Episode 95: The Sliding Doors Fallacy

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | The Sliding Doors Fallacy

When you’re making a decision, you’re confronted with the options available to you. You make a choice, and as time unfolds, you see the consequences of your decisions. However, what I often see people doing is picking apart their decisions before they make them, looking for all the potential issues that could arise from their choice.

In doing this, they create an alternate reality where the option that they didn’t choose would have led to better outcomes. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? This is the Sliding Doors Fallacy at work, and it’s an unnecessarily painful way to think about the choices you’ve made and the choices you’ll make in the future because, truthfully, we can never actually know that things would have been better.

Tune in this week to get some insight into where you’re falling victim to the Sliding Doors Fallacy. I discuss why choosing to think you missed out or that things could have gone better is only creating more negative emotion in your life, and you’ll learn how to stop punishing yourself by wondering how different things in your life could look.

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Some common decisions you may be experiencing the Sliding Doors Fallacy around.
  • Why, as humans, we don’t have the ability to accurately predict an alternate reality.
  • How we construct the Sliding Doors alternative reality based on nothing.
  • Why people who struggle with regret often fall victim to the Sliding Doors Fallacy.
  • The only option you have for experiencing the world we live in.
  • How to stop punishing yourself with the Sliding Doors Fallacy.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 95. Today, we’re talking all about sliding doors. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I am doing so well. I just got back from Miami. I just hosted my first Obsessed Retreat in South Beach, and it went so incredibly well. We had the best group of people. And we got to work, y’all. We covered so much over the course of the three workshop days, and then all of the goodness in between, before, and after those workshop days.

I had a really incredible welcome reception. And then, we had this stunningly beautiful farewell dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, actually in the world, but definitely in Miami. It was just four days full of goodness.

I also took… When you join one of my retreats, we do what I call a “returners retreat”. So, I do a special VIP excursion for the people who come back time after time. I rented this really incredible yacht, and we all went out on the water and spent a day out just cruising around. We had so much fun together. So, it was quite a full week. But it was so, so, so good.

I hope you are doing just as well. Now that I’m back in Charleston, I’m back at it, diving back into work, and we’re diving back into the podcast episodes. I want to talk today about a topic that I reference all the time in my coaching, and I use it so frequently that I thought it would be really helpful to spell it out or lay it out for you here.

I want to introduce you to the concept of “sliding doors”. If you’ve never seen the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, definitely go watch it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s my favorite movie, because it’s absolutely not. But I do find the concept that the movie is based upon really relevant to the coaching that I do with my clients.

So, I’m not going to give you any spoiler alerts here. But in the beginning of the movie, Gwyneth Paltrow is running to catch a subway train. And as she’s doing that, right as she’s approaching the doors to the subway car, the movie splits into two different realities.

In the first reality, she gets on the train, and the doors closed right behind her. And in the second reality, the doors closed right in front of her face, and she doesn’t get on the train. As the story unfolds, she ends up living two totally different lives based on just that one moment in time.

Now, as the viewer being a member of the audience, you get to see how the two different storylines play out. That’s the unique experience that you have when a movie is constructed that way. It’s sort of like the Choose Your Own Adventure books. Maybe that’s why we ended up doing this to ourselves, because we grew up reading these types of stories, where you are able to see it play out more than one way.

But that’s not the human experience. And yet, I see people take this concept of the sliding doors and really weaponize it against themselves as they go through their lives. So, what I watch my clients do when they’re making a decision, they’re confronted with the options available to them, and then invariably, they choose.

As time unfolds they see the consequences, whether they be good or bad, of the decisions that they make. So, what they do is they end up picking apart and finding all of the faults, they essentially, issue spot. Looking for all the negatives, all of the cons, of whatever choice they chose. And then, they create an alternate reality.

So, they create a sliding doors experience, where in the alternate version of reality, the option that they didn’t choose, everything in that story is better. They convince themselves that they made the wrong choice, they made a bad choice. And in the version that they didn’t choose, everything goes really well. It was the preferred way that they should have chosen, but they didn’t.

This is such a painful way to think about decisions and the choices that we make in our lives. Because the truth of the matter is, we just don’t have this capability as humans. We don’t have the ability to envision the sliding doors alternate reality and understand what that experience would have been like.

We don’t have the ability to compare and contrast based on actual facts. All you’re ever doing is constructing a scenario in your head based on absolutely nothing. You don’t know how things would have unfolded. You also don’t know what else would have changed.

So, people love to think that everything would be just as good, if not better, if you would have gone down an alternate path. Mot realizing that when you change one variable, you change everything. Quite literally, the concept in sliding doors is that you miss one train and you live a completely different life.

