Episode 104: Drama

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Drama

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero |  Drama

Where are you experiencing unnecessary drama in your life? Do you know how you might be creating an emotional rollercoaster for yourself through your behaviors? How is drama addiction showing up in your storytelling? And why is this a problem?

One of the biggest benefits people experience from coaching is learning that the dramatic stories they tell themselves aren’t true, and that they have the power to change it. If you often find yourself navigating emotional highs and lows when what you really want is a calm, grounded experience, there might be some drama addiction going on, and it’s time to learn how to tell more empowering stories instead.

Join me on this episode to hear how drama addiction manifests and examples of how you might be unwittingly engaging in it. I’m showing you why telling unnecessarily dramatic stories is a problem, how to identify if you’re stuck in a dramatic narrative that isn’t serving you, and how to begin telling less dramatic versions of your experience. 

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How drama addiction manifests.
  • Why we tell dramatic stories, and why it’s a problem.
  • The importance of checking in to see how you feel when you tell dramatic stories.
  • How to identify if you’re stuck in a dramatic narrative.
  • Examples of what unnecessarily dramatic storytelling sounds like.
  • Why cultivating a sense of calm can be luxurious.
  • How to tell less dramatic stories.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast episode 104. Today we’re talking about drama. You ready? Let’s go. 

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach, Olivia Vizachero.

Well hello there. How are you? I hope you’re doing well. I am fabulous and I am even more excited to dive into today’s topic. This is an issue that I see people struggle with all the time. So today we’re talking about drama, and if I’m being frank, I watch people really become addicted to the drama in their day-to-day lives. 

Now, what do I mean by this? Well there’s a couple different ways drama addiction manifests itself. The main way that I see people struggle with drama addiction is that they tell themselves the most dramatic version of a story. So what I mean by that is that their thoughts are really dramatic. They encounter circumstances, and remember circumstances are neutral but it’s our thoughts that aren’t neutral. They’re either positive or negative. 

And I’ll watch people choose very negative thoughts and very dramatic thoughts on top of that. So the more negative your thought is, the chances are the more dramatic that thought it. Now, why do we do this and why is it a problem? Well first and foremost, people think their thoughts are true. 

If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you’ve heard me talk about this, that our thoughts aren’t actually true. Our thoughts are subjective opinion statements and we have the ability and control to change them. Its circumstances are true and circumstances are facts that everyone would agree upon. 

But people believe that their thoughts are facts. So the way that you can distinguish between a thought or a fact is to ask yourself, would every single person in the world agree with this? Are there subjective statements in it? Are there adjectives? If there are, it’s likely a thought, not a fact. 

But people mistakenly believe that their thoughts are true. So they’ll tell a dramatic version of a story of a situation that they encounter because they think it’s the only way to look at it. And one of the massive benefits that people get from coaching is learning that these dramatic stories that they’re telling themselves aren’t true and that they have the power to change it, to tell a less dramatic version of the story, which is what I’m going to teach you how to do in today’s episode. 

So one reason that we tell ourselves dramatic stories is because we think they’re true, even though they’re not. The other reason that we do this is because dramatic stories make us feel significant. When we’re telling a dramatic story, we end up making ourselves the victim in that story. Sometimes we’ll also make ourselves the hero, but it’s much more likely that you’re the victim in that narrative that you’re telling yourself. 

Now, it feels good to feel significant. If you listen to Tony Robbins, he has a TED Talk on the six basic human needs, and the need to be needed or the need to feel significant is one of those six basic human needs. It’s an excellent TED Talk that he did. You can find it on YouTube. I’ll have it linked here in the show notes. It is definitely worth a listen. It was so eye-opening to me the first time that I listened to it, and I’ve listened to it multiple times over and over again, and I recommend it to my clients to listen to very frequently. 

So he talks about how we have this innate human need to feel needed or to feel significant. Now, for a lot of people that I work with, this is one of their main needs. We all have all six needs that he talks about, but we all have a preference, we prefer two out of the six. And for a lot of the people that I work with, their need to feel needed or their need to feel significant ranks high among their needs. 

So if you find yourself telling very dramatic versions of stories, it’s probably serving that need to feel significant. So when you’re telling yourself a very dramatic story, you end up feeling significant in that story. Things are happening to you, bad things based on the negative story that you’re likely telling yourself, and you’ll be the one who’s center at that story. So you’ll end up feeling very, very significant. 

So it feeds that need, even though it doesn’t ultimately serve you. It feels good in the moment because you get to feel important in that narrative. Now, why is this a problem though? All right, maybe drama kind of sounds exciting. And if that’s where your brain goes first when you hear me talking about drama and kind of working my best to talk you out of telling dramatic stories, what I want you to do is check in with yourself and see how you feel when you tell a dramatic story. 

If you’re telling a negative dramatic story, you’re probably not going to be feeling very good. It’s going to create a lot of unnecessary negative emotion. And I’m going to give you some examples of dramatic stories in just a minute so you can see this for yourself. But when you’re in a dramatic story, your emotions are going to be heightened and not in a great way. 

Most of the dramatic storytelling that I see my clients engage in is negative dramatic storytelling. They’re telling a pretty negative, a pretty unhelpful version of what they’re experiencing. And as a result, they end up feeling a lot of negative emotion. And remember, when you’re feeling negative emotion, you’re going to take negative action or no action, and it’s going to produce negative results. 

So I want to give you some examples of what I mean by dramatic storytelling so you can see for yourself what it looks like. And then you can do an audit and take inventory in your own life. Where are you telling dramatic stories? And are your dramatic stories serving you? 

So the first example might sound something like this. I’ve had clients say this version of a dramatic story to me over and over and over again. They’ll tell me, Olivia, I’m working on a massive project. This matter, it’s the biggest project I’ve ever handled and it’s just the worst. The opposing side is completely unreasonable. 

I absolutely hate working with them. They’re terrible. They have no idea what they’re doing. Honestly, they’re committing malpractice. They shouldn’t even be able to practice law. It’s just horrible. I cannot wait for this matter to be over, but honestly, it’s just never going to end. I’m going to have to suffer my way through it, but I have no idea how I’m going to survive it. 

All right, does that sound at all familiar? If it is, you’re stuck inside a dramatic narrative. So if you’re telling yourself a story like this about a matter or a case that you’re working on, here’s what I want you to do instead. I want you to ask yourself this question. What’s the less dramatic version of the story? And see what you can tell yourself. 

I actually like to write the dramatic stories out because you can just take a pen to what you’ve written and cross out the drama and tell a much less dramatic version of the story instead. So you could take the story that I just offered you and change it to this. Rather than, I’m working on a massive project, I’m working on a project and it’s not my favorite matter that I’ve ever worked on. 

And I don’t love working with opposing counsel, we have different ways of going about the case. I don’t agree with a lot of the decisions they’re making, but we are making progress. And you know, if I’m being honest, before I know it the matter will be over and it’ll be behind me. 

That is such a different version of the same facts, right? You’re still working on the case or the matter. You’re still dealing with opposing counsel, but it’s way different. It’s way more positive. It’s way more grounded, way more neutral than the original story. We’ve taken out the drama. 

And how you feel when you tell yourself the first story is going to be pretty awful. You’re going to feel overwhelmed and pressured and maybe inadequate or incapable because you’re telling yourself it’s the biggest thing that you’ve worked on and it’s so massive. You’re going to feel really stressed when you’re stuck in that story. 

You’re also going to feel resentful and frustrated with the other side. And you’ll create a lot of dread for yourself in working on that case. Now, if you think about it, when you feel those negative emotions, how do you show up? What type of action do you take? Either you’ll react and you’ll complain and you’ll be harder to get along with when you’re dealing with the other side. Maybe you complain to your colleagues or friends and family members. 

Or you’ll shut down from all that pressure and overwhelm and you’ll procrastinate. You’ll avoid working on it. You’ll do other stuff instead. And then it’ll just be hanging there like a weight over you, which is going to feel terrible. 

So the feelings that you feel that you create for yourself by the story that you’re telling impact the action that you take. And if you don’t like the action that you’re taking, you’re going to have to change the story in order to feel differently and then show up differently. 

Now, in the latter story, the less dramatic version that I offered you, you’re going to feel so much more capable, so much more in control, so much more grounded, so much more calm. And that’s going to enable you to show up in such a better way. 

So let’s walk through another example. Let’s say you have some work to do. If you’re telling yourself the most dramatic story of the work that you have on your plate, it might sound something like this. I have so much work to do. I mean, it’s just an insane amount of stuff to get done and I have absolutely no time to do it. I’m never going to get everything done. 

There’s just no way around it. I’m going to disappoint my clients and it’s because they have the most unrealistic expectations. And it just seems like no matter what I do, nothing is ever good enough. All right, that’s one version of the story that you can tell yourself. 

Or you could ask yourself the question, what’s a less dramatic version of this story? Or what’s the least dramatic version of this story? And you could tell yourself something like this instead. I have some work to do. I’m going to have to be diligent and deliberate with my time, but I will get it done. Even if it’s not as fast as I’d like it to be, I’ll get it finished and that’s okay. 

And my clients will be okay. I’ll communicate realistic expectations. And I’m going to do my best, which is all I can do. And I’m going to trust that that’s going to be good enough. 

If you tell yourself that version of the story, it’s going to feel so much differently than the original dramatic version. Way less stress, way less overwhelm, way less pressure, okay? You’re going to feel capable and more confident and more calm, which is my goal for you. 

Now, another example, I often tell my clients not to answer unscheduled phone calls or to respond to emails as soon as they come in, because you end up interrupting yourself while you’re in the middle of doing something else and it really slows you down. If you look up the statistics on multitasking, you will see studies back this up. Multitasking is really inefficient. 

But when I offer them this suggestion to not respond to everything immediately, or to not answer an unscheduled phone call and interrupt themselves, they give me a very dramatic version of what will happen if they do that. And maybe it’s someone, maybe it’s not even with a current client, but it’s with new clients coming in. A lot of people I work with believe that if they don’t answer, then the client will go elsewhere and their business will suffer. 

So the story that they tell themselves looks something like this. I can’t not answer. If I don’t answer the phone when it rings, people will go elsewhere and I’ll stop getting clients and then I will go out of business. The only way that I can be successful is if I’m always on and always available because that’s what people expect. Okay, that’s a dramatic version of this story. 

If you ask yourself, what’s a less dramatic version of the story? You could tell yourself this instead. You know, there’s plenty of work to go around. I have plenty of work right now. I don’t have to be tethered to my phone. If I miss one client opportunity, more will come my way, that always seems to be the case. And people don’t expect me to be available every single minute of the day. 

All right, that is a much more empowered and empowering story. So check in with yourself here. Those are a couple examples of what dramatic storytelling looks like. If you are experiencing a lot of negative emotion about a particular situation in your life, I really want to encourage you to write out the story you’re telling yourself about it. I actually like to go through and highlight the actual facts. 

They will be hard to find. Most of the things that you’re telling yourself are thoughts, not facts. So you can go through and highlight the facts and then see what else could you tell yourself about those facts, okay? And then go through and take a pen and cross out. Where’s the drama? Go through and just strike it out, okay? 

And then you’ll come up with a much different version of the story. You could go line by line and ask yourself, what’s a less dramatic version of this sentence? And you’ll string together a bunch of less dramatic sentences and you’ll come up with a narrative that really serves you. It makes you feel so much less negative than you’re probably used to feeling because of the dramatic stories that you’re telling. 

Now, if you have a habit of telling dramatic stories, you’ve got to look inward and check in with yourself. Identify how telling those dramatic stories makes you feel significant. How do you get to feel? Do you get to be the hero or do you get to be the victim? Which is, like I said earlier, I find that to be way more likely. People end up being the victim in their story, but they get to feel very important or significant as a result of telling that dramatic version to themselves. 

You also might tell dramatic versions of the story to other people. It might get you sympathy from them. They might empathize with you. If that’s the case, ask yourself, is this really serving me? Because you end up believing your stories. It’s the reality that you create for yourself. So even if it makes you feel significant or important, or you get that sympathy from other people, you end up feeling the negative emotions that correspond with that negative storyline. 

So if you don’t want to feel negatively and you don’t want to take negative action from those negative feelings, you’ve got to change the narrative that you’re telling yourself and you have to be willing to give up that sense of significance or that sense of importance in order to move into being able to tell a less dramatic version of the story to yourself and to other people. You’ve got to be willing to feel deprived of that significance, of that sympathy, of whatever feel-good emotion you get from that dramatic storytelling. 

So the simple solution here is once you’ve identified the dramatic version you’re telling yourself, which you will be able to identify because of the dramatic feelings that you experience, you’re simply going to ask yourself this question, what’s the less dramatic version of the story? And come up with that. 

And then check in with yourself. When you live in that story, how do you get to feel? What negative emotions are dialed down? And how significantly are they dialed down? The less dramatic the story, the more your negative emotions are going to be dialed down. And then what positive emotions do you start to get access to because you’ve changed the narrative that you’re telling yourself? You’ll be really surprised with how effective this is. And it’s just that simple question. What’s the less dramatic version of the story? 

Now, there’s one other way that people engage in drama addiction, okay? And they wait until the last minute to do things. And this will typically look like the way that you procrastinate, right? And I see this both with projects or another famous way that people do this, it could be with making plans. I also see it with paying bills. And that’s when I first learned that this was a way that we create unnecessary drama for ourselves. 

