Episode 97: Helping Yourself First

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Helping Yourself First

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Committing to the Finish

Something I’ve noticed about humans is that, oftentimes, they aren’t willing to help themselves first. It’s great that we live in a world where you can ask for help when you’re having a problem, but have you ever stopped to consider whether you’re helping yourself first?

Whether you’re in a less-than-ideal financial situation, you’re struggling at work, or you’re dealing with any kind of problem and you’re looking to other people for the answers, it’s time to try helping yourself first, so you can come up with long-term solutions.

Tune in this week to start committing to helping yourself first. You have to be the person most willing to solve your problems, and you’ll learn today why other people don’t have the long-term solution to your problems, and I show you what you need to do to help yourself first and create meaningful change in your life.

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How to see where you need to start helping yourself first.
  • My own story of helping myself first.
  • Why other people’s help doesn’t solve your problems in the long term.
  • The problem-solving process you need to start engaging in.
  • Why helping yourself first is the only way you can solve your problems in a way that lasts.
  • Some ideas you can use to start the work of helping yourself first.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • I would really appreciate it if you would leave a rating and review to let me know and help others find The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast. Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to follow, rate, and review.
  • If you want more information about the Less Stressed Lawyer mastermind, visit my LinkedIn, my Instagram, or email me!
  • Get on my email list!
  • My Linktree

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer, episode 97. Today, we’re talking all about helping yourself first. You ready? Let’s go

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s overwhelmed and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach, Olivia Vizachero.

Well hello, hello. How are you? All as well over here. I am enjoying spring. It doesn’t feel like spring down here. It feels like summer down here. I am loving the south, y’all. I just absolutely love it here.

I know I recently talked in a podcast episode about not knowing which decision is better, and you just have to trust the reality that you’re living in. I am certainly doing that with this decision to move. I just absolutely love it, love it, love it. I hope that you’re making choices that you love, love, love too. I think I’m going to do an episode.

I just, when I was in Miami for the obsessed retreat, I taught a whole portion of the second day all about making decisions. I talked a lot about the thoughts that you don’t want to think about making decisions and the thoughts that you do want to think. So I think I should do a whole podcast episode on that. I think you would find it very useful.

But that’s not what we’re talking about today. Today we’re talking about, I’m going to tell you a story that inspired this podcast episode topic. Then I’m going to teach you two different ways that this concept applies. So today, we’re talking all about helping yourself first.

So I was recently on the streets of social media. I was scrolling through content. It was shortly after I had shared my own post for the day. I was just given a scroll through my feed, and I stumbled upon a post from someone I know socially from my past. They were talking about how they were really struggling financially. They were asking for help from their community, asking people to donate in order to get them through a tough time.

I really love to support people within my network, support their charitable initiatives to help people out when I can. Sometimes I’ll just see like a GoFundMe of a random stranger and donate. I just love being charitable in that way. One of the things that I love and value about myself is that I consider myself to be quite generous. I’m so grateful for the success that I’ve achieved.

I really love sharing it with other people. I do that in a bunch of different ways. By donating to causes that come across my feed or my eyeballs, whatever. I’m also very generous with gratuity when I’m out in the world. I was in the service industry for a really long time. That’s one of the ways that I just love to give back and to treat people. It made a huge impact when people used to do that for me when I was in the service industry. So I just love being that person in the world now that I have the opportunity to do that.

So I saw this post, and I didn’t pay much attention to it initially. Then I logged back in the following day, and the person had another post also asking for help, talking about their situation, giving a little bit more context. The government agency support that they typically relied upon, they were having troubles accessing the funding that is normally available to them. They were also encountering food bank issues and just a whole slew of different obstacles and problems. The person who was posting seemed quite panicked, and my heart really broke for them.

I have been broke one time in my life. When I quit my last law firm job before I got my business off the ground, and zero out of 10 do not recommend. Now I will tell you this, I learned that I could survive a situation like that. That was very empowering. It brought me a ton of sufficiency going through that experience.

However, it is unpleasant. Worrying about how you’re going to keep a roof over your head or how you’re going to feed yourself is not fun. So while I do find it empowering and it made me tap into my own resourcefulness, I understand that it is quite unpleasant. I also recognize that I only support myself, and at the time two cats. This person who was posting has young children. So my heart really went out to them.

I was debating on whether I should donate. I felt compelled to donate and just send some money. We can do that through all the ways that we now have means to do that. Cash App, Venmo, Zelle, right. There are different ways that we can just support people in our network.

But while I was doing this, I got called to read the social media posts really thoroughly. Then I went to their page on social media. I was reading through all of the person’s posts, and I saw all of their social media activity. There were quite a few posts talking about their current tough time, but there were also a ton of posts sharing like memes and funny things.

When you started to piece it together, you could see the timestamps of the social media activity. It was quite apparent that this person was spending hours and hours and hours on social media every day. Like probably from the timestamps at least 12 hours on social media a day.

I went back and forth on whether or not it actually serves the person for people to help them out. Because one of the things that I coach on, and I recognize that not everyone has coaching tools, right. But it is a way that we buffer with social media. We buffer away our problems, even though buffering away the problem, quote unquote, away doesn’t actually make the problem go away. It makes the problem worse, but we indulge in an instant gratification activity, like dicking around on social media, for lack of a better term.

When we do that, we don’t actually come up with a solution to the problem that is causing our negative emotion in the first place. Of course, our thoughts cause our negative emotions. But we’re thinking negative thoughts about the situation and those thoughts are causing our negative feelings. Then we buffer away our negative emotion by indulging in that instant gratification activity.

So I’m assuming this person was using social media to buffer, right? They’re feeling very stressed. They’re feeling very panicked. They’re feeling very worried about what to do next. Maybe feeling out of control or helpless, and they’re turning towards social media as a way to temporarily escape all of that negative emotion.

Now I coach on stuff like this all day long. So A, I’m not judging this. B, I deeply understand it. I understand why we do something that is counterintuitive or counterproductive for the result that we want. So I sat there, and again, I felt really compelled to donate and help the person out of a bind.

Then I also was torn because I don’t think that helping them in the short term actually helps them in the long run. Now, I ultimately did decide to support the person, and I just sent them money. I didn’t need a thank you. I didn’t need anything. They, of course, reached out to thank me. But I didn’t contact them. I didn’t message them. I never coach without permission. So I definitely wasn’t going to offer any of my insight or the way that I was viewing this situation. That’s not my place when someone hasn’t hired me as their coach.

But I was thinking, I did have this thought process that ultimately, providing them money isn’t really in the highest service. The thing that struck me the most is this person was coming from such a place of desperation. Yet, they weren’t willing to be the person helping themselves first.

Now, I do feel a little qualified to comment on this, okay, because when I was broke, no one offered to help me out of being broke. I didn’t turn to other people and ask for financial help. I didn’t call on my network or my community for support.

I got really fucking scrappy, and I figured it out. I watched YouTube videos on how to sell things online. I sold my own stuff. I took pictures of it with my cell phone. I learned how to create an eBay listing. I marketed my things on eBay. I posted them for the public. I priced them low enough that people would be urged or inspired to buy them without much resistance. I was very fortunate I had stuff to sell. I will recognize that that is a good position to find yourself in.

I also, once I started making money, took the money that I made, and I started engaging in what they call retail arbitrage where you buy things at a lower price point, and you sell them at a higher price point. you flip things. So I started going to garage sales, Salvation Army’s, Goodwill stores, things like that.

I know more about Pyrex dishes and men’s ties than I care to admit okay because I started to become an expert in a few select items so I didn’t have to reinvent the wheel every time that I went to a garage sale or store. I knew what to look for, and I knew what would sell, what would get a good price.

So I learned how to do all of that. I watched YouTube video after YouTube video after YouTube video. I sold books on Amazon. I sold books on eBay. I sold old VHS tapes, which you wouldn’t think are worth something but sometimes they are. It’s bananas. But I learned so much, and I taught it to myself.

Now I was spending oftentimes eight to 12 hours a day doing this kind of stuff, going, sourcing material, watching YouTube videos, learning, learning what sells, learning what to look for, what men’s tie labels or what Pyrex dishes go for more than other Pyrex dishes. Scouting out estate sales through an app on my phone, seeing what was there, bidding on it, going to pick it up. I was doing all of that stuff in order to bring in money.

All right, going to the post office, shipping things, packaging things, all of that stuff. I remember I went to go meet a guy, I don’t know, like an hour from my house to buy a bunch of shipping envelopes at a really low cost so I could reduce my overhead in order to make the most amount of money possible.

But I was so committed to getting myself out of a bad situation. I was willing to help myself first. I think that is the most important thing whenever we’re trying to get ourselves out of a less than ideal situation. Maybe you’re in a less than ideal financial situation right now.

Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe you’re struggling at work. Maybe you’re having a hard time with time management. People keep giving you a pep talk or talking to and telling you that you need to get better at it. You’re just looking for someone else to help solve the problem, but you’re not engaged in doing the work to solve it yourself. You’re looking for someone else to have the answers. You’re looking for someone else to just wave their magic wand.

I’m not trying to be disparaging here. But you have to be really honest with yourself if this is what you’re hoping for, if this is what you’re waiting for. Because help is not going to come to you, not in a truly long lasting life changing meaningful way, until you commit to helping yourself first. You have to be the one who’s most willing to solve the problem, or at least as willing to solve the problem is the people willing to help you.

You can’t want the solution for them. You have to want the solution for yourself. You have to want to engage in the problem solving process yourself. Both of those things are what is required of you. You have to be willing to help yourself first.

So as I was donating this money to this person, the thing that just stuck out the most to me was they’re going to find themselves in the same position for as long as they remain in the spot of not being willing to help themselves first, as long as they’re willing to invest 12 hours on Facebook versus 12 hours flipping shit on eBay or 12 hours babysitting or 12 hours doing literally anything to create money.

There are so many ways to create money nowadays. I recognize that when you have childcare obligations, the ways that you go about making money are different, right? You can drive for Uber, drive for DoorDash, grocery shop on Shipt. There are so many different options these days.

You can get creative. You can make money in ways that you can’t even possibly fathom. My cousin who is also a business owner, her and I kind of geek out. We send each other videos, we’ll see TikToks or reels on Instagram, and we’ll send them back and forth to each other just the wild audacious ways that people make money. You can create things. You can craft. You can sell that stuff on Etsy.

You can buy textbooks and sell them. People make a lot of money doing that. There are so many YouTube videos about how to sell books on Amazon. It’s wild what you can do. You can buy things in bulk and then sell them individually. Right? That, again, is retail arbitrage.

You can find Starbucks mugs and sell them for a lot of money. It is wild the opportunities that are out there. You can become a face painter and do children’s parties. Or my cousin used to do, a different cousin than the one I was just talking about. But a different cousin does spray tanning. All right, you can learn how to be a spray tan artist and then you can spray tan, right? Or a makeup artist or anything that you want to do, anything that you feel skilled to do. I promise you every single person has a skill.

I watched people online start bread baking companies or cookie making companies. They have that as a side hustle. They market it on social media, and people put in orders. I deeply believe people are going to be willing to help you, some people are going to be willing to help you even when you aren’t willing to help yourself.

But I think the process that you engage in and how you get to feel about yourself when you’re willing to help yourself and you’re engaged in the problem solving process and you’re taking the first steps forward, people are going to be so much more willing, so many more people are going to be willing to help you when you’re in a bind. If you’re helping yourself first, if you’re willing to lead first, and put in the work first.

The support that’s going to rally behind you is going to be so much more extreme. So much bigger than what you’re going to get from people just tapping into their generosity when you’re not willing to help yourself first.

Also, I promise you, helping yourself first is the only way you’re going to solve these problems in a way that lasts. It’s the only way that you’re going to create meaningful, long lasting change. If you’re willing to get your hands dirty, and do the hard work and tap into your own resourcefulness, that’s what’s going to be required of you, but that is what is going to make meaningful change.

That’s what’s going to shift everything when you’re the one who is more committed to getting out of a negative situation than anyone else, when you’re willing to do whatever it takes to solve the problems you’re facing.

All right. So I want you to check in with yourself here. Whatever problems you’re facing, are you willing to help yourself first? Are you actively engaged in the process of helping yourself first? Or are you indulging in your victimhood? Are you wallowing in self-pity? Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Are you indulging in your own helplessness? Are you throwing your hands up in the air and waiting for someone to come save you?

I know this is a sensitive topic. It might seem like I’m being harsh. But if this is you, I want to lovingly call you out and highlight this for you because nothing is going to get better until you commit to your own transformation. Until you commit to helping yourself first, before anyone else comes in to offer their support. You have to be the one most committed to saving yourself. That is required for things to meaningfully get better, for things to truly improve. You have to be the one that leads. You have to be the one more committed than anyone else.

I’ll even bring that back a step. You have to be committed as someone else because one of the things that I tell my clients when they come work with me, I’m like I will want your results for you as much as you want them, right. But we need to make sure that you want them as much as you can possibly want them. I want them as much as I can possibly want them for you.

But I cannot want your success. I cannot want your results more than you want them. You’ve got to meet me halfway. You’ve got to be just as committed to getting yourself your results as I am committed to helping you get them. All right. I’m 100% in.

I tell my clients all the time. I will not quit on you no matter what. I am in it. I’m in it for the long haul. I’m here. I will get you across the finish line but only if you’re committed to getting across the finish line too. I will help you solve the problems you’re facing but only if you are committed to solving the problems you’re facing too. You’ve got to want it for yourself as much as I want it for you. I can’t want it more than you. You won’t be successful if I want your success more than you want your success. All right.

So you’ve got to meet me halfway. You’ve got to start by deciding and committing to helping yourself first. Then you can team up with me, and we can go, and I mean really go. Go for the results you want. Go for the solutions that you’re looking for. We can do that work together, but you have to commit to helping yourself first. That is the way that it’s going to really stick and have a shift, make a difference. Okay.

So if there’s an area of your life where you haven’t been willing to help yourself first, just decide in this moment, this can happen in a split second, okay. An absolute lightning split second that you can just decide hey, I realize I haven’t been committed. I haven’t been willing to help myself first, but I’m willing right now because I know what Olivia says is true. I’m not going to make the changes I want to make and solve the problems that I’m facing if I don’t go all in and fully commit to being the one who helps myself first.

The other way that I want you to decide to help yourself first is if you find yourself being someone who loves to help everyone else around you before you help yourself, we’ve got to knock that shit off. Okay, with love, that does not serve you. You cannot keep putting yourself last because I promise you, it isn’t anyone else’s job to put you first. You might think that it is.

If you do, you’re outsourcing so much of your power to other people, your results to other people because it’s not their job to make you their top priority. It’s your job to make yourself your top priority. So if you have a habit of thinking that it’s selfish to put yourself first, and you put everyone else before yourself, you put everyone’s needs ahead of your own, we’re going to have problems. If you’re doing this, you already know that you’re going to have problems because you probably have those problems right now.

You’re reaping the negative consequences rather than reaping the benefits of putting yourself last. It will be abundantly obvious, readily apparent, that you don’t have the life that you want when you’re constantly getting the last billing, when you’re last on the list all the time.

So if that’s you, this is another instance in where you have to commit to putting yourself first, to helping yourself first. It is super cliche. You all know the oxygen mask analogy from airplanes. You’ve got to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else with theirs. It’s literally because you’ll die if you don’t, okay? That’s how serious this is. Maybe you don’t die, but you certainly don’t live the life that you’re meant to live if you constantly put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.

So I want you to commit to helping yourself first in two different ways. Number one, in being willing to do the work rather than outsourcing it to other people, relying on other people to give you a helping hand, to support you when you’re not willing to do that yourself. You’ve got to be willing to get your hands dirty.

Then second, you’ve got to be willing to help yourself before you help everyone else in your life. If that is a more comfortable identity for you just being the helper and supporting everyone else. We’ve got to start getting uncomfortable. Maybe you have to feel selfish, maybe you have to feel impolite, unhelpful, rude, arrogant, self-absorbed, whatever negative emotion you want to put in there.

You have to be willing to gag and go through those feelings and put yourself first and help yourself first in order to create the life you want to live. Okay. I want you to decide to do both of those things right now.

Once you’ve made that decision, I want you to come work with me inside Lawyers Only. That’s where I’m going to meet you halfway and help get you across the finish line. You’re going to decide to help yourself first and help yourself rather than helping everyone else instead of yourself, and then I’m going to help you solve the problems you’re facing, develop the skills you need to have to live the life you want, to move forward, to get where you want to go. Then I’m going to help you set goals and make plans to achieve them. Okay.

I’m going to help you thrive professionally and personally. I’m going to teach you everything law school, your employers, and your parents didn’t teach you. Everything you need to know to live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment like time management, how to set boundaries, how to say no, how to stop people pleasing, overcome perfectionism, right? All that good stuff.

How to develop business, how to delegate, how to manage a team, how to follow through, how to develop discipline, how to make decisions, how to practice constraint, how to simplify your life, I can just keep going. The list is endless. You’re going to learn so much in Lawyers Only.

Lawyers Only is my signature weekly coaching program for, you guessed it, lawyers only. It is where you can come and join other people inside the legal community. People who want to thrive personally and professionally but don’t have the skill set or the knowledge that they need in order to do that. Lawyers Only is where you’re going to get that skill set and that knowledge, all of the solutions to the problems that you’ve been facing. You’re going to come learn it from me.

I’m going to meet you in the middle. You’re going to commit to helping yourself first, and I’m committed to getting you where you want to go okay. Head to my website, thelessstressedlawyer.com/lawyers-only. Or you can head to the show notes to this podcast episode and click the link there. You can go sign up to join Lawyers Only right now.

The sooner you get in there, the sooner you commit to yourself, to helping yourself first, the sooner we can get started helping you live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. All right, my friends. That’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 96: Committing to the Finish

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Committing to the Finish

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Committing to the Finish

Committing to the finish makes a massive difference in how you approach your goals and pursue the life you want to live. I watch too many people make lavish plans and deeply commit to getting started on them, feeling excited and motivated to take consistent action, until things don’t go exactly as they’d expected.

When the results they want are taking longer than they’d like, or when it turns out they need to put more effort in than they’d initially anticipated, that motivation starts to fade. But what you need to do is commit all the way to the finish line, so listen in to learn exactly what that looks like.

Tune in this week to discover how to start committing to the finish. I discuss the problem with telling yourself you’re ‘trying’, share why you’re struggling to fully commit yourself until the finish, and you’ll learn how to pursue your goals from a place of being fully committed to the finish.

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why I don’t believe it’s helpful to tell yourself you’re ‘trying’.
  • What it looks like when you aren’t committed to the finish.
  • The deal you make with yourself when you commit to the finish.
  • Why discomfort is part of the process of achieving the goals that matter most.
  • How to cultivate the kinds of emotions that will empower you to commit to the finish.

Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:

  • I would really appreciate it if you would leave a rating and review to let me know and help others find The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast. Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to follow, rate, and review.
  • If you want more information about the Less Stressed Lawyer mastermind, visit my LinkedIn, my Instagram, or email me!
  • Get on my email list!
  • My Linktree

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 96. Today, we’re talking all about committing to the finish. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I’m so excited to talk about today’s topic, about committing to the finish. This is a mindset shift that I really think makes a massive difference in how you approach your goals, and how you pursue what you’re working towards; the life you want to live, the career ambitions that you have, the achievements that you want to amass.

It all depends on the mindset that you have when you approach those end goals, those finish lines, those mile markers. I watch so many people make these lavish plans and truly, deeply, meaningfully commit to getting started on them, they get so excited. This used to be me, I used to be so gung-ho to start new ventures.

I actually started quite a few businesses in my 20s, before I started this business, and I would get so excited in the beginning. I’d feel so determined, so motivated, just so fired up, just committed, very confident, compelled that it was going to make a difference, that it was going to be successful, that it was going to work, that people were going to take me up on what I was offering. Everything was going to go exactly the way that I wanted it to go.

And then, lo and behold, I’d start taking action and it wouldn’t go the way that I’d planned. Results that I wanted would take longer to come, a lot longer than I wanted. Typically, what I also learned was that more work was required for me to get the results that I wanted than I initially anticipated.

So, I would start embarking on taking the action that I thought I would need to take in order to produce the results that I wanted, but then after I wouldn’t see a return on that investment, on that effort, I’d start getting really inconsistent. I’d start doing what I call “micro-quitting.” I would show up less and less, less and less, over time. I’d get more inconsistent, more inconsistent. My frequency, of whatever action I was taking, would start to go down.

And, of course, as your effort starts to decrease, so do your results. So, if you weren’t getting results to begin with, you’re going to get even less results at that point when you start quitting, when you start showing up inconsistently.

I really think what I’m describing to you is what “trying” looks like. I absolutely hate that word. My clients that work with me know that I hate that word. I deeply believe that “trying” means not doing. So, instead of telling yourself that you’re trying something or that you’re “working at it” or “working on it”, just tell yourself you’re not doing it. Because that’s actually what is happening if you take a closer look and examine your actions.

You’re showing up inconsistently. You’re not following through with the plan. You’re not taking enough action to produce your desired results. You’re kind of being a little flaky, right? Or you’re not getting started at all.

So, if you’re guilty of this, if the action pattern that I’m describing to you sounds quite familiar… Maybe you’re working on managing your time, and you do a couple of days of planning your schedule each day, like I teach you, but then you don’t stick with it.

You start to get inconsistent, and then you plan maybe a little bit of your day but you don’t plan the whole thing. And then, you don’t plan for a couple of days. And then, you beat yourself up and you tell yourself that you’re going to start again. But then you don’t, you wait till Monday. And then, Monday comes and Monday’s already busy. So, you just want to dive into the work and not make a plan. You tell yourself you don’t have time for it.

This is what I’m talking about. You’re not following through. Maybe you decided that this is going to be the time that you finally lose the weight. You decide what you’re going to eat, but then you cheat a little. And then you’re like, “I’ll be better tomorrow,” and then you cheat a little bit more. And then, you stop planning what you’re going to eat in advance.

You just let the instant gratification monster take over, and you start eating things that tastes good but don’t serve you, as far as your weight loss goals are concerned. And then, you tell yourself that you’re going to start again tomorrow or you’re going to start next week or at the beginning of the next month. And then, you don’t. You just get inconsistent and sort of flaky and your commitment drops off and you quit. You get inconsistent and then you quit.

Maybe you’re working on developing business. People that I work with on business development are guilty of doing this, too. They tell themselves that they’re going to do it, they’re going to put in the effort, they’re really going to “try”. I always call them out on that, when I see them thinking that or saying that to themselves or to me.

But you commit, you commit to developing business. But then you start to embark on the action required to develop business, which is figuring out what your offer is, meeting people, telling them what you do, adding value ahead of time, and making offers to help when it makes sense. So, you start to embark on that action, but then you get flaky, you get inconsistent, you start showing up less and less and less.

And then, of course, as you do that, your results become inconsistent or nonexistent. And then you quit, right? You micro-quit until you actually quit. This is what it looks like to commit to starting a goal instead of committing to finish the goal.

These are very different processes. Okay? So, I want you to think about whatever it is that you’re working towards right now, are you committed to starting? Or are you committed to finishing? Now, how do you think the two are different?

The examples that I just gave you are examples of what it looks like to commit to starting. You do actually start. You start taking action, you begin to move forward, but then when it doesn’t go the way that you want it to, it doesn’t happen as fast as you’d like it to, you don’t get the results you want in the time that you think you should have them, you start to get inconsistent.

You start to show up less. You start to waver in your commitment and you ultimately quit. You ultimately give up and jump to something else. Where, again, you commit to the start, you don’t commit to the finish. And this cycle just repeats itself over and over and over again.

Committing to the finish looks very, very different. Because what you’re doing when you commit to the finish is you’re making a deal with yourself that you’re going to embrace all of the negative emotion that comes from and with the pursuit of a goal.

So that means, you’re going to have to feel confused about why it’s not going the way that you want it to. Why you’re encountering some obstacles, and you’re going to have to work through them. You’re going to have to feel overwhelmed by everything that you have to learn and work through in order to get to the finish line.

You’re going to have to feel that overwhelm and work through it, take action in spite of and despite it. You’re going to have to feel frustrated that it’s not going exactly like you thought that it would. You’re also going to have to feel disappointed and feel that disappointment, allow that disappointment to be there, and take action in spite of and despite it.

You’re going to have to feel discouraged and maybe embarrassed or uncertain or worried. All of that negative emotion comes with pursuing a goal, especially when you’re pursuing a goal for the first time; when it’s uncharted and unfamiliar territory, and you don’t know what to expect. You have to be willing to experience that discomfort.

You have to feel impatient, and let that impatience be there rather than reacting to it negatively or avoiding your impatience by jumping ship and quitting or being inconsistent. Nothing will slow you down like inconsistency, I promise you. So, you want to sit with your impatience rather than reacting to it. Because you will just make things go more slowly if you react to your impatience.

Committing to the finish looks like making a deal with yourself that you’re willing to feel whatever negative emotion comes your way between you and the finish line of your goal. Committing to the finish also looks like making a deal with yourself that you’re not going to indulge in negative thinking that does not serve you.

You get to decide where to direct your brain when you’re pursuing a goal, when you’re working towards something. You can indulge in all of the negative thought patterns that just come to you by default, because that’s what our brains like to do in order to get us to seek pleasure, avoid discomfort, and conserve energy.

You can let your mind run rampant with all of that negative thinking, or you can make an intentional decision to course correct. To catch those negative thoughts, and to replace them with thoughts that serve you and fuel you forward. That’s an intentional choice that you get to make.

When you are committed to the finish you’re not going to allow yourself to indulge in thought patterns that don’t serve you. You’re going to catch those thoughts, identify them, dismantle them, and then work to replace them with thoughts that move you in the right direction. All right?

You’re going to do that with your thinking, and you’re going to do that with the emotions that come your way as well. You’re going to identify the negative emotions that you’re currently experiencing as you’re embarking on that goal achievement process. You’re going to make a deal with yourself that you’re going to be willing to feel those feelings on purpose instead of that knee jerk “No” trying to escape them and avoid them.

That’s not what you’re going to do. You’re going to decide, “Hey, I’m going to feel this type of discomfort whether I like it or not. Especially if I don’t like it,” right? And be willing to feel those feelings, and keep showing up taking that intentional action despite that emotional experience that is quite unpleasant.

And then, you’re also going to decide what positive emotions do I need to cultivate on purpose in order to keep moving in the right direction? So, you can indulge and wallow in all the negative feelings that you’re feeling, or you can decide to just embrace them say, “Hey, that’s part of the currency to living the life of my dreams.

I’ve got to be willing to feel those feelings. But also,” or and also, “I get to contrast them and counteract them by cultivating positive emotions with the thoughts that I’m choosing to think.”

So, think about it. If you’re committed to the finish, what positive emotions do you want to cultivate for yourself? Maybe you want to feel capable, or in control, or determined, or competent, or confidence, or compelled. Maybe you want to feel assured or proud. You can create all of those emotions with the thoughts that you choose to think.

So, identify the feelings that you want to cultivate that are going to help fuel you forward, keep you moving in the right direction, make it easier for you to tolerate that discomfort that’s just part of the process. Identify those feelings, and then identify the thoughts you need to think in order to cultivate those emotions, so you can feel better as you pursue your goal, as you work towards that finish line.

Just identifying whether you’ve been committed to starting or committing to finishing is going to be a game changer for you. You’re going to so clearly see where you’ve been committed to the start, as opposed to being committed to the finish. So, I want you to identify that.

And then, I want you to figure out what would be different about the way that you pursued your goals if you were committed to the finish instead of only being committed to the start? What would change? How would you approach the finish line differently? How would you approach the process differently?

I bet you’d make the discomfort much less of a problem than you’re currently making it. You’re indulging in comfort entitlement and avoiding discomfort as it comes, because you’re only committed to the start not committed to the finish. And when you’re committed to the start, you’re going to make that discomfort that makes an appearance a problem. And you’re going to work as hard as you possibly can to avoid it.

When you commit to finishing no matter what you don’t go to war with experiencing that negative emotion, you just embrace it as part of the process. You know that that just is inherently part of approaching and working towards your goals.

Now, once you’ve identified how you would show up differently if you were committed to the finish, I want you to go out there and work that action plan. Put that plan into practice, okay? Everything will start to shift into place. You’re going to feel so much better as you approach your goals because everything’s going to start to feel so much better.

You’re going to feel more in control. You’re going to feel more capable. You’re going to feel more in charge of creating and cultivating the results that you want. You’re going to have so much less mind drama as you pursue your goals, because you’re not going to be left wondering, “Am I actually going to do this? Am I actually in this?”

Because that’s what happens when you only commit to the start, you’re not decided about what the rest of the process is going to look like. You’re unsure about whether or not you’re going to cross the finish line, because you haven’t yet committed to crossing the finish line. When you commit to the finish line all of the uncertainty goes away, because you’re very clear on what you’re going to do and what you’re not going to do.

And what you’re not going to do is quit. That’s what happens when you commit to the finish. I deeply believe that people’s success is directly correlated to whether they’re committed to only the start, or they’re committed to the finish.

I know when I approached my business, this business that I operate now, I approached it so much differently than the businesses that I started in my 20s. In my 20s I was only committed to the start. I wasn’t committed to the finish. So, when things got tough, when things got uncomfortable, I quit.

I stopped showing up and I jumped to something else new and exciting instead of committing to the finish and following my plan all the way through. Acting, auditing and adapting along the way, figuring out what worked, what didn’t work, what I would do differently, and then implementing that plan, tweaking things as I went, in order to ultimately get where I wanted to go.

When I started this business I committed to the finish. I took quitting off the table completely. I made myself a deal. I said, “I will not quit this, no matter what. No matter what.” And I’ve stuck with that. I’ve told myself, “I’m willing to be bad at this for however long it takes me to be good.” I committed to learning everything that I needed to learn, in order to develop a business successfully.