People want to keep all of the parts of their lives that they do like, but change one decision and think that everything would be the same, but better. But you can’t just mess with variables and expect for most of your life to stay the same. And then, for the parts that you don’t like, to be better. That’s not how it works.

When you start messing with the recipe you don’t know what’s going to come out on the other side. Now, again, I really want to emphasize here that we construct the sliding doors reality based on nothing. You come up with an idea in your head about what life would have been like had you chosen a different option than you chose, and you decide that that reality would have been better.

But you don’t know that that’s the case, because you’re not basing it on any real information. It’s just this idea that you’ve constructed with that beautiful brain of yours.

If you’re someone who really struggles with regret, this episode is definitely for you. Because this is ultimately what you’re doing, right? You made a choice at one point in your life, and you’ve seen how that decision has played out, and you’ve been faultfinding with that decision.

So, you’ve been examining your life, looking for all of the things that you don’t like about it, all of the ways that you’re choosing to believe that that decision was wrong, that it wasn’t the right decision, that it was a bad decision.

And then you’re regretting your decision, because in your mind you’ve created an alternate reality, under this concept of the sliding doors alternate universe, where had you made a different decision than the one you originally made, everything in your life would be better. We simply just don’t know that. You don’t have any information to understand how it would have worked out in an alternate universe.

I think the first part in breaking this habit, the first step in making this mindset shift, is just acknowledging that that is an inherent limitation of the human experience. We don’t have the sliding doors capability. Our brains aren’t able to do that. We don’t have that skill or ability as humans. That’s simply not how the world works.

We just, unfortunately… you can think unfortunately, if you want to, sometimes I put that word in parentheses…. Unfortunately, the only way we experience the world is that we make a choice and then we get to see how that choice plays out. And we have to live with the FOMO and the worry that it could have gone differently.

But choosing to think that you missed out, or choosing to think that things could have gone differently, and most certainly better, that’s what most people choose to believe, and then they really punish themselves and create a lot of negative emotion in their lives as a result of that.

You can just choose not to do that. You can choose to recognize that we don’t have that ability to understand how two different scenarios play out in the human experience. You’re just constrained and limited to the one that you choose. That’s the only option that you get to see play out, because it’s the option that you’ve chosen.

And you just have to live with the not knowing how the other options work out, because you’ll never have the ability to pick one thing and understand how the other stuff unfolds. It just doesn’t work that way. You don’t have to love that about the human experience.

I think it would be fun, perhaps, to see how alternate storylines unfold. But I also kind of think that it’s a kindness that we don’t get to see how things unfold. Because I think we would be much more tortured than we already are, if you could see how every single thing plays out. I also think we’d spent so much time playing that tape forward that we’d miss our lives, when you really think about it.

You wouldn’t be able to be in the present moment if you were spending all of your time watching the foreshadowing or watching the future unfold. You’d have to devote time to watching that movie, maybe with the alternate reality glasses on. Is that what it’s called? No, it’s immersive reality. Thank you, Google, for that.

But we don’t have those goggles, at least not in the way where we’re able to play out the different options that we have in front of us, and see how the storyline unfolds in each alternate reality so then we can make an informed decision. That’s simply not how the human experience works.

We have to make decisions based on incomplete information. And then we have to watch the story unfold in real time, through our lived experience. That’s simply just how it works.

Now, in light of accepting that that is simply the limitation of the human experience. That’s how we experience the world that we live in; we make decisions, and then we get to watch them play out in real time. What I want you to do is to stop punishing yourself with the sliding doors concept. Okay?

What I mean by that, when you make a decision, rather than making it and then finding all of the things that were wrong or bad about the decision that you made, and then telling yourself that it would have been better had you made a different decision, what I want you to do… You have a couple different options here.

Option number one, is you can simply admit to yourself that you don’t know and you’ll never know. You’ll never know how the choice that you didn’t choose would play out. There is simply no way of having that information. There’s no one you can pay to get it. There’s no way to create it for yourself. You’ll simply never know.

And if you remind yourself that you’ll simply never know you can start to release your attachment to that alternate storyline. Because the truth is, you’re just fabricating it in your head. So, that’s one option, you can just recognize that you’ll never know what that version looks like.

The other option, is instead of weaponizing the alternate version, and deciding that it was of course going to be better than whatever it is that you actually chose, you can do the opposite. You can decide that even though you don’t know what it was going to be like it must have been worse than whatever it is you chose.

You’re making that determination based on the exact same information that you’re making the determination that the choice that you didn’t choose would have been better. And by that, I mean you’re making it based on nothing. Because you don’t ever have that information.

