Episode 98: Mirror Judgments

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Mirror Judgments

Mirror judgments have come up on the podcast before, but I’m diving deeper in today’s episode. A mirror judgment is a judgment that you have about another person that you also have of yourself. So, you judge a person for something and then subconsciously, you’re judging yourself for it at the same time. 

Mirror judgments are tricky. They’re essentially a manual or a rule that you hold for yourself and other people, coming from the belief that there’s a right and a wrong way to behave or act in a situation. But living in this place and creating these judgments is creating unnecessary pressure in your life.

Tune in this week as I break down what a mirror judgment is, teach you why it’s important to identify them, and show you what to do with your mirror judgments. You’ll learn how to spot mirror judgments when they come up for you, and most importantly, you’ll discover how to get out of this place of judging both yourself and other people.

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why it’s important to identify and address your mirror judgments.
  • Some examples of mirror judgments you may be holding in your personal and professional life.
  • Why mirror judgments unintentionally create pressure and uncomfortable emotion.
  • How to spot the mirror judgments that are impacting how you feel.
  • What to do about your mirror judgments, changing the way you think about yourself and other people in the process.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 98. Today, we’re talking all about mirror judgments. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I hope everything is going well in your neck of the woods. Things are good with me. I just got back from Louisville. I spent a couple days with some of the people that I’m in my own mastermind with, and got to meet with my business coach for our Q2 meeting. 

It was a very productive few days, and I got so much out of it. Which just goes to show you the power of coaching. It is incredible, especially group coaching. I am going to be talking more about this on the podcast because I want to tell you guys about what I have going on right now. I just launched Lawyer’s Only, which is my weekly group coaching membership for, you guessed it, lawyers only. 

I just so deeply believe in the power of group coaching, because you will learn so much from watching other people work through situations that you’re also dealing with. That’s definitely what I got to do last week. I got to watch other coaches and other entrepreneurs work through issues that I also struggle with. 

I just learned so much. I took voracious notes, and I can’t wait to put it all into practice. You’ll be seeing some of what I decided on at that quarterly meeting, you’ll be seeing some of that roll out over the course of the next couple of months. I also came up with some really amazing ideas for free trainings. So, I’ll share more about those once I get all of the details finalized. 

In the meantime, though, before I go into talking all about that in future episodes, I’ve got something I want to talk to you guys about today. I’ve mentioned this briefly on the podcast before, when I was doing the series on people pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination. I talked a bit about this during the perfectionism part of that series. 

But I want to be more thorough in my coverage of this topic, because it’s something that comes up in my coaching conversations with my clients all the time. And when I reference it, either on a webinar or on a coaching call, I always get a lot of questions about it, so I want to give it its own space here on the podcast. 

So, today we’re talking about mirror judgments. I want to go through, and I’m going to break down and explain to you, what a mirror judgment is. I’m going to teach about why it’s important to identify them. And then once you identify them, what do you do with them? Why is it important to identify them? What’s the impact of this on your own life? Getting out of these mirror judgments, and getting out of this habit of judging other people. 

Then, I want to give you examples of mirror judgments because you know I love a good example. It helps you identify this concept in your own life and to actually take what you learn on the podcast and apply it in your life. Okay, so let’s dive in. 

What is a mirror judgment? A mirror judgment is a judgment that you have about another person that you also have of yourself. So, you judge another person for this thing, and then subconsciously or unconsciously, you also judge yourself for it. So, it’s essentially a rule or a manual that you have for both other people and for yourself.

A manual is just like… Think of an instruction manual. It’s filled with all the ‘do’s and don’ts,’ all of the things that you’re supposed to do or the things that you’re not supposed to do. It basically just has instructions for how you operate. Normally, that’s operating like a piece of technology or machinery. But when it comes to coaching, we have manuals for other people, and we have manuals for ourselves as well. 

So, mirror judgments are really predicated on those rules, or manuals, that we have for other people and for ourselves. You think that there’s a right or a wrong way to do something. And when people don’t do the thing that you think is right, they operate in a way that’s “wrong,” you judge them when they do that thing that you consider to be wrong, versus what you think is right. 