I keep learning at every next level; the learning never stops. I keep learning new things. I keep having to feel new feelings. Sometimes it’s the same feeling but in a different situation. I keep expanding my capacity to feel negative emotions. I keep growing. I keep doing more. I keep pushing myself to new levels, because I’m committed to the finish.

And here’s the thing, when you’re in business there really is no finish. I’m crossing mile markers, but there’s no end point. The point is to just keep going at higher, higher levels. That’s the whole point here. It’s an infinite game. So many of these games that we play are infinite games. Meaning, there is no end point. There is no point at which we’re declared “the winner”.

Developing business, managing our time, keeping our house clean, losing weight, or maintaining a body that we love, all of those things are infinite games. Meaning, there isn’t an opponent, we’re just playing against ourselves essentially. And the point isn’t to be declared “the winner”, the point is to keep playing, to keep winning, to keep doing it.

So, when you commit to the finish and you take quitting off the table, you just decide, “I’m never going to quit this. I’m going to keep at it, no matter what.” All right? I watch people not commit in this manner, they don’t commit to the finish, they just commit to the start. And then, they embark on their action plan half decided, half sold, half pregnant, between going for it and retreating.

Tony Robbins has a saying that if you want to take the island, if you are invading an island, the one way to ensure that you’re successful is to burn the boats that you’re approaching the island on. “If you want to take the island, then burn the boats.”

And I so deeply believe in that concept. This is what I mean by “committing to the finish”. If you burn the boats you commit to the finish, because your only option is to take the island and invade successfully or to die. You can’t retreat, because you have no other way back. It’s only forward, it’s only progress. It’s only moving in one direction, and that’s the direction in front of you, not behind you.

So, when you commit to the finish and you take quitting off the table, you show up with a level of commitment and determination that you will not otherwise have. You just can’t cultivate it when you’re only committed to the start.

So I urge you, whatever it is that you’re pursuing, commit to the finish. Don’t just commit to getting started. Take quitting off the table entirely. Make yourself the promise, “That no matter what comes my way, I will not quit. I’m in this, no matter what.” and watch how everything shifts. This is a total game changer.

If you want to thrive personally and professionally this is how you need to approach what you’re working towards. Only being committed to the start stops now. We’re going to commit to the finish. Whatever we pursue, we commit to it. And we do everything with that end result in mind. No micro‑quitting, no inconsistency. We stay focused, we stay determined, and we show up in spite of and despite the discomfort. All right?

Get out there. Go commit to the start and the finish, and watch your life change.

Alright, that’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 95: The Sliding Doors Fallacy

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | The Sliding Doors Fallacy

When you’re making a decision, you’re confronted with the options available to you. You make a choice, and as time unfolds, you see the consequences of your decisions. However, what I often see people doing is picking apart their decisions before they make them, looking for all the potential issues that could arise from their choice.

In doing this, they create an alternate reality where the option that they didn’t choose would have led to better outcomes. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? This is the Sliding Doors Fallacy at work, and it’s an unnecessarily painful way to think about the choices you’ve made and the choices you’ll make in the future because, truthfully, we can never actually know that things would have been better.

Tune in this week to get some insight into where you’re falling victim to the Sliding Doors Fallacy. I discuss why choosing to think you missed out or that things could have gone better is only creating more negative emotion in your life, and you’ll learn how to stop punishing yourself by wondering how different things in your life could look.

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Some common decisions you may be experiencing the Sliding Doors Fallacy around.
  • Why, as humans, we don’t have the ability to accurately predict an alternate reality.
  • How we construct the Sliding Doors alternative reality based on nothing.
  • Why people who struggle with regret often fall victim to the Sliding Doors Fallacy.
  • The only option you have for experiencing the world we live in.
  • How to stop punishing yourself with the Sliding Doors Fallacy.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 95. Today, we’re talking all about sliding doors. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I am doing so well. I just got back from Miami. I just hosted my first Obsessed Retreat in South Beach, and it went so incredibly well. We had the best group of people. And we got to work, y’all. We covered so much over the course of the three workshop days, and then all of the goodness in between, before, and after those workshop days.

I had a really incredible welcome reception. And then, we had this stunningly beautiful farewell dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, actually in the world, but definitely in Miami. It was just four days full of goodness.

I also took… When you join one of my retreats, we do what I call a “returners retreat”. So, I do a special VIP excursion for the people who come back time after time. I rented this really incredible yacht, and we all went out on the water and spent a day out just cruising around. We had so much fun together. So, it was quite a full week. But it was so, so, so good.

I hope you are doing just as well. Now that I’m back in Charleston, I’m back at it, diving back into work, and we’re diving back into the podcast episodes. I want to talk today about a topic that I reference all the time in my coaching, and I use it so frequently that I thought it would be really helpful to spell it out or lay it out for you here.

I want to introduce you to the concept of “sliding doors”. If you’ve never seen the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, definitely go watch it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s my favorite movie, because it’s absolutely not. But I do find the concept that the movie is based upon really relevant to the coaching that I do with my clients.

So, I’m not going to give you any spoiler alerts here. But in the beginning of the movie, Gwyneth Paltrow is running to catch a subway train. And as she’s doing that, right as she’s approaching the doors to the subway car, the movie splits into two different realities.

In the first reality, she gets on the train, and the doors closed right behind her. And in the second reality, the doors closed right in front of her face, and she doesn’t get on the train. As the story unfolds, she ends up living two totally different lives based on just that one moment in time.

Now, as the viewer being a member of the audience, you get to see how the two different storylines play out. That’s the unique experience that you have when a movie is constructed that way. It’s sort of like the Choose Your Own Adventure books. Maybe that’s why we ended up doing this to ourselves, because we grew up reading these types of stories, where you are able to see it play out more than one way.

But that’s not the human experience. And yet, I see people take this concept of the sliding doors and really weaponize it against themselves as they go through their lives. So, what I watch my clients do when they’re making a decision, they’re confronted with the options available to them, and then invariably, they choose.

As time unfolds they see the consequences, whether they be good or bad, of the decisions that they make. So, what they do is they end up picking apart and finding all of the faults, they essentially, issue spot. Looking for all the negatives, all of the cons, of whatever choice they chose. And then, they create an alternate reality.

So, they create a sliding doors experience, where in the alternate version of reality, the option that they didn’t choose, everything in that story is better. They convince themselves that they made the wrong choice, they made a bad choice. And in the version that they didn’t choose, everything goes really well. It was the preferred way that they should have chosen, but they didn’t.

This is such a painful way to think about decisions and the choices that we make in our lives. Because the truth of the matter is, we just don’t have this capability as humans. We don’t have the ability to envision the sliding doors alternate reality and understand what that experience would have been like.

We don’t have the ability to compare and contrast based on actual facts. All you’re ever doing is constructing a scenario in your head based on absolutely nothing. You don’t know how things would have unfolded. You also don’t know what else would have changed.

So, people love to think that everything would be just as good, if not better, if you would have gone down an alternate path. Mot realizing that when you change one variable, you change everything. Quite literally, the concept in sliding doors is that you miss one train and you live a completely different life.

People want to keep all of the parts of their lives that they do like, but change one decision and think that everything would be the same, but better. But you can’t just mess with variables and expect for most of your life to stay the same. And then, for the parts that you don’t like, to be better. That’s not how it works.

When you start messing with the recipe you don’t know what’s going to come out on the other side. Now, again, I really want to emphasize here that we construct the sliding doors reality based on nothing. You come up with an idea in your head about what life would have been like had you chosen a different option than you chose, and you decide that that reality would have been better.

But you don’t know that that’s the case, because you’re not basing it on any real information. It’s just this idea that you’ve constructed with that beautiful brain of yours.

If you’re someone who really struggles with regret, this episode is definitely for you. Because this is ultimately what you’re doing, right? You made a choice at one point in your life, and you’ve seen how that decision has played out, and you’ve been faultfinding with that decision.

So, you’ve been examining your life, looking for all of the things that you don’t like about it, all of the ways that you’re choosing to believe that that decision was wrong, that it wasn’t the right decision, that it was a bad decision.

And then you’re regretting your decision, because in your mind you’ve created an alternate reality, under this concept of the sliding doors alternate universe, where had you made a different decision than the one you originally made, everything in your life would be better. We simply just don’t know that. You don’t have any information to understand how it would have worked out in an alternate universe.

I think the first part in breaking this habit, the first step in making this mindset shift, is just acknowledging that that is an inherent limitation of the human experience. We don’t have the sliding doors capability. Our brains aren’t able to do that. We don’t have that skill or ability as humans. That’s simply not how the world works.

We just, unfortunately… you can think unfortunately, if you want to, sometimes I put that word in parentheses…. Unfortunately, the only way we experience the world is that we make a choice and then we get to see how that choice plays out. And we have to live with the FOMO and the worry that it could have gone differently.

But choosing to think that you missed out, or choosing to think that things could have gone differently, and most certainly better, that’s what most people choose to believe, and then they really punish themselves and create a lot of negative emotion in their lives as a result of that.

You can just choose not to do that. You can choose to recognize that we don’t have that ability to understand how two different scenarios play out in the human experience. You’re just constrained and limited to the one that you choose. That’s the only option that you get to see play out, because it’s the option that you’ve chosen.

And you just have to live with the not knowing how the other options work out, because you’ll never have the ability to pick one thing and understand how the other stuff unfolds. It just doesn’t work that way. You don’t have to love that about the human experience.

I think it would be fun, perhaps, to see how alternate storylines unfold. But I also kind of think that it’s a kindness that we don’t get to see how things unfold. Because I think we would be much more tortured than we already are, if you could see how every single thing plays out. I also think we’d spent so much time playing that tape forward that we’d miss our lives, when you really think about it.

You wouldn’t be able to be in the present moment if you were spending all of your time watching the foreshadowing or watching the future unfold. You’d have to devote time to watching that movie, maybe with the alternate reality glasses on. Is that what it’s called? No, it’s immersive reality. Thank you, Google, for that.

But we don’t have those goggles, at least not in the way where we’re able to play out the different options that we have in front of us, and see how the storyline unfolds in each alternate reality so then we can make an informed decision. That’s simply not how the human experience works.

We have to make decisions based on incomplete information. And then we have to watch the story unfold in real time, through our lived experience. That’s simply just how it works.

Now, in light of accepting that that is simply the limitation of the human experience. That’s how we experience the world that we live in; we make decisions, and then we get to watch them play out in real time. What I want you to do is to stop punishing yourself with the sliding doors concept. Okay?

What I mean by that, when you make a decision, rather than making it and then finding all of the things that were wrong or bad about the decision that you made, and then telling yourself that it would have been better had you made a different decision, what I want you to do… You have a couple different options here.

Option number one, is you can simply admit to yourself that you don’t know and you’ll never know. You’ll never know how the choice that you didn’t choose would play out. There is simply no way of having that information. There’s no one you can pay to get it. There’s no way to create it for yourself. You’ll simply never know.

And if you remind yourself that you’ll simply never know you can start to release your attachment to that alternate storyline. Because the truth is, you’re just fabricating it in your head. So, that’s one option, you can just recognize that you’ll never know what that version looks like.

The other option, is instead of weaponizing the alternate version, and deciding that it was of course going to be better than whatever it is that you actually chose, you can do the opposite. You can decide that even though you don’t know what it was going to be like it must have been worse than whatever it is you chose.

You’re making that determination based on the exact same information that you’re making the determination that the choice that you didn’t choose would have been better. And by that, I mean you’re making it based on nothing. Because you don’t ever have that information.

So, if you’re going to make a decision or determination that it would have played out differently, I highly suggest you decide, based on no information, that it would have turned out worse rather than deciding that it would have turned out better.

Think about this for a second. Think about fork-in-the-road moments that you’ve encountered in your own life. If you have regret from decisions you’ve made in the past, you can use that regret to start to identify where you’re engaging in the sliding doors fallacy and using it against yourself to really create a lot of negative emotion for yourself in your life.

Think about… Maybe you said ‘yes’ to a job, and you really regretted taking that job. Or maybe you passed on an opportunity that you really wish you would have taken. You made the decision, and now you’re beating yourself up for whatever decision you chose.

You’re telling yourself that you should have made a different choice; you shouldn’t have taken this job, you should have held out and looked for another one. You don’t know what would have happened in that alternate reality. You have no way of knowing that.

So, you can tell yourself that choosing the job that you’re currently in, that you hate, was the wrong decision. Or you can just have your own back and decide that you should have taken it because you did, and that it’s better that you took it and find all of the reasons why that’s true. Versus telling yourself that you shouldn’t have taken it, and that it would have been better had you not.

Same thing for anyone who’s ever quit a job and has regretted it. It’s so easy to believe that you should have stayed somewhere, especially when you do know what that experience was like. Only for the time you were in it though, you don’t know what it would have been like had you stayed there. You have no way to know that.

Would you have been fired from your job? You don’t know. You don’t know how anything would have unfolded. Maybe you would have worked on a case that would have really caused you strife. Or you would have represented a client that you ended up hating, that complained about you to your boss. You have no idea to know how that would unfold.

But we tell ourselves that it would have been better if we stayed. Maybe you would have never met your significant other had you stayed. Maybe you would have gotten divorced had you stayed, and you wouldn’t be in your marriage right now. Right?

People love to also do this with relationships. They tell themselves they should have stayed with someone, or they shouldn’t have married or ended up with who they ended up with. I’ve watched people do this with kids, “I shouldn’t have had kids. I should have had kids.”

We don’t know what the alternate universe would have looked like, and yet we decide that it would have been better. That it would have been more beautiful. That it would have been a more enriching experience than the experience that we’re currently living in.

I recently just coached a client about this topic, with a financial investment that the client was making. She was getting ready to make, in her opinion, a substantial financial investment, and she was already regretting the choice that she was pretty certain she was going to make.

She was running down all of the worse-case scenarios and selling herself on why she shouldn’t do it, even though she had talked herself into why she should do it. She was foreshadowing that she was going to be doing the exact same thing once she invested the money. That she’d be telling herself that she shouldn’t have invested it, and that it was a mistake, it was a bad idea, that it wouldn’t work out, that they were going to lose money.

She was afraid of all the regret that she would experience if she moved forward and it didn’t pan out the way that she wanted it to. She was already trying to step into identifying and exploring both alternate realities in the sliding doors example.

As we talked through this, it became very evident to her that that simply isn’t something that you get to do. That is one of the things that I’ve taught you on this podcast, the concept of the “false third option”. This is an example of the false third option, where you want to know ahead of time how something unfolds, how something pans out. That’s just not available to you.

So, you have two options. You can invest and see what happens, or you can not invest and guarantee that the bad thing doesn’t happen, and also guarantee that the good thing doesn’t happen, right? Those are the options that you have available. But you do not have the capability to run out both scenarios, and to fast forward the tape, go into the future and see how it all unfolds, and then make your decision based on that.

You also don’t have the option of making the decision, going into the future, and seeing how your decision unfolds, and then comparing that against the tape from the alternate reality. Knowing how that would have unfolded, and then measuring your lived experience with the alternate reality experience. None of that is possible.

So again, if you’ve been doing this to yourself and creating so much negative emotion in your life as a result of it, I urge you and invite you to stop. Stop indulging in this sliding doors comparison that doesn’t even exist. It is an indulgent behavior that doesn’t serve you at all.

It’s a waste of your mental energy. It’s a waste of your emotional capacity. It doesn’t provide you any benefit at all. So you can stop doing it right now. Okay?

Once you identify that you’re doing this, that you’re indulging in the sliding doors comparison, you can catch yourself and you can stop. You can remind yourself that (unfortunately) we don’t have the ability to play out both scenarios. And instead of deciding that the option you didn’t pick was worse, remind yourself that you either have absolutely no idea how it would have unfolded… because the truth is that you don’t…

Or based on the exact same information, which is no information at all, just decide that your current lived experience is better. You’re not sure how it would have unfolded, but it would have been worse. Okay?

I hope this helps you dial down the regret, and dial down the emotional suffering that you experience in your day-to-day life. Alright?

That’s what I’ve got for you this week, my friends. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

 

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Episode 94: Thinking It’s Easier for Them

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Thinking It’s Easier for Them

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Thinking It’s Easier for Them

Of all the lies I notice my clients telling themselves, one stands out to me. They look at other people and think that whatever they’re dealing with, they’re uniquely situated, and it’s easier for them. This came up recently when I was coaching on time management and my client said, “Isn’t it just easy for some people?”

Sure, a lot of people struggle with time management, discipline, and following through because we’re never taught these skillsets. While I’m sure these things come easier to some people, I’m also sure that this is true for a smaller group than we typically think, and actually most people work pretty hard to get better. So, what is thinking, “It’s easier for them…” costing you?

Tune in this week to discover the problem with thinking, “It’s easier for them…” and how to see why this isn’t actually true. I’m showing you the real difference between you and those who are more successful than you or better in a specific area, and you’ll learn how to see what you can do moving forward to level the playing field.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why things come easily to some people, but not as many people as you think.
  • How your brain uses the thought, “It’s easier for them…” against you.
  • What separates most people who can do something from those who currently can’t.
  • How to widen your focus to see why somebody else is performing better than you.
  • A new thought you can try on to start getting better at the things you think come easily to others.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • I would really appreciate it if you would leave a rating and review to let me know and help others find The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast. Click here for step-by-step instructions on how to follow, rate, and review.
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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 94. Today, we’re talking all about the lie that it’s easier for them. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? All’s well over here. I’m getting ready to head to Miami to host The Obsessed Retreat. I cannot wait to be with so many of my clients in person, it’s going to be incredible.

For those of you who haven’t been to one of my events before, it is almost like I plan a wedding every six months. It’s kind of how it feels to pull it all together. But it’s so fun to see it all come together, to execute it, to be there in person, and get to enjoy the fruits of all the hard work that I put in, really curating an awesome transformational experience for the people that choose to work with me in person. So, I’m super excited about that.

I’m getting ready to head down even further south than I already am so it’ll be a little bit warmer. And I can’t wait to soak up the sun, it’s going to be great.

Speaking of things that are great, I’m super excited to talk about today’s topic. This came up on a recent client session. And this topic is pretty near and dear to my heart, because I had this epiphany back when I was working in big law. So, I’m super excited to talk about what I want to talk to you about today.

Oftentimes, I’ll be coaching on something and my clients, if they’re struggling with whatever topic that we’re discussing… I’ll give you a couple of examples in just a second… they tell themselves that whatever they’re struggling with, they’re uniquely situated, and that for most people it just comes naturally to them.

So, I used to tell myself this when it came to time management, and that’s what this conversation arose out of earlier this week… Or this topic arose out of earlier this week. I was coaching a client of mine on time management, and she just kept saying to me, “Isn’t it just easy for some people? Isn’t it easy for most people? Most people don’t struggle with this, do they?”

I’ve coached so many people on time management, and I just no longer think that. I think a lot of people struggle with this. I think a lot of people struggle with discipline and following through, because we’re just never taught that skill set growing up. So, of course, you’ve probably heard me say this before on the podcast, but it makes sense that we’re not good at something we’ve never been taught to do.

I’m also bad at speaking Greek, because I’ve never learned to speak Greek, right? So, she’s telling yourself that it just comes naturally to other people. I’m not going to sit here and say that that’s not accurate, it probably does come easy to some people. I just think that percentage is far smaller than we typically think that it is.

So, I’ve just assigned an arbitrary number because we really don’t have a way of measuring that. And if we did have a way of measuring that, I don’t know that that’s a study I care to conduct. I don’t know that that’s a valuable expenditure of time. So, I’m just going to randomly decide that maybe 10% of the population, or 10% of the people I come across anecdotally, are naturally good with time management, okay?

And then for the rest of the people, you fall in one of two camps. Either you struggle with it, or you’re good at it, but it doesn’t come naturally to you. You have to work at it. So, the examples that I was thinking of as I was planning to record this podcast episode were time management, that’s a big one, where people just assume it comes naturally to people and that other people don’t struggle with it.

For me, I know when I was working in big law, I really struggled with entering my billable hours, entering my time every day. And I used to think that it was just easy for some people. Again, I think it’s easy for some people, it just comes naturally to them. But let’s say arbitrarily we just assign a number to that, it’s 10% of people it just comes naturally to, and then the other people have to work at it.

Another topic that’s super common that people struggle with, is business development and networking and marketing and posting on social media. Doing all the stuff that they need to do in order to get their work out into the world, to let people know about them, become known as an expert, help build that trust factor, that people need to cultivate and have in order to take the next step and work with you. Right?

So, these are three very common topics that I watch my clients struggle with, time management, time entry, and business development. Our brains… This is such defense mechanism… Our brains like to think that it must just come easy to most people. And if that’s the case, then you’re just missing the link that you need to have, the trait that you need to have, in order to be good at this, or in order to excel, or in order to create the results that other people might be creating.

And because you’re missing this X factor, you’re just screwed, right? There’s really nothing to be done about it. Either it’s inherently within you, or it’s not. And if it’s not, you might as well pack your bags and go home. This is a way that your primitive brain conserves energy, seeks instant gratification and pleasure, and avoids temporary discomfort. All right?

It tells you that these skills just naturally come to people, and that if you don’t have them, “Oh, well, you just got the short end of the stick. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not worth putting in any effort. It’s going to be so hard for you to make up what just comes naturally to other people.”

So, as I was starting to explore this idea, that you need to embrace discomfort in order to follow through and be consistent, and be disciplined to complete the tasks that are on your to do list… For me, back in my big law days, one of those tasks was entering my time every day. I finally started to expand my view outside of this narrow scope that maybe everything that I struggle with just comes naturally to everyone else.

I was like, “What if I’m not a unicorn? What if it’s not just me? What if I’m just a normal human, like most other humans, and other people struggle with this, too? What is the differentiating factor between them and me, if we both struggle with this? If we both find time entry uncomfortable?”

What I was ultimately left with was, the only difference between the two of us is that they’re willing to feel negative feelings that I’m not willing to feel. So, I thought to myself, “Maybe they also think that this is stupid, that this is boring, that they shouldn’t have to enter their time, that their other work is more important.”

Now, if you change those thoughts… I’m going to do a whole episode on this… but if you change your thoughts about time management, you change the way you feel about it so you won’t have as much resistance. But I really did let it sink in, that maybe I’m not the only person in my law firm who has these negative thoughts and has these negative feelings about entering my time.

So, if that’s the case, if my experience is a little bit more common but my behavior isn’t very common, or there are people who behave differently than me… we’ll just say that, because I actually do think struggling with time entry is quite common. Because a lot of people think these thoughts and a lot of people avoid these feelings, these negative emotions that they experience when it comes to entering their time.

So, if this experience was common but our actions are different, what differentiates between the two of us? What’s different between the two of us? And I realized they’re just willing to feel uncomfortable. They’re willing to feel annoyed or frustrated or pressured to finish their “substantive” work.

They’re willing to feel tired and enter their time by the end of the day anyways, rather than kicking the can down the road and just doing it tomorrow. Those are the differences.

Same thing with time management, right? People who plan their day and stick to their plan, they’re willing to feel feelings that I’m not willing to feel, or at least at that time I wasn’t willing to feel. So, if you think about it, people who don’t answer unscheduled calls, where they’re like, “Nope, I’m sorry, you’ve got to schedule with me.”

It’s very easy to assume that they just don’t feel guilty. They don’t feel badly. That it’s just easy for them to say no. But I’ve coached enough people now that I recognize that a lot of people, definitely the majority of people, struggle with saying no. They experience discomfort when they think about doing it.

So, what if, rather than people just being inherently good at saying no and setting boundaries, people have to struggle with it. And to do it anyways; they have to feel the discomfort and set the boundary and say no. Or feel constricted or restrained, and do what they plan to do in their day, stick to their schedule even though it’s uncomfortable to do so.

Maybe they have to feel bored with what they planned, because there’s definitely other exciting things to do. It’s so convenient for us to just assume that people who aren’t struggling the same way we’re struggling, that they just don’t feel that discomfort.

But in coaching people for thousands and thousands of hours, I’ve noticed these themes. I noticed that people, more often times than not, do struggle with this. And the thing that separates people who struggle versus people who don’t is their willingness to feel discomfort. Their willingness to embrace the negative emotion and take intentional action anyways.

Same thing is true with business development. I remember looking at people who had been certified as a coach, the same time that I had been certified as a coach, but they started making money faster than me. I thought to myself, “What is so different about them?” I really did dig deep. I’m like, “Do I think they’re smarter than me?” No, let’s just say we’re all as smart as one another, okay?

“Do I think they have a better personality than me?” No, let’s just assume we all have as good of a personality as one another. I know that that’s not easy for everyone to access those types of beliefs or thoughts about themselves. And if that’s the case for you, that just shows us where our work is in changing the way that you think about yourself, and building up your confidence and your own self‑concept.

But let’s just assume that you’re all on an even playing field, if it can’t be that “X factor,” if that’s not the reason that someone’s performing differently and better than you, then what else could it be? So, when you constrain that narrow focus, and you force yourself to answer that question, you can start to see, “Oh, the only difference between them and me is that they’re willing to feel feelings I’m unwilling to feel.”

So, I started to examine people that were more successful than me when it came to business development, what feelings were they willing to feel that I was unwilling to feel at that time? Well, big ones for me were feeling exposed and embarrassed in front of people that I knew. I just didn’t feel comfortable putting myself out there.

And it dawned on me, “Hey, maybe all of the people that I look up to, that have better results than me and business development, they also aren’t unicorns immune from the human experience. Maybe they also felt uncomfortable in front of their former colleagues and friends and family members that they knew.”

“What if they just had to gag-and-go through that discomfort, and they were willing to gag-and-go through it so they could get to the other side and create the results that they wanted in their businesses? What if that’s the only thing separating us?”

I coached so many people on business development, and I think my clients just assume that my business development initiatives just come easily to me. That it’s just inherently part of who I am. That I’m very disciplined… I am disciplined now. But it’s because I have worked on developing that skill for a very long time.

I started out on this journey in 2017, and I wanted to learn these skills and teach things to myself, so I could learn to follow through and be consistent. And over the course of time I’ve been able to do that. Now, I teach other people to do that. But this didn’t come naturally to me, I had to learn.

And the way that you learn is by doing it badly, and struggling and evaluating and getting a little bit better. Same thing with what people think they see me market myself on social media. They just assume, “Oh, must be easy for Olivia, she’s just naturally good at that.” And no, that’s not it. The answer is that I’m willing to feel feelings… if you’re not marketing… there are feelings that you’re unwilling to feel right now.

So, I wake up in the morning and I feel tired. I write a social media post anyways, and I publish it on LinkedIn. I stay up late during the week nights, and I publish content on Instagram and I engage with other people’s content, both there and on LinkedIn. I’m willing to feel dread when I don’t feel like doing it, or deprived because I’d rather do something else. I’m willing to feel that discomfort. I’m willing to feel exposed and embarrassed in front of people I know.

I really don’t feel those emotions anymore, but I had to be willing to feel them in the beginning in order to get started. Sometimes I feel confused about what to write next. And I’m willing to work through that confusion rather than let it stop me and paralyze me.

So, if you see me doing things that you want to do, whether it’s following through with things, or taking particular action, or creating particular results in my business or in my life, the only difference between me and you is that I’m willing to feel negative emotions that right now you’re not willing to feel.

I want you to just take an audit, take an inventory. Are you telling yourself that other people are just inherently good at something? That they have this innate skill set that you don’t have? If you really think about it, what does that prevent you from accomplishing? And what would you be freed up to do if you got rid of that story?

If instead of telling yourself that you’re worlds apart from the people who are behaving differently than you, from the people who are behaving the way you’d actually like to behave… They’re doing the things that you want to do… If you didn’t think that you were so different from them, and you thought that they struggle the same way that you struggle, but that they’ve just learned a different way to work through it, to get to the other side, to create the results that they want, what would that enable you to do?

Would that free you up for? What would become available to you or possible for you, if you thought about it that way instead of the way that you’ve been thinking about it? Where it’s just like, “Well, guess that’s life. They’re good at it, I’m not. I’m never going to be. It’s going to take me so, so, so much work to get where they are.”

Versus thinking, “It’s not going to take that much work at all. If they did it, I can do it. I bet this wasn’t easy for them. I bet they’re not immune to the human experience, just like I’m not immune to the human experience. So if we’re similarly situated, can I use them as inspiration and think to myself, ‘What are they willing to feel that I’m not willing to feel right now?’”

“And what if I was willing to feel that feeling? How would I show up differently? How would that change things? What are they doing that I’m not currently doing? What if I just did those things? What if I did that stuff, regardless of whether or not it’s uncomfortable? Where would I end up if I did that?”

I promise you, the gap between you and the people who are showing up the way that you want to be showing up is so much smaller than you think it is. Most people are not inherently good at things that require us to embrace discomfort, forego temporary pleasure, and expend energy. Most people struggle with that stuff. And they learn how to work through that struggle, in order to show up the way that they want to show up and create the results that they want to have.

That is so, so encouraging, because you get to learn how to do the exact same thing. You’re not a unicorn, you’re not uniquely situated, you’re not the only person struggling with the issues that you struggle with, you’re not alone. Okay? Train your brain to look for the commonalities between you and the people who are doing the things that you want to do.

Versus allowing your brain to indulge in finding all of the differences, or just supposing that there are differences, those innate inherent differences. I promise you; I coach a lot of humans, I coach a lot of lawyers just like you, and you’re not uniquely situated.

So many people struggle with the exact same things that you struggle with. Let yourself see that, find evidence to support that, and use it to encourage you. That if other people can solve these problems, so can you.

Now, if you want to join a community of like-minded people, other attorneys, who like you struggle with the things that I just mentioned; time management, time entry, business development, following through, setting boundaries, saying no. Whatever it is in your personal or professional life that you’re struggling with, I promise you, you are not alone.