So, if you’re going to make a decision or determination that it would have played out differently, I highly suggest you decide, based on no information, that it would have turned out worse rather than deciding that it would have turned out better.

Think about this for a second. Think about fork-in-the-road moments that you’ve encountered in your own life. If you have regret from decisions you’ve made in the past, you can use that regret to start to identify where you’re engaging in the sliding doors fallacy and using it against yourself to really create a lot of negative emotion for yourself in your life.

Think about… Maybe you said ‘yes’ to a job, and you really regretted taking that job. Or maybe you passed on an opportunity that you really wish you would have taken. You made the decision, and now you’re beating yourself up for whatever decision you chose.

You’re telling yourself that you should have made a different choice; you shouldn’t have taken this job, you should have held out and looked for another one. You don’t know what would have happened in that alternate reality. You have no way of knowing that.

So, you can tell yourself that choosing the job that you’re currently in, that you hate, was the wrong decision. Or you can just have your own back and decide that you should have taken it because you did, and that it’s better that you took it and find all of the reasons why that’s true. Versus telling yourself that you shouldn’t have taken it, and that it would have been better had you not.

Same thing for anyone who’s ever quit a job and has regretted it. It’s so easy to believe that you should have stayed somewhere, especially when you do know what that experience was like. Only for the time you were in it though, you don’t know what it would have been like had you stayed there. You have no way to know that.

Would you have been fired from your job? You don’t know. You don’t know how anything would have unfolded. Maybe you would have worked on a case that would have really caused you strife. Or you would have represented a client that you ended up hating, that complained about you to your boss. You have no idea to know how that would unfold.

But we tell ourselves that it would have been better if we stayed. Maybe you would have never met your significant other had you stayed. Maybe you would have gotten divorced had you stayed, and you wouldn’t be in your marriage right now. Right?

People love to also do this with relationships. They tell themselves they should have stayed with someone, or they shouldn’t have married or ended up with who they ended up with. I’ve watched people do this with kids, “I shouldn’t have had kids. I should have had kids.”

We don’t know what the alternate universe would have looked like, and yet we decide that it would have been better. That it would have been more beautiful. That it would have been a more enriching experience than the experience that we’re currently living in.

I recently just coached a client about this topic, with a financial investment that the client was making. She was getting ready to make, in her opinion, a substantial financial investment, and she was already regretting the choice that she was pretty certain she was going to make.

She was running down all of the worse-case scenarios and selling herself on why she shouldn’t do it, even though she had talked herself into why she should do it. She was foreshadowing that she was going to be doing the exact same thing once she invested the money. That she’d be telling herself that she shouldn’t have invested it, and that it was a mistake, it was a bad idea, that it wouldn’t work out, that they were going to lose money.

She was afraid of all the regret that she would experience if she moved forward and it didn’t pan out the way that she wanted it to. She was already trying to step into identifying and exploring both alternate realities in the sliding doors example.

As we talked through this, it became very evident to her that that simply isn’t something that you get to do. That is one of the things that I’ve taught you on this podcast, the concept of the “false third option”. This is an example of the false third option, where you want to know ahead of time how something unfolds, how something pans out. That’s just not available to you.

So, you have two options. You can invest and see what happens, or you can not invest and guarantee that the bad thing doesn’t happen, and also guarantee that the good thing doesn’t happen, right? Those are the options that you have available. But you do not have the capability to run out both scenarios, and to fast forward the tape, go into the future and see how it all unfolds, and then make your decision based on that.

You also don’t have the option of making the decision, going into the future, and seeing how your decision unfolds, and then comparing that against the tape from the alternate reality. Knowing how that would have unfolded, and then measuring your lived experience with the alternate reality experience. None of that is possible.

So again, if you’ve been doing this to yourself and creating so much negative emotion in your life as a result of it, I urge you and invite you to stop. Stop indulging in this sliding doors comparison that doesn’t even exist. It is an indulgent behavior that doesn’t serve you at all.

It’s a waste of your mental energy. It’s a waste of your emotional capacity. It doesn’t provide you any benefit at all. So you can stop doing it right now. Okay?

Once you identify that you’re doing this, that you’re indulging in the sliding doors comparison, you can catch yourself and you can stop. You can remind yourself that (unfortunately) we don’t have the ability to play out both scenarios. And instead of deciding that the option you didn’t pick was worse, remind yourself that you either have absolutely no idea how it would have unfolded… because the truth is that you don’t…

Or based on the exact same information, which is no information at all, just decide that your current lived experience is better. You’re not sure how it would have unfolded, but it would have been worse. Okay?