Like I said, subconsciously you’re holding yourself to this same exact standard. And by creating these judgments of other people, and then implicitly holding yourself to that same standard, you create so much pressure for yourself. So, if you identify as a perfectionist, I guarantee you’re definitely engaging in mirror judgments. 

You’re judging other people and then you have that same standard for yourself, you’re holding yourself to it, and you have a lot of negative emotion that results from that. So, you either create a lot of pressure or worry for yourself if you diverge from that standard at all. And when you’re not doing the “right” thing, then you feel really inadequate or badly about yourself. You’ll probably also worried that people are going to judge you for doing the “wrong” thing. 

The reason that you have that worry is because you judge other people. So, you’re assuming, if you judge other people for it other people will judge you for it. And of course, we can’t control whether someone thinks a negative thought about us. That’s just not something that we can control as human beings. Other people get to think, literally whatever they want to think about us. That is their innate human right. They have freewill over what they think, and we don’t have a say in controlling that. 

But when you change how you view other people, you’ll then, in turn, change how you view yourself. So, you’ll really dial down that worry or that fear you have of being judged because we’re projecting our own judgments of ourselves onto other people. If you’re judging yourself for doing something, you’re also going to worry that other people are going to judge you for that same thing. 

If you stop judging yourself for doing what it is that you’re doing, you won’t have the same concern that someone else is going to judge you for it, because you stop projecting your own worries onto those other people, onto the collective “they,” so to speak. Okay?

So, that’s what a mirror judgment is. Like I said, I’m going to go through several examples so you can start to see how this plays out in real life. But I want to tell you what to do once you identify the mirror judgments that you have of other people. 

The first thing you want to do when you identify mirror judgment, is you want to change the way that you think about the other person’s behavior. Now, the first reason that you want to do this is because when you judge someone else you create a lot of negative emotion for yourself. They are not causing your negative emotion. 

Their behavior is not making you feel frustrated or annoyed or disappointed. It’s not making you feel any of those feelings. It’s not making you feel resentful or angry. All of that’s coming from your thinking, from the judgments that you have about their behavior. 

So, if you stop judging their behavior, the first thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to feel better. It’s going to drastically decrease all of that negative emotion that I just listed. That’s a great reason to do this, first and foremost. You’ll just get to start feeling better, a lot less frustrated, a lot less disappointed, a lot less angry, a lot less annoyed. And that is a payoff, in and of itself. 

In order to change the way that you think about another person’s behavior, first and foremost, you need to identify it; which we’ve already done. Right? If you’ve identified that you have a mirror judgment, you’ve identified what the judgment is. 

And then I want you to question: Where’s that judgment coming from in the first place? Now, remember, your judgments of another person are merely thoughts that you’re thinking about their actions. Remember, your thoughts are not true. So, this is just your subjective viewpoint, it’s just an opinion that you hold. This judgment is not true. 

What that means is you can change your judgment. You can change your opinion. You can change your thoughts. That’s the power of doing the thought work that we do in coaching. 

Now, the best way I found to start to shake up or break free from these judgments, is to question: Where did the judgment come from in the first place? A lot of times, we’re taught judgments by other people in our lives. Maybe by our parents, or from colleagues that we’ve worked for, that have supervised us in the past. A lot of lawyers, especially, hand down their limiting beliefs to the people that they supervise. 

So, you might have received a lot of limiting beliefs from people that you’ve worked underneath in the past. And then, you took those to basically be facts about the profession, about how you should or should not operate. But really, it’s just an opinion, it’s not a fact. So, question where the judgment came from in the first place. 

Sometimes you won’t even know, which is always fascinating. It’s like, “Where did that even come from? I’m not even sure. My brain just served that up to me as something you should or should not do. And it’s just something that I invented with my mind.” If that’s the case, all the better. You’re like, “That’s based on nothing, I can totally just shift out of that. I can get rid of that right now. I’m not basing it on anything.”