I was listening to a podcast episode years ago. I don’t remember which one it was, but it might have been on the Life Coach School podcast with my coach, Brooke Castillo. And I learned the concept that we postpone things because it creates drama for ourselves. And people typically do this while paying bills. Instead of paying it as soon as it comes in, you’ll tell yourself that you’ll get to it later and then you forget about it and it goes by. 

And then you create this dramatic moment where you remember and then your pulse starts to race and you start to freak out. Oh my goodness, did I miss the deadline? Is it late? And then you go check and then you have that relief of, oh my goodness, I didn’t miss it. I still have time to take care of it. 

Or we’ll do that with projects. Rather than doing it when you could do it earlier than the deadline, you’ll wait until the very last minute because it creates a lot of drama right around the deadline. I used to do this with filing all the time. I’d wait until the very last minute and it would create a very emotionally heightened experience for me. Now, that was my drama addiction. I liked how it felt to be the hero in that story, right? 

Sometimes you don’t get to be the hero because you miss whatever the deadline is and then you have to deal with the embarrassment or the shame or the guilt. But if you do manage to pull it off, you create this worry and then the relief that comes when you handle whatever you need to handle within the time allotted. But it’s right up against the wire, so it’s a very dramatic emotional experience when you handle things this way. 

Or maybe you don’t make plans in advance and you have to scramble at the last minute. I’ve definitely overpaid for things, hotels, flights, things like that, waiting until the last minute. So now I do my best to make plans more in advance and I allow myself to feel bored by my planning or by handling a project ahead of time or by paying a bill as soon as it comes in. 

I’ve recognized that I used to do these things, waiting till the last minute in order to create this drama unnecessarily. And I love that significant, heroic feeling that I’d get to experience when I would figure everything out up against the wire. But sometimes things didn’t go best case scenario and then I’d have to deal with the negative emotion that would come from things going sort of worst case scenario. 

And I recognize I didn’t want to create that stress for myself anymore. I also used to leave at the last minute for things and then I’d be in a rush. And I’ve really worked on eliminating rushing from my life. I see it as luxurious to be on time for things or to give myself enough time to get somewhere if I have dinner plans or I’m going to a show. I don’t need to be incredibly early, I just need to be on time versus giving myself enough time and then creating a dramatic rushed experience getting myself there. I hate how that feels now. 

And I really do think it is a small luxury to have enough space to be able to get to something without the pressure or to be able to plan something without the pressure and the stress, to be able to pay for something without the stress, to be able to complete a project without the unnecessary stress. 

So check in with yourself. Are you creating emotional roller coasters because you like the feeling, the sense of that risk and then the reward? The risk and then the relief. If that’s you, there’s some drama addiction going on here and you want to be cognizant because again, you create a lot of unnecessary highs and lows for yourself when you could just have a really calm, grounded experience. 

And I want to challenge you to start thinking calmly, not as boring, but as something that is quite luxurious. Something that is a way that you practice self-care for yourself. Something that is a positive indulgence. Something that you get to create for yourself that’s really kind of delicious and exquisite. 

If you crave the drama, if you like to indulge in the drama, chances are you don’t love feeling bored and you’re creating instances in your life to escape boredom, whether it’s in waiting until the last minute to do something or just amping yourself up because work would otherwise be boring if you weren’t telling dramatic stories about what your day-to-day experience is like. 

I really want to encourage you to embrace boredom and stop making it your enemy. I’ve had to coach myself a ton on embracing boredom and when I finally stopped going to war and waging a battle against it and I started to embrace boredom in my life, I once heard that embracing boredom is really the key to success. 

When I started to embrace it in my own life, that’s when I started to dial down the drama and my life started to get a lot less emotional. I got off that emotional rollercoaster and it started to be calm and I started to get more done because I wasn’t having to exert all of this emotional energy on the highs and then the lows, and the lows were low, all right? 

So take an audit, take an inventory. Where are you experiencing or creating for yourself unnecessary amounts of drama in your life by the behavior that you’re exhibiting, waiting to the last minute, poor planning, coming up against deadlines? Where are you doing it there and then where are you doing it in your storytelling? Audit your stories. Are they dramatic? If so, dial down the drama. What’s the less dramatic version of the story you can tell yourself? It will change your life, okay? 

Save the drama for your mama, like they say, but don’t save it for her either because she doesn’t want to listen to it, I’m sure, okay? Just cut out the drama and you’ll cut out a lot of unnecessary negative emotion and you will free yourself up to feel better and do better in the process. 

All right, my friends, that’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 103: Taking Time Off

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Taking Time Off

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Taking Time Off

Are you stuck in a rut at work? Do you feel drained, uninspired, or burnt out? Maybe you’ve toyed with the idea of taking time off, knowing it will recharge your batteries, but get hung up on the what ifs. 

Whether you worry about what other people will think about you taking time off, tell yourself there’s some better time in the future for a break, or otherwise feel guilty or overwhelmed when you think about taking time off, this episode is for you. The truth is you have so much power over the experience you create for yourself when it comes to taking time off work, and I’m showing you how to change your mindset on this episode.

Join me this week as I break down the negative thoughts you might be experiencing about taking time off and show you how to change the way you’re currently thinking about giving yourself a break. You’ll also learn why it’s worth questioning your judgments of other people taking time off, and my best practices for taking some time away from work. 

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why you struggle to take time off.
  • Questions to ask yourself about your thoughts on taking time off.
  • 2 steps to change the way you’re currently thinking about taking time off.
  • Why it’s worth questioning your judgments of other people taking time off.
  • My top suggestions for best practices when it comes to taking time off.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

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Full Episode Transcript:





You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 103. Today, we’re talking about taking time off. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I hope all is well in your neck of the woods. Things are going very well for me. I am actually getting ready to head into a season of quite a bit of travel. And that inspired today’s episode. 

Today I want to talk about taking time off. If you struggle with taking time off, and you feel like you’re always working, this episode is for you. So, I want to start by talking about the thoughts that you’re thinking about taking time off that hold you back. And then, we’re going to talk about the negative feelings that you avoid by avoiding taking time off. And then, I’m going to break down some of the best practices that I recommend for taking time off so you can start to do it effectively. 

So, check in with yourself. When you think about taking time off, what thoughts come up for you? If you’re anything like my clients, you might be thinking, “I can’t take time off. It’s irresponsible for me to take time off.” A lot of people think it’s more work than it’s worth. 

You might be thinking that everything needs to be done before you can take time off. If that’s what you’re thinking, you’re never going to take time off because not everything will ever be done. There will always be more to do. That’s just the nature of our careers. 

A lot of people also worry that people will be mad at them if they take time off. You may think that it’s unfair to your colleagues, especially if work feels really busy right now. That people will not understand if you take time off, or they’ll be resentful, or they’ll hold it against you. You might also tell yourself that now isn’t a good time, or that you need to wait for things to slow down. 

If you’re thinking these thoughts, you’re really going to struggle to take time off. Remember, if you’re thinking a thought it’s going to cause you to feel a feeling, and then it’s going to drive the action you take. So, these are all thoughts that are going to make you feel negative emotions. And then, the action that you’re going to take from them is you’re not going to take time off. 

If you think you can’t take time off, you won’t take time off. If you think it’s irresponsible, you’re going to avoid feeling irresponsible by not taking time off. If you’re telling yourself it’s more work than it’s worth, the way that you approach taking time off probably proves that true. 

Maybe you front load and create a heavy back load when you return, so it feels like everything just piles up and that it’s not worth it to take time off. Instead of planning more intentionally and making sure that it doesn’t feel like an avalanche of work is waiting for you when you get back. 

If you’re worried that people will be mad at you, you’ll feel worried or guilty or nervous or afraid. And then, you’ll avoid taking time off in order to avoid being exposed to those emotions. And if you’re being perfectionistic about this, thinking that there’s a better time to take time off, now’s not a good time but you need to wait until later, you’re going to keep kicking the can down the road. 

So, what comes up for you when you think about taking time off? I want you to spend a second and identify the thoughts that you’re thinking about taking a vacation, taking time off. I also know a lot of people think that they should only take time off if they’re going somewhere, and that’s just not a thought that I practice at all. I take time off if I’m not feeling well. 

I want you to think about what warrants taking time off for you? And do you like the definition that you currently have or do you want to change it? It’s okay if you just feel really out of it one day and you want to take a day off so you can recuperate or rest up. 

You also might be thinking that time off needs to be earned or rest needs to be earned. All of these thoughts won’t serve you if you want to work less and take more time off. 

You also want to check in with yourself: What emotions do you experience when you think about taking time off? Do you feel guilty? Do you feel worried? Do you feel stressed or overwhelmed or maybe discouraged or defeated, like you can never seem to get away because there’s always so much to do?

Whatever negative emotions are coming up for you, ask yourself how do you respond to those feelings? Are you avoiding them? My guess is you probably are. So, what’s the solution here? Well, you know from listening to the podcast that we always need to identify the thoughts that we’re thinking, and then shift them. We need to change the way that we’re thinking about something in order to create a different result. 

That’s always step one, we need to change our thoughts. And then, step two, is you need to embrace the negative emotions in order to be able to move forward in spite of them. So, here are some thoughts that you could choose to think instead. You could choose to replace, “I can’t take time off,” with, “I can take time off. It’s okay for me to take time off.”

I also love to remind myself, “It’s safe for me to take time off.” Think about being an example to the other people that you work with, especially if you supervise people. Demonstrate for them that it is okay for them to take time off of work. Be an example of what’s possible.

I want you to remind yourself that you don’t need to wait to take time off. That now is as good a time as any to take a vacation or to take a day to yourself. I want you to work on believing that people will understand that you want to take time off. People will understand that you do take time off. That it’s all something that we’re allowed to do as employees, or even as business owners. 

That’s something that I’ve worked on a ton. I was definitely raised by a dad who was an entrepreneur, and he didn’t believe that you could take time off and be successful. That was a limiting belief that he had. I’ve really worked to break that cycle for myself. 

So, I’ve built my belief that I can have a successful business and take time off. I’ve created that result for myself, because it’s a belief that I’ve practiced believing. It’s a thought that I’ve worked to think over and over and over again. And then, I take the action of taking time off and still have a successful business, so I’ve proven that true. 

If you’re going to struggle to believe that people will understand, I want you to work on believing that it’s not your job to manage other people’s opinions or manage other people’s emotions. They’re allowed to think whatever they want about you taking time off, and you’re still allowed to take it. Trust them to manage their own emotional experience. They’ll be able to get over it, I promise you that is true. Your clients will get over it, your colleagues will get over it, everything will end up being fine. 

I also want you to practice believing that it’s worth it for you to do. If you’re someone who thinks that it’s more work than it’s worth. Or that there’s just so much work waiting for you it’s not worth it to take time off because of the headache that you come back to, I want you to challenge that and start to solve for how could you take time off in a way that works for you? 

And then, practice believing that you can take time off in a way that works for you. And that the reward that you get, the benefit that you get from taking a break from work, actually serves you. It sets you up for success. It makes work better. It makes you show up better when you have a bit of a break in the action. 

Something that I’ve been coaching my clients on, especially the people who tend to work weekends or work almost every weekend, when they practice setting boundaries and limiting the amount that they work and they stop working weekends, they notice how refreshed they are when they come back to work on Monday. They’re ready to hit the ground running. They’re ready to just take action and produce results in their work. 

If you’re feeling a little burned out, a little unmotivated, a little frustrated with work, contemplate giving yourself a break from it so you can take some time and have an opportunity to become reinvigorated and return to work with that drive and passion that you’ve had in the past. 

So, those are some thoughts that I suggest you practice. But I want you to take a second for yourself and also think: What would you want to think about taking time off? What would you need to believe in order to do it? In order to give yourself permission to take a break from work, go on vacation, take a day to yourself, whatever it is that you want to do?

Now, once you’ve identified some new thoughts to think about taking time off, I want you to check in with your emotions. What negative emotions are you going to have to allow yourself to feel, on purpose, in order to follow through with a plan to take time off of work? Are you going to have to gag-and-go, and feel guilty or worried or judged or misunderstood? Maybe you’re going to have to feel pressured or stressed or overwhelmed because there’s still work to be done. 

What would it look like for you to embrace those negative emotions and take time off in spite of and despite them? I want you to remember, in order to gag-and-go through a feeling you want to find that feeling in your body. Where exactly do you feel that emotion? Describe it to yourself. What does it feel like? That’s all that’s ever happening when you’re experiencing an emotion, you’re feeling a vibe emotion in your body. 

So, if you give yourself permission to just experience that vibration, you can move forward in spite of and despite it. And then, take the intentional action of honoring your plan to take time off regardless of feeling that experience in your body. That’s all that happens. Taking time off isn’t going to kill you, you just have to feel that emotion within the layers of your skin, essentially. That’s all that’s going on. 

And by doing that, taking intentional action of taking time off in spite of those emotions, you’re going to create a body of evidence that it’s safe for you to take time off. That the world doesn’t come to a screeching halt. That everything doesn’t crumble around you when you take a break from work. 

And then, when you take time off in the future, it’s going to be less uncomfortable because you have a new body of evidence to support that it is in fact safe for you to do. 

One other tip for you in order to change your mindset around taking time off, is to check in with yourself and see what judgments you have of other people taking time off. Identify the mirror judgments that you have here. If you judge other people for taking time off of work, you’re going to fear that other people are going to judge you for taking time off of work. 

