible. It’s like a completely different life. All right. So, when I was in New York, I met my friend Shari, for lunch. I was so excited to get to meet her in person. We became friends through the pandemic, really good friends.
I met her for lunch on my last day in New York, before I was going to catch my flight to Rome. I took a Lyft from my hotel to meet her where we were meeting for lunch. I got stuck in quite a bit of traffic on Madison Avenue, so while I was in the back of the Lyft, I was going through my purse, kind of getting organized, getting some things situated.
And then, we finally, after like being super late because of traffic… And just a side note there, I am not normally ever late because of traffic. Old me used to be there’s another benefit of coaching, is that I know how to manage my time. So, I plan for traffic when I’m making plans and thinking about my commute time.
But I’m not used to New York City traffic, so I had typed in on my map’s app the evening before how long it should take me to get to the restaurant. And then, I just didn’t know that there would be way more traffic the next day. So, lesson learned, that it doesn’t take 15 minutes to get from my hotel to the restaurant that I was meeting her at during the day. It takes like 30 minutes, or 25, whatever.
Anyways, I was running behind because of traffic and I was in a hurry. I felt bad that she was waiting for me, even though she was so lovely about it. I was just really upset that someone was waiting. I don’t like to make people wait; I really love to respect people’s time. Again, another amazing consequence of coaching.
And when I finally got in front of the restaurant, I was like so excited to finally be there, that I jumped out of the Lyft and went, ran up to her and said hi, big hugs, all of those things. We had the most amazing lunch together. Finally, after like several hours of talking about all the things, we hugged goodbye. I left her, I jumped in another Lyft, went back to my hotel, picked up my bags, and got into another car and headed to JFK.
Now, it was Friday evening, and the ride to JFK was like an hour and a half, in traffic. I had budgeted a perfect amount of time. I was actually going to be at the airport even a little bit earlier than I normally am. But I wanted to give myself plenty of room because of the traffic, and I had talked to Shari about how long it might take, so I’d planned appropriately.
When I get to the airport, I go to check my suitcases; I was traveling for three weeks, by the way, don’t judge me for the two suitcases. I go to check my two suitcases at the curb. And it’s always my preference, to check at the curb, if I can. So, I go up to the gentleman who was checking the bags and he says, “Ma’am, your bag’s overweight.”
Most of the time now I fly first class, but because I’m not a millionaire yet; working on it, but not quite. I’m not gonna splurge for the DELTA ONE first class luxury experience yet, to fly to Europe. So, I didn’t qualify for my bag to be free when it was overweight. Which ultimately, for the story, is like a huge blessing in disguise.
Anyways, the gentleman tells me, “Ma’am, you owe $100 for your suitcase.” I asked him, I was like, “Oh, it shouldn’t be. I thought I had, you know, priority,” and turns out I didn’t; not for it being overweight. If it was underweight would have been fine. Anyways, I digress.
So, I go to hand him cash; I had a bunch of cash on me. he’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t take cash out here.” So, I go in my purse, and I go to grab my wallet, in order to pay with a card. And as soon as I started looking for my wallet, my stomach drops. And you know when you just know in those moments, like just hits you immediately. I knew exactly where my wallet was, and it was not in my purse.
It was in the Lyft that I had taken to meet Shari for lunch. So, I’m like, oh, my God, this is a horrible, what am I going to do? So, the gentleman, who is trying to check my bags for me, he’s like, “Oh, is it in the Lyft or the Uber that you just got dropped off in? Just call the guy back, he can just turn right around.” I’m like, “Oh, it’s in a Lyft, alright, but not the one that just dropped me off.”
So, I took a deep breath, and rather than panic and freak out, and indulge in self-pity, and feel sorry for myself, I took a deep breath and I got resourceful. I immediately went into the Lyft app on my phone, and I tried to track down the driver who had dropped me off. I was able to contact him, and I bribed him to come to JFK, to drive the extra hour and a half to come see me with my wallet.
He had my wallet, which is amazing. I offered to pay him whatever he wanted, in order to come bring it to me. And he, there was a little bit of a language barrier, and he was like, “I’ll come tomorrow.” And I was like, “No, no, you have to come tonight.” So, he was gracious enough and offered to come that night.