But if it did come from some place, if you picked it up from another person, I love to ask myself: Do I want to keep carrying that with me? Where do I think they learned that? Where do I think they got that limiting belief from, or that judgment, or that opinion? Does it serve me to keep having that judgment or opinion?

Chances are, if it’s a mirror judgment it probably does not serve you, because not only are you using it to judge another person, and that’s creating its own negativity, you’re also holding yourself to that same standard and that creates a lot of pressure and other flavors of negative emotion for yourself as well. 

I also love asking myself: Do I want their life? So, when people pass down their limiting beliefs, or their opinions or their judgments, to us, and we adopt them as our own, if those opinions and judgments lead them to have the life that they have, I love to take a look at their life and say, “Do I want my life to look like theirs?”

I picked up a lot of limiting beliefs and judgments about how you need to work in order to have a successful business, and some of that served me and some of it has not served me. Over the years, I’ve gotten rid of some of the mirror judgments that I’ve had, some of those opinions that were offered to me that I picked up on, because I don’t want my life to look like the lives of the people that passed those limiting beliefs down to me. 

So, you can check in with yourself. If you’re picking up judgments that other people offered to you, that you’ve utilized and went with in the past, if you don’t want the life that the person who offered you that judgment has, you can start to opt out of a lot of these judgments and opinions and limiting beliefs. 

From there, you just get to decide: Do I want to keep this judgment? Do I want to keep this opinion, this rule, this manual, this standard? If you don’t, just ask yourself: What can I choose to think instead? Now, once you’ve done this, like I said a moment ago, you’re going to improve the way that you feel. 

Because as you start to change the standard that you have for people, you’re going to get rid of the judgments that you have when people don’t live up to that standard. And then, you’re going to feel better in the process. 

Then, what’s going to happen next is, because you’re changing the way that you’re thinking about other people, you’re changing these mirror judgments, you’re getting rid of them, you’re also going to start changing the way that you think about yourself. 

So, if you don’t judge other people, and you change the standard of “right and wrong,” and you just get rid of the idea that there’s right and wrong, and you just adopt the concept that there are different ways to go about doing things, and that everyone is open and welcome to pick whatever works for them, then what you’re able to do for yourself is allow yourself to do whatever it is that you want to do. 

If there’s a standard you’ve been holding yourself to in the past, but really you don’t want to act in accordance with that standard, there’s something else you want to do instead, you free yourself up to do that by eliminating these mirror judgments, and changing the standards that you have in your mind that people should adhere to. 

By doing this, you’re going to, A- reduce the pressure. You’re going to be doing things that you actually want to do, and you’re going to feel better about everything that you’re doing. So, you’re going to feel better about yourself. You’re going to feel less inadequate. You’re going to be able to feel more accomplished and proud.

You’re not going to have as much fear about other people judging you, because you won’t be judging other people. And then, you won’t project those fears onto other people in your life because you’re also not going to be judging yourself. And if you’re not judging yourself, you won’t have as much fear or worry that other people will be judging you either. Alright? So, you really free yourself up to feel so much better about yourself when you drop these mirror judgments. 

Let’s talk about some examples of mirror judgments to give you an idea of what this looks like in your day-to-day life. So, I actually just got off a coaching call where this came up. We were talking about mirror judgments this morning, and the context that it came up in was about the quality of work product. 

So, let’s say you’re an attorney and you get a brief from opposing counsel, you review their brief, and you have all of these judgments about it. You’re like, “This is terrible. It’s sloppy. It’s an incoherent argument. They did a really terrible job. I can’t believe they sent this out. They should be so embarrassed. This shouldn’t even pass for lawyering. They’re doing a terrible disservice to their clients.”

Everything that I just mentioned is a judgment. Okay? It’s your opinion about the brief. Now, the reason none of it is true, I guarantee if you called up opposing counsel and asked them what they think about their brief, they don’t think any of the thoughts that I just rattled off. They probably think that they did good work, that it gets the job done, that they got their point across, that they made “good” arguments. 