You are not the only one who struggles with self-doubt, or perpetually people pleases, or indulges in perfectionism. You’re not the only one who constantly tries to prove their self-worth to others or procrastinate or poorly manages their time. You’re not the only one who can’t seem to stick to the schedule that they set, or who has a hard time saying no.

You’re not the only one who cares too much about what other people think, or feels like they aren’t enough, or waits till the end of the month to enter their time, or underbills and discounts their time, or maybe never raises their rates; you’re not the only one who’s struggling with that.

You’re not the only one who avoids networking or posting on social media, or other business development initiatives, because they feel awkward doing it. You’re not the only one who can’t stop checking their phones and struggles to be present with the people that they love. You’re not the only one who says they’ll catch up over the weekend but never opens their laptop.

You’re also not the only one who can’t stop thinking about work, or always feels guilty for not doing enough. You’re not the only one who doesn’t make time for the things that matter most to them, okay? You’re not the only one that struggles with these issues.

If you want to join a community of similarly situated people, who are working through the same exact troubles and problems that you’re working through, that you’re encountering day in and day out, I want to invite you to join Lawyers Only.

Lawyers Only is my signature weekly coaching membership for, you guessed it, Lawyers Only. It opens up April 1st. And right now I’m enrolling founding members. So, Lawyers Only is going to be an online subscription, where we meet weekly, we do a weekly coaching call, and then there are all of these other benefits that you get.

Benefits like a written coaching platform where you can submit any issue that you want to get coached on in between our weekly calls. There’s an online member portal with a community platform where you can connect with other lawyers inside Lawyers Only, which is going to be like the best networking opportunity ever. Okay?

There’s going to be a vault of more than 50 past masterclasses and workshops that you can watch on demand in order to learn at your own pace. I’m going to be adding course content like, time management for lawyers, and business development for lawyers. Those courses are going to be rolling out summer and fall of 2024, respectively.

Like I said, that written coaching platform, called Ask Olivia, where you’re able to submit anything that you want coaching on or you want feedback on or advice or guidance. You can do that in an unlimited fashion, so you get all the support that you want.

Also, I’ve never done this before, but I’m going to give people within this program the ability to book one-on-one calls with me for extra support. So, those will be an additional charge, of course, but you’ll be able to add them on. Typically, in the past, in order to work with me one on one, you’ve had to work with me for several months at a time. But this is a way for people to just come in and get the extra support they need.

You’re going to get so much value and so much support within Lawyers Only, in and of itself. But if you need just a little something extra, you’re going to have the ability to have special access to my calendar where you can go in and book those one-on-one calls and get that extra boost of support. Okay?

So, Lawyers Only is going to be $150/month going forward. It’s a subscription service, just like Netflix. Or just like your Zoom membership, if you pay for one of those. However, I am so excited about this program. I came up with this idea originally in 2017. It’s the reason that I became a life coach for lawyers.

I wanted to create this, because I want to transform the legal industry and create this incredible community where people can come and learn the things that law school, our parents, the firms or organizations we work at, all the things that they don’t teach us. All of the stuff that we really need to know in order to thrive personally and professional, I wanted to create a very accessible program for people to come learn all of those things.

So, that’s what I’ve created here. And I can’t wait to get it into the hands of people who have been waiting for a really long time to work with me in a more accessible fashion. As part of that I’m doing a special, it’s the Founding Members special. Instead of $150 a month, you can join Lawyers Only, it’s an annual fee for $1,000. All right? I’m only offering that- There’s a limited number of spots, and they will fill up before the program starts April 1st.

So, you’ve got to go to my website, TheLessStressedLawyer.com/lawyers-only. If you go there, you can get all the information about the program and you can click the link to sign up as a Founding Member; take advantage of that special. And not only do you get that discounted rate for your first year, you lock in that annual rate for the end of time.

As long as you remain an active Lawyers Only member you’ll be able to pay as little as $1,000/year instead of that $150 a month. Steal of a lifetime! I promise you, I will never, ever, ever offer this deal again. So, make sure you get in there and take advantage of it. Sign up, join this program, it is going to be revolutionary.

It’s going to teach you, like I said, all of the things that you wish you would have learned that you didn’t learn, that you need to know in order to really be successful in this career, to live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment as an attorney. I’m so excited to kick things off. Join me inside Lawyers Only, and you’ll see you’re not the only one who struggles with the stuff that we talked about today. Okay?

You’re not alone, a lot of people struggle with this. And I’m going to teach you the tools that you need to learn in order to overcome those struggles, develop that discipline, and become someone who’s able to gag-and-go through the discomfort, feel your negative emotions, and complete the things that you need to complete in order to create the results that you want to have.

Alright, my friends, that’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week. I’ll talk to you when I get back from Miami. In the meantime, have a beautiful week. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 93: Getting Into It

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Getting Into It

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Getting Into It

When you’re in a situation you don’t like, it’s normal to look for the faults and focus on all the negativity. But you have two other options available here: get out of it, or get into it. If you have something in your life that isn’t working for you right now, but you’re not ready to quit and get out of it, why don’t you start getting into it?

You can keep going along, having the same experience of life that you aren’t loving, or you can get into it, look for the positives, and show up in a way you’re proud of. Getting into it may take more effort than just going with the flow, but it truly changes everything and allows you to create a life you truly love.

Tune in this week to discover how to start getting into it. If you’re in a romantic relationship that doesn’t feel like it’s working right now, you’re in a challenging friendship, or you are having difficulty at work and you don’t want to just quit, you’ll learn how to get into it and make a concerted effort to have a positive influence over the world around you. You’ll be amazed at what you can create for yourself when you get into it.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • 3 choices you have when something isn’t working for you.
  • How to see the actions you need to take in order to improve any situation you’re dealing with.
  • The role of your thoughts and emotions when you’re taking actions to show up differently.
  • What changes when you lead the way and become an example of positive change.
  • How to start getting into it and begin changing whatever situation you’re in.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 93. Today, we’re talking all about how to get into it. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I am doing well over here. Lots of exciting things going on over here. I just opened up enrollment for my new weekly coaching subscription. It’s called Lawyers Only, and you guessed it, it’s for lawyers only. I’m so, so excited about it.

I’m planning on doing just an entire episode on the ins and outs of the program, to introduce you to it, but I wanted to let you know that it’s open. I’ve been talking about it for a while. If you are close to me you know that this has been in the works for a really long time. I had this idea back in 2017 when I was first introduced to coaching.

I knew that I wanted to create a subscription coaching membership service for attorneys, so that they have their own community, their own place where they can come, learn from me, learn from one another network, connect, and have a sense of community.

I finally created that and put it out into the world. So, it gets started… Our first call is April 2nd. It opens on April 1st, but enrollment’s open right now. So, the member portal opens April 1st, but you can get in right now. If you follow me on social media you will see me talking all about it there. You can get a hold of me and get a private invitation to join as a founding member, which is so exciting.

You get a pretty significant discount if you sign up as a founding member; instead of $150/month, it’s $1,000 for the year, and you lock in that annual price for life. So, as long as you’re a member of Lawyers Only, that will be the rate you pay for this career and life changing membership.

I’m so excited to help people thrive personally and professionally, and that’s what we’re going to do inside Lawyers Only. So, if you haven’t already, get your private invites. Sign up for that list. You can, again, reach out to me on social media for your invitation. Sign up and lock in that founding member status. It’s going to be so good.

Alright. Without further ado, I want to talk about… This actually came out of a conversation I had with a friend a couple months ago. It was such a fun transition that happened from the story that I’m about to tell you. And I thought that this would be really valuable to the people listening to this podcast, as well.

So, I was out of town with a friend, and there were quite a few of us together. This friend was telling us a story about how she was unhappy in her marriage. She was sort of commiserating with us, telling us about her experience and just really not being into it. That’s the way that she described it, “I’m just not into it, at all.”

Through the course of our conversation our friend group had asked a bunch of questions. We were like, “Okay, well, do you want to get divorced? Is it something you want to work on? Do you think that you can make improvements, or make the situation better if you just put some work into it?” We kind of poked and prodded, and just explored. Not in an antagonistic way but just in a curious way, helping her sort of flush out what her options were.

She ended up coming to a decision, pretty convincedly, that she had absolutely no interest in getting divorced, at least not anytime soon. She has kids, she wants them to go through high school and what not, be out of the house, before she makes a decision on what to do with her marriage. And based on the age of her kiddos, that means that she’s going to be married for a considerable amount of time.

So, it’s not like they’re going to be moving out within the next year. She’s got some serious time in front of her before anything changes. So, we talked about it over the course of this time that we were all together, this friend group, and then it came up once more, before we all left one another to go back to our respective cities.

Another friend that was there, she made this statement, and it ended up really sticking with all of us. It’s kind of become a catchphrase of ours. She said, “You know what? If you’re not going to get out of it, why don’t you get into it?” That was sort of the parting wisdom of the weekend.

Several months later, we were all back with one another and she reported back, gave us an update on the situation. She said that was the piece of advice that shifted everything for her. She really took it to heart and she thought it. “Okay, if I’m not going to get out of it,”… and obviously she could get out of it, she was choosing not to. She was choosing to stay in that situation.

She recognized that she could have two different experiences. She was choosing to stay… So, the third experience would be that she could leave and go pursue something else. But the two options with staying are, you can continue to have your current experience, which is being dissatisfied, not enjoying it, not making the most of it.

You just keep looking for the faults in the situation, finding the things that you don’t like, and you’re going to create a pretty negative situation for yourself when you do that. So, that was the first option.

The second option was like our other friend suggested. If you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. She could look for the positives, and work on finding new thoughts to think, finding new ways to show up in that situation. Really investing herself and leaving it all on the table.

That had also come out of some conversations that we had had around how I’ve shown up in a relationship that I was in that recently ended. One of the things that I feel so proud of myself for is, I deeply feel like it’s the best I’ve ever shown up in a relationship, even though it didn’t end up working out.

I’m very proud of myself for how I showed up, how I contributed to the relationship, and how I coached myself on things that might have been hard for me in the past. I really feel like I gave it my all.

So, as we had been talking that initial weekend, she realized, “Oh, I really haven’t been giving this my all. I’ve been sort of nitpicking, looking for the things that aren’t working, finding faults in this situation.” Kind of just half‑assing it, so to speak.

She was having the exact experience that you have when you don’t put all 100% of your effort into something. When you only half-ass it, right? When you half-ass something you tend to have a half-assed experience of it, it’s not that great.

So, she realized that these were the two options that were available to her. You could keep going on like you have been, maintaining the status quo. Which is a pretty abysmal, less than incredible experience. Or she could really change her tune. Like we said, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it.

That’s what she chose to do. She went back and she really started making a concerted effort to get into it. To look for all of the positive things. To show up in a way that she was really proud of. To make every effort to improve her marital situation; to enjoy her spouse more.

To be the partner that she knows that she’s capable of being, and would like to be. And figuring out, what is it that I’d like to create here? What would I need to do in order to create that result?

This is a concept that I teach my clients, we work on reverse engineering results. So, when you get clear on the result that you want to create for yourself, you can work that process backwards. What are all of the actions that I would need to take? What are all of the things that I might be doing now that I would need to stop doing in order to improve the situation?

What positive emotions do I need to cultivate in order to take that action and show up in that way? And then last, but not least, of course, what thoughts do I need to be thinking about myself, about my marriage, about the situation, in order to feel those feelings? In order to cultivate those emotions? In order to fuel me to take that action, to show up differently, and to produce that result that I want?

So, she did that. And then, when she reported back many months later, she was having a completely different experience in her marriage. It was so much better, so much more enjoyable. She was so much more satisfied than she had been when we first talked about this.

I’ve really been sitting with this idea, ‘if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it.’ How many things, how many situations, are you currently invested in and you’re complaining about them? You’re not liking your experience. You’re finding fault in it. You’re either dreading it, or just going through life tolerating the status quo. Being pretty dissatisfied with what your experience is, but yet you’re not doing anything different.

You’re not leaving, which is the first option. Nor are you making a change to improve the situation, to make the most out of it. You just keep choosing to find fault, complain, and tolerate. Think about this. You might be exactly like the person who is the main character in the story that I’m telling you. Maybe it’s a relationship that you’re tolerating, that you’re not going to get out of so you could get into it. Right?

What would be different if you did that? If you really focused… People, when I talk about relationships in this way, you’re going to want to say, “Yeah, but they need to try, and they need to change.”

One of my really good friends, Maggie Reyes, she’s a marriage coach. She talks all the time about the “power of one.” About the power of being the person who goes first and makes the change first. Who changes their mindset first. Who cultivates different emotions first. Who shows up differently first.

What if you were just willing to lead the way and be an example to your partner, or to the person you’re in relationship with? Because this doesn’t just have to apply to romantic relationships. If you have a terrible relationship, or a relationship you don’t enjoy with another member of your family, maybe it’s your siblings or one of your parents or one of your children.

Let’s be really honest, if you’re not going to get out of it, can you get into it? Are you willing to get into it? If you’re not going to cut off communication with the people in your lives, would you be willing to make a concerted effort to make the most out of the situation? To fix it? To improve it so that it’s something that you actually enjoy and can take pleasure in, that fulfills you or that adds to your life, rather than detracts from it? What would that be like?

If you’re very honest, like I said, and you decide, “Yeah, I’m not going to end this relationship. This person is going to continue to be in my life. And with that in mind, I’m going to not just complain, not put in the lowest amount of effort possible. I’m actually going to try. I’m going to show up the best version of myself, get clear on what I want, work towards it, leave it all on the field, and see what comes of it.”

Yeah, that’s going to require more effort from you. That’s going to require more intentionality from you, more energy from you. But what if it’s worth it? Now, you’re going to have to overcome some limiting beliefs about what’s possible. You might be doubting that that’s something that you could even create for yourself.

But if you could, just for a second, step into the idea that it might just be possible… like it was for my friend… to get into it because you’re not going to get out of it, what would that look like? If you could have a more ideal situation how fun would that be? How could that change so many different aspects of your life, if you stopped simply tolerating?

Outside of relationships, this also happens with work. I coach so many people who refuse to leave their jobs. Leaving your job is always an option. I don’t care what you want to tell me, you always have a choice. Yeah, there may be consequences that you don’t love from leaving your job, right? Financial insecurity, uncertainty, worry, judgment from other people; all of that may be true.

Having to start new, having to go through that process might not be super comfortable, and that may be part of that change, but it is an option available to you. And it’s always your determination of, are you willing to embark on that transition, on that change, on that uncertainty, on that worry, on the unknown?

For a lot of people, they’re not. So, they continue to stay in a situation that isn’t very fulfilling, that they’re not super crazy about. Now, if you’re not going to leave… Because that is an option on the table. You get to choose not to choose it… then you’re left with two other choices.

One, is that you can keep hating your job, keep complaining about it, keep putting in the lowest amount of effort possible, keep feeling sorry for yourself and really dwelling on how unpleasant and how unhappy you are; how unpleasant the job is and how unhappy you are in it.

Or you can opt for option three. Which is, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. What would it look like for you to recommit to your job, recommit to the work, you do recommit to the people you serve, recommit to the people you work with? To instead of looking for all of the faults in your position, to looking for all of the benefit in it.

What does it do for you? What do you like about it? What do you think might be possible if you really invested your full self? What might you be able to create? What could your experience be like if you were willing to put in the work to change what your day to day looks like? How you show up, and what you create from taking different action?

What if you could actually enjoy your job, even though for the longest time you haven’t enjoyed it? What if that’s possible? That was what was true for my friend. For a very long time, she hadn’t really enjoyed the relationships she was in. She made this cognitive, conscious decision to show up differently.

She was like, “Nope, I’m going to recommit. I’m going to leave it all in the field, I’m going to show up in a way that I’m really proud of, and that I can stand tall and stand strong behind. That’s what I’m going to do.” And when she showed up that way she changed her entire experience, both for her and for her partner.

So, if you’re doing this at work, you can change your experience both for you and all of the people that surround you; for your clients, for your colleagues, the people you supervise, the people that you work for. You can really change so much. Again, this is the power of one, if you just go first and you fully commit.

This is also true for any social engagement that you agree to go to? Do you ever commit to something and then you complain about it? You’re like, “Why did I sign up for this? I don’t want to do this. This is going to suck. It’s going to be the worst.” And then you just dread it the entire time leading up to it, and maybe even while you’re engaged in it.

What I want you to do is get really clear. What are your three options here? Option number one: You can back out. You can not go. That option is always available to you. May there be a consequence for backing out? Sure, someone might have opinions about that. They might not love that you’re deciding to not go after you said you would go. But that’s a consequence you might be willing to endure, to take, to suffer. That’s up to you.

But if you’re not willing to suffer that consequence, or even the risk of that being a consequence that you have to deal with, then you’re left with the two other options.

You can continue to have your bad attitude. I’m saying that with all the love in the world. I’m calling you guys out just a little bit, but I think it’s really going to be in service of you. So, you can continue with your bad attitude. Complain, look for all the things that are going to suck, all the things that you hate, all the things that you can’t stand, all the things that are going to be miserable, and just keep highlighting them to yourself so you really make the worst of the situation.

It’s going to be very unpleasant; you’re not going to enjoy yourself at all. So, you can create that emotional experience for yourself, invest the time anyways, but really not get anything positive out of it.

Or, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. Look for all of the things that you’re going to enjoy. Look for all of the positives that you’re going to get out of it. If you’re attending, look for all of the reasons that you would want to attend, not the reasons that you wouldn’t want to attend. What are you looking forward to? What might be fun? Sell yourself on it. Selling yourself on it is one of the ways that you can get into it.

That’s the first step, sell yourself on it. And then decide, ‘how do I want to show up?’ And then act in accordance with whatever you identified; being the way that you want to show up in that situation. Okay?

If you’re one to sort of complain, or feel sorry for yourself, or create some drama about the situation you’re in… you’re not willing to leave, but you don’t want to stay and make the most of it… you’re picking that middle option. That’s the worst option available to you. If you’re doing this, I really want you to question: Why? What is it that you get out of not leaving, and not making the best out of the current situation?

Two things that I want you to really pay attention to: Number one, it is normally more comfortable to stay in that middle option. You don’t have to deal with the discomfort of leaving, and you don’t have to deal with the discomfort of making an effort, of really putting yourself fully in to the situation to make the most of it.

So, it’s easier. It allows you to conserve energy, avoid discomfort, so it makes sense that your brain’s offering that up to you as the option that you should choose.

I also want to turn you on to this other thing. One of the human needs that we all have, but a lot of people they prioritize this more than a lot of their other needs, is the need to feel significant, the need to feel needed. And when we are the victim in a story we feel very significant. Not in a powerfully significant way, we don’t feel strong or powerful. But we do feel like we are at the center of that story.

And there is a certain significance there, so it meets that need for us to feel significant. So, if you’re someone who loves to feel needed, loves to feel important, loves to feel at the center of a situation; whether that’s as a helper, maybe you love to problem solve, you love to save the day, or be the hero in a situation. This is sort of the flip side of that same coin.

Where you still get to feel very significant and very important, it just has a negative tinge to it because you’re the victim not the hero. But again, victims and heroes are both very important characters in storylines, so you will get that need for feeling significant met.

You want to be on the lookout for these two things: Am I choosing this option to avoid discomfort? And, am I choosing this option because it allows me to feel significant? If the answers are yes, you really want to examine: Do I love those reasons for choosing this middle option? Or would I like to make a different choice? Either choose to get out of it, because that’s always available to you, or choose with intention to get into it and make the most out of a less than ideal situation.

You’ll be surprised. If you choose the third option, to get into it, you can really turn things around. It will blow your mind if you really commit yourself, and decide, “I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to leave it on the table,” what you’re able to create for yourself.

I can’t wait for you to try this out and to see the impact of deciding, “Hey, I’m not going to get out of it, so I’m going to get into it,” has on your own life. I hope you will clue me in to the significant changes that you experience when you decide to stop half-assing something, to stop being withdrawn, to stop complaining about it, and really give all of yourself do something. To make the most of it and contribute in a really meaningful way. It’s going to be a game changer. I guarantee it.

All right, my friends. That’s what I’ve got for you this week. Get out there. And if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. Okay? I hope you have a beautiful week and we’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 92: Being Deserving (Entitlement & Unworthiness)

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Being Deserving (Entitlement & Unworthiness)

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Being Deserving (Entitlement & Unworthiness)

The idea of being deserving is a topic that comes up often in my coaching calls. From what I’ve observed, using the thought framework of whether or not we’re deserving of what we want is completely unhelpful and overcomplicated, so I’m offering you a new way to approach whatever it is you desire most.

My hot take this week is that there are two very different energies fueling a deserving state of mind: entitlement and unworthiness. The truth is neither helps you feel empowered in going after exactly what you want, so if being deserving isn’t the solution, what is?

Join me on this episode to hear the two different ways most people struggle with the idea of being deserving, and how to start auditing your relationship with deserving energy. I’m sharing examples of how both entitlement and unworthiness manifest in your life, and my top tips for creating an empowering experience for yourself as you go after what you want. 

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Want to be the first to know when my monthly subscription Lawyers Only launches? Click here and sign up for the waitlist!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The two different ways people struggle with being deserving.
  • Why we must examine our relationship with what we think we’re deserving of.
  • Examples of how the belief that you’re deserving might be rooted in entitlement.
  • How to reframe the way you think about what you believe you’re entitled to.
  • Why believing you’re undeserving is rooted in a sense of unworthiness.
  • The types of actions that are fueled by a sense of unworthiness.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 92. Today, we’re talking all about being deserving. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Hello, hello, how are you? I don’t know about you, but I am fantastic. I just had the most productive weekend creating some back-end stuff for both of the group programs that I’m running this year: My Obsessed Retreat, and then Lawyers Only, which enrollment just opened for. I’ve already got the founding members rolling in. It is so exciting to see. I got to spend my weekend really doing that.

I’ve been traveling so much lately that I intentionally made the decision to work over the weekend and got so, so much done. So, I don’t know if that resonates with you, but those times when you just really put your head down and you get to work, that always makes me feel so fired up.

I love being intentional and working even when it feels a little uncomfortable to work. Nothing wrong with that. You’ve just got to gag-and-go through it, and then pay off on the other side is just so good. So, that’s sort of what I’ve been up to lately.

I want to talk about a topic that I’m pretty passionate about. This comes up a lot on my coaching calls with clients. I have maybe what I would consider a hot take on the topic of deserving things, of being deserving. So, I wanted to record an episode about it.

There are really two different contexts that I want to talk about “deserving.” I see people struggle with this in two very different ways. The first, is when you’re thinking about the positive things that you think you deserve.

And then the second concept of deserving that I want to talk about, is what you think you don’t deserve; where you judge yourself, you tell yourself that you’re not deserving of something, and then you deny yourself of that thing.

Now, I hear a lot of my clients use this word, the word “deserve.” That they deserve one thing, that they don’t deserve something else, they really use this word a lot. And I think just the whole relationship with what you deserve and what you don’t needs to be examined. I really think it’s a thought framework that is pretty unhelpful and really doesn’t serve people.

I wasn’t really taught this concept of deserving or not deserving things growing up. So, I’m always curious and sort of double click on where my clients say things that I don’t say to myself, or when they think thoughts that I don’t think, that’s always an area for me to look a little bit closer and examine what’s going on for them. Where did they learn this? How does this show up in their lives? How does it impact their life?

And if I’m seeing a negative result come from a thought pattern, I always want to take a closer look at that because I’m not experiencing that negative result in my life. So, I can sort of compare and contrast. I’m not suggesting that how I think about things is the “one right way” to think about things.

But when someone is experiencing a negative result because of the way that they’re thinking, and I’m not experiencing a negative result because of the way I’m thinking, it’s always an opportunity for me to dig a little bit deeper and figure out what’s causing them to think that to begin with, and can we uproot that? Can we eliminate that thought that doesn’t serve them and replace it with something else?

So, let’s start off with talking about what you think you deserve. I mean this in the sense of behavior that you think you deserve to receive, results that you think you deserve to have in your life, treatment that you get from other people that you believe that you deserve.

I’ll give a couple of different examples of this in a second, but what I really want you to pay attention to is that this type of “deserving” thinking is really rooted in entitlement. You feel entitled to receive something. Okay?

An example of this would be that you asked for a raise, you didn’t receive the raise, and you’re feeling really outraged and frustrated and angry. You’re telling yourself that you deserve a raise. And because the circumstances that you didn’t get a raise that you asked for, and then you’re thinking the thought, “I deserve a raise,” you’re going to feel a really negative emotion, like the emotions that I just explained.

And then, from that negative emotion what action are you likely to take? You’re probably going to complain. You’re probably going to stew and really dwell on the fact that your employer denied your request for a raise. You’re going to maybe look for other jobs, complain to your coworkers, complain to your friends and family members.

Maybe withdraw a bit from work; kind of give half the effort, or less of an effort, than you were giving before. Really, you show up not as a team player, right? Not putting your best foot forward when it comes to your job.

You create a result of A- not deserving a raise. But you feel really terrible in the process, and you create a more negative work experience for yourself as you show up that way, while you’re feeling that way, because you’re thinking that you deserve a raise.

Really what you’re ultimately saying, and I think this tweak is really important, because deserving feels very righteous and proper, I think, where “entitled” has a little bit more of a negative connotation than “deserving.”

I think entitled is actually the more accurate descriptor when the situation is charged with all of those negative emotions; you’re really feeling entitled to a raise and you’re making it a problem that you didn’t get one.

Here’s another example of “deserving” that has that flavor of entitlement to it. So, let’s say you’re recently engaged, and you expect your friends to throw you a destination bachelorette party. Or maybe you’re not engaged and you’re turning 40, and you want your husband to plan a surprise party for you, or just a regular party, but you want him to do all of the work for it.

You ask your friends to do the destination bachelorette, or for the birthday party or whatever, and people either tell you they can’t afford to do that, or they don’t have the bandwidth or the capacity to plan it in that way, or they don’t plan it the way that you want it planned.

When you get a result that you don’t like, you get treatment that you don’t like, maybe it’s not what you would do for them, if you’re expecting yourself from other people, which is definitely a trap and leads to a lot of negative emotion.

But if you’re on the receiving end of this treatment, and you have this result, you might tell yourself that you deserve to have that 40th birthday party of your dreams. That you deserve to have that destination bachelorette party. That you deserve whatever it is that you want.

And really, if you’re in that mindset and all of that negativity is coming up for you – feeling slighted, feeling cheated, feeling disrespected, feeling not valued by the people in your life, maybe unloved – it’s coming from this place of entitlement.

You think that you deserve or are entitled to specific treatment, and then when you don’t get it you perceive it to be a problem. And chances are you’ll resent your friends, you’ll be angry with them, frustrated, very disappointed. That’s going to impact your relationship, whether it’s with your friends, or like I said a moment ago, your spouse.

You might get passive aggressive, you might argue with them, you might lash out, you might complain about them to other people. All of that action that you end up taking really doesn’t serve you. You’re also going to be looking for the worst and whatever it is that you do receive.

So, let’s say someone plans a small dinner and you wanted this lavish party, you’re going to be looking at it through the lens of ‘I’m entitled to more,’ and it’s going to taint your entire experience, of the experience that you do end up receiving and participating in.

What’s the solution here? You really need to change the way that you think about deserving or entitlement; what you think you’re entitled to. I really love people to get out of this deserving frame of mind, and to switch it to think, “Oh, I just want this. This is something that I want.”

When you’re in that space, when it becomes more about something you want, and less about something that you think you deserve, you typically have better access to stepping in to viewing it as a situation where you can provide that thing to yourself.

So, if what you want is a lavish 40th birthday party, I would then move into, “How am I in control of making that happen? What’s within my power? What can I do myself, very specifically, without needing to rely on anyone else? What is it that I can do to make that happen for me? What is it that I can do to give myself what it is that I want?”

Guess what? You get to plan your own damn party. You can be as outlandish and as lavish as you’d like. I love planning my own parties. If you plan your own party, you know what happens? You get everything you want, which is so much fun. And you take the responsibility off of other people. You don’t make them read your mind, which they’re not going to be good at anyways.

So, you freed them up to show up in such a better way. In a way that’s more comfortable for them. You get everything that you want, and you’re not focused on what they haven’t done for you and what you didn’t get.

We’ll use the raise example, as another instance of this. What’s the reframe? Well, if you want more money and then you ask yourself: What is within your control? You can, of course, ask for the raise. I always like to check in here and say, “Did I ask in the most empowered and powerful way I could?”

I went to ask for a raise when I was in my 20s, and I felt very deserving of a raise, I felt very entitled to receive a raise. But I asked in a really disempowered way; I came at it from a place of entitlement. And when I did that I totally set myself up to fail because I didn’t make a compelling argument about how I was delivering more value than the original hourly rate that I had been given.

So, I didn’t state my case for why it made sense from a business perspective to pay me more. I didn’t explain the value add to the organization. And because I didn’t do that, I just came at it from that deserving/entitled place, I didn’t get what I wanted.

If you’re in the mindset of ‘I want this, what’s within my control and my ability in order to provide this to myself?’ First, you’re going to start with making the most compelling case possible. But from there, let’s say your employer tells you ‘no,’ you can choose to add more value and then resubmit your request. Or you can choose to look for other jobs and go elsewhere.

So, it’s on you to make sure that you get that salary for yourself, if that’s what you want. There are a lot of different things that you can do to make it likely that you will receive it, but you don’t want to come at it from that deserving/entitled energy.

I love reframing it by thinking simply of what I want, not making it something as heavy as what you deserve. I also love thinking about I’m worth this, whatever it is. And again asking myself, “How can I give that to myself?” Or, a much more decided way to think about this is. “I am getting…” blank. And then you answer, “How am I going to make sure I get…?” blank, whatever blank is for you in this situation.