I get off the phone with him, and I’m like, alright, now what are we going to do? I knew, by that point, because it had just taken me an hour and a half to get from downtown Manhattan to JFK in traffic, that it was going to take him an hour and a half. And if that was the case, there was essentially no way for me to make my flight.
It would have been like; I had an hour and a half just before the plane was like leaving. And that wasn’t gonna work, right? Because I would still have to check my bags, go through security. JFK is huge, so it would take me a while to get to the gate. I just knew, in that moment, that that was not going to happen; no matter how fast he drove, no matter how tight the timing was, I wasn’t going to make my next flight.
Now, I also could not go up to the Delta counter and ask them to change my flight for me, because the next ticket would have been more expensive than the one I originally paid for. And, guess what? I didn’t have any credit cards on me, so I wouldn’t have been able to pay the difference. And I highly doubt they were just gonna like, be like, yeah, we’ve got you on the honor system; not gonna work.
So, what were my options? First thing’s first, I really didn’t think that there would be another evening flight from JFK to Rome, flying direct, and I was really hoping to avoid a layover. I didn’t think there’d be another flight offered that evening direct to Rome. But I searched for it just to be sure.
And lo and behold, there was another flight that evening. I was flying out at night already, like 7:30. But there was another direct flight to Rome on an Italian airlines plane, and they’re affiliated with Delta, so that worked. I was absolutely blown away; I was so excited.
The problem was, because I didn’t have a credit card, I needed to just buy another ticket, like a brand-new ticket. So, that’s what I did. Thankfully, I have Apple Pay. Like my cards are stored in my phones, so I was able to purchase just an entire new ticket through my phone.
Now, it was not an inexpensive ticket. It was way more than my original ticket. And I could have been really furious about having to pay more, but I wasn’t furious about having to pay more. I was delighted to pay more. I also recognized that my other option was to wait and not leave for Italy that night, and to spend the night near JFK. And like, that sounded terrible.
So, those were my two options. I could spend the night at JFK, or I could pay extra 1,000s of dollars, that had this not happened, I wouldn’t have had to spend. Those were my two choices to make. I chose to buy the ticket.
I chose to buy the ticket, not begrudgingly, I was truly thrilled. I was so grateful. I was so excited that everything was working out. This was like the best-case scenario. And I remember thinking for a split second, that I kind of wished it would have happened, I would have like realized I didn’t have my wallet once I got to Italy, so I could have just gotten on the flight and avoided all of that.
But that’s crazy, because I wouldn’t have been able to check into hotels that I had reservations at, so thank goodness this happened exactly the way that it did. Thank goodness, that I checked a bag, and I wasn’t flying DELTA ONE, so I had to pay for it by card; that’s the only reason I realized that I didn’t have my wallet.
Thank goodness, there was another direct flight to Rome; that’s amazing. Thank goodness, I also have my credit card number memorized. But I didn’t even need to use that because it was already stored in my phone. And thank goodness, I am successful enough to have the ability, I’m so grateful for this, to have the ability to spend 1,000s of extra dollars on a plane ticket, and not worry about it.
Just to be able to make that purchase immediately, not think twice, and get it done. And then, have the peace of mind that I was just going to end up in Rome, like two hours later than I otherwise would have, had I made my original flight. And then, once I booked my new flight, I just sat patiently and waited for the wonderfully generous man to come bring me my wallet. I paid him when he asked me to pay him. I was so delighted to do that, as well. And, this situation really couldn’t have gone any better.
Now, had I not had coaching tools to help me navigate the situation, what would this have looked like? For a lot of people, it would have looked like thinking; I can’t believe this happened to me. This is so unfair. I hate traveling. Traveling’s so hard. This is the worst. Nothing ever goes well, for me. This is ruining my trip. I’m not going to be able to have a good time, now. Everything’s ruined. This is so unfair.
They would have shut down. They wouldn’t have gotten resourceful; they wouldn’t have figured it out. They would have just felt sorry for themselves, and really spun in indecision, and the overwhelm, the confusion, about what to do in this situation.
Or, if they did figure it out, they would have been in a super negative mindset about spending the money, about thinking that they shouldn’t have to spend the money; just being so pissed. And then, they would have let that ruin their vacation, the entire time.