I hope this helps you dial down the regret, and dial down the emotional suffering that you experience in your day-to-day life. Alright?

That’s what I’ve got for you this week, my friends. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

 

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Episode 94: Thinking It’s Easier for Them

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Thinking It’s Easier for Them

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Thinking It’s Easier for Them

Of all the lies I notice my clients telling themselves, one stands out to me. They look at other people and think that whatever they’re dealing with, they’re uniquely situated, and it’s easier for them. This came up recently when I was coaching on time management and my client said, “Isn’t it just easy for some people?”

Sure, a lot of people struggle with time management, discipline, and following through because we’re never taught these skillsets. While I’m sure these things come easier to some people, I’m also sure that this is true for a smaller group than we typically think, and actually most people work pretty hard to get better. So, what is thinking, “It’s easier for them…” costing you?

Tune in this week to discover the problem with thinking, “It’s easier for them…” and how to see why this isn’t actually true. I’m showing you the real difference between you and those who are more successful than you or better in a specific area, and you’ll learn how to see what you can do moving forward to level the playing field.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why things come easily to some people, but not as many people as you think.
  • How your brain uses the thought, “It’s easier for them…” against you.
  • What separates most people who can do something from those who currently can’t.
  • How to widen your focus to see why somebody else is performing better than you.
  • A new thought you can try on to start getting better at the things you think come easily to others.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 94. Today, we’re talking all about the lie that it’s easier for them. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? All’s well over here. I’m getting ready to head to Miami to host The Obsessed Retreat. I cannot wait to be with so many of my clients in person, it’s going to be incredible.

For those of you who haven’t been to one of my events before, it is almost like I plan a wedding every six months. It’s kind of how it feels to pull it all together. But it’s so fun to see it all come together, to execute it, to be there in person, and get to enjoy the fruits of all the hard work that I put in, really curating an awesome transformational experience for the people that choose to work with me in person. So, I’m super excited about that.

I’m getting ready to head down even further south than I already am so it’ll be a little bit warmer. And I can’t wait to soak up the sun, it’s going to be great.

Speaking of things that are great, I’m super excited to talk about today’s topic. This came up on a recent client session. And this topic is pretty near and dear to my heart, because I had this epiphany back when I was working in big law. So, I’m super excited to talk about what I want to talk to you about today.

Oftentimes, I’ll be coaching on something and my clients, if they’re struggling with whatever topic that we’re discussing… I’ll give you a couple of examples in just a second… they tell themselves that whatever they’re struggling with, they’re uniquely situated, and that for most people it just comes naturally to them.

So, I used to tell myself this when it came to time management, and that’s what this conversation arose out of earlier this week… Or this topic arose out of earlier this week. I was coaching a client of mine on time management, and she just kept saying to me, “Isn’t it just easy for some people? Isn’t it easy for most people? Most people don’t struggle with this, do they?”

I’ve coached so many people on time management, and I just no longer think that. I think a lot of people struggle with this. I think a lot of people struggle with discipline and following through, because we’re just never taught that skill set growing up. So, of course, you’ve probably heard me say this before on the podcast, but it makes sense that we’re not good at something we’ve never been taught to do.

I’m also bad at speaking Greek, because I’ve never learned to speak Greek, right? So, she’s telling yourself that it just comes naturally to other people. I’m not going to sit here and say that that’s not accurate, it probably does come easy to some people. I just think that percentage is far smaller than we typically think that it is.

So, I’ve just assigned an arbitrary number because we really don’t have a way of measuring that. And if we did have a way of measuring that, I don’t know that that’s a study I care to conduct. I don’t know that that’s a valuable expenditure of time. So, I’m just going to randomly decide that maybe 10% of the population, or 10% of the people I come across anecdotally, are naturally good with time management, okay?

And then for the rest of the people, you fall in one of two camps. Either you struggle with it, or you’re good at it, but it doesn’t come naturally to you. You have to work at it. So, the examples that I was thinking of as I was planning to record this podcast episode were time management, that’s a big one, where people just assume it comes naturally to people and that other people don’t struggle with it.

For me, I know when I was working in big law, I really struggled with entering my billable hours, entering my time every day. And I used to think that it was just easy for some people. Again, I think it’s easy for some people, it just comes naturally to them. But let’s say arbitrarily we just assign a number to that, it’s 10% of people it just comes naturally to, and then the other people have to work at it.

Another topic that’s super common that people struggle with, is business development and networking and marketing and posting on social media. Doing all the stuff that they need to do in order to get their work out into the world, to let people know about them, become known as an expert, help build that trust factor, that people need to cultivate and have in order to take the next step and work with you. Right?