So, take a second and do a little check in, take an audit. Where in your life are you feeling deserving? Where are you telling yourself that you’re deserving something? Where do you feel like you’re entitled to something? Whether that’s a particular behavior from someone else, a particular result, or a particular treatment that you think you should be receiving and you’re not.

Then ask yourself, once you identify the area in your life where you’re in this deserving state of mind, and be honest, is it serving you? How do you feel? What are the one-word emotions that you experience when you think that you deserve this?

And then, how do you show up when you’re feeling those feelings? Chances are they’re going to be really negative emotions. So, how do you show up when you’re feeling them? What’s the action you take? What are the things you do? What are the things that you don’t do?

Then, what result is that ultimately produce? Does it produce more conflict? Does it produce you not getting what you want to get? Chances are that’s going to be the case, because we don’t create a positive result from a negative thought, ever.

And then, ask yourself what would change if you focused on just the simple fact that you want this thing for yourself, whatever that is? You ask yourself, “What is within my control in order to get it?” Because that’s the thing with this deserving/entitlement, or this entitled/deserving, is that you put the onus on other people to give you something, rather than taking full responsibility for getting that thing for yourself. For creating that for yourself.

That’s a really disempowered place to live, to exist in. So, I want to empower you to take control back over how you feel, over what you do, over what you have in your life, over what you get, the results that you create, by focusing on what you want and how you’re going to create that for yourself, rather than relying on anyone else to give it to you.

Okay, that’s the first type of deserving that I want to cover today. The second type of deserving is when you think that you don’t deserve something. I just had someone submit, I do this Ask Me Anything questions on Instagram every single weekend, and people get to submit anonymous questions to me, sort of like a Dear Abby. But in this case, it’s an Ask Olivia.

All the submissions are anonymous, so people get to be very open and vulnerable about what it is that they share with me, about the questions that they ask, about the issues that they present, and want me to coach them on. I simply respond and provide them with the coaching that I think is relevant to whatever they submitted.

Someone over the weekend submitted this question about feeling like they don’t deserve a Rolex. They really want to buy a Rolex for themselves. It’s something they’ve wanted and thought about for a long time, and they don’t feel like they deserve it. They think that it’s silly to want that. They’re really judging themselves for having that desire.

Maybe a Rolex isn’t your thing. Maybe you want to buy a luxury handbag or a really expensive car. Obviously, “really expensive” is always a thought, it’s never a fact. But maybe you think it’s expensive and it feels unwise or irresponsible or impractical, so you’re judging yourself for it.

Maybe you want to take a vacation, and work’s busy, and you’re telling yourself that you don’t deserve a vacation. I believe I talked about this on a recent episode on the podcast. But I came up against this myself when I was thinking about moving into furnished condos. Because it was so much more expensive than my normal mortgage payment in the house that I own back in Michigan.

It felt really foolish, really irresponsible and impractical for me to upgrade my lifestyle that much. I kept coming back to the idea that it’s not something that I needed to do, which is true, I didn’t need to do it. I could have continued to live in my house the way that it was. But it did brush up on this idea that I don’t deserve to live in these beautiful spaces. I was really floored to even catch myself thinking that way.

Because it’s not a way that I would consciously choose to think. But it did feel, my resistance felt like it had a tinge of doubt that I deserved a particular experience. So, if you’re questioning whether it is you deserve something…

Maybe you think you don’t deserve to make a certain amount of money. Maybe you think you don’t deserve to be thin. Maybe think that you don’t deserve to have a work life that’s easy, instead of really hard and stressful. I know a lot of my clients feel like hard is just in the fix, just built into the system, and that there’s no way to live a better life than that.

That’s one of the limiting beliefs that we begin to challenge when we work together. But whatever it is… Maybe you think you don’t deserve a loving relationship, and that shows up in the way that you date, or in your relationship that you’re in right now. Maybe there’s conflict because it’s fueled by this thought that you don’t deserve to be loved, or something better than what you have.

So, whatever it is that you think you aren’t deserving of, that you don’t deserve, ask yourself, “How do I feel when I think that I don’t deserve something?” And then, “What is it that I do when I feel that emotion?” And then, “What result does it produce?”

Again, negative thoughts beget negative results. So, this type of deserving state of mind, telling yourself that you don’t deserve things, I believe that, unlike entitlement, is rooted in a sense of unworthiness. You don’t feel worthy of having the thing so you tell yourself that you don’t deserve it.

I want you to play around to see what feelings come up for you, because I could also see flavors of unworthiness looking like feeling guilty, when you think you don’t deserve something. Feeling ashamed, when you think you don’t deserve something. Feeling selfish, or irresponsible, or foolish, or impractical, or maybe self-absorbed, or conceited.

Find the feeling that really resonates with you, and then ask yourself, “What is it that you do when you’re feeling these emotions?” Chances are you deny yourself of the thing that you want. The thing you’re telling yourself that you don’t deserve, in all these different ways.

Maybe it’s just as simple as you don’t buy it for yourself. You don’t buy the Rolex. You don’t buy the expensive car. You don’t buy the handbag. You don’t take the vacation. You just keep plowing through and working. Maybe you don’t move, you stay in the house that you think is the practical place to stay. Maybe you continue to tolerate a work situation that really doesn’t align with what you want for your life. Maybe you continue to tolerate a bad relationship.

Of course, “bad” is a thought. It’s a judgment. It’s subjective. You get to decide that you’re in a relationship that isn’t good. But you might be tolerating it because you think you don’t deserve more.

The other action that you take when you think you don’t deserve something, and you’re feeling these negative feelings, is that you wait around for someone else to give you permission. I just talked about this recently in a different episode.

But if you’re waiting around for someone to give you permission, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Because, as adults, people don’t come around and just give us permission to do things. We’re the ones who have to give ourselves permission. So, if you’re waiting for that permission you’re not going to create the result of having what it is that you want.

You’ll keep tolerating, keep putting up with the status quo. You’ll keep denying and depriving yourself. You’ll never get what you ultimately want to have. So, if this is you, just like we did with the other kind of deserving state of mind, I want you to really just opt out of this idea that you deserve stuff, or that you don’t deserve stuff. That that’s just all made up. It’s not true whether you deserve something or not, it’s just a thought that you think, it’s as simple as that.

It’s just a sentence, and you can discard it at any time. Like, right now, for example. You can just opt out of buying into the idea that you do or don’t deserve things. Again, we’re going to bring it back to this idea of “want.” Rather than thinking that you do or don’t deserve something, what if you just gave yourself permission to want the Rolex?

You don’t have to have a “good reason” for it, you can just want a Rolex because you want a Rolex. Or you can just want to drive a Porsche, because you want to drive a Porsche. If you have a better, deeper reason, that’s awesome. But you don’t need a “deeper reason.” “Deep,” again, is going to be subjective. So, what’s “deep” to one person might not be “deep” to another person; and none of that matters.

You get to just want to have things, and that is a perfectly good enough reason for you to have those things, for you to get those things for yourself, to provide those things in your life.

So, if you want the Rolex, buy the Rolex. If you want the Porsche, get the Porsche. If you want to take the vacation, take the vacation. If you want to be in a body that looks different than the body that you currently have, you get to create that for yourself; whether it’s through natural remedies, whether it’s through cosmetic surgery.

Whatever it is that you want, you get to do that for yourself. If you want to end a relationship because you want something better, something more, something more appropriately tailored for what it is that you’re looking for, you get to do that for yourself.

If you want to move, move. If you want to make more money, make more money; whether that requires you to change careers, change jobs, charge more. Whatever it is, you get to do that simply because you want to. That is reason enough. We don’t have to overcomplicate things with this concept of being deserving of something.

So, check in with yourself, where are you telling yourself that you don’t deserve something? How do you want to replace that? What do you want to think instead? What if it’s okay to just want what you want? No explanation. No apology necessary. You just get to want it.

And then, just like with the other state of mind, focusing on what is within your control. What can you do, what power do you have to provide the thing you want to yourself? Spend all of your time there. Stop waiting for someone to give you permission and just create that result for yourself. Go after it yourself.

Whether you’ve struggled and been stuck in a deserving state of mind, whether from that place of entitlement, or from that place of unworthiness, switching this thought process to focusing on what you want, and what is within your power to give to yourself, is going to be such an empowering experience for you. I can’t wait to hear about how this goes for you as you start to make this mental shift yourself.

Definitely report back to me. Reach out to me on social media, on LinkedIn or on Instagram. I’d love to hear what breakthroughs you have with this as you start to dial down all of that deserving energy, feeling deserving, being in that deserving state of mind. Because what you are able to access and do for yourself, when you get out of entitlement and out of unworthiness, it’s so incredible. I can’t wait to see you do that for yourself.

Alright, my friends, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week. I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 91: It’s All Happening For You

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | It's All Happening For You

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | It's All Happening For You

The thoughts we think really do matter, because the emotions that we feel about situations and circumstances in our lives are a direct result of the thoughts we think. Our thoughts have the power to transform our experience of anything in our lives, so I’m introducing you to one of my favorite thoughts this week: it’s all happening for you.

If you’re dealing with a situation and you’re feeling a negative charge around it, you might be thinking that it’s unfair and it shouldn’t be happening. But whatever you’re going through right now, you have the ability to think to yourself, “This is happening for me…” and when you do, you can approach your problems with a whole new perspective.

Tune in this week to discover how one thought can totally transform your experience of what you perceive to be a negative situation. I’m showing you how to spot where you need to think more thoughts like this, and giving you everything you need to get positive results out of any situation you’re dealing with.

I’m running another rate and review giveaway! Instructions for leaving a rating and review for The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast are here. Don’t forget to take a screenshot of your review, and email it to me or DM me on social media.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why no situation is inherently negative, unfair, or outrageous.
  • How to spot the negative thoughts you’re having about a neutral situation.
  • Why negative thoughts always create negative results.
  • How to get out of the victim mindset of, “It’s all happening to me.”
  • Some tips for releasing negativity by thinking, “It’s all happening for me” in the midst of any challenge you’re facing.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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  • Get on my email list!
  • ABA TECHSHOW

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 91. Today, I’m going to introduce you to one of my favorite thoughts. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Hey there, how’s it going? I hope you are well. I have been traveling all around the U.S. the past couple of weeks. I went to a retreat with a bunch of other coaches in Malibu, California. Then, I went home for a little while; got to see my parents in Detroit.

And then, I made my way to Chicago to speak at ABA TECHSHOW. That’s a technical legal conference, where they introduce attorneys to a bunch of different types of technology that make their practices more modernized, more up-to-date, more efficient, and more profitable. I love getting a chance to go there and see familiar faces and meet new people.

I got to teach on some of my favorite topics. I talked a lot about social media marketing. And then, I also talked about the mindset that you need to have in order to really implement legal technology effectively. So, those speeches went really well. I’m so glad that I got to pack so much in to the last two weeks.

And let me tell you, I am happy to be back in Charleston. It is so warm down here, y’all. I just can’t get enough of it. Being in Michigan and Chicago during the winter months, not my favorite thing to do anymore. So, it is amazing to be back in Charleston, and back with my Snickies. If you’ve been listening for a while to my podcast, you know that I have a cat named Snickers. So, after our two-week hiatus it’s so good to see her.

I hope wherever you’re tuning into this podcast, things are going well for you as well. And without further ado, let’s dive into today’s topic. I want to introduce you to one of my all-time favorite thoughts. Now, I want you to remember the importance of our thoughts.

We think thoughts about the situations that we encounter in our lives. And those thoughts, which are just opinion sentences that run through our brains, run through our minds, they cause how we feel. Then our feelings determine how we show up. They drive the action that we take, and our actions ultimately produce our results.

Now, the thought that I want to introduce you to today is the thought, “This is happening for me.” You want to use this thought when something happens in your life that you perceive to be a negative situation. It’s never inherently negative; it’s always inherently neutral. It doesn’t have a positive or negative charge to it. The facts are just what the facts are. They’re neutral on their own.

But then you get to think a thought about it. You may be encountering a situation that you think a lot of negative thoughts about. Oftentimes, instead of thinking, “This is happening for me,” people think thoughts like, “This is happening to me. This is so unfair. This shouldn’t be happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t believe this happened.”

I want you to take each of those thoughts and think about how do you feel when you think that way? What negative emotions do you create for yourself? And then, what negative action do you take from those feelings? What result does it produce? It’s not going to produce a positive result, right? Because negative thoughts beget negative results, always.

So, when you’re thinking, “This is happening to me,” you’re going to feel really out of control. When you think something is unfair, when you think, “This is so unfair,” about whatever situation you’re dealing with, you’re going to feel really slighted or cheated, or maybe frustrated. If you’re thinking, “This shouldn’t be happening,” again, you might feel angry or resentful.

If you’re thinking, “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” you might feel really disappointed or frustrated. Or you might think, “I can’t believe this happened,” and feel shocked or outraged.

So, if you’re thinking any of those thoughts, and you’re feeling those negative emotions, what kind of action do you take? You probably complain, you probably stew, you probably dwell, you probably argue with reality.

And remember, when we argue with reality we lose 100% of the time, because you can’t change what’s already happened in the past. You can only curate your thoughts to really support yourself in the experience that you want to have moving forward.

That’s why I want to introduce you to the thought, “This is happening for me.” When you think the thought, “This is happening for me,” about a situation that previously you perceived to be a negative one, you completely change your experience of that situation. “This is happening for me,” is such an encouraging thought. It’s going to make you feel supported or trusting or secure or safe.

Another feeling that I think this thought conjures up for me is, I get to feel really assured when I think it. I get to know that whatever situation I’m dealing with, it’s actually going to be a good thing in the long run.

Now, when you try this thought on… Remember, sometimes when we’re working on building a new belief, or we’re working on shifting a thought, we don’t just have it click into place immediately. Sometimes you can get to this thought instantaneously. You encounter the situation that, by default, you think is negative, and you quickly pivot to this thought.

You’re going to try it on, and it will sink into place very quickly. You’re going to remind yourself, “This is happening for me,” and then, in order to really anchor that belief, you want to find evidence to support that belief. Make the argument to support how exactly it’s happening for you.

Remember, when we ask the question in a way that assumes that it is happening for you, we give our brain more pinpointed direction for the evidence we want it to look for. And then, it’s able to find that evidence so much easier.

Other times, though, it’s going to take a little bit more work for you to believe this thought in the moment. So, time might go by, but I want you to try it on immediately, as soon as you encounter what you perceive to be a negative situation. Remember, those are just your thoughts about that situation.

 But you’re going to try on the thought, “This is happening for me,” and you’re going to ask yourself, “Okay, how is that happening for me?” And you’re going to make the argument. Now, it may feel a little out of reach, that’s okay. I want you to keep coming back to this thought over and over and over again.

Sometimes, after some time, you’ll learn more information. You’ll see how things unfold, and you’ll get to have a clearer picture, a clearer understanding of how exactly the situation did happen for you. Other times, though, it’s a little bit more of a trust fall.

You can keep trying this thought on, and even though you don’t have the evidence to support tangibly how the situation happened for you, you just have to trust that it would have been worse had it not happened. Again, it’s sort of like a trust fall, or like believing in Santa Claus, you just have to believe without seeing the magic of the situation.

I know that’s not easy for everyone. But I really want to encourage you, if you try on this thought, more often than not you’re going to be able to make an argument for it and see how it’s possible that it did happen for you.

And when you do that over and over and over again, it’s going to make it easier for you to trust in the situations where you can’t see the evidence as clearly. That you can trust that it is happening for you. Because all the other times where you do clearly have evidence, you can see that it’s happening for you.

So, you use the situations where it’s easy to access this thought to hold your belief, or anchor your belief, when you don’t have as much evidence to support this thought.

Now, I want to give you a couple examples of where this thought has been applicable in situations my clients have encountered, or in situations that I’ve encountered, just so you can see what it’s like to work on building this belief.

About a year and a half ago, I was working with a client, and they had asked for a bigger bonus from their law firm. They didn’t end up receiving it. They were very frustrated; they came to our coaching session really upset about the situation, thinking a lot of negative thoughts.

They were definitely in the mindset of this was happening to them. And they felt very much like a victim. They felt very taken advantage of and disrespected, and undervalued about the situation.

I asked my client, “Tell me how this might be happening for you.” And we worked on building an argument that it was in fact happening for the client. We came up with reasons like: This person had been contemplating switching firms, and with this new information it was an easier decision to decide to leave.

Ultimately, upon leaving, he received a better job title, a larger salary, and he’s in a position that’s a much better fit for him, and in a firm that’s a much better fit for him. So, even though it felt like a “negative” situation initially, when we zoomed out a bit we could see all of the reasons that it was actually a blessing in disguise.

I also had another client more recently deal with a situation where she was working on a matter, and the attorneys that she was working with, they didn’t communicate billing issues with a client. So, there ended up being a lot of unmet expectations at the end of the matter, and the client was really upset.

Now, this caused conflict between the firm and the client, and my client had to be part of those conversations. Those conversations for my client were quite uncomfortable. My client was not thrilled with having to navigate those conversations. She was very frustrated with the situation.

But I asked her, “How might this situation be happening for you?” What we ultimately uncovered was that it was an amazing learning opportunity for how to not handle billing issues with your own clients. That you want to stay within the budget.

And if you anticipate having to go outside of the budget, that you have those conversations early and often so there aren’t surprises. So people don’t feel like they’re caught off guard. So the firm doesn’t have to be in the position where they end up offering a large discount because things weren’t communicated beforehand, and it was just sprung on the client after the billing had already taken place.

So it ended up being a huge learning opportunity. It also ended up showing her an opportunity that she had to set a boundary with the people that she was working with. “If you’re not going to handle client matters in a way where I feel comfortable working on your cases,” because there’s going to be a lot of conflict, a lot of unexpected turbulence in the client-firm relationship, “then I’m not going to work on your matters anymore.”

We recognized that that is something that is within my client’s control. What isn’t within her control is forcing the other people that she works with to handle situations differently going forward. That’s just not an option. We can’t control other people’s behavior.

So, this was another opportunity for her to learn how to set boundaries, to take care of herself, to support herself, and to control what’s actually within her control, rather than focusing on what’s not within her control. Those are really great lessons that came out of this “negative” situation.

When we look for evidence of how this has happened for her, we can find it when we dig a little bit deeper. As opposed to thinking, “I can’t believe this happened. This shouldn’t have happened. This is unfair. This is happening to me,” that she’s the victim in this situation. We were able to shift her thinking and really empower her.

Another couple of explanations. I’ll use a couple from my own life. One, I think I’ve talked about it on the podcast, but I went through a pretty horrific breakup in August. And one of the thoughts that I tried on early in that situation, early in my grieving process, was the thought, “This is happening for me.” The thought felt really unavailable to me.

I was basically telling myself, “Nope, this didn’t happen for me, this is happening to me. This shouldn’t be happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.” I had all of the thoughts that I was thinking instead of believing that this was happening for me.

I decided… Because I know the power of believing this thought, of coming back to it and feeling assured, feeling empowered, feeling trusting, feeling accepting of the situation. I know the power of working on building this belief. So, I put it on my nightstand essentially, figuratively, so to speak, and I kept coming back to it over and over and over again.

“Do I believe this yet? Do I believe this yet? Do I believe this yet?” It took me a while. I checked in around October and I didn’t believe it yet. I was like, “Nope, I still don’t believe that.” Then I checked back in in December. “Nope, I still don’t believe that.”

Finally, in late January, I tried that thought on again and it finally clicked into place. I finally was able to access evidence for why the situation that I saw to be so, so negative, why it was actually happening for me and not to me. Why it was actually better for me. Why I wasn’t a victim. Why I was actually benefiting from the way that things unfolded.

I started to find a lot of evidence to support that belief. I was able to see that I might have been settling before, and that I wasn’t going to be with someone who had the same goals as me, or the same preferences as me… Not that someone needs to be identical to me. But that there was always going to be friction in certain aspects of my life with the person that I was with.

And since then, as I’ve started to date again, I’ve been able to see examples of where people are more closely aligned with my values and what I want for my life. So, to see that that’s possible, I can start to believe, “Oh, that devastating breakup happened for me, so that I can end up with someone who is more aligned with the life that I want for myself. They want the same things for their life/for our life, that I want for my life and their life and our life together.”

So, as I kept trying that thought on, over time I was able to come back to it and let it fully sink in. And now, I feel so much better about what I previously went through because I’ve worked on building this belief. Now, that’s an example, like I said earlier, of where you have to work on building the belief over time, okay?

Sometimes we know instantaneously that something happened for us. Either you have the immediate evidence to support it… Let’s say, for instance, you go to a restaurant, and they lose your dinner reservation, okay? You could get frustrated about it, and get really upset, or you could just tell yourself, “I just believe deeply that this happened for me.”

You go to another restaurant, you end up sneaking into the bar rather than getting a table, and you end up meeting maybe your next client, or maybe the next person you end up dating, or maybe you just make good friends with someone. But you trust that that relationship is going to be fruitful.

 It happens so quickly that you can just immediately see, “Oh, I see exactly why that “bad thing” happened. It was because I was supposed to be here in this exact moment. And I wouldn’t have been, had that other thing not gone the way that it went.” That’s where you get that immediate evidence.

Other times something “bad” can happen, and you can just latch on to this belief, and do that trust fall, where you believe deeply that it’s happening for you, even though you don’t quite have the evidence yet.

For instance, when I left my last law firm job, the reason I left is because the person that I was working for hadn’t paid me in a while. We would frequently, at the firm that I was at, have inconsistent payroll issues. You would always get paid, just not always on time. I had been behind several paychecks, and I was out of money, so I was quite frustrated with the situation, obviously.

Let me clarify that I was frustrated because of the thoughts that I was thinking about the situation. My boss at the time, even though he was behind on payroll, hired a law clerk for a paid position, as a favor to a local judge. When I found out about it I was less than thrilled, to put it politely. I ended up having a conversation with my employer.

I was just very direct. I said, “Quite frankly, you don’t have the financial capacity to bring someone else on. I feel like that should be very obvious to you.” The person I was working for reassured me that it was the right decision. And in that instance I knew that I couldn’t control him. It was his business; he gets to decide how to run it.

I could choose to stay and complain. I could choose to stay and make peace with it. Or I could choose to leave. I ultimately chose to leave, because I wasn’t going to be able to stay and make peace with it. I had strong opinions about how his business should be run, and I also didn’t want to stay and keep complaining about something that was outside of my control. So, I chose to leave.

Even though I didn’t know what was going to happen next, I didn’t know how things are going to unfold, I chose to deeply believe, in that moment, that him hiring that law clerk was happening for me and not to me. I just felt that deeply in my bones, with the strongest conviction possible.

Three weeks later, a business coach… I was in her program. I had joined her online program that taught you foundational selling, foundational marketing techniques… posted a position for a part time coach. As soon as I saw that job posting I knew that that job was mine. I knew that everything that had just unfolded in my professional life had happened, so I had the capacity to take on that position.

Sure enough, I applied, and out of almost 100 people I ended up getting the role. That was what really gave me my initial foundation to start working as a coach, to start pivoting my identity from being an attorney to being a coach. And it gave me enough confidence in my coaching abilities to start marketing myself in my own business. Putting myself out there. Being able to create consultations, create clients, create money in my own coaching business.

Had it not been for my boss hiring that law clerk, I honestly would have probably stayed a lot longer. Because I was so loyal. Because I loved the people that I worked with. That was the thing that really pushed me over the edge to leave, so I’m so, so grateful that it got that far.

Because it getting that far is what pushed me out the door and empowered me to make a decision that ended up creating this ripple effect, a really powerful, positive ripple effect, that led to me having this thriving business that I now have.

So, even though I couldn’t see how things exactly were going to unfold at the time, when I had that conversation with my boss, when I learned that he had hired that law clerk, I deeply believed that it was happening for me. And then, I just trusted that for a little while, despite not having the evidence to support that belief at the time. I just trusted it, and then lo and behold, things unfolded the way that they did, and I got that evidence a little while later.

Now, you may be tempted to think, “Olivia, I don’t want to blow smoke up my own ass. Okay? I’m not just going to gaslight myself into thinking that these “bad” situations are good. All right?” If that’s you, I just want you to try doing this. This is one of those situations where it’s like, ‘let’s not knock it until you try it.’

It is incredible how freeing this thought process is. It eliminates so much unnecessary negativity from your life, and I really want to offer that to you. I want that to be something that’s available and accessible to you.

So, the next time that you encounter a situation that you perceive to be “negative,” where you’re thinking those thoughts, “This shouldn’t have happened to me. This is happening to me. This shouldn’t be happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t believe that this happened. This is so unfair.”

When you’re thinking that, I want you to try this thought on instead, “This is happening for me. How is that the case? How is this happening for me?” And make the argument, make the strongest, most compelling argument you can for how this is happening for you.

Don’t let yourself off the hook here with an ‘I don’t know.’ Or being dismissive, where you’re like, “Nah, it’s not happening for me,” okay? Really work to make a compelling argument for how this is happening for you.

If you can’t get there right away, just keep coming back to it. After a little bit of time has passed, check in with yourself. “How do I feel about that thought right now? Has my belief grown any? Does that thought feel more accessible to me?” You’ll be surprised, if you keep this thought in your top pocket or on the nightstand, how you’re able to access it over time, even when you’re not able to access it immediately.

This thought is going to be a game changer for you, so I really want you to practice trying it on in those situations… the big situations, the small situations that you perceive to be negative… and see how this starts to shift things for you.

Alright, my friends, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 90: Giving Yourself Permission To Want & Have More

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Giving Yourself Permission To Want & Have More

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Giving Yourself Permission To Want & Have More

Do you want to live a life you’re obsessed with? A life you truly love and wouldn’t want to trade for anything else? So many people want more for their lives, but they are reluctant to take action to go after their dreams, so they keep themselves playing small. Why? Because they’re waiting for permission from somebody else to do the things they want to do.

Nobody is going to give you permission to set big goals, to chase big dreams, and to live an over-the-top life. Nobody is going to tell you it’s OK for you to want and have more for your life; you have to give that permission to yourself. You don’t have to need something to go after it, you can chase a dream simply because you want to, and I’m showing you how this week.

If you know you want more for your life, but you are hesitating to go after it, this episode is for you. This week, I show you why you need to give yourself permission to want and have more and what needs to change in order for you to pursue a life you truly love. Discover why up-leveling is available to you right now and how to stop tolerating parts of your life you don’t love and start truly loving your life.  

I’m running another rate and review giveaway! Instructions for leaving a rating and review for The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast are here. Don’t forget to take a screenshot of your review, and email it to me or DM me on social media.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Want to be the first to know when my monthly subscription Lawyers Only launches? Click here and sign up for the waitlist!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The importance of trusting your instincts and giving yourself permission to pursue your vision.
  • How I gave myself permission to go after things in my own life.
  • The power of trusting yourself.
  • Some epiphanies I’ve had in my own life when I started to give myself permission to do what I wanted.
  • How to establish what is holding you back from what you want to do in your life.
  • Why it is OK to want more than what seems like “enough.”

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 90. Today, we’re talking all about giving yourself permission to want and have more. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? Can y’all believe it’s already February? I cannot get over it. Actually, I take that back, that’s partially true. I had so much going on in January. January felt like a million years long. I had two friends come visit me in Charleston, and then I was in Nashville working with my business coach for a whole week. So, I feel like I had a lot going on.

But I also can’t believe that we’re already into the second month of 2024. How’s it going so far? Are things off to a good start? I sure hope they are. Things are off to a good start in my neck of the woods. I feel so refreshed and refocused after spending a week with my business coach. It just feels so good to reset and recalibrate, and really get my bearings for everything that I’m working to accomplish this year.

So today, I want to talk to you about a concept that directly applies to what you’re working on this year. I’m currently in the middle of a launch for The Obsessed Retreat, which is the retreat that I’m hosting in Miami, in March. And one of the things that’s come up as I’ve been marketing the retreat, I’ve had quite a few people say to me that they don’t know if they’re sure they want a life they’re obsessed with.

I’ve found that so fascinating because it seems like such a no-brainer to me. Why wouldn’t you want to live a life that you’re obsessed with? And if you’re not sure what I mean by ‘living a life that you’re obsessed with,’ what I mean by that is living a life that you truly love.

A life that you wouldn’t be even remotely tempted to trade places with someone else. You’re really passionate about the things that you have in your life; the work that you do, the income you make, the freedom that that provides you, the relationships that you have in your life, where you spend your time, how you spend your time, the adventures that you get to go on, the memories that you get to create the people in your life, the things that you get to learn and do, the opportunities that you create for yourself.

My goal for everyone I work with, and everyone listening to this podcast, is for you to live the biggest life imaginable. The biggest life that’s available to you. And I promise you, the life that’s available to you is so much bigger than what you can even see for yourself.

One of my all-time favorite quotes, and man, I get emotional even when I read this quote, it’s from one of my favorite authors, Laura McKowen. She’s the author of We Are the Luckiest. One of her quotes, my favorite one of hers… She says, “If you could see even a fraction of what’s possible for you, you would fall to your knees and cry.” I believe that so deeply, and I can see it for people.

I can see what is possible for them, what they’re capable of accomplishing. I can see the grandeur of the life that’s waiting for them to come and claim it. And every ounce of me wants as many people as possible to fully step into that version of themselves. To fully embrace the life that’s available to them. And yet, some people are reluctant to do so.

So, today I want to talk about why I think that is, and what I believe needs to change in order for you to really play full out and pursue a life that you’re obsessed with, a life that you truly love. If you think you want more for your life but you’re hesitating to go after it, this episode is for you.

What I want you to do, I want you to start by asking yourself this question, and I want you to get really honest with yourself. If you want more, or you even think you might want more, ask yourself, what is it that you’re waiting for? I’ve watched so many people tolerate parts of their life that they don’t love. And change is available to them, up leveling is available to them, it’s there for the taking. They just have to take it.