So, all of these opinions are just subjective. You’re welcome to think whatever it is that you want to think, and they’re welcome to think whatever it is they want to think. But if you’re thinking all those negative thoughts about someone else’s work product, you’ll likely hold yourself to an impossibly high standard. 

You’re likely striving to do the “best” job possible on every single thing that you write. And “best”, remember, is just synonymous for “perfect.” So, you create so much pressure for yourself when you go to work on a writing assignment. You also probably beat yourself up. You probably think that your work isn’t good enough, that it could always be better. 

You’re always feeling like you’re missing the mark, and creating a lot of inadequacy or self-doubt, or feeling discouraged about the work product that you do create because you’re holding yourself to this impossibly high standard. 

So, what’s the trick here? You want to start to get rid of these mirror judgments. When you get work from opposing counsel, can you just go through it and look for the arguments, and analyze their brief without adding all of this extra judgment on top of it? 

What have you actually used it as an example of what’s possible? Like, “Oh, you can have less than perfect work, you could have B+ work, and it still gets the job done. They still have clients, and they’re still successful; it’s still fine.” 

If you start to view their work product differently, you’re going to view your work product differently. You’re going to give yourself some grace, and start to change the way you think about what constitutes a good enough piece of writing. 

One of the things that I teach when I teach the concept of ‘defining enough’… which I have a whole podcast episode on… is you want to go through and actually decide: What is a good enough job on this work product, on this writing assignment that I’m working on? 

And if you’re working on a brief, I suggest you identify what are the sections of the brief that I want to make sure that I include, and then what makes a good enough fact section, and then what makes a good enough analysis section. You just get to define what good enough is for you. 

So, maybe you want to make sure you get all of the dates correct, that would make a good fact section. Or that you include facts that support the arguments that you’re going to be making. 

And then for the Analysis section, maybe you have some arguments, more than one, and you break that up. What makes a good enough argument for each one of those arguments? You probably have a rule, right? Think of Iraq back in the day. You go through and Iraq it: Issue, rule, analysis, conclusion.

Maybe for your analysis you make sure that you address each element that is part of your argument, and you support that argument with the relevant facts and case law, if case law exists. If you’ve done that, that makes a good enough brief, rather than holding yourself to that “best” standard. 

So, if you stop judging other people for how they write, and you create a different standard in your head for what is “good enough”, you’ll hold yourself to a different standard and you’ll stop judging yourself for how you write, and then you’ll worry a lot less about what other people will think of your writing. Because you will have decided that it is okay for you to just hit that good enough standard. 

Now, the follow-up conversation that I had about this was, what happens when you’re delegating your writing assignment to someone who’s working for you? Are you just supposed to think that their work is good enough and to not judge it? I do think it is really important to not judge, because judgments just really never serve us. 

So, when you’re judging an associate’s work product and you’re creating that frustration for yourself, or that disappointment, or that annoyance, or that resentment, you’re not going to show up in a way that creates a good result. You’re probably going to withdraw. You’re either going to get passive aggressive with the person that you’re delegating to. 

Or you’re going to bring that bad attitude with you as you’re talking to them and instructing them on what they need to do differently, and people can just pick up on that energy that you’re bringing to the conversation. Instead, what I want you to do is to define what a good enough job is on the brief and then teach to that standard. 

So, talk to the person that you delegated to, and work with them on what improvements they need to make in order to get to good enough. But that isn’t going to be you just wordsmithing things, or thinking that they could have done a much better job on this, without having any real clarity on what they should have done differently. 

When you don’t define the “good enough” standard, and you just bring your judgmental side of you to reviewing someone’s work product, you’re going to find so much fault with it, and it’s not going to lead to anything positive. 

So, what I want you to do instead is get curious and say, “How could I teach this, in order to get the person to make the improvements that I want them to make?” And then, moving forward, “How can I set this up ahead of time, in order to make it much more likely that I get a work product that matches what my expectation is?”