Do you think other people, when they take time off during a busy season, that they’re not team players or that they’re irresponsible or that they’re lazy? If you have those judgments, you’re going to be afraid that other people are going to think the same things about you. 

So, check in. Is there something else that you could think about your colleagues or your employees taking time off? If you can shift your thinking about other people taking time off, you’ll be able to apply those same new thoughts to yourself as well. 

One other thing that I’d like to add here is, I want you to get rid of the expectation that taking time off feels comfortable for you in the beginning. If you’re expecting it to feel really easy to take time off, when you’re not used to taking time off, you’re setting yourself up for failure here. It’s likely going to be uncomfortable because you’re changing the status quo. 

So, I want you to embrace the idea that it is okay and normal for this to feel uncomfortable at first, if you’re new to doing it, if you’re not very seasoned or skilled at giving yourself a break. If you embrace that in the beginning it’s going to feel uncomfortable, you’re going to have an easier time embracing that discomfort. Alright?

Now, let’s talk about some best practices when it comes to taking time off. One of my first suggestions is that I want you to decide ahead of time when you take time off. If you make a decision ahead of time it’s going to be easier to honor it and follow through. 

I like to plan the time that I’m going to take off at the beginning of the year. Sometimes, throughout the year, additional trips will come up. But very early on this year, I decided I’m going to Italy twice this year; once in June and once in September. I planned that at the beginning of the year, and I blocked my calendar. 

And I’ve been able to communicate to my clients that I’m going to be taking time off in June and in September. Everyone’s on the same bandwagon. Everyone’s on the same schedule. They know what to expect from me because I made the decision ahead of time. It’s not like I’m springing this on myself or on them at the last minute. 

I watch a lot of people plan to take time off, and then they don’t communicate it because they don’t want to be judged for taking the time off. And then, it comes time to honor the decision and because they didn’t communicate it to people, then they back up off of the original decision to take the time off. They cave, they cower to the pressure, right? They avoid feeling worried and they avoid feeling judged by avoiding taking the time off. 

So, I want you to decide early when you’re going to take the time off, and then start to communicate it to people so you don’t put yourself in a position where it comes down to the wire and you’re about to take the time off. And then, you feel really guilty for not having communicated it, so then you don’t take the time. You want to communicate it early and often so people know what to expect. 

I also, at the beginning of the year, plan my time off at the end of the year. So, for the last several years I’ve taken time off at the end of the year. I’ve slowly but surely worked up to taking more and more and more time off. The first time I did this, I took a week off between Christmas and New Year’s. And then, I realized I wanted more of a break, so I worked up to taking two weeks off. 

I remember I heard one of my coaches talk about taking a full month off, and when I first heard that I had a lot of mirror judgments around it. About her being an irresponsible business owner. About that being completely unrealistic. And I realized that it was actually something that I envied and that that did sound marvelous to me. I just didn’t think it was possible for me to do.

So, I worked on building my belief that I could do it, that it was possible. And then, I realized I didn’t have the comfort tolerance of taking that much time off to begin with. So, I made the decision to work up to it. 

That’s my second recommendation to you. Start with what feels more attainable or approachable for you. You can work up to taking more and more time off as you start to create that body of evidence that it’s safe to take time off. 

I’ve really worked on building my belief that it’s better for my clients, for me to take time off. I think about what I model for them. I think about how I show up better in my business when I’ve taken time to myself to rest and recuperate and enjoy my life outside of work. I show up better for the people that I serve. I want you to think about how would you show up better for the people that you serve by giving yourself some time off, as well? 

Alright, you’re going to build up to what’s aspirational. Decide ahead of time the time that you take off. You want to make sure you block that time on your calendar and honor it. Okay? Then, I want you to also think about how you can tweak or change the way that you take time off in order to make it less of a burden? 

What I watch people do typically is that they front load a ton of work, because they’re trying to get a bunch of stuff done before they take time off. And then, they also double up on the back end and they save a ton of stuff for when they return. So, the week before and the week after they take time off ends up feeling horrible to them. 

I want to offer you that you don’t have to take time off that way. You can just extend the timeline. You can work like you normally work up until you take time off, and then you can be off. And then, you can come back into work and work at a normal pace. You don’t have to double everything up, or pile it up ahead of when you leave and after you return. It’s okay for you to just extend the timeline. 

Also, check in with yourself. Are there other best practices that you could introduce here? Could you get coverage? Could you ask someone for assistance or help? Could you delegate some of what you have on your plate to someone else, in order to take some of the obligation or responsibility off of yourself? That would also help you create an easier time leaving and coming back to work.

I want you to also think about how you can ease back in? A lot of people, because they feel so guilty taking time off, they’ll bombard their schedule with a lot of meetings as soon as they’re back in the office. I don’t recommend you doing that. If you know you’re going to come back to a whole lot of emails, give yourself a full day to go through your inbox. 

Don’t play on calls, don’t plan meetings with people, just allow yourself to see what you’ve missed while you were out and start to get back up to speed. That’s totally acceptable. You really do get to make the rules for yourself. 

So, evaluate. Think about what’s worked in the past when you’ve taken time off, think about what hasn’t worked, and then be very specific about the things that haven’t worked in the past. What would you like to do differently moving forward, in order to remedy the things that didn’t work? 

If you get very clear with your evaluations when it comes to taking time off, you’re going to create a more sustainable way to take a vacation, to take time off of work. In a way that doesn’t feel punishing or punitive for you when you come back or before you leave. 

You really have so much power over the experience that you create for yourself when it comes to taking time off of work. I want to highly encourage you to figure out what are your preferences when it comes to taking time off? 

Make those decisions ahead of time, honor it, and then every time you take time off evaluate: What worked? What didn’t work? What would I do differently? So, you can really create the ability for you to enjoy time away from your job, give yourself a chance to reset, and then come back to work really motivated to get back into it, get down to business and get some stuff accomplished. Alright?

I hope you’ve got some fun stuff planned for the summer months. Or for later in the year if you like to take time off during the holidays. But spend a second as this episode ends thinking about: What time do you want to take off this year? It’s not too late to make your decisions ahead of time. You can decide right now. Block that time on your calendar. Start to communicate it to people. Build it into your game plan. 

And think about what you would like a couple years from now. Work your way up to what feels aspirational. And then, figure out what changes do you need to make in how you take time off, in order to make it worth your while and to feel really good and enjoyable when you do take that time away from the office? 

 That’s what I have for you this week, my friends. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 102: Mixed Models

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Mixed Models

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Mixed Models

The coaching model is a five-part equation that helps you create awareness around the thought-feeling-action cycle. If you’re familiar with thought work, you probably practice running models in your daily life. However, there’s a common mistake that I often see my clients making in this process, and it must be addressed.

Mixed models are models where you’ve jumbled up positive and negative components together. This is where you might have a negative thought and feeling but a positive action and result (or vice versa), and while you might have multiple models running at one time, they should never be combined, and I’m showing you why.

Listen in this week to learn why mixed models are a problem and the power of separating your models. I’m showing you how operating from mixed models keep you stuck in unnecessary emotional suffering, and how to address your mixed models so it’s easier for you to achieve the things you most want.

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The 5 components of the coaching model.
  • What a mixed model is, and how people make this mistake when using the model.
  • Why mixed models are a problem.
  • Examples of how mixed models keep you stuck in emotional suffering.
  • How to address a mixed model.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 102. Today, we’re talking all about “mixed models”. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello, my friends. How are you? I hope you’re doing well. I am so excited to introduce you to a topic that I teach my clients frequently. This is a problem that I see people make, and it’s a mistake that they make with “The Model”. The Model is the coaching tool that I use with all of my clients. 

I like to describe it as an equation for your life. There are five components, and I’ve talked about it on the podcast a lot. The five components are: Circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. When you plug in information to any one of those lines, you learn other things in that model. 

So, you learn if you’re thinking a particular thought about a circumstance, and circumstances are just facts. If you identify a thought, and you plug it into the model, you figure out what emotion you feel when you think that thought? And then, when you’re feeling that feeling, what do you do? What’s the action that you take? And then, what result does it produce? 

Now, you’ve heard me talk about this on the podcast before. But when you’re doing what we call “running a model”, that just means filling in those five different components of a model, to create that awareness to understand the thought, feeling, action, cycle, the think-feel-act cycle, that you’re operating within. 

When you plug in a thought, if the thought is negative, everything else in that model will be negative. If you’re thinking a negative thought, you’ll feel a negative feeling, you’ll take a negative action or no action, and it will produce a negative result. If you’re thinking a positive thought, you’ll feel a positive feeling, you’ll take positive, productive action, and you’ll create a positive result. 

Now, one of the mistakes that I see people make when they’re new to using the model is they create what we call a “mixed model”. A mixed model is where you have some positive components of a model and some negative components of a model. You basically jumble them up together. So, this is based off of a misconception. 

Typically, what I see people do is that they’ll have a negative thought and a negative feeling, and then in their action line and the result line, they’ll have a positive action and a positive result. That’s never going to happen. You can have multiple models going on at once, sort of like the angel on your shoulder and the devil on your shoulder, but in the same model you’re never going to have negative thoughts – negative feelings – positive action – positive results.

You’re also not going to have positive thoughts and positive feelings, creating negative action and creating a negative result. So, you’re not going to have the two combined in one model. 

Now, the reason I wanted to record a podcast episode on this topic of mixed models, is because mixed models end up being pretty problematic. They cause issues. First and foremost, mixed models are a problem because you misconstrue the causal connection between what you’re thinking, how you feel, what you do, and the results that you create. So, you mess with the awareness that you want to be creating by using the model. 

One of the reasons we use the model is to figure out: What’s the impact of this thought? When I think this way, how does it make me feel? What do I do as a result of feeling that feeling? What result do I ultimately create through that action? 

And if you’re misconstruing the causal connection, because you’re thinking a negative thought drives you to take positive action, you don’t actually learn what the actual impact is of that negative thought. It blocks you from creating that extra awareness. 

And then when you’re blocked from having that extra awareness, because you’re making this mistake by misconstruing the causal connection, you keep thinking the negative thoughts because you don’t see them as a problem. You’re like, “No, no, no, they’re driving me to take positive productive action. So, this thought isn’t hurting me, it’s serving me,” even though it’s not.

Then you’re not incentivized to shift out of that negative thinking. You’re not incentivized to do the work to dismantle that thought because you realize that it’s not serving you. So, we want to make sure that we’re not mixing our models and that we’re actually keeping things clear. 

If it’s a negative thought it causes a negative feeling, drives a negative action, produces a negative result. If it’s a positive thought it causes a positive feeling, drives positive productive action, and creates a positive result. You want to make sure you’re not mixing this up. Because if you have a negative thought that you’re thinking and you identify the negative thought, you want to make sure you identify the impact of thinking that thought. 

“When I think this negative thought, how do I feel? What do I do when I feel that way? And what result does it create?” You want to be seeing how that thinking doesn’t serve you. 

The other reason that mixed models are a problem is that you’re creating more emotional resistance. You’re making it harder to achieve what you actually want. It’s like putting rocks in your backpack. You’re still able to move forward, because like that angel on your shoulder devil on your shoulder situation, you are thinking some positive thoughts that are fueling you forward. If you’re taking some positive action, it’s coming from a positive thought and a positive feeling. 

But you’re creating resistance unnecessarily, because on the other side of things, you’re also thinking negative thoughts, feeling negative feelings, and then creating resistance and slowing yourself down. 

Now, when you misconstrue the causal connection, because you’re in a mixed model, you think the negative thought is fueling you, but it’s not. You’re actually taking positive productive action in spite of that negative thought. So, again, it’s like weighing yourself down, and you’re creating unnecessary suffering. 

And because you’re misconstruing the connection between the thinking and the action that you’re taking from it, like I said earlier, you’re not incentivized to shift out of that negative thought. So, you continue thinking it longer than you want to be. And then, you prolong your suffering longer than you want it to be. Alright?

So, let me give you some examples of this so you can see what I’m talking about, how you create unnecessary negative emotion and continue to carry that negative emotion with you. And then, I’m going to teach you how to address a mixed model if you find yourself in one. 

Let’s use the first example, we’ll use the circumstance of your job. You can check in with yourself right now. What are the thoughts you’re thinking about your job? Are they positive thoughts or are they negative thoughts? You might be thinking, “I hate my job.” 

Now, an example of a mixed model would be your thinking the thought, “I hate my job,” and then that thought makes you feel resentful. But in your mixed model, instead of identifying the negative action you take from feeling resentful, you tell yourself, “No, no, that resentment, my anger drives me to take positive action.”

So you might think, “Oh, in that model, I start searching for a new job. I interview really well. I present myself very confidently. I demonstrate the value that I would have at another organization. Then, I get an offer and I accept it.” Those would be the actions that you take. The result you create is that you get a new job. 

Now, that’s a positive result from a negative thought, which isn’t something that happens, that’s a mixed model. Instead, what you want to do when you encounter a mixed model is separate it into the two separate models. We want to separate it into two separate models, so we can understand the impact of both thoughts. 

A: You want to identify both thoughts. There’s the negative thought that you’ve already identified. And then, there’s the positive thought and the positive feeling that are driving you to take that positive action and produce that positive result. So, you want to be really clear on that causal connection in that think-feel-act cycle, and then the causal connection from the original line of thinking. 