But they don’t pursue it. And I think a big reason why this is, whether people realize it or not, I believe that it’s because they’re waiting for people to give them permission to go after what they want. They have a couple people in mind; you know, the invisible “they.” They have some people in mind and they’re waiting for people to give them the green light.

They’re waiting for someone to cosign them pursuing their big dreams they’re big goals, the big life that they think they might want to live. And if that’s you, if you’re waiting for someone to give you permission, you’re going to be waiting for a really, really long time, okay? Because no one’s going to give it to you. No one’s going to give you that permission that you’re waiting for.

I’ve had this epiphany several times in my own life, and I want to share some of those stories for you. Because maybe you’ll see yourself in those stories and this will resonate with you at an even deeper level. The first example is, of course, my biggest example. It’s when I made the decision to go all in on myself, start my business, and quit practicing law. I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, I believe.

But the people in my life were really not supportive of that decision. They didn’t want me to do it. They wanted me to stick with the status quo. They wanted me to keep practicing, stay at the big law firm that I was at; the one with all the “security and stability.” Because that was the responsible thing to do, at least in their opinion.

I know some of you who are listening to this episode right now, you’re in that exact same boat. You’re in the position where you want to make a change. You want to start doing something differently. You want to pursue a new career. Maybe you want to start your own business, or just start your own law firm, whatever the case may be.

But you want to make what you consider to be a pretty drastic change. And it might not be the responsible thing that you were taught to do growing up. Maybe that’s work for other people, that might be how you were raised. So if you’re in that position, the chances of someone in your life really telling you to ‘go for it,’ especially if they haven’t done that themselves, the chances are pretty low. And if you’re waiting for someone to cosign that dream, for someone to give you the green light to go execute that game plan, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

You’re going to have to give yourself that permission instead. And you’re going to have to allow yourself to feel misunderstood by the people closest to you. They might judge you. They might think you’re being foolish. They might think that you’re taking too big of a risk. But you know you.

One of the things that I tell people all the time, when they’re like, “Weren’t you scared to go out on your own?” And this isn’t to knock anyone who is scared, but the truth is no, I wasn’t. I wasn’t afraid. Because I knew I could bet on myself. I knew that I would make this work.

I had brilliant examples of people who had already done it. They had forged the path for me. They were great examples of what was already possible. So, I had a template for what I needed to do in order to be successful, and I just followed it. I trusted myself to implement. And, I’ll be really honest with you, this is coming from someone who had a pretty shitty track record of following through and being consistent. I really struggled with that when I practiced law.

Now, I’ve done so much work through coaching to become someone who does follow through, who is disciplined, who is consistent. And that’s why I teach that to people now because I’ve done all of that trial and error myself, and I know what works, and I know what doesn’t. So, I’m able to cut through the bullshit, and just give you exactly what you need to know in order to solve that problem and develop those skill sets.

Anyways, I digress. As I was making this decision, I realized no one was going to tell me to go do this. In fact, quite the opposite. A lot of people told me not to do it. I had to put them on mute. I had to not listen to them. I had to listen to myself, my gut; I had to trust my own instincts. I was the one who had to give myself permission to pursue this dream.

To pursue this vision that I had for my life where I was self-employed, where I made more money than I did practicing law, way more money. And I will continue to do that. I just continue to grow, each year in business has been better than the next. I know, deeply, that making millions of dollars as a coach is inevitable for me. It’s just a matter of time, and me working the plan that I’ve created for myself in order to get there.

One of the concepts that I teach is, I teach people how to reverse engineer their results. So, we get very clear on the result that we want, and then we work backwards and figure out all of the actions that we need to take in order to create that result.

And then, we figure out what are the feelings we need to feel, the feelings we need to cultivate, in order to take that action? What are the negative emotions we need to allow in order to take that action? And then, what are the positive thoughts that we need to be thinking in order to feel those positive feelings that fuel us forward?

That’s one of the things that I teach my clients how to do, and I did that for myself when it came to starting my business and as I continue to scale my business. That’s what I’ve done. So, I continue to be the person who believes. I believe the most. I like to say I believe enough in myself and what I’m doing and where I’m going, enough for myself and everyone else.

I want you to do the exact same thing for yourself. I want you to believe in where you’re going and the vision that you have for your future, enough for you and for them. Then, from that place, I want you to give yourself permission to pursue it. Because no one else is going to come along and give you that permission. Okay?

Another example that I have is my recent move. Actually, I’ve moved four times in the past year and a few months. Starting in December of 2022, I’ve moved four times since then. So, I moved out of the house that I own in Michigan, into a furnished condo in Eastern Market, in Detroit.

That place was so beautiful. I loved it. It had this glamorous chandelier and these amazing leather sofas; I just loved it so much. And it was really industrial. It was a really neat loft in an old… I think it was a firehouse before and then it had been renovated to be lofts.

So, I moved out of my house. I bought my house in ’09, you guys, so my mortgage payment is so inexpensive. And I’ll be honest with you, I’m glad that that’s the case, I didn’t uplevel my lifestyle when I was practicing in big law. And that allowed me a lot of freedom to make some changes, to actually go all in on myself and start a business, because I hadn’t increased my overhead so much that I was reliant on the income from that job.

That being said, now that my business is quite successful, I have the ability to live in places that I really love. I’d been in my house since ’09, so A) I was just a little sick of it, B) I never really loved it. It was a really practical place to live, a lot of resale value, it’s a good, traditional three-bedroom brick ranch. I just never loved it.

So, when I became successful… I waited a while before making a move. But when I felt like I was in a place where I could really sustain my income and everything felt very secure, and I had more than enough money coming in, I contemplated moving out of my house into a beautiful furnished rental.

I didn’t want to buy something because I didn’t want to be stuck somewhere. I really wanted to be able to be a bit of a digital nomad. If you’ve been listening to my podcasts for a while, you know that I’m snow birding down south for at least the winter, and probably the better part of the spring. So, I knew I wanted to be able to hop around.

The easiest way for me to start doing that, rather than moving straight from Detroit to Charleston, was to just get out of my house and get used to living in a different space. Having consolidated all of my things, I didn’t take a lot of stuff with me. So, that allowed me to be very transient and mobile.

And then after I lived in the loft for six months, I moved into another place with a really gorgeous pool. That was a building in Brush Park, in Detroit, which is a little bit more in the mix of everything. And from that place, I moved to Charleston. I lived in this beautiful house for a couple of months, and then I just moved, after the first of the year, into a new place.

This place is gorgeous too, you guys. I love everything about it. The wood floors, the beautiful staircase, it’s kind of got “farmhouse” vibes a little bit, but not completely. I don’t know how to describe it. I just really, really love it. It’s furnished beautifully. The bedrooms are amazing. The bathrooms are amazing. I love the kitchen. And I love being in the city that I’m in.

It is so incredible to be someplace that I can walk around in January and February. I really don’t even need a coat. I’m a little bit of a baby, so I typically do wear one. But I don’t need one. It’s so refreshing to be someplace where there are blue skies almost every day. It’s a rarity down here that it’s gray and gloomy outside. Which is definitely the case almost all the time during late fall, winter, and early spring, in Michigan.

I say all of that to talk about how I gave myself permission to live in beautiful places, beautiful spaces that I love. I remember, I had gotten rid of most of my stuff in my house because I was torn between ‘am I going to renovate everything in this place? Or am I going to move?.’ I was leaning towards moving but I wasn’t moving forward, yet. I was hesitating, okay?

I finally had gotten rid of so much stuff that my house sort of became unlivable; I really didn’t have much other than a place to sleep and a place to work.

And I realized, at a certain point, I was like, “Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you living like this?” It almost felt, at a certain point, sort of punitive. I’m like, “What’s going on here, Olivia? Are you being mean to yourself? Are you not loving yourself? Are you not giving yourself the things that you want?”

I caught the thought that was holding me back. The thought was that I didn’t need to live anywhere else, technically. And that I didn’t want to be impractical. One of the things that I really had drilled into me growing up was that it was a good thing to be practical. Maybe you were raised that way, too. If you were, maybe you will resonate with this.

I have decided to say, “Fuck that,” to being practical. I don’t want to be practical. I don’t like the restrictiveness that comes from practicality. I want to be over the top. I am over the top, and I’ve fully embraced that about myself. So, whether it’s practical or not… No, I’m not suggesting that you take on a ton of debt to go do something. Be reasonable to a certain extent. But don’t hold yourself back in a way that prevents you from living a life that you truly love.

I remember this moment, I was sitting on the floor of my living room, because had gotten rid of most of my living room furniture by that point. I was just looking around, and I was like, “What are we doing here? What’s holding you back? What’s getting in your way?” And I realized, this clicked for me, no one was going to come and give me permission to go be “impractical.”

In fact, most people I knew were going to tell me, “Your house is fine. It’s beautiful. It’s great. You should just stay there. Throw some money into it, just fix it up, make the most of it, it’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.” But that’s not what I wanted. And it hit me that I was just waiting. I was hesitating. And whether or not I realized it, I was waiting for permission from someone. I’m not even sure who, maybe my parents, I don’t know.

But no one was going to come and give me that permission. I had to give myself that permission. I had to tell myself that it was okay to do something that other people might judge. Because I don’t know if y’all were raised like this, but I was raised that it is irresponsible to pay rent when you could just buy something.

That doesn’t work for me. That doesn’t align with the life that I want to live. So, I had to give myself permission to buck that system, to do it differently, to forge my own path forward, to do it my way. Even if that meant being quote “irresponsible” in someone else’s opinion.

So, I recognized, in this moment on the floor, I was like, “No one’s going to come tell you that you should do this, you’ve got to tell yourself. You’ve got to make up your own mind. Do you want to live like this? Do you want to live here, in a space that you don’t like and haven’t ever really liked? Or do you want to move? Even if that means spending a lot of money that you don’t need to spend, you don’t have to spend.”

But this is the thing, I wanted to spend it. And, now that I’ve done it, oh my goodness, I could never go back. I love living in places that I love. I love being in a space that just feels so much like me. The amazing thing about living in a furnished place, I don’t have to do any of the work and I get all the good vibes, all the aesthetic that I love. That really just makes me feel at home, and so comfortable in the space that I’m in.

And let me tell you something, if you work from home, you’d best like your space. All right? I spend almost all of my time here. I’d better like it. I want to like it. So I gave myself permission to do that, even if it’s not the popular thing to do, or the responsible thing to do, or the practical thing to do. I don’t care. I just gave myself permission. You get to do that, too.

Okay, three more examples. Years ago when I was going through… I was getting ready to go through my coaching certification. And at the time, it was a big expense for me. I hadn’t ever paid that much money, it was $18,000. I hadn’t ever paid that much money all at once on a training like that. So, even though that’s very common for me to do when I pay to work with my business coach now… That’s a $25,000 investment every six months.

At the time, it was a really big expense; the biggest expense that I was paying. I didn’t want to come up out of pocket, in cash, and deplete my cash reserves in one lump sum. So instead, I took out a loan. I took out an unsecured loan through Upstart.com. It was super easy to get.

I was working in big law at the time, so they were like, “Yeah, sure you’ve got a W-2 job, everything’s great.” They gave it to me, I used it to pay for my coaching certification, and I paid it off. It was no big deal. And had I asked other people whether or not I should do that, they probably would have told me no. They probably would have suggested that I wait, that I shouldn’t do it, that I should save up the money first.

Thank goodness, I didn’t think. Thank goodness, I trusted myself and gave myself permission to do the thing that made sense in my brain. It made it accessible for me. It made it easy for me. Again, I think the common theme here is, that you’ve got to trust yourself to do what you’ve got to do on the other side of it. Right?

I trusted myself to start a business successfully. I trusted myself to be able to make enough money to pay very expensive rent, depending on where I’ve been living, but especially Charleston. Y’all, it’s pricey down here. I trusted myself to pay the loan back. If you trust yourself, then you got to give yourself permission.

And if you’re not accustomed to trusting yourself, what would it look like for you to just bet on yourself just once? Just to give it a shot. Just to see what happens. What if you had your own back, and you just believed that you could possibly do it? Okay, so the loan is another example. I’ve actually done that a couple of times over the course of my business. You pay off and it’s not a problem, everything’s fine.

Another example, this is back years ago. This is actually right before I started going to law school. My aunt and uncle gave me what I consider, still consider, a lavish graduation gift, graduating from undergrad. My aunt came over to my parents’ house, and she handed me $1,000 in cash. She said, “Here’s your graduation present. Buy yourself whatever you want.”

I think she had planned for me to buy a luxury bag or something like that, or at least put it towards an expensive bag. I looked right at her; I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I had spent several years in a row going to Italy, and I knew that I probably wasn’t going to have much of a chance to go while I was in law school. That I was going to be busy studying, and then working during the summer and all that good stuff.

So, I wanted to get one more trip under my belt before I embarked on the law school adventure. I looked at her, and I said, “I’m taking this and I’m going to Rome.”  I was able to get a buddy pass through a boss of mine, actually. He had a second job working at Delta, for the perks of being able to fly for free. And he had coworkers that would sell their buddy passes, so I was able to get a really inexpensive flight, flying standby to Rome.

Then, I used that $1,000 to, I think, pay for the hotel that I stayed at in Rome. I met my aunt and uncle there; we went to dinner several nights in a row. I went to the Amalfi Coast for the first time by myself. And it was just incredible. I remember, when I got that gift I told my mom about it, and she looked at me and she goes, “Absolutely not. You have to give that back. That’s way too extravagant. That’s way too much money. You have to give that back.”

I just remember feeling like a punch in the gut. I’m like, “What? I don’t want to give it back. I want to go to Italy.” That’s just how she was raised. She was brought up to be, again, very practical. In her mind, gifts like that were impractical. It was not okay, it wasn’t acceptable, to receive generosity at that level.

I remember she told me, “You have to give it back.” I thought long and hard about it; she had very strong opinions, which I disagreed with. And I let it marinate for a little while, and ultimately decided, no, I’m not going to. I’m not going to give it back.

I gave myself permission to keep it. And I made myself a promise, when my cousin, who is the daughter of my aunt and uncle that gave me this gift, when she graduates from undergrad, I’ll do the same exact thing for her. I can’t wait to do that. I’m so looking forward to being as generous to her as my aunt and uncle were to me.

And if you know me personally, you know that’s pretty on brand for me. I love to be generous with money. It is one of the ways that I show affection and love towards other people. I love sharing the wealth, spreading the wealth around that way. So, this is another time where I had to just give myself permission to do something that allowed me to live a life that I was obsessed with. To chase my dreams of traveling the way that I wanted to travel.

You know I always say, “Don’t take advice from someone who hasn’t done what you want to do.” And in this instance, neither of my parents have ever been to Europe. They’ve never seen Italy, so they don’t know how spectacular it is. And even if they did, they probably would still make the same decision.

That gets to be the right decision for them, but this was the right decision for me. I trusted myself to make the right decision for me, and then I gave myself permission to act in accordance with that decision.

Speaking of money… Actually, I have a friend who says this quote and I absolutely love it. It resonates with me so much, even though I think it can be kind of polarizing. She likes to say, “Life is bought.” I tend to agree with that. People love to say that there are all sorts of things that money can’t buy.

But I think when you take a closer look, even certain memories, if you have time off of work that is a luxury afforded to you by having money, right? You don’t have to be working, so you have time to spend with your family, to be able to make those memories.

Also, there are a lot of memories that money does buy. You wouldn’t be able to have incredible experiences in Rome if you didn’t have the money to get yourself there; if you don’t already live there, right? There are so many things that I did, even just last year alone; hot air balloon rides over Big Sky, whale watching in Cabo, swimming through caves off the Amalfi coast. So many incredible things that I got to do because of money.

I actually met one of my now closest friends… I was in Orlando, at the retreat that my business coach hosts, and I had met this woman over dinner, her name’s Andrea. And a couple days after we had dinner together, and what sort of sparked this conversation was that at dinner I ended up picking up the tab for everyone. So, she kind of saw the way that I like to interact with money.

A couple days later, she was at the pool, and as I walked by her we started making small talk. She goes, “I have a question for you. I think you’re the perfect person for me to ask this question to.” I said, “Yeah, go ahead, shoot.”

She said, “I want to know what are your thoughts about spending money? Because I kind of have a little bit of mind drama around spending money, and I think you don’t. So, I think you’re probably the right person for me to talk to about this. Because I’d like to know how you think about it, and maybe I can borrow your thoughts.”

We talked through all of the hesitations that she had about spending money on luxurious, lavish things; things that were “impractical.” And if this is you, if you’re hesitant to spend money on things that deep down, you really want, but you don’t want to be seen as being irresponsible or impractical, I want you to really think about, number one, what’s holding you back?

What are you afraid of? A lot of people are afraid that people are going to judge them. And maybe that might be true, but what I offered Andrea, and what I offer a lot of people is, what if you become the person that introduces them to luxury? What if you show them what’s possible? What if you show them what an experience can be like, that maybe they would never provide to themselves?

I hosted a retreat in Big Sky, Montana, last August, at a five-star hotel called The Montage; Montage Big Sky, to be exact. My parents actually came out to visit me while I was hosting the retreat. One of my clients, shout out to Gwen, was amazing. She represented my dad when he sold his business.

They had worked together via Zoom, but Gwen lives in Florida and my parents live in Michigan, so they had never met in person. And my dad really wanted to meet her because it’s a family business. It’s been in my family since my grandfather started it. It’s like the biggest deal to ever happen to our family. So, it was a big deal, and he really wanted to meet her.

So I told him, “Gwen is going to be in Big Sky, if you want to come out and meet her.” We ended up taking Gwen to dinner, to say ‘thank you’ for all of her hard work. It was just a really incredible night. As that happened… My parents had to fly out to Big Sky, of course, in order to join us. They got to stay at The Montage, and my parents are the type of people that would never splurge on five-star luxury like that.

The Montage is typically like $1,500 a night. Now, we didn’t have to spend that much, I had a discounted group rate, so it was only $600 a night. But people think, “Oh, it’s not going to be that much better than what I’m typically used to at a much more affordable hotel chain.”

And then they got to experience it, all of the things; the fireplace in the bedroom, the amazing shower, insane shower, the bathtub that you could literally swim in, the robes, exquisite robes, the best pillows, the best bedding. All that stuff, the service that just blows your mind, the décor. Everything’s next level. The scenery is next level. The whole experience is next level.

When my parents were there, my dad said to me, “I get it. I get why you do this. It’s amazing.” We talked all about all of the different aspects of the hotel that he really enjoyed. And when I introduce other people to luxury like that, they feel the same way usually. They’re like, “Man, this is nice. I could get used to this.” And then they start to give themselves permission to opt into some of those experiences, as well.

I think that’s one of the reasons that I absolutely love hosting the retreats that I host. Because I get to do that for the people who work with me. I get to introduce them to a level of luxury or exquisiteness that they might not have experienced before. I like over-the-top experiences.

I actually do this thing called a “returners retreat.” So if you come to one of my retreats, and then you enroll for the next one, you get invited to the Returners Retreat. In Big Sky, we did the hot air balloon excursion as the Returners Retreat. This time, in Miami, I’m renting a yacht for the day. It’s going to be incredible. This boat is fantastic. I’m so excited to bring people on it and for them to see it. It’s really over the top. There’s a jet ski on the boat. There’s all this fun stuff.

I get to introduce people to doing next level things like that. And when they see it, and they experience it, they realize that they want more of that for themselves. They see me giving myself permission to do that, and then it rubs off on them. They give themselves permission to do that.

So, like this conversation I had with my friend, Andrea, I want you to do a deep dive. Take an audit, an inquiry. Where do you hesitate in spending money on what you consider to be luxurious things? Where do you hold yourself back? Maybe it’s an expensive purse. Maybe it’s an expensive car. Maybe it’s flying first class, which I will only fly now.

I know I’m over the top, you can judge me if you want. But I love it. It’s just nice up there. There’s so much room. And I can tell I’m getting older, because I really appreciate being able to get on the plane first and get situated, rather than having to stand in that obnoxious line boarding the plane. And the other thing that I appreciate is being able to get off the plane as quickly as possible.

I also like the little, actual, real glasses that they give you, not the plastic cups. It’s just nice, right? I get to do it because my business provides for that. So, why not? Why not be “impractical” and fly first class? I’m kidding with the impracticality, of course. I used air quotes there; I hate that you can’t see me, I use them a lot when I record this podcast. I talk with my hands, of course, because I’m Italian.

Anyways, maybe it’s that, maybe it’s an expensive hotel. I’m planning a trip to Italy right now, actually two trips to Italy. And I love to stay in beautiful places. I’ve just given myself permission to do that, whether or not other people agree with that decision, whether other people would think that it’s a waste of money, I’ve just decided that it’s great. I like to do it, and I get to do it. And no one else needs to give me the green light. Only I have to give myself permission to do it. And, I do.

So if you want more for your life, if you’re thinking about pursuing more and you’re hesitating, maybe you’re telling yourself that pursuing more isn’t necessary. Guess what? You’d be right, it isn’t necessary. But this isn’t about what you need, this is about what you want. There’s a big, big difference there.

And it is okay to just do something because you want to do it. You are allowed to give yourself permission to go after something, to chase a dream, to purchase something, to make a change, to give yourself an experience. You are allowed to do that simply because it’s what you want to do. For no other reason other than that.

I had someone recently, in response to an Instagram post that I did about The Obsessed Retreat… I was talking about how I’m obsessed with my life. And I am, I really am obsessed with my life. That doesn’t mean everything’s perfect all the time. That’s unrealistic. I have highs and lows, ups and downs. I have tough times and struggles. But I am still obsessed with my life. I love my life. I love what I’ve created for myself, because I’ve given myself permission to want and have more.

I’ve had a couple of people say two things to me. One is, that some people are like, “I don’t know if I want to be obsessed with my life.” And I think it’s because people mistakenly believe that they’re going to have to hustle and kill themselves and grind, and that it’s not going to feel like fun. And that it’s just going to require more of them than they’re willing to give it.

If that’s you, I really want you to challenge that assumption. Where are you getting that from? What are you basing that on? What if you could just pursue more the way you want to pursue more? And you gave yourself permission to go about it the way you want to go about it, at the pace you want to go about it? To really just do it the way you want to do it.

If you believed you wouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself, abandon yourself, or compromise your wellbeing would you want more? Would you want more? Would you think it would be fun to have more? What comes up for you when I say that when I ask you that question?

The other thing that I think comes up for people. I did this post about how I’m obsessed with my life, and someone in the comments chimed in and said that I was obsessed with myself. I want to tell you two things here. One, I don’t think it’s a problem to be obsessed with yourself. I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing.

But I don’t look at myself that way at all. I don’t think that I’m obsessed with myself. I think that I’m obsessed with my life, and those two things are very different. I think there are probably different definitions about what it means to be obsessed with yourself.

Maybe that’s “conceited,” or “full of yourself.” I am definitely not those things, so I don’t even take offense to the idea of being obsessed with yourself. But I don’t feel that I am. I really feel like I am obsessed with my life, the life that I’ve given myself permission to create.

Okay, so if you’re worried about that, you’re worried about either burning yourself out or having to grind too hard, that’s not the case. You don’t have to do it that way. If you’re worried about being self-obsessed, selfish, conceited, arrogant, or full of yourself because you’re pursuing a life you’re obsessed with… Maybe you’re afraid people will think that you think you’re too good for them.

None of that has to be the case. None of that has to be true. You get to know yourself; you get to trust yourself. And you get to give yourself permission to pursue more, to want and have more, in a way that feels really in alignment and integrity for you.

So, I want to sum this all up one more time just to really drive it all home for you. No one’s going to give you permission to set big goals, to chase big dreams, to live an over-the-top life. Because that’s what we’re talking about here today, living an over-the-top life, a life that you’re obsessed with.

No one’s going to tell you that it’s okay for you to want and have more. You have to give that permission to yourself. You have to decide to go for it all on your own. Not because you need it, but because you want it. You have to decide that that’s okay. That it’s okay to want more than what seems like “enough.”

No one is going to give you permission to pursue and create as full of a life as you’re capable of living. The one with all the success, the one with all the connection, the one with all the fun, the one with all the adventure, the one with all the luxury, the one with all the freedom. You’re going to have to give that permission to yourself.

In fact, “they,” the people you’re worried about, they might tell you that it’s too risky to go for it. That the life you have is just fine. But “fine” is not what you’re aiming for, is it? I know it’s not. If you were aiming for fine, you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast. I believe that in my bones.

The “theys” in your life, they might judge you. And that’s totally okay. Usually, it’s just temporary. That’s what I’ve found to be the case. They just need to see you win, so they can see what you see; that more than this is possible for you, and for them. And before you know it, they’ll actually be inspired by you.

That’s what’s happened in my life. So many people that doubted me, that thought what I was doing was risky, they’re now inspired by me. They now use me as an example of what’s possible. But in the beginning, if you’re just getting started giving yourself permission to want and have more, you can’t wait for their stamp of approval. You’ve got to make up your own mind without it.

So, I want you to ask yourself: What’s your choice? Do you want to play small, and wait for them to give you the green light? Or do you want to make up your own mind and start living the biggest life you can? Don’t overthink this question, pick the first answer that comes to your mind.

If you pick the second option, that you want to start living the biggest life you can, this is your invitation to join me in Miami, in March, for The Obsessed Retreat. I’m going to teach you how to create a life you’re obsessed with over the course of three days.

We’re going to go through and solve the problems that are keeping you stuck. We’re going to develop the skills you need to move forward. And then, we’re going to set goals and make the plans that you’ll implement in order to achieve them.

After our three days in person, you’re going to get lifetime access to monthly group coaching calls and The Obsessed Retreat member portal. That will have the event recordings, our monthly call recordings, additional course content, an unlimited written coaching platform, where you can get support from me in between our monthly coaching calls, and then a community platform where you can stay connected to all of the other retreaters.

This is going to be what changes the game for you. All you have to do is start by giving yourself permission to want and have more. As soon as you make up your mind that you’re going to give yourself that permission, that you’re not going to wait for anyone else to give it to you, I want you to head on over to my website; it’s going to be linked in the show notes: bit.ly/the-obsessed-retreat.

Go there and register. Sign up to join me in Miami, in March. I cannot wait to see you in South Beach, where we get to get started creating a life that you’re obsessed with.

All right, my friends. That is what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 89: How to Develop Business

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | How to Develop Business

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | How to Develop Business

It’s time to talk about business development. Over the next few months, I’m covering the different facets of business development, so you can take control of the results you’re getting when it comes to your income and your client goals, and I’m starting it off this week with a masterclass on how to develop business.

Most people think of business development as a massive challenge. However, that’s just because they never learned how to create clients and money on demand. So, if you want to develop a stronger, more profitable business, this is a must-listen episode.

Tune in this week to dive deep into business development. I’m sharing exactly what you need to do to create a thriving business, a blueprint for developing your business effectively, and you’ll learn tons of practical tips and strategies that you can go implement in your own business right now!

I’m running another rate and review giveaway! Instructions for leaving a rating and review for The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast are here. Don’t forget to take a screenshot of your review, and email it to me or DM me on social media.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Want to be the first to know when my monthly subscription Lawyers Only launches? Click here and sign up for the waitlist!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How to create awareness around where you need more business development strategy.
  • 5 key steps for developing business.
  • The core beliefs you need when you’re developing business.
  • Why your mindset matters on your business development journey.
  • The most common business development mistakes I see people in the industry making.
  • Some of the complementary skills you need for developing business.
  • How to set yourself up for business development success in 2024.
  • A business development success blueprint you can start using right now.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 89. Today, we’re talking all about how to develop business. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Hello, my friends, how are you? I am so excited to talk about this topic with you. I’m going to do several episodes over the course of the next couple months about business development. I think it’s one of the most important topics to cover. It is so empowering to know how to be in control of your business development results that you want, and to be able to achieve your income goals or your client goals.

Most people are bad at this because they’ve simply never learned how to do it. So, today we’re going to kick off this topic. I just hosted a master class where I taught the topic of how to develop business. So, you’re about to listen to that audio recording of that masterclass. It’s super comprehensive. I go through everything you need to do in order to master business development. So, give it a listen.

Then, make sure that you implement what you learn. This is going to be the year where you learn how to create clients and money on demand. If this is one of your goals, this is a must-listen episode for you. Okay? It’s filled with so much tangible guidance on exactly what you need to do. I do not gatekeep; I give it all away. So, go grab something to take copious notes with, tune in, and enjoy rice.

How is everyone today? Happy Friday. You see me, amazing. So, we’re going to workshop together, that way you really get a ton out of this, and you’re able to leave here with what I’m calling a “business development blueprint.” You’re going to have the exact steps that you need to take in order to create the business that you want to create. In order to create the clients that you want to create. In order to develop the type of business that you want to develop.

Okay, so I just want to go over the agenda for today. I love to know where we’re going. I love to explain to people what they can expect. First and foremost, we’re going to start by creating some awareness. In order to make changes to your business development strategy we’ve got to figure out what’s going on right now.

So, we’re going to create some awareness today as to why you’re doing what you’re doing, maybe why you’re not doing what you’re not doing, how you think and feel about business development, if it kind of gives you the ‘ick’ or if you have a lot of dread around it. We’re going to create awareness around that.

Then, I’m going to walk you through my five key steps. So, these are going to be the actions that you take in order to develop business. Normally, I love rules of three; old trial attorney trick. But today, we’re talking rules of five. So, five key steps; that’s going to be all about action.

Then, we’re going to talk about the five core beliefs that you need to have when you’re developing business, okay? Because action alone is not enough. You’ve got to make sure that you’ve got the mindset, you’ve cultivated the mindset to fuel you forward, to make sure the action that you’re taking is effective.

Then, we’re going to talk about common mistakes that I see my clients make, that I see people make when it comes to business development, and I’m going to teach you how to avoid them.

