Episode 113: The Displeasure of Instant Gratification

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 113. Today, we’re talking all about the displeasure of instant gratification. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well hello there. How are you? I hope your week is off to a good start. I know that you know, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, that I love to have episodes that are inspired by recent coaching sessions.

And this came up on one of my weekly coaching calls. Actually, monthly coaching calls. We do monthly coaching calls inside my Obsessed Retreat community. You get to attend the retreats, and then after the retreats you get lifetime access to monthly group coaching calls.

So I get to meet with that group of individuals once a month, and we coach on literally all the things. Anything that you struggle with in life comes up on our calls. And we had such a robust call. They’re 90 minutes long, so we have a ton of time to get into different topics. We really covered everything.

And one of the things that came up was a topic around one client struggling both with time management and weight loss. So I wanted to share with you something we discussed in that call because I think you will find it really helpful.

It actually may not seem like it, but one of the things that I have noticed and learned both in working through these issues in my own life and with helping my clients with this stuff is that time management and weight loss are essentially the exact same issue.

Now, you’re working towards different goals, I understand that. But the thoughts that you’re thinking and the feelings that you’re avoiding tend to be really similar in both situations. And the actions that you need to take in order to create your desired result are also pretty similar.

So you have to feel deprived of instant gratification, because we’re typically doing something in the short term that’s more pleasurable than what would serve us in the long run. We pick that temporary pleasure over the activity that sets us up for long term success. And if you want to manage your time or lose weight, you need to do the opposite.

You need to forego the instant gratification and do the thing that sets you up for that long term success, right? It’s probably going to be the thing that’s more uncomfortable in the short term, like starting on the task that you planned or eating the healthy option rather than having cinnamon rolls for dinner or anything like that.

You have to forego the more immediate pleasure and embrace the discomfort of doing the “right” thing that gets you your desired result. But so many people find that so hard because they love the pleasure that they get from the activity that they take in the short term. So if you struggle with following through on your plan for the day, you do something else instead of what you planned to do. And whatever you choose to do instead brings you more instant gratification and immediate pleasure.

If you forego eating the egg white omelette, or the salad for lunch, and you’re having a Reuben sandwich or a cheeseburger or pizza or something like that, you’re getting that instant gratification from whatever it is that you’re consuming. If it’s with managing your time, you might be getting instant gratification from scrolling Instagram or LinkedIn or shopping online instead of starting on that work project.

If you need to respond to an email but you pick up your phone and text a friend instead, you’re seeking that instant gratification. And so many people have such a hard time foregoing that instant gratification because they think they derive so much pleasure out of what they do instead of the activity that would set them up for success.

So today I want to talk about the displeasure of instant gratification because I want to give you a different way to think about that temporary pleasure that you think you’re getting when you forego the activity that sets you up for long term success and you choose the more instantly gratifying action.

You’ve probably heard me say this before on the podcast, but your brain loves to lie to you. So when it’s taunting you to try and get you to pick that instantly gratifying activity, it’s telling you how amazing it’s going to be when you make that choice. And then if you make that choice, your brain’s looking for all of the things that are great about that decision; all of the rewards that you’re getting.

And it might be that your brain’s releasing dopamine because you’re getting entertainment or you’re getting sugar or processed flour. You’re getting something that you think feels good and then your brain wants more of it. It’s focusing on the goodness of it, not on the negative aspect of it. So when you’re choosing, or about to choose, instant gratification over that action that sets you up for long term success, what I want you to do is zoom out.

Because your brain is not focused on the full story. You have to intentionally direct it to see the complete picture. There’s going to be pleasure in instant gratification, but there is also displeasure in it. And if you focus on the displeasure, you’re going to be much less likely to opt for that path of instant gratification and temporary pleasure, because it’s going to be less pleasurable to you because you’re looking at the full picture.

So let me explain what I mean. Okay, for instance, I remember when I used to procrastinate my go-tos. I used to scroll Instagram, and at the time I smoked cigarettes. I don’t anymore, but I would smoke cigarettes and scroll Instagram. And sometimes when I was really in a procrastination spiral, I would play games on my phone.

Every so often I would also sit down to eat dinner, and I would know that I would need to work later, but I would turn on the TV and watch an episode of something while I would eat. And then I’d watch another episode and another episode and another episode. So those were a lot of my go-to ways that I would buffer and procrastinate to avoid the work that I was doing.