So, these are three very common topics that I watch my clients struggle with, time management, time entry, and business development. Our brains… This is such defense mechanism… Our brains like to think that it must just come easy to most people. And if that’s the case, then you’re just missing the link that you need to have, the trait that you need to have, in order to be good at this, or in order to excel, or in order to create the results that other people might be creating.

And because you’re missing this X factor, you’re just screwed, right? There’s really nothing to be done about it. Either it’s inherently within you, or it’s not. And if it’s not, you might as well pack your bags and go home. This is a way that your primitive brain conserves energy, seeks instant gratification and pleasure, and avoids temporary discomfort. All right?

It tells you that these skills just naturally come to people, and that if you don’t have them, “Oh, well, you just got the short end of the stick. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not worth putting in any effort. It’s going to be so hard for you to make up what just comes naturally to other people.”

So, as I was starting to explore this idea, that you need to embrace discomfort in order to follow through and be consistent, and be disciplined to complete the tasks that are on your to do list… For me, back in my big law days, one of those tasks was entering my time every day. I finally started to expand my view outside of this narrow scope that maybe everything that I struggle with just comes naturally to everyone else.

I was like, “What if I’m not a unicorn? What if it’s not just me? What if I’m just a normal human, like most other humans, and other people struggle with this, too? What is the differentiating factor between them and me, if we both struggle with this? If we both find time entry uncomfortable?”

What I was ultimately left with was, the only difference between the two of us is that they’re willing to feel negative feelings that I’m not willing to feel. So, I thought to myself, “Maybe they also think that this is stupid, that this is boring, that they shouldn’t have to enter their time, that their other work is more important.”

Now, if you change those thoughts… I’m going to do a whole episode on this… but if you change your thoughts about time management, you change the way you feel about it so you won’t have as much resistance. But I really did let it sink in, that maybe I’m not the only person in my law firm who has these negative thoughts and has these negative feelings about entering my time.

So, if that’s the case, if my experience is a little bit more common but my behavior isn’t very common, or there are people who behave differently than me… we’ll just say that, because I actually do think struggling with time entry is quite common. Because a lot of people think these thoughts and a lot of people avoid these feelings, these negative emotions that they experience when it comes to entering their time.

So, if this experience was common but our actions are different, what differentiates between the two of us? What’s different between the two of us? And I realized they’re just willing to feel uncomfortable. They’re willing to feel annoyed or frustrated or pressured to finish their “substantive” work.

They’re willing to feel tired and enter their time by the end of the day anyways, rather than kicking the can down the road and just doing it tomorrow. Those are the differences.

Same thing with time management, right? People who plan their day and stick to their plan, they’re willing to feel feelings that I’m not willing to feel, or at least at that time I wasn’t willing to feel. So, if you think about it, people who don’t answer unscheduled calls, where they’re like, “Nope, I’m sorry, you’ve got to schedule with me.”

It’s very easy to assume that they just don’t feel guilty. They don’t feel badly. That it’s just easy for them to say no. But I’ve coached enough people now that I recognize that a lot of people, definitely the majority of people, struggle with saying no. They experience discomfort when they think about doing it.

So, what if, rather than people just being inherently good at saying no and setting boundaries, people have to struggle with it. And to do it anyways; they have to feel the discomfort and set the boundary and say no. Or feel constricted or restrained, and do what they plan to do in their day, stick to their schedule even though it’s uncomfortable to do so.

Maybe they have to feel bored with what they planned, because there’s definitely other exciting things to do. It’s so convenient for us to just assume that people who aren’t struggling the same way we’re struggling, that they just don’t feel that discomfort.

But in coaching people for thousands and thousands of hours, I’ve noticed these themes. I noticed that people, more often times than not, do struggle with this. And the thing that separates people who struggle versus people who don’t is their willingness to feel discomfort. Their willingness to embrace the negative emotion and take intentional action anyways.

Same thing is true with business development. I remember looking at people who had been certified as a coach, the same time that I had been certified as a coach, but they started making money faster than me. I thought to myself, “What is so different about them?” I really did dig deep. I’m like, “Do I think they’re smarter than me?” No, let’s just say we’re all as smart as one another, okay?

“Do I think they have a better personality than me?” No, let’s just assume we all have as good of a personality as one another. I know that that’s not easy for everyone to access those types of beliefs or thoughts about themselves. And if that’s the case for you, that just shows us where our work is in changing the way that you think about yourself, and building up your confidence and your own self‑concept.