Then, we’re going to talk briefly, at the end, about how you can set yourself up for success this year when it comes to business development. I want to talk a little bit about the other skills that I think sort of dovetail nicely and support a business development initiative.

Some of those skills you might already have, which is amazing. Some of those skills you might not have. If you don’t have them, you want to make sure that you figure out what you’re going to do this year to develop them, so you’re able to support yourself all throughout the year as you go on this business development journey.

We’re going to start off with creating awareness. I just want you to do me a favor… like I said, very active chat today. It’s one of my favorite topics to teach. So, I can’t wait to see all the amazing things that you have to say, the ideas that you have, and all the stuff that we’re going to be able to do together today.

But we’re going to start by talking about what you’re currently doing. I just want to get a sense from the crowd. What are you currently doing, or not doing, when it comes to business development? Tell me: Am I posting sometimes on social media? Maybe infrequently. Am I showing up inconsistently? Am I making plans but not sticking to them? Am I changing my mind a lot?

“Tons of networking and posting, at least four days a week.” That’s amazing, Amy, so good. Okay, so posting on social, either in-person or virtual networking. One of the things that I always say is, don’t change what’s working. If you’re doing stuff and it’s working, we want to do more of that. Okay? If there are things that you’re already doing that are helping you create clients, we want to keep doing that stuff.

You want to make sure you identify it so you know that it’s something that works, and you can continue to do it. “Posting regularly on LinkedIn. Setting up speaking engagements,” amazing. “Sending notes to people who comment on my posts,” love that. “Serving current clients really well.” That’s a great point, it leads to referral business, right?

“And consistent on social media.” There we go. “Creating processes from current clients to get them results faster,” love that. “I regularly post on social media, but I’m not creating consults from it.” Okay. “Some coffee chats and playing tennis. Four out of five consults came from these connections,” amazing. “Serving clients well. Need to be clear, on plan, and more consistent.” All right.

So, that’s what I really want to see. I want to see some of that stuff that’s not working too. So, like, “Inconsistent hosting.” Do you make a plan to do it, and then you prioritize other work? That substantive work first. Do you do what I call “post and ghost”? So, you throw something up on social media, but then you don’t spend any time engaging with people. “Not enough calls to action on how to work with me?” Yeah. Not making offers, right? Totally.

“I’ve been really intentional and welcoming each and every new follower via DM. Awesome, welcome. Glad you’re here. If you have any questions, let me know.” I love that, great way to build relationships. “Speaking at industry seminars, coffee and lunch with existing clients, calls and outreach to target relationship folks,” so good.

“Inconsistent on LinkedIn. Not sure how to translate it to actionable leads.” Alright, Christine, you’ll have to tell me more about that. “How do we get burned out on Instagram? I’m not doing enough lead generation posts. Need to find a way to move my network from engaging with my posts to a discovery call.” Okay.

So, when you’re posting, and this is why I say that ‘action is not enough,’ one of the things that you might not be doing is building your belief. Understanding what your current beliefs are about yourself, your services, your potential clients.

We want to make sure, if you’re taking the action but it’s not producing consistent results, you’re either going to look at your social media strategy… I’m going to teach you how to write a social media post that’s very effective, today… But we also want to take a look at what are you believing, and do you have the right beliefs to make the action you take really effective?

Now that you’ve got a clearer picture of the things that you’re doing, maybe the things that you’re doing well… “Yeah, definitely not solid on belief, for sure.” So, if you ignore your belief, then you end up spinning your wheels. You take all of this action, but because it’s not belief-fueled action, which is what I’m going to teach you today, it doesn’t actually move the dial.

Strategy is super important when it comes to business development. We’ve got to make sure that you’re taking enough action. But if you’re taking enough action, and you’re not getting the results you want, we know we’ve got a belief issue, okay?

I actually teach this to my clients. I like to do this as a process of elimination. If you’re not taking enough action, which comes as the result of a belief issue, you’re going to see that in a second. But if you’re not taking enough action, I can’t pinpoint where your belief is lacking.

So, we’ve got to make sure that you’re taking enough action, and then from there I can say, “Okay, what’s going on? Are you creating consultations with potential clients, but it’s not turning into business? Do we have an issue believing that clients have the money to pay you, or that they want to work with you? Is no one taking you up on your offers? What’s going on there?”

That might be doubt in your own belief, your belief in yourself, your skills, the services you provide, the value of them, that you’re able to get clients the results you offer? We want to make sure you’re taking enough action and then from there, we can come in and laserly target… don’t know if that’s a word, but bear with me… We can target very specifically the belief that’s getting in your way.

Now, we’re going to do what I call… I like to think of this as a negative thought download. Because I want to up root all the negative thoughts that are standing in your way. Okay? So, go ahead and drop in the chat: What are your negative thoughts about developing business? And then, in parentheses, next to the thought, I want you to put the one-word emotion that you feel when you think that thought?

“I just got a whole lot of ‘not now’s’ on consults, and I just deflated totally. I’m so busy.” All right, maybe that’s overwhelmed, or stressed. What else do we have? “I don’t have control over creating consults.” Yes, right, and you will feel either helpless, hopeless, out of control. “Don’t know how to find clients. Confused?” Yeah. This stuff isn’t rocket science, you guys.

When you think ‘I don’t know,’ you will feel confused. “I don’t know where to start,” confused and overwhelmed. “I’m not clear on which is my target audience.” Okay. That’s sort of another variant of ‘I don’t know.’ You might feel unclear, lost, confused. “I feel scattered and unfocused. There are so many potential actions, I don’t know which is the best to do today.” Yeah. I always think that’s when our overwhelm and confusion sort of come together, team up like cousins, and not in a good way.

“Graspy.” Allie, so what’s the thought that makes you feel graspy? “I know, for me, too in the beginning. It’s exhausting. Overwhelm, for sure. I used to think, ‘People will think this is stupid,’ when I thought about marketing on social media. I felt embarrassed or exposed, that people are going to see me. People will think I’m desperate.” That’s a big one for people.

“Graspy or needy. Or people don’t want what I have to offer. People don’t want to be sold to. I don’t know how vulnerable to be, and then I feel like my posts are robotic.” Yeah, you’ve got to share more of yourself, for sure. “I resonate with the previous comment, writing copy is hard. Feeling despair.” Yeah, these are great. These are so, so good, you guys.

Okay, what I want you to do, I want to continue creating awareness, is take one of those thoughts… And you can do this on your own time, where you go through each one and you really create meaningful awareness as to the impact of each one of these thoughts.

But if this is your first time at one of my trainings, one of the concepts that I teach people is that C stands for Circumstance. That’s just the situation we’re dealing with. Right? Today, we’re talking about developing business.

“I worry about former colleagues looking down on me when I market online.” Christine, that was a huge one for me. I had to make a deal with myself, that I would be willing to feel whatever feelings came up on my business development journey. I kept telling myself over and over and over again, “If there’s no feeling I’m unwilling to feel, there’s no results that I can’t create.” I know that’s a lot of negatives, but that is what I kept telling myself over and over and over again.

The truth is, y’all, discomfort both ways. There’s discomfort in taking action and putting yourself out there, and being seen in front of people, those former colleagues. Then there’s discomfort in not doing that and not developing business. “I worry about my daughter seeing my posts,” totally.

My rule is, either block them or get over it. All right? You’ve got three options: Don’t post, because you care so much about what they think. Post and let them see it, and gag-and-go through the discomfort. Or block them. Block them or get over it, I’m so serious.

Two of the guys that I worked with in big law, one of them I used to have a crush on, and other one I couldn’t stand. He was so mean to me when I worked there. I had all this mind drama around what they would think. And if you’re worried about what they would think, I would encourage you to identify who’s ‘they’?

Normally, it’s someone very specific like your daughter, or a specific former colleague that you think is going to have a judgment about you. I decided I could block both of these guys, or I could just move forward and let them see it, if they are online. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that I would block them; not that you get alerted.

But if someone else was like, “Hey, did you see Olivia’s stuff online,” and then they tried to search for me and couldn’t find me, I didn’t want to put myself in that position. So, I decided to gag-and-go through the discomfort. I allowed myself to feel exposed and embarrassed. I deeply, deeply believe…

This may be one of the thoughts that just came up for you, “I don’t have what it takes to develop business. There is some X-factor.” I deeply believe there is no X-factor. The only difference between people who are making money and developing business and you, is that they’re willing to take actions that you’re unwilling to take. They’re willing to feel feelings you’re unwilling to feel. All right? They’re thinking thoughts about developing business that you’re not.

I just think that’s such an equalizer, which is so fun. Yeah, there’s no X‑factor. I started to recognize, just like Christine said, I’m not a unicorn. The people who have come before me probably had to market in front of their former colleagues, and probably had the same thoughts and negative feelings about it as me. But they were willing to feel those feelings on purpose, to embrace them, to allow them.

Yeah, willing to take consistent action. There’s a lot of negative emotions that go into taking consistent action, that you have to be willing to feel on purpose, right? So, if you decide, “Hey, I’m going to follow suit. People have done it before me. They probably had to feel their negative feelings, and I’m going to have to feel mine.”

The truth is, there’s discomfort both ways: Avoiding being embarrassed or exposed, or in embracing it and moving forward and putting yourself out there. I always suggest picking the path to get to the life you want. And in this case, that’s in creating clients and making money.

There will be a replay, Melissa. If you have to drop off at 12:30, you will get the replay. “That’s something you said in the past, there’s no X-Factor. Never thought that I’d want to do a different business, but I put in X years into creating this one.” I think you’ve got to decide what to do there and make a definitive decision.

I know that you’ve changed a couple of times in the past, so you have to see if that is your success intolerance bubbling up; if you get bored with something, and when it gets hard and you don’t get the results that you want, you want to jump to something else. That used to be me all the time in my 20s. We’ll talk about that for a second before we move on.

This is actually something that you can see, as I walk you through this model. You might be guilty of doing this, too. But this came up for me all the time when I was younger. I started a lot of businesses in my 20s and I never stuck with them. I’d get really excited, energized, committed, determined, motivated; all those sexy, juicy, amazing emotions.

Then you start taking action; time goes by. You start taking action, and you don’t get results. So, now you start to feel a little confused and a little frustrated. And then some more time goes by, and you probably start taking less action because these negative emotions are showing up. And you end up avoiding them by doing something else that brings you instant gratification. So, you’re feeling confused and frustrated.

And then, over time, you take less and less action, and you’re getting less and less results. And now, you feel worried and maybe embarrassed and disappointed and discouraged. Maybe even guilty, because now you’re really not showing up and you’re beating yourself up about it. Then, right around here, you hit defeated, and then you quit.

And then, what people love to do, is they love to jump to something new. They start that whole process over again. Okay? Effort goes down over time. This is time. The curve is how you feel. Right? So, if this is you, and you keep changing because you’re not getting the results you want, I think the question to ask yourself there is: If what I was doing was successful, would I make a change?

If the answer’s no, then you’ve got to clean up what you’re doing and stay the course, rather than making a switch. That’s my guidance there.

“It helps that you’re sharing that you’ve had these feelings, because you’re confident and beautiful.” Thank you so much. That is so kind of you. No one’s exempt from this stuff, you guys. I teach people to stuff day in day out, week in week out.

People have negative thoughts and feelings about developing business. You want to normalize that for yourself, and recognize that other people aren’t unicorns who don’t experience any of this stuff. They’re no different than you, they are just willing to feel their feelings and take intentional action in spite of those emotions.

I want you to take one of those thoughts that you just identified, and we’re going to see the impact of thinking that thought. So, we’ll do, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ Again, you want to identify the one-word emotion. So, when we’re thinking about developing business, and you’re thinking your thought, you feel a feeling.

Chances are, because we just did a negative thought download, it’s going to be a negative feeling. Because negative thoughts cause negative feelings, and then negative feelings produce negative action or no action.

So, what do we do when we’re feeling confused? Spin, don’t figure it out, seek instant gratification. We call this, in coaching, “buffering.” Doing something else that feels better in the moment: Watch TV, scroll on social media, all that stuff. So, spin, we don’t figure it out, and we end up indulging in ‘I don’t know.’

Then, guess what? You create the result of you still don’t know what to do. Right? Same thing. If you’re thinking, “I’m not in control of my results.” You’ll feel out of control, that helplessness. Then, guess what you do? You cede control, you take less action. You don’t cultivate strong beliefs. You do a lot of waiting and seeing. People just come to you. So, you end up relinquishing control.

“Also, endlessly research shit.” Yes, that’s such a good point. That was probably for the other model, but yes. I want you to start to see there are other thoughts that might be seemingly positive…

“I hope I develop business this year.” I just recorded a podcast episode on this. I do not like “hope” as an emotion okay, because it puts you into that wait-and-see, relinquish, cede control, state. Or, “I need to develop business this year.” Need begets more need. Thoughts with “need” and “want” in them create results that leave you still needing and still wanting.

So, “I want to develop business this year,” might feel hopeful, optimistic, or maybe a little guilty because you’re not doing it. Or you’re telling yourself you need to and you feel pressured. Those thoughts aren’t going to serve you. You want to see what’s coming up.

You also might doubt yourself and your abilities. “No one wants to work with me. I’m not enough of an expert. My clients can’t afford to work with me, I’m too expensive.” A lot of the attorneys that I work with, they think their rates are too high so they don’t develop business. “I don’t have time to develop business.”

You want to see how these current thoughts are making you feel, and then the action you’re taking from that feeling. You want to see how it’s producing your current results. Whatever your current results are when it comes to business development, it’s coming from the thoughts that you’re thinking, the negative feelings that are coming up for you that you end up reacting to or avoiding, and then the action that you’re taking that’s not serving you. Okay?

So, in order to move forward, we’ve got to change what we’re thinking about developing business. We’re going to work from the bottom up. We’re going to work from the result we want to create, and reverse engineer it. We start with just identifying the result.

It can be to develop business. I like to get more specific than that. So, how much money do you want to create this year? How many clients do you want to create this year? Some of my clients want to work with particular clients, like a Fortune 500 company. So, get clear here. What’s the exact result that you want to create?

From there, this is what you’re going to do. This is going to be sort of the 50,000 ft view. We’re going to get more specific as we work through the material today. You’re going to do, what I call, create a business development blueprint. We’re going to do that together today. Okay?

Then, you’re going to take all five actions that I’m going to teach you very consistently. You’re also going to work on building those five core beliefs that I’m going to teach you. You’re going to do that week in, week out, to make sure you’re staying in really high belief. And then you’re going to stay the course.

You might be tempted to change it, sort of like Mariette was talking about a second ago, right? Do I want to switch to something new, something that sounds more exciting? No, no, no, no, no, we’re not making changes here. We’re staying the course. You’re going to give the work that you do time to actually work.

Success compounds, but only if you don’t make changes. I also always want you to include in your Intentional Action line: Allow myself to feel… We’re going to list out the negative emotions that you’re going to have to be willing to feel in order to show up and do all of this stuff. So, you might have to feel dread, or embarrassed or confused… got to feel confused and work through it, rather than try to escape it… or exposed.

A big one for people is, tired or pressured or overwhelmed. You’ve got to sit with that feeling, and show up and develop business anyways, instead of just always putting that substantive work first.

Now I want you to tell me, what’s the positive emotion that you need to feel in order to take all of that action, and gag-and-go your way through that discomfort? Give me that one word emotion. Ooh, “Momentum,” yeah. “Committed,” yes. So good. “Confident,” love it. I also love “compelled” here. “Determined,” so good. “My content is always working.” Ooh, that’s so fun. What a great thought.

“Secure. Purposeful.” You guys, these are so good. “Determined,” yes. “Curious,” I love curious. “Capable,” Cam, capable is a big one for me. I totally agree with you.

Now, I want you to take that feeling and tell me what’s the thought that you need to think to feel that feeling? “I have everything I need,” so good. That always makes me feel sufficient. “I am enough,” yeah. “I am such a determined person.” Love that, Acel. “I can do this,” I love that. “This is working. I can do this.” Yes. For me, it’s ‘I will do this.’ No matter how long it takes and what feelings I have to feel.

So, those were the two promises I made myself when I started developing business. I made myself a promise, unlike 20-something Olivia, I would not quit, no matter what. No matter how long it took me to get results, I committed to working the process that I’m going to teach you until I crossed the finish line.

Until I learned how to create money, I learned how to create clients, and I learned how to develop business. I made myself that promise, I would not quit no matter what. I was willing to do it for however long it took me to figure this out. I jokingly said to myself, “I’m willing to be bad at this for however long it takes for me to get good.”

And, I kept that commitment to myself. I also made myself a promise that I would be willing to feel every negative feeling I had to feel on the path to get there. I said, “I’m willing to feel all that discomfort, and show up in spite of it.” That’s how I was able to be consistent, how I was able to put myself out there and give value.

Alright, we’ve got some amazing thoughts. Crowdsource them. I love to just create a whole list of thoughts that I like to think. “All of my future clients are waiting for me.” That’s such a good one. “This can be fun. People are waiting for my help. Everything I do is working.”

What else? “I love that I don’t have to feel joy all the time to act.” If I waited ‘til I felt joyful to act, I’d get nothing done. “I love the work that I do.” Most of the time, I just have to gag-and-go through feeling dreadful and tired, and unmotivated. “Trust the process,” yeah. “That was the best time for me to build this business,” yes.

“Thank you for sharing that about yourself. It’s good to hear we’re not alone in our thoughts.” You’re not alone at all. “Now is the perfect time. Let’s go.” Alright, I want you to keep adding to this. You can create a little note in your phone, or wherever you want, but you’re going to keep adding positive thoughts.

“I know enough now, and I can figure out what I don’t know,” I love that, such a good thought. “I have everything I need, to make money, within me already.” That’s another thought that I love to think.

So, we’ve cultivated some new thoughts. When you change your thinking, you change how you feel, and then you change how you show up, and it changes your results. I want to make sure that you guys are keeping top of mind, you’ve got to make sure that you’re cultivating the mindset that you need to take belief-fueled action.

We’re going to talk about five core beliefs in a second, but before we do that, I want to talk about strategy. These are the five key actions that you need to take in order to develop business. I’m going to walk you through each one of them, but this is the overview.

Number one, you’ve got to know your offer. That’s who you help and what you help them with. I like this to be simple, yet specific. Okay?

Number two… these are going to sound overly simplified, but I promise you, this is all that is required to make money. Number two, you’re going to meet people, both direct clients and referral partners. We’ll talk about that more in a second. Then, you’re going to tell the people you meet what you do. Again, simple but specific.

You’re going to add value ahead of time. Give away information for free, just like I’m doing right now with this webinar. Adding value ahead of time, and then you make offers when it makes sense. We’re going to talk about that. It’s just making sure that you’re doing things that are consensual, that people have opted into, rather than selling in a nonconsensual way.

Step number one, you’ve got to know your offer. I want you to make a commitment that you’re going to figure this out today. If you don’t already have this figured out, don’t spend any more time thinking on this other than the time that you take today. So, who do you help? What problems do you help them solve? How do you help people solve these problems?

I like people to be able to complete this statement; this part is really like bonus extra credit, that last part. It helps you figure out how you set yourself apart.

“Is it okay to have two offers?” I follow a concept that I learned from one of my business coaches, which is called “the concept of this simple offer.” Every time you have more than one offer, you make your job harder. Especially if your offers are serving multiple groups of people, or different groups of people.

It’s going to make everything you do more challenging; writing content, writing copy, marketing. Talking about what you do is going to become more of a challenge. Writing your website is going to become more of a challenge. Figuring out what you talk about on a daily basis. Figuring out what you will lead with when you talk to people.

I love, as a good litmus test, to just speak it out loud. Like if you were going to say… “What if you make it general to target several groups?” yeah, when you do this generally you water yourself down so you stand out less. Which is why it’s simple, yet specific. Okay? You can focus on everyone, but you have to do a better job at speaking to the specific problems that you help people solve, so they actually have an understanding of what you do.

I just like to think of… we’ll use a criminal defense attorney example. I have friends who are criminal defense attorneys. I have one friend who does everything from a traffic ticket to a homicide case. That’s how she introduces herself. So, I know that she can help with anything.

I know another, a friend of mine, he specializes in federal child pornography work. I couldn’t imagine doing that work. But he is a specialist in that line of work, and that comes from his experience as a prosecutor. But if I ever hear of someone who needs that type of service provided, not to get morbid and dark, but I know that I would send them to Paul, because Paul is an expert in that. I also know people who are experts in representing biker gangs.

“Yeah, I feel like what I help with changes with the wind.” We’ve got to fix that; you can’t be changing with the wind. You want to be really clear about who you help and the problems that you help people solve.

“Help General Counsel, ESG initiatives, launching ESG initiatives, by getting leadership buy-in through board and executive trainings.” So good, right, Christine? So, the GCs would hire you? The GCs would hire you; the companies would hire you? Tell me if I’m right, there. “Exactly.” So good.

“Help empty nesters love their lives once their kids are grown and flown.” So good, Jay. I absolutely love that. “Help people who have been ripped off by getting them at their fair share.” Yeah, Benjamin. I would flush that out. Like, ripped off how? Is it like someone who… I know attorneys who are lemon lawyers, so that’s a very specific problem. How is someone ripped off? What’s their fair share? Are you getting them the money back that they lost? Just tell me a little bit more there.

“I help women who want a deep and fulfilling life by teaching them how to have a great relationship with all parts of themselves.” Love that, Alex. “I help humanitarians decide whether or not to leave the humanitarian fields.” So good.

“I help powerhouse women clear their clutter and take up all the space they deserve, so that they can create a life that blows their mind. I do this through interior design and coaching services.” “I focus on holistic transformation from the inside out.” So good.

“Getting them their money back, business litigation.” Yeah, totally.

We just want to make sure that everyone you know is able to know what you do. It’s going to be really, really clear. When you get clearer about this and when you constrain, everything you do gets easier.

I have a client right now, a couple clients actually, they’re torn, I call it being “half pregnant”, between two different ideal client avatars. It makes what they do so hard, they never know who they’re writing to.

Now, if you can identify two offers that you really want to have, and you’re willing to put the time in to go through the business development blueprint and market both of them, you’re going to have to create a lot of clarity for yourself. When am I marketing this one, versus one of my marketing this one? How frequently do I fluctuate back and forth?

“I help people who have been let down by the traditional health system, and their chronic symptoms, with my smart healing methods.” Love that. So good. I have a lot of people kind of in my space right now who are into holistic health solutions, which is so cool.

So, step one is know your offer. The more specific, the better, because it makes your life easier. What I wanted to mention a moment ago was, say it out loud. If you’re like, “Hi, I’m Olivia Vizachero, and I help newspaper journalists submit Freedom of Information Act requests that actually get granted.” Or, “I used to do FoIA work.” That would be one example. I could also say, “I also used to do data breach incident responses.”

So, if I’m introducing that, think about it. I’m speaking out of two different sides of my mouth, essentially. It’s going to confuse the people that I’m talking to. Are they going to remember that I do both of those things? Who am I leading with? What identity am I leading with in that moment?

Then, think about creating content around that. What does my website say? What’s the homepage of my website say? “I help people with problems,” that’s going to be the catchall. Which isn’t going to be specific enough to be compelling. Or it’s going to be really bifurcated, rather than just going all-in on data breach work, or going all-in on that FoIA litigation that I used to do. Okay?

Same thing with thinking about the different types of law you could practice. The people who do everything, they don’t stand out to you, right? So, you want to make sure that people know what you specialize in.

The reason knowing your offer is so important, is not only does it make your social media presence easier to navigate, but it also informs every other step of these five steps that I’m teaching you. Specifically with meeting people, these are the categories in your blueprint you want to make sure you have answered. You’re going to have specific people identified, and ways to reach out to these people, for each one of these categories. Okay?

“When you say ‘two offers,’ are you okay with both one-and-one, and group? Would that be unacceptable, two offers?” Great question, Jen. I only like two offers if you have demand to support it. I was brought up to follow the methodology of starting with one-on-one. This is for anyone who’s an entrepreneurial coach, here. Start with one-on-one, grow it until the point that you’re fully booked, start a waitlist, and then you can launch a group.

I always want people to be thinking about how do you want your launch of a group to go? What do you want your experience to be like? “I want my experience to be as seamless as possible.” There’s a lot of learning that goes into launching a group. But you get to decide, do you do it to crickets? Or do you launch it to a list of 100 people that are waiting to work with you, and you don’t have room for in one-on-one? That’s going to be a very different experience.

“I have a lot of things I’ve helped people with so it’s a sticking point to me. A sticking point for me to know what I specialize in. I’m a generalist in the widest way.” Here’s the thing, you can continue to do other work, just don’t let your marketing be that general. The majority of my clients are lawyers, but I work with people who aren’t lawyers too. Some of my one-on-one clients are coaches. Some of them I’ve worked with are financial advisors, CPAs; people from all different backgrounds.

I don’t change my marketing. For the first several years of my business, I focused only on lawyers. Now, I’m moving into hosting retreats for a wider range of people, and candidly, making my marketing job a lot harder because I’m getting less specific. I am taking my own medicine here.

“I want to help women figure out what they really want, and then we create it. Is that too vague?” I think you can answer that last question, which is, how exactly do I do that? That will give people a little bit more context. “Makes sense, Olivia. Thank you.” You’re welcome.

I want you to start to answer these questions. So, based on your offer, who are your direct clients? Christine gave us a great example earlier. Her direct clients are General Counsel. She can start to think about… That’s who she would identify: GCs. I’ll do this on the next page, actually. Again, if you serve a broad audience, you just want to start to make a list. Pick three people for each one, that you can start to identify.

Because you have to be thinking about how you’re going to find them. So, Christine, we could do General Counsel. She needs to meet GCs. Where in person would she meet them? What conferences, potentially? There’s CLOC, right? I know this is going on right now in Vegas, ContractsCon. “I’m speaking at CLOC,” of course, you are. Amazing. CLOC, ContractsCon, maybe some other… the ACC, Association of Corporate Counsel events?

You might make a list. I don’t go to a ton of in-person stuff. When I do, I make sure I get a lot of bang for my buck. I want it to be a very target-rich environment for me. I’m getting ready to speak at ABA Tech show, that is one of the in-person events that I go to. I also tend to go to ClioCon. That’s an event for me, because it’s filled with my ideal people. Last year, I went to Women In Trial Travel Summit, in Mexico. That was full with my ideal clients. as well.

So, pick a couple, throughout the year, and then you can bank on them. When you identify ahead of time the in-person events that you’ll go to, you can see if you can speak, which is great.

Then, you’ll think about, “Alright, where am I going to connect with people? How am I going to connect with people virtually?” For direct clients, I would probably pick LinkedIn. I don’t know if there’s as much of a following on X, formerly known as Twitter, but LinkedIn I know is Christine’s sweet spot. I think that’s a great spot for her to be.

Remember, we’re answering the questions: Who? Where? How? So, direct clients, you’re going to go here and maybe you speak at these events. Or you just introduce yourself. On LinkedIn, what do we do? We send connection requests. You get 100/week; max those out. Then, comments on GCs’ posts. That’s going to be your how you meet your direct clients on LinkedIn. Okay?

If your people are on Instagram, you can send them connection requests. I like to comment on their stuff. I find them through their hashtags or accounts that they follow. You’ve got to be thinking about, again, when you identify them then the “how” starts to flush itself out.

Then, you want to be thinking about referral partners. Who are the people that would send you business? It might be other attorneys. You can get more specific than that. It also might be other stakeholders within the company, maybe CEOs or CFOs. “Private equity,” so good. “Private equity folks,” amazing.

Ask yourself that: Where can I meet them? Do they attend certain conferences? Again, it’s going to be LinkedIn. Your “how” is going to be a little bit different here. Yes, send connection requests, engage with their content, but you’re also going to do connection calls with these people. Also known as “virtual coffees.”

You’re going to reach out, and you’re going to say, “Hey, I think it would make sense for us to know each other better. I think you work with the same people I work with. I can send you business, you can send me business. I think it makes sense for us to have a better idea of what each of us does. Would you be up for jumping on a Zoom for 30 minutes?” I’m chatty, so mine are an hour. “Would you be up for a connection call, so we could learn more about what each other does?”

Some people will take you up on that, and some people won’t. Do not worry about the ones who don’t. We’re just focused on building our network. I also want you to decide how much of this are you going to do? With direct clients, we’re sending those 100 connection requests each week. How much commenting on other people’s posts are we going to do? How much time are we going to spend doing that? I spent at least an hour a day.

How many connection calls are we going to do each week? Think about if I was doing data breach incident response, like I used to, who would my direct clients be? Business owners, or in-house attorneys at those businesses. But normally…

“Did you say 100 connection requests a week?” Yes, that should take you less than 10 minutes. On LinkedIn, you literally just get to… It’s like Google, this is why we’re identifying it. So, Christine can type in “general counsel” into the search bar and filter by people. Then, all of the general counsels that exist on LinkedIn are going to come up.

I like to filter by second-degree connections, because you don’t want to see the people that you’re already connected with. And, second-degree connections are more likely to accept your request. Then you just send; you click “Connect.” I don’t send a note. I don’t bog down someone’s inbox with that. It’s just a numbers game.

But this should take you no more than 10 minutes. If it takes you more than 10 minutes, you’re doing it wrong. You’re being too perfectionistic about it.

If you serve business owners; founder, owner, CEO; maybe entrepreneur, but probably not. People would probably use “president” or some phrase like that.

If you work with coaches. Jay is here. So, Jay works with parents who are empty nesters. I would identify, pick a couple of different job titles, people… I’m going to sound crass… people with money. We’re not here to sell our services to people without money. So, who likely has money? I’d come up with you know, C-suite individuals, partners in law firms, things like that. I’d search 100 connection requests a week.

“On the direct clients virtually, I’m not sure how much to wait for people to come to me versus asking for meetings, which is feels salesy.” I don’t ask for any meetings with direct clients. That’s why you don’t see that up here. I let people come to me through the value that I add.