And yes, part of doing those activities was more enjoyable than doing the work that I was dreading and actively avoiding. But if I’m being completely honest, doing those activities, buffering in those ways, it wasn’t a 100% positive experience because I couldn’t completely put the work out of my mind, right?

It was still there lurking around the corner, hiding beneath the surface. It was still there. It was like that angel and devil on my shoulder. So the angel on my shoulder was reminding me that there was work that I was supposed to be doing, that I was neglecting and avoiding. And that voice wouldn’t go away. It was always there whispering to me.

So even while I was doing the activity that was providing me with that instant gratification that I was doing in order to avoid my work, there was a lot of negative emotion. Even though I was getting the instant gratification of completing or participating in that activity.

I would feel guilty while I was scrolling Instagram, or while I was having a cigarette. I would feel pressure while I was scrolling Instagram, or while I was playing a game on my phone, or while I was watching a TV episode. I would feel ashamed that I was avoiding my work and I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing.

So we’ve got the negative emotion that you’re experiencing while you’re avoiding the work, while you’re procrastinating, while you’re indulging in that instant gratification. And then, when it finally comes time to work on the work that you’ve been avoiding, you also have more negative emotion, stress, anxiety, more shame, more guilt for working on something late, more pressure, that sense of “behind” because now you’re late on whatever it is that you were working on.

And this is what I want you to start to focus on. All right? I want you to start to focus on the negative aspect of avoiding the work you say you’re going to do. Okay? So instead of focusing on the pleasure that you get when you’re procrastinating, and the enjoyability of doing the more entertaining activity, I want you to focus on the displeasure of choosing instant gratification. Because it’s definitely there, it’s part of the equation.

So how do you feel when you’re avoiding the work that you said you would do? It’s 50/50 at best. You feel 50% good because you’re doing something that’s more enjoyable than the work that you’re supposed to be doing. But you also feel 50% bad because you are avoiding the work you’re supposed to be doing.

And there’s negative emotion that comes from that because you’re going to be thinking negative thoughts about avoiding the work, about you not doing what you said you were going to do. So it’s only a 50/50 experience at best. It’s not all upside.

And then check in with yourself. How are you going to feel after? How do you feel after? You also feel terrible. So you can feel 50% terrible now and completely terrible later on, when you’re avoiding the task, and you choose to do something else in the moment and then you have to do it later. So 50% terrible now, 50% distracted and entertained, and then completely terrible later on.

Or you can just gag-and-go through the immediate discomfort of tackling that uncomfortable task. So it’s going to be 50% negative; you don’t want to do it. You have to experience the dread and whatever negative emotion you’re avoiding associated with doing the work.

But you’re also going to feel proud of yourself while you’re working on it. And then you’re going to feel completely amazing after it’s done. You’re going to feel proud, accomplished, responsible, dedicated; all those positive emotions that come when you complete an activity. And you’re going to get that delayed and the lasting gratification that comes from accomplishing what you planned to do.

So the choice is really yours. Do you want 50-50 negative at first, and then all negative afterwards? Or do you want 50-50 negative and positive up front, and completely positive afterwards? The choice is up to you. Which one sounds better?

If you’re asking my opinion, I think the second option is by far the better choice. I’d rather feel better about myself and get more done, even if that means gagging and going through a little bit of discomfort on the front end.

This is what I focus on when I’m tempted to avoid something that I’ve told myself that I would do. Because I’m a human, I’m just like you, my brain offers me excuses and reasons why I should choose instant gratification and temporary pleasure over doing what I said I would do all the time. This still comes up for me.

You will never be immune from your brain offering you these tempting distractions, tempting opportunities to choose instant gratification. The thing that I’ve gotten better at is talking myself through those urges. Through those moments where my brain wants me to choose instant gratification and temporary pleasure, and I’m able to course correct and make the more responsible choice, the one that sets me up for long term success. So this is what I do when I’m in those moments.

Instead of just focusing on the instant gratification that I will get from doing the activity that would be buffering, the avoidant activity that my brain’s telling me that I should do, I zoom out and I don’t just focus on the temporary pleasure that I would get from doing that thing, I look at all of the negative emotion I’m going to have to experience if I make that choice, if I choose to prioritize that instant gratification and temporary pleasure. And it makes choosing that option so much less attractive.