But let’s just assume that you’re all on an even playing field, if it can’t be that “X factor,” if that’s not the reason that someone’s performing differently and better than you, then what else could it be? So, when you constrain that narrow focus, and you force yourself to answer that question, you can start to see, “Oh, the only difference between them and me is that they’re willing to feel feelings I’m unwilling to feel.”

So, I started to examine people that were more successful than me when it came to business development, what feelings were they willing to feel that I was unwilling to feel at that time? Well, big ones for me were feeling exposed and embarrassed in front of people that I knew. I just didn’t feel comfortable putting myself out there.

And it dawned on me, “Hey, maybe all of the people that I look up to, that have better results than me and business development, they also aren’t unicorns immune from the human experience. Maybe they also felt uncomfortable in front of their former colleagues and friends and family members that they knew.”

“What if they just had to gag-and-go through that discomfort, and they were willing to gag-and-go through it so they could get to the other side and create the results that they wanted in their businesses? What if that’s the only thing separating us?”

I coached so many people on business development, and I think my clients just assume that my business development initiatives just come easily to me. That it’s just inherently part of who I am. That I’m very disciplined… I am disciplined now. But it’s because I have worked on developing that skill for a very long time.

I started out on this journey in 2017, and I wanted to learn these skills and teach things to myself, so I could learn to follow through and be consistent. And over the course of time I’ve been able to do that. Now, I teach other people to do that. But this didn’t come naturally to me, I had to learn.

And the way that you learn is by doing it badly, and struggling and evaluating and getting a little bit better. Same thing with what people think they see me market myself on social media. They just assume, “Oh, must be easy for Olivia, she’s just naturally good at that.” And no, that’s not it. The answer is that I’m willing to feel feelings… if you’re not marketing… there are feelings that you’re unwilling to feel right now.

So, I wake up in the morning and I feel tired. I write a social media post anyways, and I publish it on LinkedIn. I stay up late during the week nights, and I publish content on Instagram and I engage with other people’s content, both there and on LinkedIn. I’m willing to feel dread when I don’t feel like doing it, or deprived because I’d rather do something else. I’m willing to feel that discomfort. I’m willing to feel exposed and embarrassed in front of people I know.

I really don’t feel those emotions anymore, but I had to be willing to feel them in the beginning in order to get started. Sometimes I feel confused about what to write next. And I’m willing to work through that confusion rather than let it stop me and paralyze me.

So, if you see me doing things that you want to do, whether it’s following through with things, or taking particular action, or creating particular results in my business or in my life, the only difference between me and you is that I’m willing to feel negative emotions that right now you’re not willing to feel.

I want you to just take an audit, take an inventory. Are you telling yourself that other people are just inherently good at something? That they have this innate skill set that you don’t have? If you really think about it, what does that prevent you from accomplishing? And what would you be freed up to do if you got rid of that story?

If instead of telling yourself that you’re worlds apart from the people who are behaving differently than you, from the people who are behaving the way you’d actually like to behave… They’re doing the things that you want to do… If you didn’t think that you were so different from them, and you thought that they struggle the same way that you struggle, but that they’ve just learned a different way to work through it, to get to the other side, to create the results that they want, what would that enable you to do?

Would that free you up for? What would become available to you or possible for you, if you thought about it that way instead of the way that you’ve been thinking about it? Where it’s just like, “Well, guess that’s life. They’re good at it, I’m not. I’m never going to be. It’s going to take me so, so, so much work to get where they are.”

Versus thinking, “It’s not going to take that much work at all. If they did it, I can do it. I bet this wasn’t easy for them. I bet they’re not immune to the human experience, just like I’m not immune to the human experience. So if we’re similarly situated, can I use them as inspiration and think to myself, ‘What are they willing to feel that I’m not willing to feel right now?’”

“And what if I was willing to feel that feeling? How would I show up differently? How would that change things? What are they doing that I’m not currently doing? What if I just did those things? What if I did that stuff, regardless of whether or not it’s uncomfortable? Where would I end up if I did that?”

I promise you, the gap between you and the people who are showing up the way that you want to be showing up is so much smaller than you think it is. Most people are not inherently good at things that require us to embrace discomfort, forego temporary pleasure, and expend energy. Most people struggle with that stuff. And they learn how to work through that struggle, in order to show up the way that they want to show up and create the results that they want to have.

That is so, so encouraging, because you get to learn how to do the exact same thing. You’re not a unicorn, you’re not uniquely situated, you’re not the only person struggling with the issues that you struggle with, you’re not alone. Okay? Train your brain to look for the commonalities between you and the people who are doing the things that you want to do.