For this example, the thoughts you’re thinking about your job, we want to break that up into two separate models. Okay? We’ll start with the original thought, “I hate my job.” That thought makes you feel resentful. If resentment was the only emotion you were feeling… 

Think about putting yourself in an emotional vacuum where you’re only able to experience one emotion at a time, rather than what is really the case. As a human, we get to experience multiple emotions at the same time, because we get to think multiple thoughts, right? 

So, if you were only feeling resentful, how would you show up? What actions would you be likely to take? You’d probably complain, you’d stew, you’d feel sorry for yourself, you’d search for all the different things that you hate about your job. You’d really just dwell in that negativity. And you’d probably carry that negative emotion with you, sort of like bad perfume or bad cologne, into your interviewing process. Alright?

The result that you’d create is you don’t interview well, and you continue hating your job, because you just keep looking for all the ways that you hate it. And you’re probably not performing the way that you’d like to be performing at work. You’re probably pushing stuff off and procrastinating. And then, as a defense mechanism, looking for all of the things that you hate about your job as a way to justify the action that you’re taking, or the inaction better yet, right?

So, that would be the negative model that you’re in. “I hate my job,” is the thought, you feel resentful. The action you’d take is you complain, stew, feel sorry for yourself, look for the bad, interview poorly, and then you stay stuck in a job that you hate. You continue to hate the job and you don’t interview well. 

Now, in the positive model, where you search for a new job, you interview, well, you get an offer, and you accept it, that’s coming from a different thought and feeling. Okay? That might be coming from the thought of you thinking, “I can find something better suited for me.” The feeling you might feel from that thought would be encouraged or committed. 

So, you’re thinking, “I can find something better suited to me,” you’re feeling empowered or encouraged, and then you take that action. You search for a new job, you interview well, you demonstrate your value to another organization, you get the offer, accept it, and you create the positive result of getting a new job. 

Like I explained, when you encounter a mixed model, you want to separate it into two models, and then understand the impact of both thoughts. Now, when you see that the positive thought is what’s actually driving you to feel a positive emotion, take positive productive action, and produce a positive result, you learn and realize that the negative thought isn’t helping you do those things. 

So, then you can start to see that the negative thought really isn’t useful. It’s creating a negative emotion, it’s driving you to take action that doesn’t serve you, and it’s producing negative results. 

From there, once you can see the impact that negative thinking has on the rest of the components of the model, on how you feel and what you do and on the results you create, you can start to realize that that thought isn’t useful, and you want to get rid of it. 

From there, you can do the work to dismantle the negative thought. That’s one of the things that I teach my clients how to do. We work on poking holes in our thinking. A simple way to do that, and I cover this in depth inside the programs that I run, is just to ask yourself: How is this thought not true?

So, in the instance of, “I hate my job,” you might start to look for the aspects of your job that you love, or at least like, or maybe even tolerate, if like or love seems like too much of a stretch. What are the parts of your job that you’re grateful for? What are the parts that aren’t that bad? 

Obviously, if you’re still there, you don’t hate your job enough to just outright leave. So, there are aspects that you appreciate or enjoy. You want to start to look for those to poke holes in that negative thinking. 

And when you dismantle the negative thought, you’re going to replace it with a different thought instead. That’s going to change how you feel, reduce your negativity, and help you move forward with greater ease. Because, can you find a new job while being weighed down with resentment? Yeah, perhaps. But you’re going to make it a lot harder on yourself. 

You’re going to be taking all that action in spite of that resentment. When, what you could do, is dial down the resentment by getting rid of that thought, changing how you feel, and just freeing yourself up to take action from that positive emotion instead; from feeling empowered or encouraged and committed. That’s going to serve you way more and make the experience a lot less emotionally taxing. 

Another example of this would be, let’s say you’re thinking about the work that you have to do, and you’re telling yourself, “I have so much to do.” You’re feeling really overwhelmed. Well, a mixed model would be in your action line and your result line. You work on projects really productively, you efficiently complete tasks, you get through your work, and you create the result of getting so much done. 

That’s not going to come from the thought, “I have so much to do,” and feeling overwhelmed. If you’re thinking that thought, “I have so much to do,” and you’re feeling overwhelmed, those are negative thoughts and negative feelings. It’s going to drive you to take negative action that doesn’t serve you and produce a negative result. 

So, you’ve got a mixed model here, and you want to break it up into those two separate models so you can understand the impact that the positive thoughts have and the negative thoughts have on you. 

If we were to break this model up into two separate models, we’d take the negative thought and feeling and put that in one model. Okay? You’re thinking the thought, “I have so much to do,” and you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you could put yourself in an emotional vacuum, what is the action you would take, if overwhelmed was the only feeling you were feeling? 

You’d probably procrastinate, maybe dwell, avoid your work, buffer, do anything that brings you temporary satisfaction and instant gratification and helps you avoid that overwhelm. You’d probably shut down. 

Some people tend to work really unproductively so they try to multitask. They’re constantly jumping from one thing to the next. They’re not really completing anything. So, work feels like it’s being completed, but you’re actually not completing tasks. You’re not getting things across the finish line. You’re working in a really unproductive manner, not making great use of your time. 

When you work that way, whether you’re procrastinating or you’re working really unintentionally, you end up creating the result of still having so much to do. So, that would be the negative thought model. 

The second model, where you work on projects productively and you complete tasks efficiently, you don’t buffer, you don’t procrastinate, you just put your head down and get to work, you create the result of completing work productively. That’s coming from a different thought and a different feeling than in the first model. 

So, that might be coming from a thought like, “The only way out is through. Action reduces anxiety, I just need to start with one thing.” Any of those thoughts would serve you here. And if you were thinking any of those thoughts, you might feel determined or in control, or committed or capable. And if you’re thinking those thoughts and feeling any of those positive feelings, those are the thoughts and feelings that are going to drive you to take that positive productive action and produce a positive result. 

Remember, if you encounter… I want you to be practicing utilizing the model in your day-to-day life. I used to do this on a legal pad in my office. You can just pick a circumstance; what’s the situation that you’re facing? Remember, keep it only restricted to just the facts. Then, figure out: What thoughts am I thinking about it?

And run a model. Pick one thought, and then figure out: When I think that thought, what’s the one-word emotion I feel? What’s the action I take when I feel that feeling? What result do I produce when I take that action?

If you’ve got negative thoughts and negative feelings, and positive actions and positive results, you’ve got yourself a mixed model. Whenever you find yourself in a mixed model, you want to separate it into those two separate models, complete both of them so you can understand the impact of both thoughts, and then dismantle the negative thought. Challenge it. Poke holes in it so you can change how you feel, reduce your negativity, and move forward with greater ease. 

This is how you’re going to get out of that unnecessary emotional suffering. It’s how you’re going to dial down your resistance to moving forward and getting stuff done. You’re going to make it so much easier for you to achieve the things that you want to achieve day in and day out, when you are not misconstruing the causal connection between what you think, how you feel, what you do, and the results you create. Okay? 

So, use this as you’re doing your thought work, as you’re running your models. Just to basically check your work, it’s sort of like checking your work in math class. Are all aspects of my model positive, or are all aspects of my model negative? 

If you’ve got a mix, you’ve got to split it up so you really understand the impact that your thinking has on the results you create. And you can identify which thoughts are serving you, which ones aren’t, and you can shift out of the ones that aren’t. 

I hope you find this helpful. Go out and practice with this. Be on the lookout for mixed models. And if you find yourself in one, do the work to get out of it. You’re going to feel so much better if you do. 

Alright, my friend, that’s what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode. 

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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Episode 101: How to Get Unstuck

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | How to Get Unstuck

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | How to Get Unstuck

Want to know how to get unstuck? Whatever you’re stuck with, whether it’s your time, money, making an investment, or anything else, I’ve got you covered in today’s episode because I recently recorded a masterclass on exactly how to get unstuck.

There are two common themes I see people face when they’re stuck. They either not taking enough action, or their mindset is a mess. Sometimes, it’s a combination of both. Generally, there are 10 reasons I see often for people getting stuck in the first place, and I share all of those in this episode too. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this.

Tune in this week to discover 10 obstacles that are stopping you from making progress on your goals, and the 10 specific solutions to help you get unstuck. Wherever you’re stuck, whether it’s in your career, your business, or in your relationships, I’m giving you behind-the-scenes access to a masterclass that will be pivotal in getting you unstuck.

If you want to start helping yourself first, it’s time to join Lawyers Only. This is my signature coaching program only for lawyers, and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How to spot where you’re stuck in your life.
  • 2 common themes in people who are stuck.
  • 10 reasons you’re stuck right now.
  • How to make a game plan for implementing the solutions I’m sharing today.
  • 10 ways to get unstuck right now.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 101. Today, we’re talking all about how to get unstuck. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I hope you’re doing well, and I hope after this podcast you’re doing even better. You’re in for a treat today. I just recently recorded a masterclass on how to get unstuck. During that masterclass, I went through the two common themes that I see people face when they are feeling like they’re stuck.

The two main themes are either that you’re not taking enough action, or your mindset is a mess. But then, I got even more specific, and I talked about the top 10 reasons that I see are causing people to get stuck.

So, they’re the 10 obstacles that you might be facing that are keeping you from making progress on the goals that you’re setting for yourself. And then, I went through, and I gave 10 specific solutions, one solution per reason that you might be stuck, in order to really help people get unstuck or unstick themselves, so to speak.

For today’s podcast episode, I’m giving you behind-the-scenes access to the replay of that masterclass. You can tune in, listen, see which of the 10 reasons you might be facing… Maybe it’s just one, maybe it’s a combination of a couple… and I’m going to talk you through what the solutions are. And then you can go through, and at the end of the episode, I talk about how to make a game plan for what you’ll need to do in order to implement those solutions so you can unstick yourself. Alright?

I hope you enjoy this. The feedback that I got from this masterclass was incredible. It really resonated with people. They definitely saw themselves in the 10 reasons that I talked about. I think you’ll see yourself in it, too. Enjoy.

So, one of the things that you’re going to notice today, is that there are two main themes that we’re going to be discussing; two core components to why you’re stuck. They break down into these two things: Either you aren’t taking action or you’re not taking enough action. Maybe you’re showing up inconsistently or infrequently. Or your mindset is a mess.

I just did a post about this yesterday. I’ve had people ask me, “Olivia, can it be both?” Yes, absolutely. Of course, it can be both. But you just want to start to look for these themes. Now, we’re going to get more specific with regard to the exact causes. And we’re going to talk about 10 specific reasons you may be finding yourself stuck in an area of your life, not making progress.

But creating awareness starts with understanding these two issues, okay? Because they’re the core components, the core themes that are going to run through all 10 of those reasons. And if you get an idea of what your issues are, you’re going to have a better understanding of what the solution is, right? The solutions that you need to implement in order to get unstuck.

Now, one of the things that I teach is “The model.” That is a thought-work tool where you figure out what you’re thinking, how your thoughts make you feel, how your feelings drive the action that you take, and your action produces your results. Alright?

With that being said, it might seem because that thought-feel-act cycle starts with thinking that we want to focus on mindset first. But when I’m specifically working with someone on how to get unstuck, I actually like to focus on the action first, and that’s why I’ve listed it here.

Now, normally, you won’t be taking action, probably because your mindset is a mess. But I want to solve for the action first. So, when I’m working with my clients I start there. I look for: Are you taking enough action? Are you not taking any action at all? We need to get you taking action. If we solve for the action and we get you taking enough action, that might be the only problem that you’re facing. Alright? So, it’s a simple solution, we just need you showing up more.

If you’re taking the action that you need to be taking for a prolonged period of time… I teach people you want to show up consistently for at least three months, I recommend six. And then, you can gather the data from the action that you’ve taken.

But if you show up consistently and you’re not getting the results that you want, then we take a look at your mindset because there’s some negative thinking going on that’s causing you to not get the results that you want. Alright?

So, as we go through these 10 reasons, I want you to be on the lookout: Is this an action problem? Is this a mindset problem? Some of the 10 reasons that we’re going to talk about are both, but I want you to be keeping note and highlighting: Am I having an action issue or am I having a mindset issue? Is this an action problem or a mindset problem? Because that’s going to help you, like I said, identify the solution that you need to implement. Right?

We always want to start with creating awareness. Where in your life are you stuck? Drop an answer in the chat: Where in your life do you feel stuck? Now, we can start by looking at: Is there a goal that you’re in pursuit of that you’re not achieving?

But I want to get a little bit more specific than that, too. I teach a concept called “The life wheel.” I just listed out the sections of the life wheel today, rather than putting it in a circle. But these are the sections of the life wheel, and I like to use them just to make an assessment of where you might be stuck in your life.

Are you stuck in your business or in your career? Are you stuck with your finances? Are you not getting out of debt? Are you not investing? Are you not saving money? Are you not making what you want to be making?

Are you stuck in the health category? Do you want to be losing weight? Do you want to be working out? Do you want to have some health routine that you’re not engaged in?

How are your family and friend relationships? Are those not where you want them to be? Are you struggling? Is there conflict in those relationships? Are your relationships not getting better, richer, more fulfilling?

Same thing with romance. Do you feel stuck there? Maybe you’re not dating. Maybe you’re married, but if you were to rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10, it wouldn’t be on the high side of the scale. So, check in there. When it comes to romance, “Where am I stuck?”

Same thing with personal development. Now, if you’re here, you’re investing time into your personal development. But could you be doing more? Could you be growing more? Do you feel like you’re the same version of yourself right now that you were a couple years ago? If that’s the case, you’re always growing and developing into a new, better version of yourself. So, check in there. Are you stuck there?