I focus on how am I going to feel while I’m avoiding doing what I said I would do. It’s going to eat at me. It’s going to nag me. It’s not going to go away. I’m going to know the entire time I’m avoiding what I said I was going to do. That I should be doing what I said I was going to do. That isn’t going to escape me. I’m going to be constantly reminded of it.

And I hate that feeling, that sense that something’s hanging over my head, that I’m ignoring something that I told myself I would complete.

I also think about how it’s going to feel working on it after I promised myself that I’d have it done. It’s going to feel terrible I know. I remind myself that the only way out of all of that negative emotion… and it’s completely within my control. It’s completely within my ability to avoid all of the negativity of that experience… The only way out of that though, is to go through the process of doing the work that I said I would complete.

I really want you to remember this phrase, “The only way out is through.” So if you’re feeling dread around doing something, the only way out is through. You’ve got to work on what you said you were going to work on, and then the dread will end.

As you’re avoiding it, the dread is going to be there. It’s going to linger. It’s going to hang over your head. If you’re feeling guilty about not working on something, that guilt is going to last for as long as your avoidant behavior lasts. The only way out of it is through.

If you’re feeling confused about how to work on something, how to complete it, the only way out is through. The only way out of your confusion is to sit down, work through your confusion, complete the work, figure out how to do it, and then complete the task.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you have so much work on your plate, you’re going to continue to feel overwhelmed while you’re procrastinating, while you’re avoiding, while you’re buffering. The only way out of your overwhelm is to sit down, do the work, and to get through it. The only way out is through.

The same exact thing applies when it comes to weight loss. It really is true. Weight loss is so simple. I used to think that losing weight was so hard, and then I recognized that’s just a thought that we tell ourselves. It’s actually really easy.

The only two reasons that you don’t weigh what you want is because you’re eating the wrong stuff or you’re eating too much of it. It’s one of the two things. You’re eating too much food. Even if it’s good stuff, you’re eating too much of it, or you’re eating the wrong stuff. It’s really easy to evaluate. You get to conduct experiments every single day.

And if you weigh more, then you know what you consumed the day before didn’t set you up for success. You can normally pinpoint what you ate or how much of what you ate, where the issue was. One of the reasons why we eat the wrong stuff that doesn’t support our body goals, or we eat too much of the stuff that doesn’t support our body goals, is because we want the instant gratification of having what we want, and we don’t want to feel deprived.

We get so entitled to that instant gratification. And instead of choosing what’s necessary to have the body and the health that we want in the long term, we choose that temporary pleasure time and time again.

Check in with yourself. What are your thoughts? You’re probably thinking, “I want this. This is so good. This is amazing. I love eating this. I love food.” You love the pleasure that you get from food. Your brain releases a ton of dopamine when you’re eating things that don’t support your long-term goals.

And you’re thinking negative thoughts about the things that you need to be eating that support your long-term goals. “That doesn’t sound good. That’s not as enjoyable. I don’t want to eat that,” those are your thoughts. And then, when you think about not having the food that you’re telling yourself you want so badly, it brings up so much deprivation for you.

We focus on all of the pleasure that we derive when we’re eating the things that we want in the short term, that bring us that temporary pleasure and that instant gratification. But again, I want you to zoom out instead of just focusing myopically on that pleasure.

I want you to focus on the entire picture. And more specifically, on the displeasure of choosing that instant gratification. Because it’s not all upside. Pay attention. How do you feel when you’re eating something that you shouldn’t be eating to achieve the goals that you want to achieve with your body and your health?

You’re going to feel good because you might think that it’s delicious, and you’re feeling entertained by your eating experience. But that’s not the entire picture. You’re also going to feel bad. You’re going to feel guilty. You’re going to feel ashamed because you’re eating something that doesn’t support your long-term goals.

Now move the timeline down a little bit. After you’ve finished eating either the wrong stuff, the stuff that doesn’t support your body goals, or too much stuff, how do you feel after you ate it? Probably regretful. Deprived in a different way. Deprived of the body that you want. Deprived of the health that you want.

And also really disappointed. Maybe ashamed again. There’s a lot of negative emotion in choosing that instant gratification. It’s not that pleasurable of an experience.