Or, I’ve seen people just like, pack it in and give up. Like, I guess I wasn’t supposed to go on this trip. Oh, well. Maybe they would have canceled entirely and just gone home. I’ve seen people do that before. It’s bananas crazy to me. But people do that. Because they’re feeling sorry for themselves. Because they’re in that state of victimhood.
But that wasn’t me. I was having a great time, because I have tools like this to help me manage my mind. I know that how I feel is caused by what I think. And therefore, I don’t think negative thoughts in situations like this. I think really positive thoughts. I think about how it’s working in my favor, and things are going well, and how lucky I am, and how fortunate I was.
I was able to take really swift, calm, intentional action. Because my mind was managed as I was going through this scenario. So, the lost wallet was no big deal. Even if it had worked out poorly, I would have figured it out. Like, would have been a little bit more disappointed? Yeah, of course. If I wasn’t able to recover my wallet, it definitely would have impacted my trip more. But this was like the best-case scenario under the circumstances. And, I treated it as such.
Another recent example of life’s inconveniences, is that every year… I don’t know if this happens to any of you, but every year I have a heat sensor on my furnace, and I don’t know, there’s like this residue that gets built up on a heat sensor. And it causes your furnace to cycle on and off, on and off, on and off, repeatedly. So, it’s hard to keep your house warm when that happens, because the furnace wants to turn on but then it shuts off, because of this heat sensor not working.
Now, every year I call a heating and cooling company to come out, and I ask them to replace the heat sensor. And every year they tell me that it’s not necessary to replace the heat sensor, that it just needs to be cleaned. So, after a couple of years of this, I learned that this was what the problem was, and I learned how to clean it myself.
Now, the last year, I guess just last year, I tried to clean it myself and it didn’t work. I either didn’t clean it well enough or whatever, but I wasn’t able to get it to stop cycling on and off. So, I called the heating and cooling company, again, told them, “I need you to replace it.” And they were like, “You probably don’t, we just have to clean it.”
So, the guy came out and he cleaned it for me, and sure enough, it worked again. He just told me that I wasn’t rough enough with the abrasive material that you have to clean it with. So, this year, at the start of the year, this is like a week ago, I noticed that my furnace was cycling on and off.
I went downstairs and I opened it up. I went to clean up the heat sensor, and sure enough, I break the heat sensor because I was extra rough and they’re quite brittle. When you break the heat sensor, your furnace will not work. It tries to turn on and literally nothing happens; it won’t turn on at all.
So, when this happens, your furnace is essentially broken until you call someone out to replace the heat sensor. Which under this scenario, at least I get a new one now. But this is a really great example of everyday stuff that just doesn’t go in your favor. Right?
Life happens, shit happens. One of my coaches, Brooke Castillo, she says that everything in life is 50/50; 50% good, 50% ass. And when you break your heat sensor, or you lose your wallet in a Lyft in New York City, that’s the 50% of life being assed part. Okay?
So, instead of getting all bent out of shape about; oh, I can’t believe this happened. This sucks. Oh, my God, this is the worst. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Like, tons of negativity about this minor inconvenience, I just owned it. I was like; yep, that’s what happens when you try and fix it yourself. You knew these were brittle. You knew there was a chance you could break it, instead of calling someone out to do it for you.
I just owned that it was my fault. And from there, I was able to very calmly make a plan to get my furnace fixed. I didn’t fly off the handle. It didn’t ruin my day; it was no big deal. I know a lot of you listening, you have every day annoyances, everyday inconveniences that send you over the edge.
And, it’s because you don’t have these coaching tools. It’s because you don’t know how to change your thoughts about things. It’s because you don’t understand how to discern circumstances, from the thoughts you think about them. You don’t understand how to control your emotional experience in the world. So, you think everything’s just happening to you, and you’re living at the effect of your circumstances. You’re very out of control over your emotional experience in the world.
Through coaching, you reclaim that control. So, you’re able to feel in control of how you feel every day. And you’re able to curate an emotional experience that’s much more positive, than the default one you’re experiencing right now.
Another really common everyday annoyance, is people’s non-responsiveness. So, I’ve been working on planning the live event, for the next round of the mastermind in Charleston. And when I was going through the early stages of planning, I reached out to a bunch of different places to inquire about hosting the event there; for venue space, for the meetings, for the hotel accommodations, for the welcome reception, all of that stuff.