Fun and recreation. Are you having fun in your life? Are you enjoying yourself?

The last one is physical environment. That’s the space that you spend time in. So, the house that you live in, the car that you drive. What’s your office look like? Is it a disaster? I just coached someone on this yesterday, on getting organized and working through a space that was really not conducive to working productively. So, are you stuck in any of these areas?

Do me a favor, drop in the chat, and tell me where are you stuck in your life. That’ll help me better tailor some of what we talk about to what you’re specifically struggling with. Are you not making the money you want to make? Are you not living the life that you want to be living? If so, how so?

“Finances and health,” amazing. “Stuck behind the pile of work that I need to get for clients.” Yeah, absolutely. “Ditto. Career progress as a senior associate. My business and finances.” So good. “Physical environment cluttered. Business, career, finances, and romance.” Alright, now that you’ve identified this… “Need family, finances, health, romance, business.” So good. “Finances and health.” Amazing.

So, as we go through these 10 reasons, I want you specifically looking at: Where am I stuck in my life? Does this reason apply to this area that I’m stuck in? Again, it’s going to help you figure out your game plan moving forward. Let’s dive in to the 10 reasons you’re finding yourself stuck.

Reason number one: You don’t know what you want. Right? If that resonates with you drop a “me” in the chat. “I don’t know what I want,” I hear this from clients all the time.

Now, how does this keep you stuck? First and foremost, it isn’t true. I deeply, deeply, deeply believe that we always know what we want. We just don’t give ourselves permission to access the truth. So, if you’re telling yourself, “I just don’t know what I want,” you end up living at the expense of a lie. Alright? You end up living in conformity with a lie that you’re believing, a lie that you’re convincing yourself.

Also, when you indulge in ‘I don’t know, I don’t know what I want,’ A- you’re going to feel confused, and you give yourself permission to remain in your comfort zone. So, ‘I don’t know’… One of the things you’re going to see very consistently throughout our time today, is that a lot of the reasons, they’re defense mechanisms; the reasons you’re stuck.

We’re indulging in a line of thinking or in a type of behavior and action pattern that keeps us in our comfort zone and pretends to protect us from the unknown, from scary things, from change. Alright? That’s just a defense mechanism. But it actually doesn’t protect you, it prevents you from moving forward.

So, when you’re telling yourself ‘I don’t know,’ you’re giving yourself permission to remain in your comfort zone, to stay safe, and not pursue a goal. Alright?

What’s the solution to not knowing what you want? Well, first and foremost, you have to change the way that you think. You have to start believing… and this might seem like a stretch for you. That’s okay. We’re going to plant some seeds today, and you’re going to work on building your belief in some of the thoughts that I introduce you to…

But we’re going to work on believing, “I do know what I want. I know what I want.” And from there asking yourself: What is it that I want? What do I want?

What I want you to do is answer three different questions. They’re all different variants of the same question. So, the first question is: If I did know what I wanted, what would I say? Give yourself permission to guess. So, that’s another question that you can answer: If I had to guess at what I wanted, what would my answer be? So, that’s another place to start.

Another question that I love to ask myself, or ask my clients, is: If you weren’t worried about anyone’s opinion, what would you choose? What would you pick for yourself? What would you give yourself permission to want for your life, or to pursue for your life?

Then, when you’ve answered those questions: If I did know what I wanted what would it be? If I allowed myself to just guess at what I wanted, what would it be? If I wasn’t concerned about what other people’s opinions were, what other people think, what would it be? What would I want for myself?

And then, choose that. “A space for reading. Yoga. Peace in my house.” Amazing.

Once we identify it, you can start to take action and come up with a game plan in order to create that. “I want to lose 15% of my weight and have energy to keep growing my law office.” I love that. “Efficient work product and workspace and financial stability.” Amazing, Brad. What I want you to do is define what does “efficient work” mean? And then, what does financial stability mean for you?

The clearer we get on these definitions, the easier we’re going to be able to work towards them. Alright? So, if you frequently tell yourself, “You know what? I don’t know what I want,” we’re not doing that anymore. Today, moving forward, you’re going to start saying, “I do know what I want.” And then, you’re going to ask yourself these questions. Force yourself to bypass your instinct to say, ‘I don’t know’ and come up with an answer. Alright?

One of the neat things is that you don’t have to tell anyone else what you want. You can just keep that to yourself. If you don’t want to share with anyone, you don’t have to. You can share it with me here, and I’d love it if you did. But you don’t have to share it with anyone. You can just know for you.

But you want to be in a conversation with yourself day in, day out, figuring out what it is you want for your life and then giving yourself permission to pursue that. Okay?

Also, if this dials down to pressure at all, just because you identify what you want doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it. Alright? I want you to do something about it. But if that feels intimidating, and that’s a reason that you keep allowing yourself to indulge in ‘I don’t know,’ I want you to give yourself permission. “I’m just going to identify what I want for right now. And then, later on, I can decide if I want to pursue it or not. But I’m just going to get the answer right now, to begin with.”

“I want to be successful my new business. I want to firmly believe I’m an entrepreneur after 10 years of a corporate job.” Amazing, Kristen. Congratulations on entrepreneurship. It is the journey of a lifetime. I absolutely love it. What I want you to do is define what does success mean for you this year? So, we can start to identify it and work towards it.

“Are we uploading this presentation into the Lawyers Only vault?” Aaron, you better believe it. Absolutely. “I want to write my memoir.” I love that. I love a memoir, Deborah. So good.

So, when you start to identify this stuff you can begin working towards it. And to answer Aaron’s question, every single masterclass I do gets uploaded into the Lawyers Only vault. There are over 50 master classes, workshops, and trainings in there already. There’s going to be one more after today.

Reason number two: You don’t know what all of your options are. This is another reason that you’re stuck. “I want more time in the day.” So, I want you to be really careful about that. We only get 24 hours a day, all of us get the same amount of time. We cannot create more time. What I think you mean by that is, you want to spend your time differently. So, get clear on how do you want to spend your time differently? Come up with what that answer is for you, and then we can work towards it.

Reason number two: You don’t know what all of your options are. How does this keep you stuck? Number one, you limit your potential. You don’t know what all of your options are probably because you’re not stretching your brain. You’re thinking inside the box. You’re not challenging your limiting beliefs here, okay?

So, you limit your potential to only the obvious options in front of you. Or you’re telling yourself that you don’t have options, which is absolutely never true. You always have options, you just may not always like all of them, okay?

You’re either limiting your potential or you’re choosing options you don’t prefer, because you haven’t identified all the options that are available to you. I watch a lot of people choose options they don’t prefer, so they stay stuck, they don’t make the progress that they want to make. Or they don’t pick any of the options that they’ve identified because they don’t like them.

There are some other options out there that they haven’t identified that they’d prefer to choose if they knew about them, so they don’t make any decision at all, and they don’t make progress because they don’t like the options that that they’ve identified for themselves.

What’s the solution to not knowing what all of your options are? First and foremost, I want to invite you to get a different perspective. Alright? This is where the power of having a coach really comes in. Because it’s very hard for us to challenge limiting beliefs when we don’t realize that they’re limiting beliefs. Okay?

So, getting a different perspective from people who have done the things that you want to do. Or from a coach who’s able to identify your limiting beliefs and point out, “No, no, no. This is an option. This is an option. This is an option.” That’s one of my favorite things that I get to do with my clients; we identify all of the options that are available to them.

Get a different perspective. Identify your limiting beliefs, either on your own if you’ve learned how to do that, or by working with a coach who can help you identify your limiting beliefs. And then once you identify them, you dismantle them. Alright?

I teach this inside the programs that I run, a specific process for how to dismantle your thoughts. How to identify the thoughts that you’re thinking, poke holes in them, and replace those limiting beliefs with a more open-minded narrative.

Now, once you’ve done that, once you’ve taken a jackhammer to those limiting beliefs and you’ve broken up that foundation, you can start to actually identify the options that are available to you. So, I want you to list them out. And I want you to list them out with the belief that you always have at least two options; you typically have more than that, usually three. Sometimes, a lot more than that.

I want you to list out your options and keep going. If you’ve only found two, wrack your brain. Push yourself. What’s my third option? What’s a fourth option? How else might I be able to approach this? And then, what I tell people to do is, you want to get clear on what your reasons would be for choosing any of the options that are available to you.

So, get clear on what your reasons would be for choosing them, and then choose the option with the reasons that you like the most. You want to choose your preference. Once you choose your preference, then you can come up with a game plan on how you’re going to pursue that goal.

Yes, “I struggle to identify more things to do to achieve my goal, besides what I’m already doing.” Totally. I think, again, this is where working with a coach really comes in handy. Because you might not know what you don’t know. Right? So, one of the things that I’m constantly doing with the people that I work with is, strategizing, offering suggestions. Have you tried this? Have you thought about this? What about this? What would this be like? What if you did this?

If you want to create this result, if we work it backwards, I bet this will get you there. We identify some things you probably haven’t thought of. I know that’s been true for me working with my coaches. They make suggestions that I’ve never thought about.

And then, I realized, “Oh, that’s an option that’s on the table that was always there. I just didn’t have access to it before. I couldn’t see it.” And then I’m able to consider a different assortment of options, a different order of platter of options, so to speak.

“I’m feeling physical resistance in my body to these fantastic suggestions.” Totally, Shannon. Tell me more about that. What’s the resistance? Does it feel like it’s going to be hard to do these things? Or maybe just uncomfortable? How might you need to feel? What negative feelings might come up for you? If you had to name the resistance what would it be?

“It hurts my stomach.” That’s why I teach gag-and-go. It might make you feel nauseous, a little “vomity,” that’s okay. That’s the sign that you’re moving in the right direction and you’re making progress. Alright? That is… We’re going to talk about that in a minute. But learning how to feel that discomfort and take action anyways is part of how you get unstuck. The things that you need to do in order to get unstuck. Got to feel those negative feelings. Got to embrace that discomfort.

Reason number three that you’re stuck: You think you can’t actually have what you want. So, how does this keep you stuck? People don’t like to waste their own time. “I have ‘gag-and-go’ on a Post-it on my monitor.” Amazing, Jennifer. I love that.

So, people don’t like to waste their own time. I know I don’t like to waste my own time. I know my clients don’t like to waste their time. We want the expenditure of our time to be fruitful, so if you’re telling yourself that you can’t have something or that it won’t work, you won’t pursue it. You’re not going to pursue something that you think you can’t attain.

Instead of moving forward, even if you’re clear on what you want, if you believe you can’t have it, that it’s not possible, you’re going to tell yourself that you can’t do X, Y or Z, and you’re going to maintain the status quo. Again, this is another one of those defense mechanisms, right? It’s preventing you from ‘wasting your time.’ What it’s really doing is preventing you from making progress.

So, what’s the solution here? We want to eliminate “can’t” thinking. One of the things that I teach my clients to believe is that there is no result you cannot create. I teach my clients how to create results with intention. You’ve got to cultivate the mindset, so you need to make sure you’re thinking the right thoughts that support you achieving the results that you want.

You’ve got to identify the negative feelings that you’re going to have to be willing to feel. And, you’ve got to feel them on purpose instead of avoiding them. And then, you’ve got to identify the action that you need to take and take it intentionally.

Those are the three things you need to do to create any result that you want. “It’s that ‘I won’t.” It’s that ‘I won’t,’ not that ‘I can’t,’ for sure. Which is a little bit of a different issue. We’re going to talk about not doing the work, needing to believe in yourself, and figuring out how to challenge thoughts like, “Oh, I won’t do that.”

But if people think… A great example of this would be, my clients will often think, “There’s no way I can be successful without working weekends,” right? Yes, you can. Yes, you can. We need to eliminate that “can’t” thinking. You need to believe that you can create the result of being successful and not working weekends.

I also want you to understand why you think you can’t. So, ask yourself, if you’re telling yourself ‘I can’t do that,’ why? Why do you think that? Where did that belief come from? And when you recognize where that belief came from, you can start to debunk it. You can start to poke holes in it. Once you start to challenge it you’re going to get access to new beliefs.

I also teach people how to build new beliefs, so you can work to build an argument. How might I be able to do this? One of the things I teach in my programs, I teach people to walk through four different phases of belief; how to go from thinking something’s impossible to thinking it’s possible, to thinking it’s probable, to thinking it’s inevitable.

There’s a framework to move from one step or one stage of belief to the next. Alright? So, that’s a framework that you learn when you work with me; how to get yourself from thinking something’s impossible to thinking that it’s inevitable. And, as you walk your way through that your belief grows stronger. And when your belief grows stronger, you take more action in furtherance of the goal. Alright?

If you believe that there’s no result you can’t create, you’re going to get to work. You’re going to unstick yourself; I promise you. Our thoughts create our results, and so long as you’re thinking the thoughts you need to be thinking, allowing yourself to feel the discomfort you need to feel and taking intentional action, there is no result that you cannot create.

Reason number four that you’re stuck: You’re afraid to make the wrong decision. How is this keeping you stuck? Making progress requires making decisions. We make so many decisions each and every day, and if you’re someone who struggles with decision making you’re going to halt your progress. You’re going to stunt your growth, okay?

What’s happening is, you’re letting your fear prevent you from deciding. And when you let your fear prevent you from deciding you prevent yourself from moving forward. You just continue to spin and second guess. Does anyone here struggle with decision making? Do you second guess yourself? Do you question? Do you hem and haw? Do you spin? Do you make a decision and then redecide it?