I engage with them, I send them a connection request, I comment on their social media post, I put stuff out publicly for them to consensually opt into, and this is why I always make an offer okay. Because I give people an opportunity to opt in to work with me, to take the next step.

So, I made an offer to you all to come to this, through social media posts or through my email list, and you opted in. I’m going to make an offer at the end of this, for you to come work with me this year. But you’ve consented to it, because you showed up here. And, I’m giving value ahead of time. If you want to drop off before I make that offer at the end, you’re more than welcome to, right?

I don’t do this anymore, but when I used to do one-on-one work and I’d sell with a consult, you’d opt into going to that consult. And then at the consult, I’m making you a paid offer to work with me, that you’ve consented to hearing because you signed up for the consult. So, it’s never forced.

I believe direct clients know they’re your direct clients, so if you ask them for a connection call, they know you want to sell them because you do want to sell them. So, it shifts your energy. Do connection calls with people where it’s a reciprocal value add; you can help them and they can help you. It’s not the same dynamic when that person would hire you.

For people, and I’m going to use Jay as an example again. Jay gets to network with parents, so some people that he reaches out to may be ideal clients. But again, you’re really going to have to manage your energy. The purpose of the call is not to get the person to become a client. Okay? The purpose of the call is just to get to know one another.

This is another rule for me, if someone expresses interest in working with you on that connection call, you set up a separate call, okay? For the sales call, the sales pitch, the consultation; whatever word you use, okay? You don’t turn a connection call into a consultation. I think that is not clean energy. You want to make sure you’re really in integrity.

“How soon after connecting with the general counsel, or C-suite, would you recommend asking to meet with them to discuss further?” I think the best‑case scenario is to connect with them if they share content on social media, to engage with that for a little while, then reach out and say, “Hey, saw your posts, really love your stuff. I’d love to connect further, learn more about what you do.”

My guess though, and I could be wrong, but Joshua, for you, are those GCs or C-suite individuals potential clients? Because if they are potential clients, I don’t do connection calls with those people. I let those people come to me. So, what I would do, is I would be connecting with people who would be referral partners.

That might be… I don’t know if I’m familiar with the firm that you’re at, just from seeing the email registrant. I don’t know whether you do transactional work or litigation, but you might want to meet with… “Litigation,” amazing. So, you might want to do referrals, or do connection calls, with people in the transactional space because they’re not direct competitors.

Sometimes I do connection calls with direct competitors, because I believe that there’s plenty of business to go around. But people who don’t do what you do but interact with your clients, you’d be able to refer them business, they’d be able to refer you business. Right?

Or people who do exactly what you do but are at other firms, you might have conflicts. So, that’s a great way to reach out to referral partners. “Hey, we do the same thing. I’m really looking to flesh out, build out, my network of referral partners or local counsel, I’d love to jump on a call with you if you’ve got 30 minutes, just to learn more about your practice, your experience, who you’d like to work with. I think we serve the same groups of people.”

Then publicly, we’re going to talk about this in a second, but you’re going to add value, and then make offers to invite the direct clients in. Like the people on this call right now, I wouldn’t reach out to you and ask you for a connection call. I publish public social media content. This is a public training that I offer, that you get to opt into for free, and then I make you an offer that you have to opt into. I don’t come to you. You want people, our ideal people, coming to us.

“When you are looking for speaking gigs, do you reach out proactively to the folks booking speakers? Or do you follow the ‘they need to reach out to me’ rule here?” Great question, EJ. With speaking engagements, I will reach out. I see that as a little bit of a reciprocal value add, because they need speakers. I think it’s skewed a little bit. I prefer if someone comes to me.

And I think your success rate is better when they’re coming to you, obviously, than when you’re going to them. But if you’re okay getting told no a little bit more frequently, then you can do that cold outreach. I normally speak for free, too. Not all of the time, some of the speaking that I do is paid. But I do speak a lot for free because I want to get in front of the audience.

So, step one, know your offer. Step two, meet people; direct clients, referral partners; in person and online. I prefer online, just because you can get a lot more bang for your buck. Especially if you serve a nationwide audience, an international audience, you’re not just restricted to your geographic areas.

I like in-person events a couple of times throughout the year. I go to the same stuff over and over again. I’ve found that to be the best way to have really rich relationships with people.

You might not know people very well the first time, but then you go back to the same event the next year and you meet up, you have a drink, you remember, you hug, you shake hands; all that good stuff. And the next year, you’re like, “Hey, do you want to do dinner? I’m coming in a day early; I’d love to catch up.” And you really start to know each other.

I do like some intentional in-person events in those target-rich environments. But you want to make sure that you’re spending the bulk of your time virtually. Especially with social media, this is how we’re going to continue to nurture people over time.

Step one, know your offer. Step two, meet people. Step three, tell people what you do. I know this sounds simple, but you want to make sure you’re doing it. And the goal should be that everyone you know should be able to send you your ideal clients. Okay?

It is such an opportunity that we can work globally and virtually now.

And anyone who has thought drama, mind drama, around social media, it is free, you guys. It is one of the coolest things in the world, that we get to reach all these people for free. So, let’s clean up our negative thoughts.

If anyone has to drop off, I just realized we’re at the top of the hour, if you have to drop off, you’ll get the recording of this. I’ve still got more stuff to go through. I figured I would run long today.

So, you want to make sure that everyone you know, knows what you do. Great litmus test here is just to ask people, “Do you know what I do? Tell me what you think I do.” I did a challenge on this last year when I taught this topic. I had people actually create social media posts asking their audience, “Hey, tell me what do you think it is that I do? Who do you think I work with? Who are my ideal clients?”

I’ve had clients tell me, “Oh, yeah, everyone knows what you do.” And then I asked them, “Would your kids be able to send you business?” I had a commercial leasing attorney, and she would tell her kids that she worked in real estate. When I think you work in real estate, I think you’re a realtor. Right? Or a real estate investor. I don’t think you’re a commercial leasing attorney.

She also wanted to specialize in commercial leasing for restaurants or food industry businesses. That’s a very specific thing, and you want to make sure people know that. If you do contract disputes, if you’re a commercial litigator, you want to make sure that people don’t just think that you go to court. I had a client like that, once.

She’s like, “Yeah, my brother would just tell people I go to court.” I’m like, “Yeah, criminal defense attorneys go to court, you don’t have anything to do with that.” Her brother was an entrepreneur so he was an ideal client, as were most of his friends.

We really need to make sure that people you know, they can be out in the world, like your little minions, helping you. Referring people to you. If people are referring you non-ideal clients, that’s just an opportunity to clear that up. Again, keep it simple and specific.

You want to make sure you are clear on how exactly you will do this. So, you’re going to tell people in person, conversations in person. I bring my identity with me, absolutely, everywhere I go. I eat out by myself a lot. Every bartender that I meet knows that I’m a life coach for lawyers. And they also know that I host in-person personal development retreats. I mentioned it every chance I get.

If I go out, leave my house today, and people compliment me that I have a nice dress on… They go, “You look really nice.” I’d be like, “Oh, I taught a webinar today.” They’re like, “Oh, on what?” “I actually teach people how to develop business. I’m a life coach for lawyers. So, I talk about all things; professional and personal. One of those topics that I cover is business development. So, I taught a training on that.”

I tell everyone what I do. I bring it with me everywhere I go. If you are sitting next to me in a restaurant, you’re going to hear about it. If we’re on a tour together in Italy, you’re going to hear about it. I tell absolutely everyone.

Social media posts are another way. In your own social media posts, you’re going to tell people what you do by walking them through examples of problems you solve; more on that in a second. You’re also going to comment on other people’s posts.

One of my dear friends, Shari Belitz, she’s a trial consultant and she loves to use the phrase “comments or content, comments or content.” It doesn’t always make sense to talk about what you do on another person’s post, but if it does… So, if someone was talking about jury selection, that is a perfect opportunity for Shari to talk about what she does. Then you’re also going to tell people on connection calls, what you do.

Again, we’re just building out that blueprint, you want to be really clear about what it is that you’re doing for each of these five steps.

Step four, add value ahead of time. That is a very industry entrepreneurship/coachy term or phrase. It just means giving away free information that is valuable, before people have paid you. The goal is to give away so much free value that it actually makes you uncomfortable.

“Caveat, don’t link out to your website in the comments.” No, that’s so awful. “How much content do you suggest putting out on social media? How long should a post be? For instance, should it refer back to a blog link? And can a post read like an email?”

Most of my posts read like an email. If you follow my social media content, I have a specific cadence to my posts. Shorter posts are easier to read. But mine are lengthy and I’ve just accepted that. I don’t think there’s a right answer there. My rule is at least four times a week, that you should be posting on social media. But we’re going to talk about that in a second; deciding the frequency that you can actually commit to.

For some people, that’s only once a week. If that’s what you can do, fine. This is my full-time gig, so I make sure that I do it at least four times a week, and then only one post a day. “Do posts have to be written?” Nope. You can do videos, reels, TikToks, stories. I do an Ask Me Anything series on Instagram that is very, very popular, that I put a ton of time into on the weekends.

“Can you refer back to a blog link?” You can, I don’t love that. I don’t think people want to leave the platform. So, I’m always thinking about where’s someone’s attention. “For lawyers, any caveats on free value, but not giving legal advice that creates attorney/client relationship claims?” Yes. Just put a disclaimer at the bottom that says ‘this is not legal advice.’

I think people get in their own heads and don’t mark it because they’re afraid of being in a realm that constitutes legal advice. And I think the real issue, I’m not an attorney grievance person so you can run it by someone, I think they’re going to be overly cautious and tell you not to do things that would make you a lot of money. So, you have to determine your own risk tolerance there.

“The platform doesn’t like you leaving the platform, so the algorithm doesn’t favor that.” Exactly. The algorithm doesn’t favor you linking back to something else. Whether it’s your website… I have to do it, because I can’t get you here unless I drop a link, right? So, I’m willing to take the hit. But I do take that into consideration. That if I am bringing it back to something else, that I’m going to be dinged by whatever platform that I’m on.

“As a creator, it is really frustrating when a comment hijacks your post anywhere outside of the platform.” Yeah, I just don’t recommend doing that, don’t drop links to other people’s stuff. “We have to, of course. Just judicially.” Yeah. “The platform doesn’t like you leaving,” yes. “Just judicially, about the links.” Exactly.

So, you’re wanting to give away so much value that it makes you uncomfortable. I like this to be as closely tied to what you do as possible. Again, you’re going to focus on consistency: What’s the amount of value you can commit to providing, consistently? Don’t take on more than you can maintain.

I heard someone say this on social media earlier this week, and I thought it was so, so good. They said if you have to ask “when,” your brain starts to ask “if.” The context that I heard it in was, if you host a weekly meeting but you cancel the meeting a lot, your team members, rather than being like, “When is the meeting?” they’re going to start to ask, “Are we holding the meeting? Do we have a meeting this week? Are you sure you want to do that?”

They wonder if we’re going to do it, not when we’re going to do it. I think the same exact thing is true with the value you add; whatever you can commit to. I have a client right now, and she wants to do more than one webinar a month. That is a grueling pace. I know, because I do a webinar a month. I also do a weekly podcast. That’s one of the ways that I give value ahead of time. That weekly consistency, on top of the other stuff that I do, is intense.

So, I’m very cautious about what I commit to, because I make the deal with myself that I’m going to maintain that frequency consistently.

What’s the purpose of getting value out of time? A couple different things. Number one, you want to position yourself as an expert. The way that you do that is by giving valuable information away for free to your potential clients.

You also want to show what you do instead of tell them. So, when you use my social media framework, or you can use the framework for trainings like this, but it shows people what you do because you talk about the specific problems. You’re giving them an example of seeing you in action.

It also helps build “know, like, trust”; people need to know you, like you, and trust you, in order to work with you. So, we want to increase your “know, like, trust” factor over time. Most people have to see your stuff. The new statistic is 21 times, before they work with you. So, be thinking about that. How can you put yourself out there in a way that allows people to interact with you and see your expertise 21 times?

And, you’re nurturing people. This is, again, why I love virtual connections, rather than just doing stuff in person. Because if you meet someone at a networking event, you probably lose them unless you drive them to connect with you on social media. When I meet people, I don’t give out business cards anymore. I just want them to follow me on LinkedIn or Instagram. Because I want them to be nurtured by my content continuously, so then when I make an offer to work with me, they can opt into it.

Be thinking about that, that funnel that brings people to you. If you meet someone out in the real world, out in the wild, how are we continuing to nurture them?

Here are some examples of adding value. You do not have to do all of these. You can do all of these, if you have the time and availability to do all of them. I gave some examples of things that are related to the stuff that you do for work. And then, some other examples of the ways that we add value ahead of time as well. So, social media posts, webinars, podcasts, either hosting your own podcast or being a guest, you can host an event or a panel discussion. It’s a great way.

Actually, this is for Joshua, if you want to engage with GCs or C-suite people, and you want to do it in a way that’s not pushy, desperate, or graspy, host panel discussions. Reach out to them and invite them to be a speaker at it, it will give you a way to add value to them. Because it gives them a platform, it makes them look important. That’s a great way to engage and interact with those people without it coming off pushy or desperate.

Speaking engagements, reaching out to places, or just being asked to speak, writing articles. I don’t love that, because people have to know about the articles. I think you’re better just putting that time and attention into social media posts. But I have had clients write articles that end up getting quoted by the Supreme Court, or other really huge publications. So, if done well, it can really move the dial.

Introducing people to one another. That’s a little less related to what it is that you do, but it’s a way that we can add value. A newsletter kind of goes up here more; about the content that you would create, telling people what you do, adding value ahead of time. Engaging with other people’s content.

“Social media is a game of reciprocity.” Yes, great point, Jen. You can post the articles that you’ve written to social media, I suggest doing that. I also think because writing articles is such a time commitment, get several posts out of one article and link back to it.

“Engaging with other people’s content,” this is a massive way to add value to other people, okay? If we are on social media, we are not there just to have fun, more than likely. If there is a content creator in your life, they would love your engagement. If you’re a content creator, you would love other people’s engagement; likes and comments. Comments, especially.

Likes aren’t good enough; you want to do more than that. So, you want to comment on other people’s posts, it’s a very valuable commodity. People will be very grateful, and they will be likely to reciprocate. And then, referring business to other people, that’s a great way to add value.

Doing some kind of favor. One of the things that I do all the time, I add value by teaching people recipes on Instagram. It’s just something that I cook and people ask me, “Hey, do you have the recipe for that?” And I’ll send it to them.

If you are heading to Italy anytime soon, you probably know that I will send you a long list of restaurant recommendations as well. So, that’s another way that I add value.

“Yes, there can be overlap back to social media posts with many of these,” totally, yes. Again, you don’t have to pick all of these, I want you to pick what you can commit to. And you want to be answering the question: What am I going to do, and how frequently?

If you’re doing panel discussions, do four per year. That’s not crazy overkill. You can schedule the dates right now, make sure you’ve got it set up, and then come up with your protocol for reaching out to people. If you do webinars, you can come up with your schedule right now for the rest of the year. Do you do them quarterly or monthly? I wouldn’t suggest more than monthly because you have to actually promote them to get people there.

Do you do a weekly newsletter, a monthly newsletter? How often do you engage with people’s content? The answer to that should be daily, but how much of it do you do? How many posts do you comment on? How frequently do you do a podcast? How many speaking engagements do you want to do throughout the year?

You want to be answering these questions. What are you doing? Make your list. And then, how frequently are you doing it?

Last step, step five, making offers when it makes sense. Once you’ve given value, you’re going to make an offer. What I want you to be sure that you don’t do, don’t assume that people know you’re open for business, okay? And, that they know how to reach out to you, to take you up on the opportunity to work with you. They don’t know what the next step to work with you is.

Don’t make them go to your law firm website and track down your email address or your phone number. Don’t make them do that. “Don’t make them leave the platform.” It can be hyperlinks to email you; all the better. Or hyperlinks to call you, or a link to book a call. I use an electronic scheduler. I know a lot of big firms don’t let you implement that type of technology. Figure out, do you want someone to just DM you? Tell them to DM you.

Pick one way that you want people to reach out and streamline it all through that. But don’t assume that people know you’re open for business. There’s an incredible content creator on LinkedIn. I absolutely love her posts, they’re so valuable.

“Is a webinar weekly, too much?” If it’s a different topic, yes. I would say, if you’re running a webinar weekly to cold traffic through Facebook ads, that’s not too much. I have friends who do that quite effectively. But I think if you’re coming up with a different topic, you’re not marketing it sufficiently enough to your audience to get them there, if you’re doing it once a week.

So, this content creator, she has this incredible content and she never makes an offer. Based on who her audience is, my guess is, they probably just think that she likes to write content for LinkedIn. That it’s her hobby, and that she just enjoys sharing her wisdom. They would never know that she’s open for business, because she doesn’t tell people that she works with people and that they can hire her for this service.

Don’t make people guess. Don’t assume that they know. You want to expressly tell them that you can help them with these problems, that you help them solve, and then tell them what to do next; DM me, email me, call me, book a call here, register for this webinar.

Be very specific. Make sure it’s consensual. You’re not sliding into their DMs offering them something that they haven’t asked you for. “How often do you tell them?” At the end of everything you do. If you’ve delivered value, you make an offer. So, with every single post you have a call to action. At the end of every training you do, you make a call to action to work with you.

Keep it consensual. So, you’re not sliding into their DMs, you’re letting them opt in on a public platform. So, always be making those public offers; you make them every time that you give value. Then, if it feels gross to you… my clients, especially attorneys, hate doing this. They just want people to figure out that they are in business, like surreptitiously.

So, gag-and-go through the discomfort. You’re going to feel gross at first, probably awkward. “I love your expressions. Gag-and-go.” I know, it’s catchy. But you’ve just got to be like, “Yeah, I feel desperate. I feel pathetic. I feel stupid. I feel salesy. I feel embarrassed.” And then, feel those feelings and make the offer anyways. “Everyone loves when she says that, right?” It’s just so fun.

The structure of a social media post. You can use the same structure for webinars, podcasts episodes, things like that. But I like to focus on a specific problem. So, I call this a “Tuesday at 1pm problem,” okay? Paint them a picture. Get them to turn into Martin Scorsese in their head, with the little video tape rolling. You want them to be able to see it in their mind’s eye.

So, talk about a specific problem. What is happening in their life, on Tuesday at 1pm? So, for my people who work with GCs. I have a client right now; she does product liability stuff. So, if your ideal client would be a GC, they just learned of a defect in a product. What do you do?

I would paint that specific picture. You just found out that the fasteners on this type of product are breaking down or eroding, they’re not working, and you don’t know what to do. Should you raise alarms? Do you have enough information? Do you need more information? Even with just this example of product liability issue, you’d be able to come up with probably 30 different topics or 30 different posts.

But talk about a very specific problem. “A good example of this would be my product’s liability client. We were just talking about this. She’s like, ‘Yeah, in-house legal departments shouldn’t use the term “defect” in an email.’” That is a very specific problem. This is a great example. The more specific you get, the easier this post is going to be to write.

So, you’re dealing with a product liability issue, one of your assistant GCs used “defect” in an email. Why is it a problem? Well, now you just opened yourself up; that’s a buzzword for litigation. So, did you just expose yourself to liability?

What causes this problem? That they used this word for training, or incomplete training, on what types of language to use in internal documents. What’s the solution? You bring me in to do a comprehensive training for your team on how to avoid creating bad documents; which words to use, which words to make sure you never use, how to handle something when a word has been used. There’s going to be specific solutions. Make sure you’ve taught them something valuable.

This is just like a checkbox: Did I teach them something valuable that they can use on their own? Or that they could use, if you’re working, if you’re a lawyer, that they could take to their other current counsel, and use right now?

I know that’s going to make you feel really gross, that you’re giving away that much value ahead of time. But that’s how they’re going to “know, like, and trust” you and believe that you’re an expert. They should be able to use it themselves, or go take it to their current attorney and be able to run with it.

So, specific problem, explain why it’s a problem, explain what causes it, explain the specific solution to the problem, make sure you’ve taught them something that they can use immediately. And then, at the very end, say, “If you have this problem, I can help you,” and then tell them what to do: DM me, book a call, email me, call me on the phone; whatever. That’s the structure of a social media post.

You can also do this with trainings. Specific problem: You don’t know how to develop business. What’s the specific? Why is it a problem? Because you don’t have agency and autonomy, and you don’t hit your business development goals, you become reliant on other people. What causes it? Not knowing, never learning; I teach that all the time. We’re bad at this because no one ever teaches us. What’s the specific solution? You’ve got to learn what are the five steps to take.

On a social media post, I would teach you what those are… or like today, in this training, I’m teaching you what those are… I’m giving you stuff you can implement immediately. And then, at the end of this, at the end of my social media post, I say, “If you would like my help with this, if you want help developing business, I can help you. Work with me this way.”

Those are the five steps: Know your offer, meet people, tell them what you do, add value ahead of time, make offers to help.

You can spend time, if you haven’t been doing this while I’ve been walking you through it, go through today and just write out a rough draft of this blueprint. Start working it. Don’t perfect it, don’t schedule it for next week. Just do it today. All right? This gets to be easy if you let it be easy.

Those are the five main actions that you need to take. Here are the five core beliefs that you need to have. For each one of these, what I want you to do, I want you to rate your belief, on a scale of 1-10, in each of these statements. Then, you’re going to work moving forward on building your belief up. Okay?

“I can help people.” You have to believe you can help people in order to show up powerfully, to give away information that people find valuable, to entice people, to draw them in to come work with you. So, rate your belief in that on a scale of 1-10.

Then, in order to build your belief: What evidence do you have to support this? You can actually create a note in your phone with each one of these things. And then, day in day out, you can just keep adding to it.

Second belief you need to have: My services are valuable. “Services,” this is different than “I”; that’s about what you can do, what you’re capable of. Your “services” is slightly different. So, if you’re a criminal defense attorney, “I believe that people should hire me, because my services help them stay out of jail.” Versus, they can just represent themselves.

Or if you do trusts in the state’s work, “I believe having a trust and a will and power of attorney, and all those documents, that that’s very valuable.” Rather than people not needing it and everything just going through probate. Trademarking something, if you’re a trademark attorney. Why are your services valuable?

Again, what evidence, or why is this true? You’re going to answer that in as many ways as you can.

“People want to and can afford to work with me.” One of my favorite thoughts is, “People always have money for the things that are important to them.” That might help you build belief in this. You can start to find evidence that that is true. “People want to, and can afford to work with me.”

This is the big one. I think this is probably out of all of them the most important one, “My results are within my control.” AKA you need to believe in the thought, “I create money. I create clients.” I never believed that when I was getting started.

When I was getting started, I didn’t believe that thought. One of my coaches tried to get me to believe that, to try that on, but it just didn’t feel accessible for me. It wasn’t until I started this business. Before I was making any money with my own clients, I decided I didn’t want to go work at another law firm.

I was really burned out from having been in big law, and then having gone back to the criminal defense firm that I was at. I just wanted to focus all of my effort and attention on this business. So, rather than going to get another law firm job, what I chose to do was sell my stuff on eBay. I sold my jewelry on eBay. And guess what? It made me money. eBay has this fun little cash register noise where, when you make a sale, it goes off and you created money; there’s money in your account.

When I finally sold stuff for the first time, I learned that I do, in fact, create money. So, the cash register machine on my phone went off, and I realized that if you believe that someone wants what you have to offer, and you take the requisite steps to make that offer available to them, which I did by taking photos of my stuff, posting it on eBay, listing it, and pricing it in a way that they would want to buy it for that price, that they would think it’s valuable and you can create money.

When I started to see evidence that I could create money in other ways, I started to see that I could create it in my own business too. By believing that I can help people, that my services are valuable, that my services help my clients get the results that they want, that people want to work with me and can afford to work with me.

Then, you take steps 1-5: Pick your offer, meet people, tell them what you do, add value, make offers; with these beliefs. And when you do that, you create your results. You make the requisite moves to create those opportunities to make money. Ultimately, if you do that for a long enough period of time, consistently, you will make money.

The last thought that I love people to practice… This is the most important part of my job. This is the most important part of my day. I start every day with business development. It is the first thing I do every morning. “What you lead with, grows.”

So, if you prioritize doing other people’s work over business development, you’re going to keep getting more work from other people. If you prioritize business development, you’re going to create more business.

These are the five core beliefs. You get to answer the question, what evidence do I have to support this belief, every single day. And, just keep adding to these lists over and over and over again.

Last but not least, I’m going to quickly run through some common mistakes that people should avoid. Number one, making assumptions. Don’t make assumptions that people know what you do, that they know how to work with you, that they know you’re open for business. Don’t make assumptions.

Explain even what feels obvious to you. Overkill. You know your business intimately, inside and out, other people don’t. So, don’t make assumptions that they know what you do, they know that you’re looking for clients.

I just had someone tell me the story where she reached out to someone, and she was like, “Hey, if you know anyone that you could refer to me, I’d really appreciate it.” And the person who she said that to was like, “Oh, do you need clients? I thought you were full.” So, never make assumptions.

Being too broad. We talked about this earlier, with knowing your offer. The broader you are the harder you make your job. So, you want to get more specific, it makes everything else you do easier.

Being impatient, right? People will get impatient and they’ll quit because they don’t give themselves a long enough chance to let what they’re doing work. Stay the course. I suggest do something for six months consistently.

Which brings me to the next mistake, being inconsistent. You’ve really got to make sure that you master showing up consistently. I think being consistent beats being good every day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

If you struggle with consistency, make sure you’re getting yourself the support you need to work through that. You want to understand why you’re inconsistent. It’s caused by a negative thought you’re thinking and a negative feeling you’re unwilling to feel. In order to fix your consistency problem you’ve got to be able to change your thoughts and allow yourself to experience those negative emotions.

That’s the sweet sauce, the secret sauce, of what I teach my clients to do. If you struggle with consistency, reach out to me. Let’s talk about it.

Making too many changes all at once. When you change too many things all at once you don’t create reliable data. Think about an experiment. You haven’t isolated a control variable so you don’t know what is working. And when you change too many things all at once people get confused.

So, if you’re going to change something after you’ve waited six months of implementing, and you’ve given things a chance to work, make one change based on a data-driven decision. You’ve seen something not work, so you’re going to try something else again for another six months.

Taking on too much. If you take on too much you over commit yourself. You’re not going to be able to be consistent because you’re going to be overwhelmed. I’d much rather have you be underwhelmed by what you can commit to, and actually stick to that schedule and honor it.

Speaking to the wrong people. I see a lot of my lawyers do this, especially on LinkedIn. They speak to their peers, not their ideal clients. So, if your ideal client is a business owner, do not write your content like it’s a law review article. Don’t write to other attorneys. Write to the business owners. Talk to them in the way that they would understand. Don’t use industry-speak.

I always like to pick someone in my life who is smart, but doesn’t use the industry terminology. So, my dad’s the business owner. For a lot of my clients, he’s an ideal person to use as a litmus test. Would he understand this or would it be too confusing? Would it be too much legalese for him?

Withholding the value. People do this because they’re afraid to give out too much for free, because they think, “Who’s going to pay me to work with me if I give away all the stuff?” Trust me, people will pay you to work with you even when you give them all this stuff. Because they want your support, they want your hand holding, they want your expertise, they trust you. There’s so much more to learn, even in addition to what you give away.

“I think I get hung up on thinking that other coaches are judging my content when reading it. I also struggle thinking, ‘People already know this.’” Exactly. This is what I mean. Don’t make assumptions that people already know this, they don’t.

I always like to include, “Some people might already know this, but not everyone.” You’re always speaking to the “some people” who want what it is you’re talking about. “Some people might think this is stupid,” was one of the thoughts that really helped me in the beginning move forward. I kept telling myself, “People will think this is stupid. People will think I’m stupid. People will think coaching is lame.” Even over time, I couldn’t coach myself out of that thought; I deeply believed that some people would think that.

So, instead of convincing myself that some people didn’t think that, I switched the sentence from ‘people will think this, to ‘some people will think this’ and ‘some people will think what I teach is awesome.’ It was my job to speak to the people who thought what I was doing was awesome. So, that “some” really helps.

Some people might judge your stuff, but I think most people are just worried about their own content. But if that helps you move forward, rather than gaslighting yourself that someone’s thinking a negative thought about your content, run with it.

Mistake number nine, not making offers. We talked about this earlier. You’ve got to tell people what to do to work with you.

Results entitlement. I see this very commonly with my clients. They think they shouldn’t have to do any of the stuff we talked about today, in order to develop business.

“Offer with every post,” yes, every single post. An offer for something; sign up for my email list, book a consult call with me, come to my webinar, do this, do that, do this. Offer with every post.

Results entitlement. “I shouldn’t have to do this stuff in order to develop business. Clients should just come to me. I’m good enough at what I do, I shouldn’t have to put in this much effort. This is unfair. Other people don’t have to work this hard.” Number one, yes, they do. Number two, don’t worry about other people. This is just you against you. Okay?

But you can’t feel entitled to getting results without putting in the work. I call my clients out on this all the time. I do everything we’ve talked about today. I still do all of that.

I still spend at least an hour, normally two hours a day, commenting on other people’s social media posts. I still send 100 connection requests a week on LinkedIn. I still find people through hashtags on Instagram, or I track down accounts that they follow and reach out and connect with them. I comment on their social media posts. I tell them their dog’s cute.

I teach them stuff about time management. I complement the dress that they have on. I still spend my time doing that. I don’t think that I’m too good for it. I still do a webinar once a month. I know a lot of people who get to a certain level of success and stop doing what’s working. Don’t do that. We call that “success intolerance.” Don’t get entitled to results. Stay humble, stay hungry.

Comfort entitlement’s another one. Comfort entitlement is where you want this to feel good, and because it doesn’t feel good, because it doesn’t feel comfortable… Thank you, Catherine… Because it doesn’t feel comfortable, you make that a problem and you don’t move forward. You don’t take action.