You want to make sure that your expectation is realistic. So, if you’re holding everyone to “best” or “perfect” writing, you’re going to be really frustrated most of the time. Because people aren’t going to submit that kind of work. They’re going to probably submit good enough work or less than good enough work, and it’s your job to get less than good enough work up to good enough work by being very clear on what good enough is, alright?

Another example of a mirror judgment would be: Do you judge people who take time off work? What are your thoughts about them? Do you think that they’re lazy? Do you think that they’re not committed? Do you think that they’re leaving at a really inconvenient time? That they shouldn’t take time off because you’re in a busy season, and that it’s disrespectful to other members of the team? 

If you’re thinking these thoughts about other people, you’re going to feel very negatively when other people on your team take time off. Not because they’re taking time off, but because of the judgments you have about them taking time off. And my guess is, if you judge other people for taking time off, you also judge yourself for taking time off.

You will either do it, you’ll take the time off, and feel terrible while you’re off of work, or you won’t take the time off of work, because you are judging yourself, or you would judge yourself if you took the time off of work and you’d be worried that everyone else would be judging you as well. And you worry that other people would be judging you because you judge people when they take time off of work. 

So, you get to decide: Do I want to keep this? Where did this judgment come from in the first place? Who did I pick that up from? Do I want to keep it? Does it serve me to keep this judgment? What could I choose to think instead? And then, apply that standard to yourself. 

You could choose to think that other people, it’s amazing that they have boundaries. They’re an example that you can be successful and take time off of work. You can stop thinking of everything being so black and white. That you can be a dedicated member of the team and take time off work. You can be hard working and take time off of work. That both of those things can mutually exist alongside one another, rather than being mutually exclusive. 

And if you stop judging other people for taking time off, you’ll stop judging yourself for taking time off. And you’ll either start taking time off, if you want to take time off, or if you’re already taking the time, you’ll take it but you’ll have so much less negative emotion come with you as you take that time off.

You’ll also worry a lot less about what other people think of you taking time off, because you’ll have changed the standard that you have in your head for people who take time off. 

Alright, another example is saying no to work. Do you judge other people when they say no to work? If you do, if you think they’re lazy, or they’re being entitled, or they’re not being a team player, you probably don’t give yourself permission to say no to work. And you probably work over your capacity all the time. 

Because if you judge other people for saying no to work, and for being boundaried, and for taking care of themselves, you won’t give yourself permission to be boundaried, to say no to work, and to take care of yourself. 

And you’ll also have crippling fear and worry that other people will judge you if you say no to work, because you judge other people for saying no to work. So, the mirror judgment here is that people should always say yes, and when they don’t they’re doing something wrong. 

You want to ask yourself: Where did that judgment come from in the first place? Where did I get that standard from? Do I want to keep it? Does it serve me to keep it? No, it does not. And then, you can decide what you think instead.

One of my favorite things to think here is, “That people are in the best position to know for themselves how much work is right for them.” You have no idea what someone else is going through. They might be going through mental health challenges. Maybe they have something going on in their family that you don’t know about. 

Maybe they just know they can’t handle any more on their plate right now, that they’re at capacity or over capacity, and they’d be doing you a disservice by saying yes to do work that they don’t have the bandwidth for. 

So, I love to trust other people to make decisions that are right for them, even if I don’t know all of the information. I don’t need to know all of the information. I just trust them to make the best decision possible for themselves. And then, you get to trust yourself to make the best decision possible for you. 

You can think that someone can be a team player and say no. You can think that it’s actually a service for someone to say no if they don’t have the capacity, and that it’s okay to do. That you can be a good employee or a good colleague and say no.

If you change the way that you think about someone else saying no, you’ll change the way that you think about yourself saying no, and you’ll give yourself permission to do it when it makes sense for you to do it. And then, in turn, you’ll worry a lot less about what other people think of your decision to say no. 

Now this works with work, and it also works outside of work. If there are things that you want to say no to, but you don’t allow yourself to say no or you feel immense guilt and you really beat yourself up and you “should” on yourself when you say no, it’s because you also expect no one to say no to you. 