“Oh, my God, yes.” Yes, it comes from decision… Dave, “Totally.” Jennifer, “Yes.” It comes from believing that you can make a wrong decision or that decision making is hard. I teach that there are different… “I can make decisions,” amazing.

Debbie was at my event in Miami, in March. One of the things that we talked about at length there was how to make decisions and really debunking decision making myths. So, one of the decision-making myths that I debunk for my clients is that there are right or wrong decisions. There aren’t right or wrong decisions, there are just different decisions. Alright?

“Yes, I worry about the negative consequences too much.” Totally, Jasmine, that’s really common.

So, what’s the solution to this? Number one: You need to change the way that you think about making decisions. You’ve got to stop believing that there are right or wrong decisions. There are different decisions, okay? Sometimes the different decisions lead to the exact same results, right? You can take two different routes to the grocery store and still get to the grocery store. There’s not one way to go to the grocery store.

Sometimes different decisions lead to different results. And what I want you to do there is, instead of fretting and worrying on the front end, thinking about the worst-case scenario, you need to learn how to trust yourself to be able to handle what comes after you decide. Alright?

There are two ways to go about doing that. Number one: You can just choose to trust yourself. You can say, “You know what? I’m capable. I’m confident. I’m competent. No matter what comes my way I’ll be able to handle it. I’ve never met a situation that I wasn’t able to get myself through or figure out.”

That’s why you’re all here today. You’ve gotten through every situation you’ve ever faced in your life. Maybe not unscathed. Maybe not flawlessly, but that’s okay. That’s part of the human experience, right? So, you can just start to build your belief that, “No matter what happens, I’ll be able to handle it.” That’s how you create your own certainty.

Not in the what we want to have happen, which is, we want the certainty before we decide or before we move forward. We want to know that something’s going to work. That’s not how you create your own certainty. You create your own certainty by choosing, right now, that no matter what happens later you’ll be able to handle it. You’ll be able to navigate that situation.

Another thing you can do is, while you’re making the decision, run down the ‘what ifs.’ Actually answer: What if this happens? What do I think could happen? What if this happens? What if that happens? And then make a game plan for what you’ll do if that happens. Run down the ‘what ifs’. Answer the ‘what ifs’. When you do that you’re going to build your confidence, that no matter what happens you’ll be able to figure it out. You’ll be able to navigate it.

This is going to make you feel confident moving forward. It’s going to create safety and security for you to decide. And then last, but not least, in order to actually decide you’re going to have to gag-and-go through the discomfort. You might have to gag-and-go through the worry. You might have to gag-and-go through the fear. You might have to gag-and-go through the FOMO.

I just coached one of my clients on this. She really struggles with making a decision and choosing, because she doesn’t want to let go of another opportunity. So, if you’re going to choose this that might mean saying no to something else. And people don’t want to feel that FOMO. They don’t want to feel deprived of both things that they want.

And they end up, as a result, depriving themselves of both things, rather than just one. So, you want to be onto yourself. If that’s you, you’ve got to do gag-and-go through that discomfort, through that uncertainty through that not knowing.

Reason number five that you’re stuck: You don’t set clear goals with an action plan to achieve them. Now, one of the reasons we do this is because people are afraid to fail. “If you don’t set a goal you can’t really fail.” Now, I don’t agree with that. I think that’s a thought error. You absolutely can fail because you don’t achieve the things that you want in life. You don’t get the results that you desire most, right?

So, if that’s you, if you’re afraid to sort of call your shots and to pick out ‘this is where I want to be,’ you’ve got to embrace that fear and gag-and-go your way through it. We’re going to set clear goals.

Now, how does this keep you stuck? When you don’t make a game plan you invite confusion and overwhelm into the picture, okay? If you’re thinking about, “Oh, I want my life to be a certain way. I want to make more money. I want more time. I want to have more balance in my life. I want to be more successful,” those are really vague goals.

And when there’s a lack of clarity, again, we invite confusion and overwhelm. It’s really unclear on what you need to do in order to get where you want to go. You don’t even really know where you want to go because you haven’t specifically identified it. So, it’s hard to take action or figure out what action you need to even take if you’re unclear about where you’re headed.

It’s like trying to get someplace but you don’t pick a destination, right? It’s impossible to go to dinner if you don’t pick a restaurant. This is exactly the same situation. So, you either end up not taking any action, or you take really unintentional action. You’re just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks. You’re kind of all over the place.

And when you’re all over the place, you really slow yourself down and you don’t produce as good of results as you otherwise could if you were showing up really intentionally, right? Instead, what we want to do is, we want to set goals. If you need to get over your fear of failure or your fear of setting goals, now’s the time to do it.

Recognize that goals aren’t something that you need to weaponize against yourself. A really good friend of mine, one of the things she says is, “The worst thing that can happen to you as you pursue a goal,” or after you’ve crossed the finish line if your goal had a deadline on it, “The worst thing that can happen is how you talk to yourself.”

So, just decide right now that you’re not going to beat yourself up. You’re going to stay curious with yourself. You’re going to study yourself. You’re going to learn, and then we take action, audit, and adapt. Act, audit, and adapt, in order to continue to make progress.

You’ve got to set goals. You want to make sure your goals are objective, specific, measurable, and attainable. One of the standards that I like to use with each of my clients is: I should be able to come into your life, and check boxes on one of those little clipboards, to see if you’re doing the things required to achieve your goals. Or that you’ve achieved the goal itself if you’ve accomplished the specific results.

So, you want to have a very clear action plan and clear goals. You want to make sure you have both of those things.

Now, I also want you to remember to constrain. If you are trying to achieve 20 things at once you’re really going to slow yourself down. It’s going to be very hard to stay consistent when you’re splitting your time between so many different results that you want to create. So, the fewer goals that you set at a time, the more successful you will be.

I know it can feel a little underwhelming to only pursue one or two things at a time. But I promise you, if you give that a try you’re going to feel so accomplished, so proud, so encouraged, to keep going. And once you tackle one goal, come up with another one. Just keep tacking them on one after another, creating like a train or a chain of goals, rather than pursuing them all at once.

It’s really hard to hold all those goals all at the same time. You end up getting inconsistent. And typically, you quit because it’s just too heavy of a load. Alright?

Now, once you set the goal because you know what you want… We’ve already talked about that. You’ve gotten clear on it. You know what your options are. You’ve debunked the myth that you ‘can’t have it,’ so you believe that you can have it. You’ve set the goal; it’s got to be specific, measurable, attainable, and objective.

And from there, you want to reverse engineer it. You want to ask yourself: What are all of the things that I need to do in order to achieve this goal? In order to make achieving this result inevitable? By doing that, by answering that question, you’re going to create a “results roadmap” that you can follow and implement.

One of the things that we do inside my programs, both Lawyers Only and The Obsessed Retreat, is we work on creating action plans. Part of that is getting clear on the results that you want to achieve; you set those goals. We identify all the actions that you need to take.

And then, we get really clear on: What feelings do you need to gag-and-go through, do you need to allow yourself to feel instead of avoiding? What emotions do you need to cultivate, in order to fuel you forward to take all that action that you identified?

And then, we need to work on your mindset. What thoughts are you not going to think, and what thoughts are you going to think, that are going to fuel you to take the action that you need to take?

We also include in our action plans: What are the things that you’re not going to do? What do you need to not do in order to make achieving your results inevitable? So, you want to come up with that very clear game plan to eliminate all the confusion and overwhelm.

My goal for my clients is that I want you spending the least amount of time deciding what to do and the most amount of time doing it. So, this action plan becomes the playbook that you just follow and implement. You don’t have to keep reinventing the wheel. You don’t have to keep deciding. You decide once and you move forward. Alright

Tell me in the chat: Do you have an action plan? Do you have a clear goal right now? Do you have an action plan to achieve it, yes or no? This is such a huge reason that people don’t achieve… “Yes,” amazing, Nina. So good. “Not really. Yes and No. No. I, for sure have a clear goal, but action plan is not clear enough.” Yes, that’s an amazing awareness to have. That’s where you want to start. You want to start fleshing out that action plan; getting really clear on it.

One of the things we get to do inside my programs, too, is people submit their action plans to me, and then…. Rosalinda, “Thanks to you.” Yes, so good. “Yes, thanks to working with you,” amazing. One of the things that we do inside my programs is, people submit their action plans to me and I’m able to review them.

I go through them, and I’m like, “Ooh, not specific enough here. I’ve got questions about this. Let’s add to this. How about this? I don’t know if this is going to be enough in order to achieve that goal.”

One of my other clients earlier this week, she was talking about posting once a week on social media, on LinkedIn. And I was like, “Nope, we’ve got to up that. We need more action in your action plan.”

So, I’m able to go through and issue spot, “This is going to help you get there. We need to get more specific about this. Let’s create more clarity here,” in order to make your action plans foolproof. Very consistently, the theme that I see with my clients is, they are not specific enough.

And when they’re not specific enough about what they need to be doing, then they get lost. That confusion overwhelm enters the scene, and then they don’t take action because it’s not clear enough what action they need to take. Alright?

Speaking of not being clear about what action you need to take, reason number six that you’re stuck: You don’t know what you need to do. Now, how does this keep you stuck? Again, say hello to confusion and overwhelm, right? The “how” is your process. And if you don’t know your “how,” if you don’t know what to do, you can’t do it.

You can’t implement a process if you don’t know what the process is. And if you don’t know, and you can’t do it, then you end up doing nothing and you produce nothing. Now, one of the things that I have learned… What do  we have here? “Twinsies, Adrian. Nice seeing you here.” So good to see that.

“I know I should write multiple posts per week for LinkedIn, for example, but it takes two hours to do, and I simply can’t make that every day, due to my other workload.” So, one of the things we do is, we learn how to shorten that timeframe and make room for it. I think people have the expectation that it shouldn’t take a certain amount of time.

I’ve worked with a lot of people who think, “A social media post should take me 15 minutes.” Mine don’t take me 15 minutes; they take me a lot longer than that. In the beginning, it took me about an hour and a half. Now, it takes me about 45 minutes to an hour to really write a post and then share it. And then, I spend time engaging on social media. But we want to clear the time.

If you’ve got business development goals, that has to become a priority. One of the things that I teach people is that your marketing needs to be the most important part of your day. I know that is a shift in thinking from how most of us are taught; we think doing the client work is the most important part. But we’ve got to keep the leads coming in.

“The time calculation is what messed me around, as you always said.” One thousand percent, Nina. “What context?” “Thanks, makes a lot of sense.” Yeah, there’s a concept called “The one thing.” You want to make sure that the one thing that makes everything else irrelevant or unnecessary, is the thing that you prioritize.

And for most of us who have business development goals, the one thing is marketing, right? It’s why I start my day with it. I continue to reinforce the idea that it is the most important thing I do every single day. Because I start my day with it every single day. I wake up in the morning, I open my laptop, I type up a post, and I share it on social media. And then, I reshare that same post on Instagram later in the evening. But I always start with it.

That way I can’t be in the excuse factory later in the day, “I’m tired. I don’t feel like it. I’ll do it tomorrow. It’s too late to post,” none of that. We start our day with the most important thing. If you’ve got business development goals, that’s going to be marketing.

Think about the areas that you’re stuck in. We listed them out earlier today, right? Do you know what you need to do? Be really honest here. There’s absolutely no shame in saying, “I don’t know what I need to do in order to get where I want to go. I don’t know what I need to do in order to accomplish this result.”

I consistently see my clients expect themselves to know things that they’ve never been taught. That is insane. With all the love, just stop beating yourself up. Stop being mean to yourself in that way. I don’t know how to speak Greek because no one’s ever taught me to speak Greek. Okay? I don’t know how to do astrophysics because no one’s ever told me that either. I don’t beat myself up for that.

But when it comes to time management… when it comes to business development… when it comes to setting boundaries… when it comes to investing in the stock market, if that’s a financial goal of yours… if it comes to improving your relationships… if you’ve never learned how to do these things…

Some of you have health goals. If you’ve never learned how to lose weight and keep it off, because you haven’t learned the mindset components, or you haven’t learned the actions that you actually need to take in order to create that result, there is no shame in that.

There’s no shame in not knowing how to do something you’ve never been taught to do, something you’ve never learned. So, you have to stop expecting yourself to know things that you haven’t been taught.

And then what I want you to do… My people are very resourceful. We’re very proud. We love to wear that badge of honor of ‘I do it all on my own,’ right? I promise you, what’s on the other side of being humble, embracing some humility, and admitting that you don’t know what to do, is freeing.

I did this when I was learning how to manage my time. I had to come to terms with, “I have no idea how to do this. I’ve never been taught it. I struggle with it. I’m going to go out and find an education source. I’m going to find someone who can teach me how to do this.” I learned some things, and then I implemented, I applied. And then I learned more. Because that’s really how you learn, you implement and then you audit and adapt.

You’ve got to evaluate; figure out what works, what doesn’t; and then what you’re going to do differently moving forward, to continue to make progress and continue to learn. Alright?

I joined a coaching program to teach me how to develop business in the very beginning. Because I knew how to coach; I got certified and learn how to do that. But I had no idea how to develop business. I had no idea how to market.

I joined a program, and I didn’t apply what I was taught. I was being arrogant. I was thinking that I knew better. And then, I wasn’t getting results. I went months without getting results. Finally, I admitted to myself that I didn’t know what to do, that I didn’t know how to do this myself, that I had never learned it, and that my way wasn’t working.