It wasn’t just one place, it was several places that were, this is a thought, it’s my opinion, but they were extremely non-responsive. I mean, days and days after I emailed them. I followed up with several places, and it was still several days before I got an answer.
So many people I know, many of my clients, when they first start working with me would be so upset about this. They would feel so offended, so disrespected, so unappreciated; just really, really negative emotions if this happened to them. Now, was I surprised? Yeah, I was a little surprised. And did I have like super sexy, rosy thoughts about the non-responsiveness? No.
But I identified what my options were: I could be spiteful and just keep reaching out to other places, and not work with the place that I really wanted to work with, or the few places that I really wanted to work with. But that’s biting off my nose to spite my face, and that doesn’t make sense to me. So, I opted not to do that.
I also thought about just seeing how long it would take them to respond, and kind of being righteous about that and snooty. I also decided not to do that because, you know what? That would have been coming from a negative emotion. It would have been me being reactionary, and it definitely wouldn’t create the result that I want to create, which is getting a response from these venues, so I can finalize the plans for the mastermind live event.
So, here’s what I did. I decided to do the only thing that I could do that was within my control, that would potentially create a scenario that gets me my desired result. I decided to email them as much as I felt like it. I decided to be the squeaky wheel that got the grease. And. guess what? It worked. I was, what in my opinion, was like a little obnoxious with the emails, but people started responding to me. And, I was able to finalize the plans. So, it all worked out.
I see so many people get bent out of shape, when people don’t respond to them in the timeline that they want a response. Now, without coaching, you get all those negative emotions, right? But that’s a terrible way to go through the world. And the best news is, it’s optional.
But you have to learn these coaching tools, in order to create a different experience for yourself. This happens with email communication. This happens with text messages. Maybe you get super pissed at people who take a “long” time to respond to you. So many of my friends apology vomit for taking a long time to respond.
I never care how long someone takes to respond. If I really need to get a hold of you, I will get a hold of you. I will track you down. I will call you multiple times. I will text you. I’ll double text if I need to. I’ll do whatever I have to do to bring it to your attention that it’s urgent. And I still won’t get upset if you don’t answer, because we all get to decide how responsive we are for ourselves, whether or not someone else likes it.
I also see people not handle waiting and other scenarios; they don’t handle it well. Like, waiting a long time for a server or a bartender at a restaurant. People get bent out of shape about that. I never have my drama around that. I just always choose thoughts that served me. I have a much more enjoyable experience when I’m out, as a result of that.
So, if there are minor everyday frustrations like that… Ooh, here’s one more; traffic’s another one. I do not understand why people have negative thoughts about traffic. Traffic is part of life. Don’t go to war with traffic. Don’t get frustrated by it; it’s so unnecessary.
My last two examples are about situations that I’ve encountered with my parents, that I’ve had to coach myself on. One situation, I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, I think. But I call it the “cherry pie” scenario. I’ve talked about it on my social media accounts before. So, some of you may already be familiar with this story.
But a couple summers ago, I was on a weight loss journey. I was eating really healthy. I had also cut out alcohol. So, to say the least, I was experiencing a lot of deprivation. Now, this was during the pandemic, like kind of the early days of the pandemic. So, people really weren’t seeing one another. Yet, my parents were in my bubble. So, I would go out and see them on the weekends.
My mom normally cooks when I go out; we kind of take turns now, that’s actually more fair to say. But when she cooks, she really loves carb heavy dishes. And, that was so not aligned with my weight loss goals. So, I recognized, very early on, that it’s her house, she gets to cook what she wants to cook. But there are things that I can do to control what I eat.
So, I can ask her to cook different things, but she might not want to cook what I want to eat. So, in order to make it the most likely that I would be able to eat food that aligned with my weight loss goals, I started bringing food with me, and I offered to cook for everyone. Now, prior to coaching, I would have been super entitled. I would have thought that she needed to appease my desire or acquiesce to my game plan. Like, if she cared about me, she would do it for me.
Blech, such a negative mindset. Such a disempowered mindset, too, very victim-y. Anyways, that’s probably what I would have been thinking; that she needed to change what she was doing, in order to meet my needs. But instead, because I have coaching tools, I know the truth. That the only person that I can control is myself. So, I controlled myself, in the food that I brought, and I was able to, most weekends, basically every weekend for a while, eat what I wanted to eat.