Versus allowing your brain to indulge in finding all of the differences, or just supposing that there are differences, those innate inherent differences. I promise you; I coach a lot of humans, I coach a lot of lawyers just like you, and you’re not uniquely situated.

So many people struggle with the exact same things that you struggle with. Let yourself see that, find evidence to support that, and use it to encourage you. That if other people can solve these problems, so can you.

Now, if you want to join a community of like-minded people, other attorneys, who like you struggle with the things that I just mentioned; time management, time entry, business development, following through, setting boundaries, saying no. Whatever it is in your personal or professional life that you’re struggling with, I promise you, you are not alone.

You are not the only one who struggles with self-doubt, or perpetually people pleases, or indulges in perfectionism. You’re not the only one who constantly tries to prove their self-worth to others or procrastinate or poorly manages their time. You’re not the only one who can’t seem to stick to the schedule that they set, or who has a hard time saying no.

You’re not the only one who cares too much about what other people think, or feels like they aren’t enough, or waits till the end of the month to enter their time, or underbills and discounts their time, or maybe never raises their rates; you’re not the only one who’s struggling with that.

You’re not the only one who avoids networking or posting on social media, or other business development initiatives, because they feel awkward doing it. You’re not the only one who can’t stop checking their phones and struggles to be present with the people that they love. You’re not the only one who says they’ll catch up over the weekend but never opens their laptop.

You’re also not the only one who can’t stop thinking about work, or always feels guilty for not doing enough. You’re not the only one who doesn’t make time for the things that matter most to them, okay? You’re not the only one that struggles with these issues.

If you want to join a community of similarly situated people, who are working through the same exact troubles and problems that you’re working through, that you’re encountering day in and day out, I want to invite you to join Lawyers Only.

Lawyers Only is my signature weekly coaching membership for, you guessed it, Lawyers Only. It opens up April 1st. And right now I’m enrolling founding members. So, Lawyers Only is going to be an online subscription, where we meet weekly, we do a weekly coaching call, and then there are all of these other benefits that you get.

Benefits like a written coaching platform where you can submit any issue that you want to get coached on in between our weekly calls. There’s an online member portal with a community platform where you can connect with other lawyers inside Lawyers Only, which is going to be like the best networking opportunity ever. Okay?

There’s going to be a vault of more than 50 past masterclasses and workshops that you can watch on demand in order to learn at your own pace. I’m going to be adding course content like, time management for lawyers, and business development for lawyers. Those courses are going to be rolling out summer and fall of 2024, respectively.

Like I said, that written coaching platform, called Ask Olivia, where you’re able to submit anything that you want coaching on or you want feedback on or advice or guidance. You can do that in an unlimited fashion, so you get all the support that you want.

Also, I’ve never done this before, but I’m going to give people within this program the ability to book one-on-one calls with me for extra support. So, those will be an additional charge, of course, but you’ll be able to add them on. Typically, in the past, in order to work with me one on one, you’ve had to work with me for several months at a time. But this is a way for people to just come in and get the extra support they need.

You’re going to get so much value and so much support within Lawyers Only, in and of itself. But if you need just a little something extra, you’re going to have the ability to have special access to my calendar where you can go in and book those one-on-one calls and get that extra boost of support. Okay?

So, Lawyers Only is going to be $150/month going forward. It’s a subscription service, just like Netflix. Or just like your Zoom membership, if you pay for one of those. However, I am so excited about this program. I came up with this idea originally in 2017. It’s the reason that I became a life coach for lawyers.

I wanted to create this, because I want to transform the legal industry and create this incredible community where people can come and learn the things that law school, our parents, the firms or organizations we work at, all the things that they don’t teach us. All of the stuff that we really need to know in order to thrive personally and professional, I wanted to create a very accessible program for people to come learn all of those things.

So, that’s what I’ve created here. And I can’t wait to get it into the hands of people who have been waiting for a really long time to work with me in a more accessible fashion. As part of that I’m doing a special, it’s the Founding Members special. Instead of $150 a month, you can join Lawyers Only, it’s an annual fee for $1,000. All right? I’m only offering that- There’s a limited number of spots, and they will fill up before the program starts April 1st.

So, you’ve got to go to my website, TheLessStressedLawyer.com/lawyers-only. If you go there, you can get all the information about the program and you can click the link to sign up as a Founding Member; take advantage of that special. And not only do you get that discounted rate for your first year, you lock in that annual rate for the end of time.

As long as you remain an active Lawyers Only member you’ll be able to pay as little as $1,000/year instead of that $150 a month. Steal of a lifetime! I promise you, I will never, ever, ever offer this deal again. So, make sure you get in there and take advantage of it. Sign up, join this program, it is going to be revolutionary.