You’re like, “I don’t want to feel dread. I don’t want to feel exposed. I don’t want to feel embarrassed. I don’t want to do it tired. I don’t want to do it confused. I don’t want to do it while I feel overwhelmed. This isn’t fun.” Yeah, a lot of the stuff that gets you the results you want in life isn’t going to always be fun. If you wait for it to be fun, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

You’ve got to get out of your discomfort avoidance, your comfort entitlement, embrace the discomfort, gag-and-go through it, okay? It’s going to feel uncomfortable. You want to know what’s comfortable? Money. Having money that comes from doing the stuff. Hitting your origination goals. Hitting your income goals. “Being able to afford all that you want out of life.”

I have a really good friend, she uses the phrase, “Life is bought.” I love that, I think it’s really bold. And I think most people take offense to that comment, because they say, “The best things in life are free.”

I’m like, “I don’t know. Black-car service isn’t free, and it’s lovely. So is flying first class. So are five-star hotels.” Not that it needs to all be about the experiences or what you can buy with money. You know what’s fun? Freedom, leverage, input, a seat at the table, being able to hire people to do things that you hate doing.

I think I never want to make another bed for as long as I live. I just hate doing it. It’s not enjoyable. It’s hard for my nails because my nails are long; lifting up the mattress. I just want to hire all that stuff out.

There’s going to be discomfort both ways, and not hitting your income goals and in doing the things required to hit your income goals. I highly suggest you get over your comfort entitlement and embrace the discomfort that comes with developing business.

This is a big one, especially for my lawyers who don’t always love what they do. They try to develop business when they hate what they do. This will not work. Okay? “It just doesn’t. The universe knows.” So, you’ve got two options, either switch to doing something that you actually enjoy; and don’t change it again, stick with it. Or get yourself to the point where you actually do enjoy what it is that you like to do.

But if you’re going to work with someone and you hate what you do, you’re going to have to start there first, otherwise it’s a waste of time. I’ve watched several of my clients, and through our work I discovered that they hate what they do, never make money with business development because they don’t want the work, because they don’t enjoy doing it. If you don’t want more work, the universe keeps score; it knows.

Buying into limiting beliefs like, “I’m too old for this. I missed the boat. I should have done this a long time ago. I’m too old. this won’t work. I’m not good at this. I don’t have the X-factor. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I don’t have enough new ideas. I’m not a thought leader.” Whatever your limiting beliefs are about yourself or what’s possible, you’ve got to clean those up.

We clean them up through coaching. So, if you’ve got a lot of those going on, and you know they’re holding you back, again, think about how you’re going to support yourself this year to overcome and dismantle those limiting beliefs.

Another belief that doesn’t serve people is believing that the business you’ve already developed was a fluke. It’s never a fluke, it always goes through those five steps. You picked an offer, you met people, you told them what you did.

Normally, that can be enough. I think you moved the odds in your favor when you add value ahead of time and make offers. But you can always force it through that formula. I highly recommend you force it through that formula. Every dollar you’ve ever made, every client you’ve ever gotten, was because you went through those steps.

If you force it through, you’re going to reinforce that idea that it is within your control to create clients and to create money. So, pump it through that equation so you can see how ‘when I take this action, with these requisite beliefs, then I create clients. It’s within my control.’

And last but not least, the biggest mistake people make is not prioritizing business development. Single handedly, it is the thing that allows people to have the most freedom in their lives, whether you work for yourself or you work for other people, if you prioritize this. There’s a concept called “the one thing.” This, for so many people, is the one thing that makes all the difference in the world. By having enough demand, by hitting the income that you want to hit, by being able to feel secure in what you do, and what you have coming in, and what will come in in the future.

I have the most consistent business because I designed my business that way. At the beginning of every year, I typically know what I’m going to make. I know what I make each month, it doesn’t fluctuate. It’s very consistently a certain number. I’ve designed my business to be that way. I show up consistently when I’m developing business, with all the actions that we talked about that are in my business development blueprint, in order to create a very consistent result.

I do not believe working for yourself or business development is outside of my control, that it’s inconsistent, that it’s unpredictable. I don’t believe those things. I believe the opposite, so I create the opposite. I create that consistent, reliable income.

If that’s something that you want to do this year, I want you to be really honest with yourself. Do you have the support necessary to hit your income goals? To learn how to do this? To take action and then evaluate? I teach a concept called “Act-Audit-Adapt.”

So, take what I taught you today, and then to have support along the way, to tweak things. What’s working? What’s not working? Do you have support of fleshing out specifically what you want to be in your blueprint? Or the support to build your core beliefs in what it is that you want to do?

If you don’t have that support, what I want to do is invite you to come work with me. I am hosting an in-person personal development retreat, called The Obsessed Retreat. The Obsessed Retreat kicks off with three and a half days, in person. Most of the people there have business development goals, not everyone. But a lot of people are going to be working on the exact same things; hitting the income that they want to hit this year. Developing the business that they want to develop this year.

We’re going to talk about, day one, the problems that you’re facing that are keeping you stuck. We’re going to talk, day two, about developing the skills you need to hit and achieve the goals you want to achieve. So, developing discipline, practicing constraint, and making decisions as it relates to business development. Then, day three, we’re going to make very specific game plans for what you’re going to do this year, in order to make the results you want to create inevitable.

Then, we have this incredible farewell dinner, where we celebrate all that we’ve accomplished in person. Then you return home and you get back to work.

And I’m going to continue to support you in that capacity, as well. When you sign up for The Obsessed Retreat, you get lifetime access to monthly coaching calls. We’ll meet once a month, and you’ll be able to work through all your business development questions. If you encounter obstacles in that game plan that we created together, you’ll be able to get coached on it live, by me.

You’ll also get access to a member portal, which will have the event recording replays, additional course content, a community platform where you can engage with other people and stay connected with the other people in the group.

And then, you can also submit things for coaching or feedback from me. So, if you want help with a social media post, and you want my feedback on it, you can post it in that group. If you want to flesh out an idea for a webinar, because that’s one of the ways that you want to add value ahead of time, I can help you with that. I’m going to hold your hand every step of the way. You’re going to have all the support that you need.

I dropped the link for The Obsessed Retreat waitlist; I’m getting ready to open enrollment. It’s going to be the last time that you can join before the event in March. The event is March 20th – 23rd. And like I said, we’ll be meeting monthly thereafter.

The cost to attend the retreat, including the lifetime access to those monthly coaching calls, is $4,000. You can pay that in one payment, in full, or in two payments of $2,000.

All right, if you have additional questions, stay tuned. I’m going to be hosting a specific Q&A for The Obsessed Retreat in the beginning of February. But if you already know, “This is exactly what I need this year. It’s going to move the dial on me hitting these goals and developing the business that I want to develop,” sign up for the waitlist right now. You’ll be the first to find out when doors open for The Obsessed Retreat.

I can’t wait to see you in South Beach, if you decide to join me. Alright, my friends, have a beautiful weekend… You’re so welcome. I’m glad you guys found this valuable… Have a beautiful weekend, and I will see you all at the next masterclass.

“I’m so excited to see you in Miami.” Yes, Jessica, I can’t wait. See you soon. Bye, my love.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 88: In With The New Year (A 2023 Review & 2024 Planning Session)

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | In With The New Year (A 2023 Review & 2024 Planning Session)

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | In With The New Year (A 2023 Review & 2024 Planning Session)

It’s a New Year, we’re back at it after a break, and today, I’m walking you through an evaluation of 2023 and setting you up for achieving your goals in 2024. You might think it’s too late to set your intentions and figure out a plan for 2024. However, now is the perfect time to kick your year into action.

Meaningfully evaluating and formulating an action plan gives you the biggest chance of achieving success over the coming 12 months. So, if you’re ready to tie a beautiful bow on last year, close out 2023, and really get your bearings in 2024, today’s episode is for you.

Tune in this week to review, reset, and focus your attention for the year ahead. You’ll learn how to perform a comprehensive evaluation of 2023, and I’m showing you how to decide what you want to leave behind, what you want to take with you, and how you want to do things differently in the coming year.

I’m running another rate and review giveaway! Instructions for leaving a rating and review for The Less Stressed Lawyer Podcast are here. Don’t forget to take a screenshot of your review, and email it to me or DM me on social media.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Want to be the first to know when my monthly subscription Lawyers Only launches? Click here and sign up for the waitlist!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you aren’t making significant progress toward your new year goals yet.
  • How to get clear on your review of 2023.
  • Why your feelings about last year matter as we enter a new year.
  • 8 ways to uncover the lessons you learned in 2023.
  • How to leave any negativity behind as you navigate 2024.
  • A way for you to choose your word of the year.
  • Some tools you can use to plan for an amazing, successful 2024.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 88. Today, I’m going to walk you through an evaluation for 2023, and get you set up for setting and achieving your goals in 2024. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello, how are you? I missed you. As you probably noticed, I took a little bit of a break from the podcast. I took the last few weeks of the year off, and the first week of the new year off. I gave myself some luxurious space to catch my breath, take a breather, spend some time with family and friends, go home for the holidays. I actually moved, which was unexpected, but I moved over the holidays as well. Still in Charleston, though, enjoying the warm weather while it’s freezing up north in Detroit.

So, I took some time, and I didn’t intend actually to take a break from the podcast. But it just felt like the most aligned thing for me to do. But it’s the new year, and now we’re back at it. I can’t wait to continue on teaching you all of the things that you need to know to live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment.

Before I wrapped up work for the end of 2023, I taught a workshop. I’ve hosted this, I think it’s been two years in a row now. I really love this workshop. It’s a 2023… or whatever year it is, but this year; it’s 2023… A review, a comprehensive review of the year, and for 2024 it’s a planning session. So, I call it my 2023 Review and 2024 Planning workshop.

I want to give you some of the prompts that I gave to the people who attended that session live, so you could use those prompts to really wrap up 2023 and kick off 2024 on the right foot. Now, if you’re a perfectionist, and you’re like, “Olivia, we’re halfway through January, this is too late. It’s not timely enough,” I actually just coached a client of mine on this.

She is planning to do an annual planning session at the end of January, and she was frustrated; that was really the only date that worked for her schedule. She was frustrated that she was going to be doing it so late in the year. I just joked with her, “That’s only a problem if you make it a problem. You could decide that the end of January is the absolute perfect time for you to teach that workshop, for you to teach that masterclass.”

That’s exactly how I look at this. Maybe you’re into your new year, and things aren’t going off the way that you expected them to go. They’re not going as smoothly or as seamlessly. And even though we’re only a couple of weeks in, you’re not making the kind of progress that you want to make.

It’s probably because you’re doing what most people do. They wrap up a year, and they’re like, “Man, that didn’t go exactly the way I wanted it to go. Next year will be better.” And then they just carry on, they don’t meaningfully evaluate, and they move on, without really formulating a specific action plan for what they’re going to do moving forward to get where they want to go.

I’m going to walk you through my prompts, so we can tie a nice, beautiful bow on 2023, you can get some closure, close out the books on the last year, and sort of get your bearings for 2024. Now that we’re a few weeks in, you can see what’s working well. Have you given up on those goals? Have you kind of abandoned your resolutions?

If you have, this is a really good reset to focus your attention moving forward. I want you to start by just doing a quick debrief. What are your thoughts about 2023? If you were to do a thought download about last year, what thoughts come up for you? You can pause this episode, and take a minute and write them down.

As you do that, with each thought that you identify, I want you to identify the one-word emotion you feel when you think that thought. So, the circumstance is 2023. Then, you’re going to write down all of your thoughts about it.

Alright, what did you come up with? What thoughts are you thinking, and what feelings are you feeling, when you think about 2023? Are you thinking that it was a rough year? That you didn’t accomplish what you wanted to? That you’re behind schedule? That it was a tough year? That it should have gone differently than it did?

If you’re thinking those negative thoughts, you’re going to bring that negativity with you into the new year. Think about it. You just identified the feelings that you’re feeling, when you’re thinking the thoughts that you’re thinking about 2023. Are you likely to take positive, productive, intentional action from those emotions?

If they’re negative, the answer is going to be no. Because negative feelings beget negative action, or no action at all, right? So, be honest with yourself. How are you likely to show up based on those feelings? Are you likely to show up in service of your goals? Are you likely to accomplish what you want to accomplish this year? Or is that negative emotion going to impact, in fact, everything that you do from this point forward?

If you’re thinking negative thoughts about 2023, we’ve got to change them. I want you to think about how you want to feel, instead of the negative emotions that you just identified. How would you need to feel to take the action that you’re going to need to take, to achieve the goals you want to achieve this year?

What emotions would you need to be feeling, instead of those feelings you just identified? Would you need to feel committed, determined, capable? Would you need to feel encouraged, prepared, certain, in control? Would you maybe need to just feel accepting or understanding, rather than frustrated or discouraged or disappointed?

Think about the feelings that you would need to feel, in order to take the action that you’re going to need to take this year. Okay? Then, work your way backwards. What are the thoughts that you would need to think, not about the new year, but about 2023, to feel those feelings? To feel those positive emotions? What are the positive thoughts that you would need to practice?

Again, take a second if you have to and pause this episode. You can use it sort of like a workshop, and in real time work through these questions with me. Identify those thoughts.

Another thing that I do with my clients is, I have them write down all their negative thoughts. And then, for each negative thought I ask them to replace that thought with a thought that’s slightly more positive. So, you can do that, too. You can take that negative thought download that you just did, all your negative thoughts about 2023, and for each one ask yourself: What do I want to think instead? And, come up with a new list of thoughts.

It’s going to be a much more powerful, empowering list of thoughts than the ones that you probably came up with by default. Once you’ve figured out what you’ve been thinking about 2023, you’ve cleaned up your thoughts, you’ve started to shift your thinking, and you’re thinking about last year a little bit more positively, you’re going to set yourself up and lay the proper foundation for moving forward.

But before we do that, I want to do a quick evaluation. We’re going to dive in and explore eight different categories; you’re going to do an exercise with me. And then, once we do that, we’re going to plan for the future. I want you, on a scale of 1-10, to rate your satisfaction with each of these areas of your life.

There are eight categories; you can take a second and write them down. You’re just going to use whatever number first comes to your mind. One is the lowest, 10 is the highest; you’re rating these categories on a scale of 1-10. Notice I said rate, not rank. You’re not putting them in order, you’re writing your level of satisfaction with each of these areas of your life.

The first area is your Career. Or if you’re an entrepreneur, your business. What is your work life like? What is your level of satisfaction with your current results, on a scale of 1-10?

The second category is your Finances. What’s your level of satisfaction, on a scale of 1-10?

The third category is your Health, both physical and mental.

The fourth category is your Friends and Family; your relationships with them, the time that you spend with them, all of that. Everything that those relationships entail.

The fifth category is Romance; however you choose to define romance.

The sixth category is Personal Development.

The seventh category is Fun and Recreation.

The eighth category is Physical Environment. That’s where you spend your time, your home, your car, your physical space, okay?

Go through that. You’re going to just use the first number that pops into your mind when you think about each category. But go through and rate each one on a scale of 1-10.

Now, once you’ve done that, you’ve come up with your ratings for all eight categories, I want you to get more comprehensive about each of those categories. We’re going to do a more comprehensive evaluation. We’re going to figure out why you gave it the rating that you did.

I like to start by just going through and listing out my reasons. Why did I rate it that way? Just to create some additional information, some additional clarity. But then, we’re going to get even more specific. This might take you some time, so again, you might have to pause and start and stop this episode a couple different times, in order to complete this exercise.

But for each of those categories, I want you to go through and answer these three questions: What worked in this area of my life? What didn’t work in this area of my life? What will I do differently in this area of my life moving forward, to remedy what didn’t work in 2023?

Now, if you’re getting overwhelmed, if this feels daunting, one of the things that I love to have my clients do is just to force them to constrain. You can decide to only list one bullet point for each question, for each category; three bullet points for each question, for each category. It’s up to you.

If you want this to be a really comprehensive exercise, you can give yourself an unlimited amount of time to do it. But if that makes it mean that you’re unlikely to complete this process, I highly encourage you to constrain and just decide the number of bullet points you’re going to list for each question. That’s something that I do, and I have my clients do that. And it’s how I get people to complete evaluations when they, in the past, have been reluctant to complete them.

Now remember, when you’re evaluating you always want to start with, what worked? For each category, you’re going to go through that question first. Then you’re going to move into what didn’t work, and what will I do differently moving forward?

One of the fun things that happened in our workshop, when I taught this in December, was that as people went through this process, and they started with what worked, they saw how much they actually accomplished. How much they had forgotten that they did. They felt as though they could actually increase their ratings.

They came in a little low originally, and when they saw all that they had done throughout the year, they felt better about where their current results were. So, that might happen to you. If it does, that’s amazing. If it doesn’t, that’s not a problem, it’s just something to be on the lookout for.

Before we move on to planning, I want to make sure you really leverage your 2023 experience. I’ll be honest with you; I’ve talked about this a bit on social media and potentially on this podcast. I know my friends are well aware of this, and if you’re one of them, and you’re listening, “Hello, this will sound familiar to you.”

But my 2023 did not go as I expected it to go. It was a lot rockier, a lot messier, a lot bumpier, than I initially anticipated. One of the things that I tell myself all the time, and I also tell my clients this, I deeply believe that I’m always winning or learning. Sometimes you get to do both. But other times, one is being favored, or one skews higher than the other.

For me, 2023 was a year of a lot of learning. I learned some hard lessons. And, I learned some lessons the hard way. So, I really wanted to underscore the value of the wisdom that I gained through learning those lessons the hard way. I felt like my normal evaluation process, ‘the what worked, what didn’t work, what would I do differently,’ didn’t quite emphasize and highlight all of the learning that I did in 2023.

My past few years in business, I had some really massive wins. I feel like I achieved quite a bit of success pretty easily. And then, in 2023, I feel like my winning/learning ratio sort of skewed to where I was doing more learning and less winning. Now, I still made more money in my business than any other year that I’ve been in business. So, it was still a good year for me. I just didn’t hit the numbers that I expected to hit.

Instead, I gained a lot more wisdom than I probably expected to gain. I wanted to highlight that for myself, and I did that by making a list of all of the things that I learned last year. So, you can do this by category; I think that’s a way to keep it really organized. If that feels a little overwhelming, just make a list of What Did I Learn In 2023.

You can sort of go through those categories loosely in your head to flush out all eight of those areas. To find all the good, meaty lessons that you obtained, that you learned throughout the year. I promise you, when you make the list of all of the things that you learned throughout the past year, you’re going to feel so solid and so secure knowing that 2023 set you up and gave you the foundation that you need to move forward.

You had to learn those lessons to get where you’re going to go. I deeply believe that. That’s one of the thoughts that I’m thinking about 2023; I had to learn those lessons in order to achieve what I want to achieve next. I needed to create that foundation for myself, that learning, that knowledge, that wisdom. It makes the year feel like such a valuable year for me, even though I didn’t see the results, monetarily, that I wanted to see in my business.

Same thing in my personal life. I learned some hard lessons there, too. I didn’t see the results that I wanted to see in certain aspects of my personal life. But I walked away with some really incredible hard-fought, hard‑learned lessons, and they’re very valuable. So, I wanted to highlight that for myself, that’s why I created this list. I think you will find that to be a super valuable exercise, as well.

Now that you’ve gone through and identified and changed your thoughts about 2023, you’ve evaluated 2023 by rating each of those eight categories, coming up with your reasons for that rating, comprehensively evaluating ‘what worked, what didn’t work, and what you do differently,’ and then closing the year out by figuring out what is it that you learned throughout 2023 in each of those categories, you’re ready to move forward and start planning 2024.

What I want you to do… Again, we’re going to practice constraint here… I want you to pick one goal that you’d like to achieve in 2024 for each of those eight categories.

What’s one thing you want to achieve when it comes to your career or your business?

What’s one goal you’d like to accomplish when it comes to your finances?

What’s one goal you’d like to accomplish when it comes to your health, both physical and/or mental?

What’s one goal you’d like to achieve when it comes to your friends and family?

What’s a goal you’d like to achieve when it comes to romance?

What’s something that you want to complete or accomplish as it relates to personal development?

What’s something you want to complete or achieve as it relates to fun and recreation?

And, what’s a goal that you want to set and accomplish when it comes to your physical environment?

Go through… You’re going to have FOMO, I get it. You want to achieve all the things, all at once. But when we approach goal setting that way, we overwhelm ourselves and we end up making less progress than we otherwise would. So, the way to get the furthest, the fastest, is to practice constraint.

I want you to go through and pick one goal for each of those eight categories. Just allow yourself to feel that FOMO. That sense of feeling underwhelmed about what it is that you can accomplish. And if you complete all eight things, go pick eight more, all right? You don’t have to limit yourself to just those eight. But you’re going to limit yourself to those eight things at a time. All right?

I think you can even get more specific, and really prioritize one of the eight at a time, to get the absolute furthest, the fastest that you can. So, once you’ve identified your eight goals, one goal per category, what I want you to do, is I want you to reverse engineer those goals.

The way that we do that is we work backwards. You figure out, what are all of the things that I need to do? What are all of the actions that I need to take, in order to achieve this particular result?

Then, you take it back a step further. What are the positive emotions that I need to feel, in order to take that action? I also love to include this in my action plan: What are the negative feelings that I’m going to be forced to feel? That I’m going to have to embrace? That I’m going to have to allow myself to experience, in order to take this action and create this result?

I always focus on the emotion twofold, the positive emotions that I need to cultivate and the negative emotions that I need to allow. From there, we work at one step back. What are the positive thoughts that I need to be thinking, in order to feel those positive feelings? In order to create that emotional experience for myself?

I want you to do that for each one of those goals, all eight of them. You’re going to reverse engineer each one. You want to be specific; your goals need to be specific, measurable, objective, and attainable. I should be able to come into your life and know exactly what it is you’re going to accomplish this year, with a great deal of specificity. We want it to be very clear.

Your action plan should also be very clear. I should be able to come in and determine, with my little clipboard, are you doing what you planned to do? Are you doing what you set out to do, and be able to check off boxes like a rubric? You want it to be that specific.

Then, you’re going to create the mindset component for yourself. What are those positive emotions you want to feel, and need to feel, to take that action? What are the positive thoughts that you need to be thinking, in order to feel those feelings? Do that for each of those eight categories, each of those eight goals. You’re going to make achieving them inevitable. You’re going to make achieving them foolproof.

Reverse engineering goals is the most specific way to approach achieving what you want to achieve in your life. Now that you’ve figured out what it is you’re going to achieve in 2024, I want you to come up with a really powerful list of thoughts that you can choose to think about 2024.

How do you want this year to go for you? What are you determined to make it be like? Come up with the most powerful, compelling, inspiring thoughts you can think of, and use that to fuel yourself forward. Who do you want to be this year? Where do you want to be at the end of the year? What do you want your experience to be like? Come up with a really powerful list of thoughts to practice thinking all throughout the year.

Last but not least, as you start to do that, I want you to decide on a word for the year. If you feel like it’s too late to do that, I promise you, it’s not; that’s just your perfectionism talking. So, if you haven’t picked a word of the year yet, let’s pick one together. I want you to answer these questions. You’re going to start to see a theme develop as you answer them.

The first question I want you to answer is: What do you want more of in 2024? What do you feel like is missing from your life? That’s the second question. What’s needed to achieve your goals? You just identified those eight goals that you’re going to set for yourself and work towards.

What do you need to do, who do you need to be, in order to achieve those goals? What’s needed to achieve them? What qualities do you envy in other people?

Envision and begin to embody the 2024 version of you. Tell me, the 2024 version of you is what? If you think to yourself, “The 2024 version of me is…” Tell me what that fill-in-the-blank is. And last but not least, answer this or complete the statement: I’d be proud of myself at the end of the year, if I was…

As you answer these questions, you’re going to start to see trends emerge. When you see that trend emerge, pick that. Sum it up into one word, and pick that as your Word of the Year. Let it fuel you as you move forward throughout 2024.

Just to let you in on mine, my past couple years, I’ve picked the word “free.” I definitely think “free” is going to be the anthem of my lifetime, or the word of my lifetime. I have a whole episode all about “But are you free?” I believe that’s the title of the episode. I’ll link it in the show notes.

That’s a really powerful word for me. I think it’s what most of my people crave, they crave freedom. They want to live a life where they are truly free in every aspect of their life. So, while I think that is the pursuit of a lifetime, and it’s certainly my pursuit of my lifetime, I did decide to switch it up this year.

I did a lot of learning; I talked about that a little bit ago. I did a lot of learning in 2023, and I feel like I’m not done learning yet. However, I do want my learning to be more intentional. Rather than learning the lessons that life just simply throws my way, I want to be really focused about what I learn moving forward. So, that’s my word of the year.

There are a lot of things that I want to learn, and learn is exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to set out, make a list for what I want to learn in all those different areas of my life, and I’m going to set out and embark on that education, learn those skills, learn those things, and learn how to do all of this stuff. So, “learn” is my word of 2024.

I can’t wait to embark on that educational experience. I’m actually going to record a podcast episode following this, to talk a little bit more about that. It’s a funny little story that I want to share with you.

But I would love for you to message me on social media if you listened to this episode and you picked your Word of the Year. I love learning what people’s words are. I love seeing what they’re going to embody in the coming year. I love to see what’s going to fuel them as they move forward. I just find it so exciting and inspiring.

So, 2024’s word for me is “learn.” I’d love to know what yours is. I hope this helps you just set the right foundation for 2024, so this year is a really positive, productive, intentional year. I hope you will accomplish all of the eight things that you identified and more. But we’re going to start with the eight, because we’re practicing constraint.

Okay, if you just went through this exercise, and you’re like, “Olivia, I could use some help. I could use some support in achieving the goals that I just identified. I feel like I’m still in a negative headspace when it comes to 2023. I don’t want to carry that with me into the new year. I really don’t want to go it alone. I want the support of a coach, and I know that you’re the right person to help me.”

If that’s how you feel listening to me right now, I want you to make the decision to join me in Miami, in March, for The Obsessed Retreat. We’re going to spend three days comprehensively setting the stage for the rest of the year.

Like I said, mid-January is not too late, neither is March. I actually think it’s the perfect time. You’ve gotten your bearings, you’re into your year, and you want to make sure that the rest of your year is as intentional as it possibly can be.

The way you’re going to set yourself up to ensure that that happens is, you’re going to join me in Miami, in March. We’re going to meet up March 20th-23rd, and we’re going to spend three days together. We’re going to go through day one, solving all the problems that you’re facing, that contributed to the 2023 that you just had. We’re going to solve those problems, so we clear the way for you to show up very powerfully the rest of the year. So, you’re setting yourself up for success.

Day two, we’re going to develop the essential skills that you need to have in order to achieve what you want to achieve this year. We’re going to talk about practicing constraint, developing discipline, and making decisions. Those are three essential skills that you need to develop in order to create a life that you’re obsessed with, which is the whole point of The Obsessed Retreat.

Then, day three, we’re going to make plans. We’re going to figure out exactly what you need to do, even more comprehensively than you just did, with those goals that you identified. It’s going to be a foolproof, follow-the‑yellow-brick-road plan for what you’re going to do, when you’re going to do it, what that timeline looks like; everything that’s going to be required of you in order to cross the finish line for everything that you’re setting out to do.

So, that’s what we’re going to do in person for those three days. There’s also an amazing community that you join when you attend to The Obsessed Retreat. We spend the first night at the welcome reception getting to know each other, we workshop for three days straight, then we celebrate everything we accomplished in person with the farewell dinner.

Then, you return home, and you start putting those plans into action. You start implementing. I’m going to support you every step of the way. It’s not just coming to the retreat and then you’re on your own. You’re going to come to the in-person event in Miami, in March. And then, once you return home and you start putting your plans into action, I’m going to support you with monthly coaching calls.

We’re going to meet up once a month. You’re going to be able to get coached, work through the problems that you continue to face, new problems that are going to arise, and new obstacles that are going to present themselves. You’re going to get stuck at different points along the way, and I’m going to help you work through them, overcome them, and get unstuck so you can keep implementing in order to achieve everything that you set out to achieve this year.

You’re also going to get additional training materials and event recordings and a member portal online. There’s also a written coaching platform. So, in between our monthly calls you get access to me. I can help support you whether it’s seeking feedback, advice, guidance, coaching, you want my eyes on something. I’ve got you. You can submit anything there and I’ll review it. It’s going to be really comprehensive, and a ton of support.

I just had someone ask me, “Olivia, how is that different than what you do on Instagram, on the weekends, with your Ask Me Anything’s?” It’s so much more detailed. I actually know who you are when you’re in my community, versus my Ask Me Anything’s which are anonymous. So, because I’ll know who you are and what you’re specifically working on, I’m able to provide you with such detailed support, versus the anonymous Ask Me Anything’s.

You’ll also have a community platform where you can stay connected with everyone that you meet at the retreat. Which is going to be so fun to watch other people achieve what they set out to achieve while you’re achieving what you set out to achieve. You get to cheer each other on, support each other, and have each other’s backs. It’s going to be so incredible.

Enrollment is getting ready to reopen for The Obsessed Retreat. It is the last time that you’ll be able to join before March. So, what I want you to do, is go to bit.ly/the-obsessed-retreat. Okay? Go there and you can find out all of the specifics, even though I just went through a ton of them with you right now. You can find all of the specifics there about the event, the logistics, what you’re going to learn, what it’s going to be like, all the details, and then you can register.

I cannot wait to see you in South Beach, where we take everything that you just identified in this episode, we kick it up a notch, we make it more intentional, we make it more thorough, more robust, so that we truly make accomplishing what you want to accomplish in 2024 inevitable. I can’t wait to support you in that journey. It’s going to be so much fun.

All right, my friends. That’s what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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