And when I admitted that to myself, I was able to free myself and move forward and start learning from someone. So, I had already found an education source, because I had already joined a coaching program. But if you haven’t, find an education source. Figure out what your goal is, and then figure out what you need to learn.

So, find someone who teaches the thing that you want to learn how to do. Whether that’s time management, whether that’s business development, improving your relationships, setting boundaries, no longer people pleasing, overcoming perfectionism, setting, and achieving goals, losing weight; whatever your goal is. How to get out of debt, how to manage your money better, how to invest. Find an education source.

And, you want to constrain to it. Another issue that I see people do that leads to them not knowing what to do, is they listen to a lot of competing people in the same space. People tell them to do different things, and then that creates confusion and overwhelm. Because they’re like, “Should I do this? Should I do this? Should I do this? I don’t know where to start. I don’t know who to listen to. These people are telling me things that are incongruent, in conflict, with one another.”

I want you to constrain to the source that you identify. Pick one source,  listen to it, and implement what they teach. So, you’re going to consume that education source, and then you’ve got to… rather than continuing to just consume, consume, consume… you’ve got to be onto yourself if you’re someone who does this. Do you consume, and then you’re like, “You know what? I need more information. Then I’ll go find another education source. I consume, and then I’m like, ‘I need more information.’”

If that’s you, you’ve got to cut yourself off. Complete the education that the one source you constrained to makes available to you, and then apply. “100% me, for sure.” That’s so many people. I know how to identify it because I used to be a chronic consumer myself, okay? If that’s you, you’ve got to learn how to catch it.

One of my rules that I created for myself early on was: I need to consume as much as I create. I need to create as much as I consume. So, if I’m listening to something for an hour, I need to go take action for an hour. If I’m listening to something for eight hours, I need to go take action for eight hours. I’ve got to be creating just as much as I’m consuming.

If your split looks like 90/10 or 100/0, we’ve got a problem. We need it to at least be 50/50. Once you start taking action, that’s what’s going to change. Now, I hardly consume at all. I might come in with tweezers; it’s going to be a very pinpointed, intentional consumption of information to learn how to do one specific thing. And then, I’m out there implementing again.

I really don’t consume much anymore. I’m all about applying, because applying is what actually gets you unstuck and moves you forward, helps you make progress. Okay?

So, be really clear with yourself: Do you know what you need to do? And if the answer’s no, stop shaming yourself. Stop beating yourself up. You’ve never been taught before, it’s time to learn. And, that’s okay. So, you’re going to find a place for you to learn it, and then you can go from there. You can implement what you’ve learned.

Now, once you’ve learned what to do. Another reason you might be stuck is that you know what to do, but you aren’t doing it. Now, this is obvious. But why does this keep you stuck? I want to get a little bit more specific. Obviously, if you’re not taking action you’re not going to move forward, right?

But a couple other things happen that keep you stuck if this is your issue. Number one: You beat yourself up for this. And when you beat yourself up, you take worse action, or no action at all. We tend to think if we beat ourselves up, if we’re mean to ourselves, if we give ourselves a really harsh pep talk like a football coach, we’re going to take better action. It’s going to light a fire under our ass, and we’re going to get moving in the right direction.

That doesn’t work. That’s not how the think-feel-act cycle plays out in reality, okay? If you’re saying mean things to yourself you’re going to feel negative feelings, and then you’re going to take negative action or no action. You’re going to try and escape that negative emotion through instant gratification, temporary pleasure.

You’re going to avoid that negative feeling and go do something else, buffer; eat too much, drink too much, watch Netflix, scroll on social media, shop on Amazon… do all the things that don’t serve you… take a nap. I used to buffer with travel.

You would do anything to get out of that negative emotion, that negative space that you’re in. So, beating yourself up just creates negative results. Negative thoughts lead to negative results. Always, always, always. So, if you’re not taking the action that you need to be taking, and you’re beating yourself up, that’s going to keep you stuck.

You’re also likely blaming the wrong thing if this is where you’re at. A lot of my clients tell themselves, “I’m lazy.” Or you’re telling yourself, like Debbie said earlier, “I just won’t do it. I can’t do it.” Not that it’s impossible for someone to do, but that you actually can’t do it or that you won’t do it. You’re blaming. “This is just the way that I am. I’m lazy. I’m not capable. I am not driven or motivated enough.”

You’re blaming the wrong thing, okay? You’re blaming your inherent nature, and that’s not what’s actually going on. When you blame the wrong thing, you don’t solve the right problem. Okay?

The other thing that I see people do is, they consistently don’t do “The work.” What I mean by that is, the thought work that you need to do to get unstuck, to actually take the action you need to take. So, one of the things I’ve noticed with the people that I coach is, they’ll make a plan for what to do… They know what to do, right? They know the action that they need to take, at least.

They might not know how to do the thought work that actually gets them to move forward, but they know the action that they need to take but they’re not taking it. So, they make the plan, then it comes time to implement the plan, and then they stop, and they go off to do something else.

And then they’ll come to me, and they’re like, “Olivia, I’m not making progress.” I’m like, “Okay, well, what do you do after you experienced the resistance? What comes after that?” They’re like, “Nothing, I just go off and do something else.” I’m like, “Well, of course that’s why you’re not making progress. You’re not doing the work.”

So, the work that I teach is, that we need to figure out: Why aren’t you moving forward and taking the action that you need to be taking? The solution here is to do the work. You’ve got to study yourself. You need to figure out what the actual problem is. It’s not your inherent nature. It’s not that you’re lazy. I promise you, that is not it.

There are three problems causing the issue of knowing what to do but not doing it. There are negative thoughts that you’re thinking, negative emotions that you’re avoiding, and intentional actions that you’re refusing to take. Those are the only three problems causing you to not take action. That’s it, those are the only three problems ever.

And, there are three simple solutions to them: You need to change your thoughts. You need to decide to feel your negative feelings on purpose. And, you need to take intentional action in spite of them. Those are the three problems. Those are the three solutions.

This is the skill set you master when you work with me inside my programs. This is coaching. This is thought work. The biggest problem, I would say, out of all 10 reasons that you are not moving forward, is that you don’t know how to change your thoughts and feel your negative feelings on purpose, in order to get you have to take the intentional action you need to take.

So if you are stuck, and you know what you need to be doing but you’re not doing it, this is the solution that you need to learn how to implement. You need to figure out: What am I thinking? What negative thoughts are coming up for me that are causing me to not move forward?

What negative emotions? We want to be more specific than just saying that you’re uncomfortable. Are you feeling dread? Are you feeling confused? Are you feeling uncertain? Are you feeling worried? Are you feeling guilty? Are you feeling inadequate or unprepared? Are you feeling overwhelmed or pressured? What specific flavors of discomfort are you avoiding?

You’ve got to learn how to feel those feelings on purpose and take action in spite of them. How to gag-and-go despite those negative feelings.

Reason number eight that you’re stuck: You’re implementing your plan but you’re not making progress. You’re not making the progress that you think you should be making. Right? Number one: I always want to check-in here. Where did your expectation come from?

One of the things that I consistently see, people form expectations based on nothing, that’s just a natural part of our human conditioning. We love certainty so much, that we decide ahead of time what the results should be, even when we’re conducting an experiment for the first time.

I watch people post on social media, and they’ll think, “Oh, after a month I should be signing clients.” Where did that expectation come from? I promise you, there’s no social media or marketing book that tells you ‘after this many social media posts you should have this result. It takes you a month, and then you should have made this amount of money.’

There’s not a book that says that anywhere. But our brains come up with these ideas, and then we measure our results against our expectations. And wherever there’s a gap between our lived experience and the expectation we have, this is where our suffering exists. This is where our negative emotion lives.

So, my goal for people is to figure out: What is your expectation? Where did it come from? What was it based on? A lot of times, we base it on nothing. Our brain just serves us up an expectation out of nowhere. I want to try to bridge the gap and bring the expectation closer to the lived reality.

That doesn’t mean you have to like the current results that you have, you can want them to be different. But expecting them to be different creates a different energy, right? A disappointment or an entitlement to having different results. That really doesn’t serve you.

Now, if you’re implementing your plan and not making the progress that you think you should be making, another thing that I see is that people keep running the same playbook, the same game plan. So, if you’ve been at it for a while and you don’t have the results you want, you’re probably not evaluating, and so you just do more of the same. More of the same gets you more of the same results. Okay?

Plus, like I said, you’re probably feeling disappointed, discouraged, exasperated, frustrated. So, those negative emotions coming from the thoughts that you should be somewhere different than you are, it leads you or drives you to take less action over time, okay? Or you take action, but with really negative energy. Think of taking action, but with bad perfume or bad cologne on. It impacts everything that you do. Gives it a stench, so to speak.

So, what’s the solution? You’ve got to evaluate. We need to create awareness: What’s working? What’s not working? What do you need to do differently? I want you to choose the frequency that you’re going to evaluate every week, every month, every quarter; it’s up to you. You’re going to conduct an evaluation. So, that way, you take action, you audit the action that you take, and then you adapt.

The evaluation process I teach is really simple. We just answer: What’s working? What worked? What didn’t work? You want to be very specific here. And then, you want to solve for what didn’t work by figuring out: What will I do differently moving forward? You want these two things to match. Don’t come up with things that you’ll do differently, that don’t address what you identified didn’t work. Okay?

You also want to focus on action and mindset. So, one of the things we do in my programs is, we talk about: What are the thoughts that you were thinking while you were taking action? What are the thoughts that you’re thinking right now? Because, like I said earlier, there are these two consistent themes; we’ve got an action problem or a mindset problem, or both. And, we want to make sure that we’re solving for both of those.

Sometimes it’s just going to be about taking different actions. Sometimes it’s going to be about changing the thoughts that you are thinking in order to show up more effectively. I know people don’t love to evaluate. We love to just be like, “It didn’t work. I’ll do better next time,” and just keep moving forward. But that is how you stay stuck.

Evaluations really move the dial. You don’t have to spend a lot of time doing them, but you do you want to make sure you do them.

Reason number nine you stay stuck: You quit too early. Again, this comes from those expectations that you should be getting results faster. I want you to understand why this happens. Why do we quit? One, you expect it shouldn’t take as long as it’s taking. So, you’re feeling frustrated, you’re feeling exasperated, you’re feeling confused, you’re feeling discouraged, feeling defeated. Maybe even embarrassed if it’s taking you a while.

So, you feel those feelings, and then you avoid those feelings by quitting. You quit to escape the discomfort. And typically, what we do is we jump to something new. How do I know this is a thing? Because I used to do it.

What we tend to do is we start taking action. We get an idea, and we feel really determined, feel really motivated, really confident. Then we start taking action. We don’t get the results we want right away, and we start to feel a little confused. We keep moving forward, but maybe we start to take a little less action.

Then we feel frustrated, because we’re still not getting results. And now, we’re starting to feel disappointed and we’re taking less action, showing up less consistently. Then we’re starting to feel discouraged. Now, we’re starting to feel out of control, and maybe hopeless or helpless. And then, right around the time that we feel defeated, we quit. And, we jump to something new.

I started a lot of businesses in my 20s. I used to do this. I’d show up less consistently, less consistently, less consistently. So, of course, I’d get fewer and fewer desirable results. And then, I would quit. I’d get a new idea and I’d start this process over again. I’d go back to feeling determined, motivated, and confident; I just repeated this cycle.

Now, if you do that, you will never make progress. You’ll never get where you want to go if you keep quitting too early. I just heard a quote recently; this was so good. Someone said there are only two outcomes, you succeed, or you quit before you do. If that’s not true, I don’t know what is. If you’re evaluating, if you’re taking action, you’re auditing, and adapting, and you never give up, you will succeed. Okay?

The only difference between people who succeed and people who don’t, is that people who succeed are willing to do the things that people who don’t succeed, people who quit early aren’t willing to do. Right? They’re thinking better thoughts, they’re willing to feel the discomfort, and they’re taking action that the people without the results aren’t taking. Again, it’s always those three problems, and always those three solutions. So, you want to make sure that you don’t quit.

If you quit, you don’t give your efforts time to compound. You don’t give yourself a chance for the progress that you’re making to compound, in order to produce the results that you want. So, what’s the solution? You’ve got to take quitting off the table. Alright? When I started this business, because I had learned that that was my habit in the past, I decided that I was going to take quitting off the table entirely.

I said, “I will not quit this business. I’m willing to feel every feeling that I need to feel in order to be successful. I’m willing to be bad at marketing for however long it takes me to be good at it. I’m going to study. I’m going to find that education source. I’m going to implement what I learn. I’m going to learn more through implementing. I’m going to evaluate; take action, audit, and adapt. And, I’m going to move forward. I will not quit, no matter what.”

I released the timeline. I said, “No matter how long this takes me, I will figure it out.” And when you’re new at approaching a goal, I want you to release the timeline. The timeline can create so much pressure and so much negative emotion. And if you don’t know the underlying skill set…

I’ll watch people in the very beginning of their business, they won’t know how to create clients consistently yet. And they’ll say, “You know what? I want to make $100,000 this year. I want to make a quarter million dollars this year.” You don’t have the foundational skills figured out. You don’t know how to create a client consistently.

So, when you say, ‘I want to do this within this time period,’ but you don’t know how to create repeatable results, you’re really setting yourself up to feel so discouraged, to feel out of control, and then you end up quitting. I want you to release the timeline. Focus on the skills first.