So I want you to focus on the bad parts. I also want you to slow yourself down while you’re consuming it. This is something I learned from one of my coaches. Really pay attention to the experience.

Sometimes we start eating something, and we’re bought into the lie that we just love it so much and it’s so, so good. But if you slow yourself down and you really describe it to yourself, do you love the texture? Do you love the flavor? What does it taste like? Is it a little too sweet? Is it a little too greasy? Does it leave grease or residue on your hands? Does that kind of gross you out?

The feeling of it on your fingers, the feeling of it in your body, how do you feel while you’re eating it? How do you feel after you’re eating it? Do you feel energized? Do you feel tired? Do you feel a little nauseous?

I just ate some junk food on a road trip. We stopped at a gas station on our way down to Louisville from Detroit, and we grabbed a couple of things from the gas station. I normally don’t eat stuff like that, stuff that is packaged and processed like that. And I paid attention. I didn’t have a lot of it, but I had a few bites. I paid attention to how I felt the rest of the day.

I had heartburn. I felt kind of nauseous. My body really didn’t like eating it. So people focus on all the things that are delicious about it, but they don’t focus on the downside. If you overeat, do you feel overly full? Do you feel heavy or kind of tired after? Do you want to take a nap? Does it not support you moving your body later?

Focus on the bad parts. What are all the downsides that come from choosing that instant gratification? This is really the trick. It’s to bring into focus the displeasure of choosing instant gratification and temporary pleasure. And when you focus on the displeasure of making that choice, it makes the choice so much less sexy.

That’s really what we want to do here. Because when your brain is selling you “snake oil” to get you to choose instant gratification and temporary pleasure, it’s focused solely on the upside. It’s ignoring all of the bad parts. But because we have control over what our brain focuses on, we can direct it to zoom out and focus on the full picture.

When you have the full picture in your mind, making the decision that supports your long-term success looks so much more attractive. And by doing this, what you’ll realize is that it works so much better than you trying to “should yourself” to do the right thing.

Because when you’re “should-ing yourself,” what you’re really telling yourself is, “This supports my long-term success. But it’s going to completely suck for me to choose this in the short term.” But it’s not going to completely suck for you to choose it in the short term. There’s going to be a good side to choosing it in the short term as well.

And there’s all long-term upside and vice versa. There’s not 100% pleasure that comes from choosing the instant gratification in the short term. There’s some pleasure and there’s some displeasure, and then there’s all downside afterwards.

So if you’re focusing on the full picture, it’s going to be so much easier to make the choice that supports your long-term success. When you’re honest with yourself, and choosing instant gratification only gets you 50% pleasure at best… And I’d say less than that, because there’s displeasure in the moment and there’s displeasure after.

So if you were breaking both pleasure in the moment and pleasure afterwards into two different segments, you’re really only getting 25% pleasure in the moment, 25% displeasure in the moment, and then 100% displeasure afterwards. That’s only 25% pleasure out of all of the pleasure available to you.

Where, when you choose to gag-and-go through the instant gratification, temporary discomfort, you forego all of that and you gag-and-go through the discomfort of just getting started, you’ve got 25% discomfort up front. 25% comfort or pleasure up front, because you’re doing the right thing, and then all upside later on.

So 50% afterwards, because you just get all of the relief and all of the accomplishment. I think it makes it such a clear choice on what to choose. That’s the thing. Our brains want to tell us that the more attractive option is choosing instant gratification and temporary pleasure.

But when you really iron it all out, the more attractive option is just doing what you said you would do. Doing the thing that aligns with your long-term goals and sets you up for long-term success. Thinking of it this way, you will have such an easier time choosing to do the “right” thing, the thing that supports your long-term success.

This is what I want you to do. Zoom out and then focus on the displeasure of instant gratification. It’s really going to put a bad taste in your mouth, pun intended with the weight loss stuff, about choosing that temporary pleasure and instant gratification. And when you focus less on how enjoyable it is to choose avoidant behavior and you focus on how unpleasant it is to choose avoidant behavior, you’ll have a much easier time making the choice that aligns with your long-term goals.

So go out there, zoom out, and really focus on how bad it feels to choose the thing that feels good in the short term. Okay?

All right, my friends, that’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.