So, check in with yourself and see: Where do I judge other people for saying no to me? Where do I judge other people for setting and honoring a boundary with me? If you don’t like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s no, or someone else’s boundary, you’re really going to struggle with saying no and setting boundaries yourself. And you’re going to have, again, so much fear and worry that other people are going to judge you if you say no and set boundaries. 

Maybe you want to say no to go into an event. When you watch other people say no to going to an event you probably judge them for it. They’re being a terrible friend or being a bad family member. That’s so rude. That’s disrespectful. That’s impolite. So, you have to change the way that you think about these things. 

What if you trust them to know what their availability is? Or that you get out of that black-and-white thinking, and you decide instead you can be a great friend and say no to attending something. You don’t have to go to every social function. You don’t have to go to every event in order to be a good friend or family member. 

You can say no to things, when it makes sense for you to say no to it, and simply wanting to say no is a sufficient enough reason. You can still be a great family member or a great friend. 

Also, another thing to highlight here is, that when you give yourself permission to do this, you also get the benefit of not doing shit you hate. That is a reward and a payoff, in and of itself. So, when you reap the benefit of saying no or setting boundaries, it’s going to be easier moving forward to say no and set boundaries.

Because you’re going to like the result that you create for yourself. Because you’re going to stop doing things you don’t want to do. It’s also going to dial down your frustration and your resentment, which is another added bonus. 

If you’re someone who works weekends, and you don’t want to work weekends, or you at least don’t want to work most weekends, check in with yourself to see if you have mirror judgments around other people not working weekends. What do you make it mean when someone else doesn’t work a weekend? 

Do you think that they’re dropping the ball? Do you think that they’re not doing a good enough job? Do you think that they’re offloading their work onto other members of the team? If you have those mirror judgments, you will work every weekend more than likely, and you will have a lot of fear that people will think those things about you if you were to take a weekend off. Or to not work most weekends and set boundaries around working on the weekends. 

Now, working weekends is a neutral circumstance. You get to decide to think whatever it is that you want to think about it. But if you don’t want to work weekends, and you want to spend that time on the weekend doing something else, you want to make sure that you address these mirror judgments so you can free yourself up to actually make room in your brain for you to do what you want to do instead, without all the negative emotion attached to it. Alright?

If you change the way that you think about other people not working weekends, you’ll change the way that you think about yourself not working them. It’ll be so good. 

Okay, a couple more examples; these are personal life examples. Number one: If you’re a parent, and you have lots of parent guilt, check in with yourself on what your mirror judgments are. What do you judge other parents for? Maybe you judge other parents for taking vacations away from their kids? Or maybe you judge parents for sending their kids to daycare, or summer camp or anything like that? Anything that allows you to take a break or allows them to take a break from their parenting obligations.

Do you judge people for that? What do you judge them for? What are those specific judgments? Do you think that they’re doing a bad job parenting? Do you think that they’re not a dedicated parent? What are all of the “shoulds” that you’re thinking about them? 

Now, when you’re judging other people, I would check in here: Look for righteousness. Where do you feel righteous or superior? That’s another great way to spot mirror judgments. You can start to question yourself: Does it serve me to have this judgment? Where did this judgment come from? Do I want to keep it? 

My guess is, if you’re judging other parents for how they parent you also judge yourself immensely for how you parent. And either, when you take a break from parenting… and I know you’re probably hearing this and saying, “No one ever gets a break from parenting.” I totally get what you’re saying, okay?

But I mean like taking a night off. Whether it’s a date night, or you’re going on vacation with your spouse without the kids, or you’re asking someone else to watch your children. Whether you’re paying for that, or you’re using family support, or friend support, whatever the case may be, if you’re judging yourself for that, one of two things is going to happen. 