And then, there was this particular weekend. I went out there and my mom told me that she wanted to make seafood pasta for Sunday dinner, and that she was insisting on it. That’s what she really had a craving for, that’s what she wanted to eat. And I still could have chosen to make my own food and eat my own thing, that had nothing to do with the pasta.
But I didn’t choose to do that. I chose to let her cook what she wanted to cook. I was a little upset about it, in the beginning. I was like; I’ll just eat the seafood. I won’t eat the pasta. And we normally have salad, so I was like, I’ll just eat salad. But I was not thrilled.
Now, earlier in the day, she also, I think she made scones, like more carbs. So, I didn’t eat those either. And I think maybe a quiche, which was like carbs from the pie crust, the pie dough. Just again, things that I wouldn’t eat with the plan that I was on.
So, I get through dinner, and I’m already not feeling jazzed about how the evening’s going. And then, I went down into the basement to take a Zoom call. The people who have been following me since the early days of quaran-times, back in 2020, know that I used to run a Sunday night meet-up.
And, this was Sunday night, so I went down into the basement to host the Zoom meet-up out there. And before the call got started, I ran back upstairs to grab a bottle of water. And while I did that, when I entered the kitchen, I saw my mom and my uncle eating this cherry pie.
Now, little backstory on the cherry pie. The cherry pie had not been there all weekend. It wasn’t even there this morning. My mom had run out to buy bread, more carbs, right before dinner. She had run to Whole Foods® and she bought a cherry pie, which happens to be my favorite. So, my mom was very aware, I had talked to her many times about my weight loss journey and my weight loss struggles.
So, she knew that I wasn’t eating food like this. She also knows that cherry pie is my favorite. Now, when I saw this, I lost my shit. I created this narrative that my mom and my uncle, were trying to hide the cherry pie from me. And I guess that would probably would have been a good thing, like had my head been screwed on straight at the moment, because then I wouldn’t have known about it. So, it wouldn’t have triggered any deprivation for me.
But I felt deceived, I guess is the best way to put it. So, I made up the story that they were trying to hide the cherry pie from me, and like eat it behind my back. And then, I also flipped out because I was like; how dare my mom bring this cherry pie into her house? I know how ridiculous this sounds. I’m very aware of that.
But that was really how I was thinking. I was like; this is so disrespectful. She clearly doesn’t care about me. She doesn’t care about what I’m working towards. How dare she? I can’t believe she did this. Just really selfish of her, is probably the line of thinking that I had. And, I felt outraged. I completely flipped out.
I finished the call; I could barely get through the call I was so upset. Probably just hangry because I wanted to eat some damn cherry pie. But I get through the call. And as soon as the call was over, I left immediately, like stormed off. Not my proudest moment, you guys, but I’m keeping it really real with you.
I stormed off, got in my car, called my cousin, and proceeded to have a vent session for 45 minutes. Now, I’m not one to vent. I normally don’t think it’s very helpful. I don’t think complaining is productive. I know it’s cathartic to some people, some of the time. I really don’t even think that’s useful, though.
But I was in a full-on human moment here, not being a coach, but just being a human being. And, I was pissed. So, I spent 45 minutes driving home from my parents’ house on the phone with my cousin, just losing my mind about the cherry pie ordeal.
Now, while I was driving, like literally as soon as I got in my car, I was intimately aware that I felt outraged. And, I was also intimately aware that I was the person causing me to feel that way. My mom’s actions did not make me feel outraged; my mom’s actions are neutral. The cherry pie’s a neutral circumstance. The fact that my mom bought a cherry pie is a neutral circumstance. The fact that my mom and my uncle were eating the cherry pie is a new neutral circumstance.
None of those things caused me to feel outraged. The only thing that caused me to feel outraged was my thoughts about the situation, the story that I was telling myself about the cherry pie. And even with the awareness that I was the one causing my negative emotional experience, I decided that I wanted to hold on to my negative thoughts for a little while. I wasn’t ready to get out of them. I wasn’t ready to get myself to a cleaner, more grounded place. So, I stayed pissed for a week.
I allowed myself to keep thinking my negative thoughts, about the cherry pie and about my mom’s actions. And, I continued to stay upset. But then, after a week passed, I decided that I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I didn’t want to feel outraged. It wasn’t productive. It didn’t feel good. I didn’t want to be arguing with my mom anymore. I wanted to get along with her.