One of the things that I teach is, when we talk about business development, the goal for the first few months is zero clients. We just want you taking action consistently. We’re going to come up with an action plan, and you’re going to work it. And then, like three months in, have the goal be one client. And once you hit that, we want to repeat that result. A couple more times, then we can increase it to two.

You start to learn the thinking that’s required to achieve this goal. This is the discomfort allowance; the feelings I need to feel to achieve this goal. And this is the intentional action I need to take in order to achieve this goal. That becomes your playbook for creating a specific result consistently.

Once you have that playbook, and you have certainty over what is required to produce a specific result, then you can introduce timelines into the equation and set goals with timeline parameters to them. But if you don’t have the skills down first, you’re going to feel very frustrated about trying to hit a timeline that feels very outside of your control. Okay?

I want you to take quitting off the table; release your expectations that things should happen within a certain time period. You’re going to start to conduct some experiments so you learn how long does it take you in your business or in your life, whether it’s business development or any other results.

Let’s say you’re working on time management. We’re going to take quitting off the table, release the timeline, and focus on mastering the skills first. Monitor your mindset; make sure your thoughts are in the right place. Identify those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. And then, choose on purpose to feel those negative feelings. That’s going to be how you don’t quit. how you keep going, no matter what.

Anyone I see who entertains the idea of quitting is less successful. I’ve watched it happen time and time again. Anyone who’s got one foot in and one foot out slows their progress, and makes it less likely that they’ll achieve their desired results. So, if you’ve got a plan B, we’ve got to get that plan B out of there. You need to be all in on planning.

Reason number 10. The last reason that you’re stuck: You don’t enjoy the journey. You’re all about the end result, and you end up hating the process in the meantime. You don’t enjoy the day-to-day. I see this a lot with people who don’t enjoy the day-to-day of time management. You want more time, you want to spend your time differently, but you don’t want to put in the work of planning your schedule, making a to-do list, and honoring your to-do list.

You want to make money in your business, in your law practice; whatever it is that you do. But you don’t want to do the marketing every day. You don’t want to put the action in every day. You think marketing sucks. You think connection calls suck. You think doing trainings like this suck, but you want the end result.

If you don’t enjoy the journey and you’re all about the end result, you end up hating the process. It’s hard to keep going and stay consistent when you create a negative experience for yourself day in and day out. And less action, as we’ve discussed today, leads to less progress.

You also end up looking for pleasure elsewhere. So, what I want you to do to solve for this, you need to detach yourself from your attachment to the results. You need to recognize that there is no there, there. ‘There’ is not better than ‘here,’ okay? You think there is going to be better and that you’re going to feel a certain way, or that things will be better at that end point. I promise you, you will still have problems there.

They might be different problems. They might be new problems. Some of the problems will be the same, but there is not better than here. You can want more for your life, but you want to do it with the mindset that it’s still going to be 50/50; there’s going to be good stuff and bad stuff. And then, when you stop thinking that there is better than here, you can start to appreciate here, where you’re at right now. Okay?

I also want you to change your expectations. You probably have expectations of what the journey should be like, how it should feel. I watch a lot of my clients think that the day to day should feel really pleasurable. It’s not going to. It’s going to feel some good and some bad. You’re going to have to embrace dread. You’re going to have to embrace boredom. I once heard that the secret to success is falling in love with boredom. I couldn’t agree with that more.

So, you want to embrace that experience. Everyday might not be super exciting. Working your playbook, working your game plan, that action plan that you create for yourself may not always feel exciting. Change your expectation that it should be 100% exciting all the time.

I also want you to stop focusing on what you dislike, highlighting what you dislike when you’re in the day-to-day. Instead, find the parts that you do like. If you don’t like networking, think about, do you like people? And if you don’t like people, I have a podcast episode on that. That is a really unhelpful thought, if you tell yourself you don’t like people, or you hate people. You’re in the people business, we have to interact with people.

So, you want to find ways to enjoy connecting with people. Do you like hearing people’s stories? Do you like learning about them? How could you enjoy it? How could you set it up to be more fun? Who would you need to talk to in order to enjoy that more?

If you don’t like posting on social media? You’ve got to change your thoughts about it. It’s free. It is one of the most incredible tools that we have access to. If you have negative thoughts about it come see me, I have really, really positive thoughts. But you need to find parts you do like or change your thoughts so you can get yourself to like them.

Really embrace and fall in love with the journey. Focus on who you become in the process of pursuing a goal. If you enjoy the day-to-day more, and you make it less about the trophy at the end of the road, you’re going to have so much more fun. You’re going to show up more consistently, more frequently.

You’re going to take better action with better energy. And we know if you take better action with better energy, you’re going to produce better results. You’re going to make more progress, and get yourself unstuck.

Those are the 10 reasons that you are finding yourself stuck. What I want you to do is, review now. Which of the two main themes are you struggling with, action, mindset, or both? I’m want you to write that down. Get really clear. Action, or inaction better yet. Mindset. Or three, both.

Then go through and figure out: Which of the 10… it can be an assortment… which of the 10 reasons are keeping me stuck? List them out.

What I want you to do from there, is I want you to work through the solutions that I gave you. So, make a plan. Go through it. If listing them out, you’re like, “Oh, three is one of my problems: I think that I can’t have what I actually watch.”  

And then, “I don’t know what to do,” I think that was number six, let me check. Yep. “I don’t know what to do. I need an education source.”

“In some of my areas, I do know what to do but I’m not doing it. I’m not doing the work.” So, that’s seven.

“And then, I quit too early,” that’s number nine.

So, if you list those things you can start to come up with a game plan. “What’s the solution Olivia taught me for 3, 6, 7 and 9?” List it out and come up with your game plan. If you’re not setting goals, list that here.

Alright, number five: What’s the solution for that? Reverse engineering and coming up with an action plan.

The other thing that I want to invite you to do is, I have two ways to work with me. If you recognize you’re stuck and you want to get unstuck, and you want my help doing that, here’s what I want you to do. Decide, if you’re a lawyer, you want to join Lawyers Only. There are two ways to join Lawyers Only: You can join as an annual member, for $1,500 for the year. Or as a monthly member, for $150 a month. If you’re a lawyer, you want to be in that program.

All of the things we talked about today; the inaction, the mindset, the specific ways that you’re stuck; you’re going to learn how to work through all of that with my help. You’re going to learn how to figure out what you want. You’re going to learn how to dismantle your limiting beliefs; that things aren’t possible for you.

You’re going to learn how to create action plans, and figure out the result roadmap that you need to implement in order to get there; I’m going to teach you the specific skill. How to manage your time, how to develop business, how to set boundaries, how to improve your relationships; those areas in your life where you’re struggling, if you don’t know what you need to be doing I’m going to teach you the “how.”

I’m going to teach you how to evaluate, so that when you’re taking action you’re able to act, audit, and adapt. If you know what you need to do, or once you learn it from me, you can… If you know what to do and you’re not taking the action you need to be taking, I’m going to help you work through that.

I’m going to teach you how to do “The work.” I’m going to teach you how to cultivate the mindset that you need to have. Teach you how to embrace those negative emotions that you need to embrace, and teach you how to take intentional action. I’m going to help you not quit on your goals and embrace the journey; embrace the journey of pursuing them.

“Does monthly require a certain number of months?” It doesn’t. That’s a great question. Okay, any other questions about Lawyers Only? “Cool, thanks.”

“Anyone on the fence about joining a program with Olivia, I’ve joined all four of her retreats, I’m in Lawyers Only, and I’ve done one-on-one coaching with her. I’ve yet to regret a single moment of interacting with her. Pure gold.” Sondra, thank you so, so much.

The other links. If you’re not a lawyer, and you’re like, “Olivia, I want in on this. I want to work with you, too. I want to work through these problems with you,” I want to give you a link to sign up for my next retreat. I also host a retreat that’s open to everyone, not just lawyers, okay? I do those events twice a year. I’m going to give you the link to the “Interest List” for the next Obsessed Retreat.

Now, as part of the Obsessed Retreat, you get the in-person event, which is three and a half days, in person. We do a deep dive on solving the problems keeping you stuck, learning essential skills that you need to have to move forward, and then setting goals and making plans to achieve them. You also get access, lifetime access, to monthly group coaching calls. And lifetime access to the Member Portal.

We have such a robust community in there, so if you’re not a lawyer and you’re dying to work with me, get in that program. That’s the way to work with me outside of Lawyers Only.

Through Lawyers Only you get weekly group coaching calls, and access to the Member Portal. There is a Masterclass Vault of 50 master classes in there. In both of my programs, you get access to written coaching. There’s a coaching request section where you can submit any problem that you’re struggling with.

There’s foundational material videos that teach you the foundational concepts of coaching, that you’re able to watch on demand. Those masterclasses, in the Masterclass Vault, you can also watch on demand.

You have a space where you can submit stuff for feedback. So, if you’re working on social media and you want feedback on posts, or if you’re putting together a training and you want feedback on that, you can drop that stuff in there and I’ll give you feedback on it. You get feedback on your action plans; we work through that very specifically.

There’s also a space to do those evaluations. We work through them, and I can coach you on the things that aren’t working, so we can figure out what you need to do differently.

In both of these programs, whether you’re an attorney or you’re not, I give you all the support you could possibly need in order to get where you want to go. If you feel stuck in the areas of your life that you identified earlier and you want to stop struggling on your own, come work with me. Alright? This is how you will unstick yourself the fastest, with the help of a coach. So, get in Lawyers Only.

Over the course of the next three months, in Lawyers Only, we’re going to do a deep dive on talking about people pleasing, perfectionism, and procrastination. And then, I’m going to be releasing a Time Management for Lawyers course this summer, and a Business Development for Lawyers course in the fall.

So, you want to be in those programs and learn the foundational concepts before that stuff comes out, that way you can hit the ground running and learn as I release that.

“I was initially skeptical, and paid twice during this presentation, because I’m actually impressed.” Amazing. I got your message, Bonita. I will… the double payment, I will fix for you.

Alright, any other questions anyone has about any of the programs that I host? I’d love to see you inside of them. If you have questions that you don’t feel comfortable asking here, reach out to me on social media. I’m on LinkedIn and on Instagram. I’m happy to answer questions.

“Do I still do one-on-one coaching?” Very, very rarely. I’m winding down my one-on-one coaching practice. I don’t have any availability for several months. If you want to work with me, it’s either in the Obsessed Retreat or in Lawyers Only.

If you’re an attorney get in Lawyers Only. That is the one‑stop shop that you want to be in; working on everything personal and professional, everything law school, your employer and your parents didn’t teach you. Get inside there.

If you’re not an attorney and you’re dying to work with me, that’s the Obsessed Retreat, lifetime access to that community. And then, you get access to, of course, the next in-person event, which is going to be this fall.

One of the things that’s neat about Lawyers Only specifically, is that you have the ability to schedule one-off one-on-one calls with me. So, that’s something that I’m releasing in the month of May. There’s an additional charge for that, but I’ve never done that before. You have to be in my programs though in order to have access to that.

In the past, I’ve worked with people one on one for a certain time period, typically six months. More recently, it’s been five months. But that’s not something I’m offering right now, and won’t be offering anytime soon. So, if you want to work with me, don’t wait for that. Get inside these programs and then you have access to being able to book those one-off one-on-one calls if you want additional support.

But I promise, you really don’t need that. You get plenty of support inside the Member Portal and on our group coaching calls.

“Where do the retreats take place?” They change every single time. I’m getting ready to finalize the location for the next one. But so far, we’ve done Detroit, because I’m originally from there. Charleston, which is where I live now. One of the reasons I moved down here is because I fell in love with it.

Zoom loves to recognize my hand gestures. One of the reasons I moved down here is because I hosted a retreat here and really fell in love with Charleston. And then I did Big Sky, Montana, last August. We just did the last one in Miami this past March.

So, I’m picking out the location for the next one right now. I’m in talks with an incredible hotel that I’m really excited about, but I’m not ready to announce it yet. Which is why you want to sign up for the Interest List. If you’re on the Interest List you’re going to get all of the details and a chance to join before I release that information to the public. Any other questions?

“For those of us who are in both the Obsessed Retreat and Lawyers Only spaces, how do I decide where to post and request coaching? I know that sounds like spinning.” I love it. That’s actually a great question. I know quite a few people are in both communities because they want to work with me at my in-person events, and they also want the support and community of a lawyer’s only space. So, you can be in both.

If you’re an attorney, definitely do the retreat and do Lawyers Only. The more support you have, the better and the further you’ll get the fastest. What I’ve seen people do… Some people have posted in both spaces. If it’s something that we talked about in person, I’ve seen people share that in the Obsessed Retreat space. If it is something…

I think this is the standard that I would use. If you think both communities would benefit from it, post it. And then, if I respond to you, I’ll respond in both places. You don’t have to respond in both places, you can just continue to thread in one. But how I think about it is, I want the coaching conversation to take place in as many places as possible.

So, you can choose between the two or you can just do it in both. And then, I’ll share my responses in both. That way, people in the communities get access to all of that good coaching. One of the things that makes these programs so beneficial and robust is that people get to see other people work through the same issues that they’re facing. So, the more we have access to that the better.

But you can also just trust yourself to decide. I trust you to make the right decision. Even though there are no right decisions, just different decisions. Thank you, Habib D.

Alright, my friends. That’s our show for today. Amazing to see you on this Friday. I will see you all at the next masterclass. Stay tuned. I’ll be announcing that soon. Have a beautiful weekend.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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