Either, one, you’re going to take the time away from your kids and immensely judge yourself for it. So, you’re going to feel so inadequate, so guilty, so ashamed, so embarrassed, so judged. Or you’re just not going to give yourself permission to do that, and you’re going to really limit your ability to do the things that you want to do in your life, because of all of that judgment that you have. 

So, check in with yourself. Can you change the way that you think about other people’s parenting decisions? Can you just trust them to make the decision that’s right for them? Recognizing that there are no “right” decisions, but everyone gets to just make the decision that’s best for them in the moment. 

And then, give yourself permission to make decisions that are “right” for you, even though there’s no right standard. There are just different things that you can do, and you get to decide which one’s better for you in the moment. 

Can you think of all of the good reasons to let other people watch your children? Again, whether it’s paid for, or whether you’re relying on free support by way of family or friends. What benefits come from spending time around other people, learning from other people, and being socialized to be around other people? 

Think of all of the good things that happen for your kids, and all the good things that happen for you, when you give yourself time to pour into yourself and to do things that make you happy, healthy parents and adults. You get to decide what the standard is for good enough parenting.

Check in: Are you judging other people for not being “good” enough? Do you even have a standard? Do you want to change your standard? And changing the standard allows you to live a life that’s much more aligned with how you actually want to be living?

Now, if you change your mirror judgments of other people, you’re going to change the way that you judge yourself. You’re going to significantly reduce those judgments that you have of yourself. So, you’re going to feel so much better. And then, you’re going to worry so much less about other people judging you. Because you won’t be judging other people, you won’t be judging yourself, which means you’ll worry so much less about other people doing that to you. 

The last example that I want to talk through, is mirror judgments that you may have around how other people spend money. Do you judge other people when they spend money on certain things? Do you think that they’re being extravagant or irresponsible or impractical or reckless with their spending?

If you judge what other people do with their money, you will judge yourself for what you do with your money. And you’ll also worry that other people are going to judge you for the way that you spend the money that you have. 

So, if you want to feel better about the way that you spend your own money, stop judging other people for how they spend theirs. You get to decide: What do I want to think instead?

I love to think that people get to spend money on whatever they want to spend their money on. I love to think that there’s no right or wrong way to spend money. That there’s different ways to spend it based on what your preferences are, and everyone gets to do what they want. And that means that you get to do what you want. 

So, if you change the way that you’re thinking about how other people use their finances, you get to decide to think whatever it is that you want to think about yours. And again, you’ll either stop beating yourself up for the way that you’re already spending your money. Or you’ll give yourself permission to spend it the way you want to spend it. You won’t hold yourself back because you’re worried about what other people will think, or because you would just be beating yourself up so badly yourself. 

Alright, those are the examples that I have for you. I want you to go out there and take this concept of mirror judgments and be on the lookout for what mirror judgments you’re engaging in. What standards have you crafted in that head of yours, that beautiful brain of yours? What are you holding people to? What are you expecting from other people? 

And then, when they don’t live up to those standards, when they don’t follow those rules, or the manuals that you’ve created for both of them and for yourself, what do you do? You judge them. 

What’s the impact of those judgments? How do you feel when you’re making those mirror judgments of other people? And then, how do you weaponize that same standard or rule against yourself? Do you want to keep these standards? Do you want to keep these judgments? Do you want to keep these opinions? Or do you want to replace them? 

If you want to replace them, start by asking yourself: Where did you get them from in the first place? Does it serve you to have them? And then, what can you choose to think instead, if it doesn’t serve you to have them? Once you start changing the way that you view or judge other people, you’re going to change the way that you view and judge yourself.

Then, you’re going to worry so much less about how other people view and judge you. Because you won’t be doing it to other people, so you won’t be thinking that other people will be doing it to you. 

What is amazing is not only will you feel so much better when it comes to how you feel about other people, but you’ll also feel so much better about how you feel about yourself. You’ll stop judging other people, you’ll stop judging yourself, and you really free yourself in the process. 

And you know I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. My goal for you is for you to live as free a life as you possibly can. Alright? This is one of the ways to get there. 

That’s what I’ve got for you this week, my friends. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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