So, I knew that the work that I had to do was that I needed to find a different thought to think about the incident. So, I racked my brain. I searched for a different thought. So many people asked me, “Olivia, how do you practice finding new thoughts?” It’s like trying on clothes; you got to try on different ones until you find something that fits.
So, for me, after I searched for a more positive, productive thought, and it took me a little while, I finally stumbled on this thought; I realized that my mom has a little bit of a dependency on sugar. She used to smoke; we both did. We’ve both since quit, and her vice sort of switched from smoking to sugar consumption.
Now, I have had my own issues with both Adderall and with alcohol. So, I am not here to judge anyone for how they respond to feeling deprived, how they respond to cravings, how they respond to urges, okay? I know what it’s like to want something, even if maybe you shouldn’t do it. I know what it’s like to want something, even when someone else might have an opinion about it. Okay?
I realized that what I was ultimately asking my mom to do… She wanted the cherry pie, obviously, she did. She bought it when she went to Whole Foods that day, because she wanted a slice of cherry pie. And what I realized, is that I wanted my mom to feel deprived, so I didn’t have to feel deprived.
When I realized that, I felt so gross. I was like; ugh, I don’t want to be that kind of person. Where I want other people to be uncomfortable, so I don’t have to be uncomfortable. That’s not how I want to show up in this world. That’s not how I want to treat the people that I love.
I want to love people and let them show up the way they want to show up. I want to love people and let them be who they are. And, for them to not feel deprived on my account. For them to have the things that they want in their life, whether that’s a cherry pie or something else, it doesn’t matter. I want them to get what they want.
Instead of needing my mom to feel deprived so I didn’t have to, in that moment, I decided that I could handle feeling deprived. That was my job in the scenario, was just to feel the deprivation and to calm the fuck down. So, that’s what I did.
I changed the story I was telling myself about the cherry pie incident, and I got over it in that instant. Like, no lingering resentment. I felt completely differently as soon as I jumped to this new thought and this new story about the cherry pie.
I know this stuff happens for you guys, too. I coach so many people on relationships with family members, with friends, with colleagues. Where they get so bent out of shape about what someone else does. And they make it mean all of these things; that people don’t respect them, that people are being rude, and inconsiderate, and it’s so unfair.
That line of thinking makes you feel terrible. And, it’s optional to think that way. And, it’s optional to feel that way. But in order to opt out of that experience in the world, you have to learn these tools. You have to get coached, master the emotional intelligence principles that I teach, in order to navigate these situations very differently.
All right, I could go on and on and on. But I’m going to give you one more example. Every year on Thanksgiving, actually on Thanksgiving Eve, I do a huge charcuterie board for my family. I have a meat slicer; I slice all the meat. I cut up all of the different cheeses. I probably have, like I don’t know, like 30 or some things on my charcuterie board.
I actually take my parents’ island, in their kitchen, and I wrap the entire thing in brown paper, and I label all of the things that I put on the board. But I turn the whole island into one big charcuterie board. It’s really over the top; it’s like everything you could possibly want on a board. And, it’s really fun. We all stand around and talk and snack, and it ends up sort of being dinner for the night. It’s so much food that you don’t need anything else; most people end up filling up on it.
Now, it takes me hours to put this together every year. I spend so much time pouring into it. I spend days before, running around town getting all of the things for the charcuterie board. I go to a couple of different meats shops. I go to a cheese place, in Eastern Market, in Detroit.
I have to go to a special place to get the prosciutto. I go to the open-air part of Eastern Market to get my honeycomb for the board. And then, I have to go to this other place to get my Marcona almonds. I go get a couple of different types of olives, and all the jams and chutneys. I really, I mean, I go all out. Gotta get the fruit, as well; grapes, different berries, things like that.
So, the board’s over the top; there’s truly no reason anyone would need any other food other than the board. In fact, by the end of the night, there’s still so much left over that we package it up. And that ends up being like the snack, while we cook Thanksgiving dinner the following day.
Now, like I said, the board takes me hours to make. And every year, my dad comes home from work on Wednesday night, and he brings home a pizza. Prior to finding coaching, this drove me fucking crazy. Every year, he’d bring home a pizza and he would offer it to people, after I had just spent like four or five hours putting together this charcuterie board. Getting everything prepped, not to mention the time that it took for me to go buy everything.
I would completely lose my shit. Now, my dad’s the kind of person that you don’t lose your shit with. So, I would internally lose my shit and be really upset, really resentful. And then, I’d bottle it all up and not say anything, because that’s just how I was raised. You don’t talk back to my dad, and he don’t let him know you’re upset.
So, I would hide it, abut I would be really, really frustrated. I would think all of these thoughts about him buying the pizza; I would think that it was rude. It was disrespectful. That he shouldn’t do it. That he was taking away from what I was doing. That he was ruining my experience, and the experience of other people. I mean, I really had a negative narrative around this entire situation.
So much so, that I ruined my own experience several years in a row, by getting so wildly upset about this. Now, I finally decided that, because I now know that I caused my own feelings with my thoughts, I learned and realize that my dad’s actions, nor the pizza, were causing my negative experience.
It was me. it was the way that I was thinking about it. And for a while, I think like an extra year, I decided to hold on to my negative emotions. Just like I did with the cherry pie situation and the outrage. Recently, I decided I didn’t want to be mad about this anymore. I didn’t want to let this interfere with and ruin the time that I get to spend with my parents, to ruin my holiday. I just don’t want to be upset about it.
So again, I started trying on thoughts that I could think about this, in order to feel differently about it. And I ultimately settled on the thought that my dad grew up in a family, with my grandfather, and were really proud entertainers. I like to entertain a lot more than my dad does, but he still is a very proud, generous host.
And as much as I’m a millennial, and I have grown up during the charcuterie trend, my dad didn’t. I don’t think he views it as like a full-on meal, like maybe, some of us millennials do. So, if I had to venture a guess, I think he’s afraid that our guests will be at his house, and that they will want something more substantial to eat.
That they’re not going to just want some slices of meat, cheese, and some crackers. Now, again, the board is very impressive, so that’s really not the experience. Like, we’re normally overly full after we’ve all snacked on it and eaten. But I really do believe that he thinks it’s not a real meal. So, he feels uncomfortable not offering his guests something else.
As soon as I was able to identify that thought… And I don’t know if that’s true or not, I haven’t had a conversation with him about it. I don’t need to have a conversation with him about it. I’m able to have a completely different emotional experience without him doing anything differently. I settled on this thought, and it is a thought that serves me so well.
I guarantee you this year he will bring a pizza home the night I do the charcuterie board on Thanksgiving Eve. And instead of getting bent out of shape and ruining my own night, thinking negative thoughts about the pizza, I’m just going to love him for who he is. And let him show up as who he is. Not ask him or need him to be any different.
The only reason I’m able to do that, the only reason I’m able to feel differently about the situation is because I have the emotional intelligence tools that you gain through life coaching. That’s it. Otherwise, I’d have a lot more negative experiences around the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, in my future.
But I don’t, I’m going to have amazing holidays in my future, because I know how to manage my own mind. I really cannot overstate the impact of coaching, of learning to apply these tools in your day-to-day life. Yes, you can make huge sweeping changes in your life, like I have, because of coaching.
I’ll do an entire episode on my story, on how I was able to drastically change my life and completely alter the trajectory of my career, of my life, because of these tools. But I cannot overstate the impact of these day-to-day differences. The compound effect of having these different emotional experiences every single day, day in and day out, is completely invaluable.
You will create an entirely different experience in the world if you learn to do this work. If you learn to apply these tools on your own. I invite you to do that with me. If you want to learn the art of navigating your life, and the things that you experience in a much healthier, more productive way, you’ve got to sign up for The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind.
It is the room where you will learn how to master these skills. You will be able to create this calm, grounded experience for yourself, day in and day out. Enrollment for the mastermind, just opened; do not wait to apply. The spots are limited. They’re going to be filled on a first come first served basis.
So, head to my website. You specifically want to go to TheLessStressedLawyer.com/mastermind. Go there, all of the details that you want to know about the mastermind will be at that link. Again, it’s TheLessStressedLawyer.com/mastermind. You can apply via that link. Get your applications in so you can start learning how to master this work, and completely change your experience in the world, as a result.
All right, my friends. That’s what I have for you this week. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.
Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.
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