It’s going to teach you, like I said, all of the things that you wish you would have learned that you didn’t learn, that you need to know in order to really be successful in this career, to live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment as an attorney. I’m so excited to kick things off. Join me inside Lawyers Only, and you’ll see you’re not the only one who struggles with the stuff that we talked about today. Okay?

You’re not alone, a lot of people struggle with this. And I’m going to teach you the tools that you need to learn in order to overcome those struggles, develop that discipline, and become someone who’s able to gag-and-go through the discomfort, feel your negative emotions, and complete the things that you need to complete in order to create the results that you want to have.

Alright, my friends, that’s what I’ve got for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week. I’ll talk to you when I get back from Miami. In the meantime, have a beautiful week. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

Enjoy the Show?

Episode 93: Getting Into It

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Getting Into It

The Less Stressed Lawyer with Olivia Vizachero | Getting Into It

When you’re in a situation you don’t like, it’s normal to look for the faults and focus on all the negativity. But you have two other options available here: get out of it, or get into it. If you have something in your life that isn’t working for you right now, but you’re not ready to quit and get out of it, why don’t you start getting into it?

You can keep going along, having the same experience of life that you aren’t loving, or you can get into it, look for the positives, and show up in a way you’re proud of. Getting into it may take more effort than just going with the flow, but it truly changes everything and allows you to create a life you truly love.

Tune in this week to discover how to start getting into it. If you’re in a romantic relationship that doesn’t feel like it’s working right now, you’re in a challenging friendship, or you are having difficulty at work and you don’t want to just quit, you’ll learn how to get into it and make a concerted effort to have a positive influence over the world around you. You’ll be amazed at what you can create for yourself when you get into it.

The Obsessed Retreat is open for registration right now! It’s an in-person event happening in Miami Beach, Florida from March 20th through 23rd 2024. It’s where you’ll learn a three-part framework for creating a life you’re obsessed with, so click here to find out more. 

Enrollment is open for Lawyers Only, my monthly subscription for lawyers. We get started April 2nd 2024 and you can click here for all the details!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • 3 choices you have when something isn’t working for you.
  • How to see the actions you need to take in order to improve any situation you’re dealing with.
  • The role of your thoughts and emotions when you’re taking actions to show up differently.
  • What changes when you lead the way and become an example of positive change.
  • How to start getting into it and begin changing whatever situation you’re in.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 93. Today, we’re talking all about how to get into it. You ready? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.

Well, hello there. How are you? I am doing well over here. Lots of exciting things going on over here. I just opened up enrollment for my new weekly coaching subscription. It’s called Lawyers Only, and you guessed it, it’s for lawyers only. I’m so, so excited about it.

I’m planning on doing just an entire episode on the ins and outs of the program, to introduce you to it, but I wanted to let you know that it’s open. I’ve been talking about it for a while. If you are close to me you know that this has been in the works for a really long time. I had this idea back in 2017 when I was first introduced to coaching.

I knew that I wanted to create a subscription coaching membership service for attorneys, so that they have their own community, their own place where they can come, learn from me, learn from one another network, connect, and have a sense of community.

I finally created that and put it out into the world. So, it gets started… Our first call is April 2nd. It opens on April 1st, but enrollment’s open right now. So, the member portal opens April 1st, but you can get in right now. If you follow me on social media you will see me talking all about it there. You can get a hold of me and get a private invitation to join as a founding member, which is so exciting.

You get a pretty significant discount if you sign up as a founding member; instead of $150/month, it’s $1,000 for the year, and you lock in that annual price for life. So, as long as you’re a member of Lawyers Only, that will be the rate you pay for this career and life changing membership.

I’m so excited to help people thrive personally and professionally, and that’s what we’re going to do inside Lawyers Only. So, if you haven’t already, get your private invites. Sign up for that list. You can, again, reach out to me on social media for your invitation. Sign up and lock in that founding member status. It’s going to be so good.

Alright. Without further ado, I want to talk about… This actually came out of a conversation I had with a friend a couple months ago. It was such a fun transition that happened from the story that I’m about to tell you. And I thought that this would be really valuable to the people listening to this podcast, as well.

So, I was out of town with a friend, and there were quite a few of us together. This friend was telling us a story about how she was unhappy in her marriage. She was sort of commiserating with us, telling us about her experience and just really not being into it. That’s the way that she described it, “I’m just not into it, at all.”

Through the course of our conversation our friend group had asked a bunch of questions. We were like, “Okay, well, do you want to get divorced? Is it something you want to work on? Do you think that you can make improvements, or make the situation better if you just put some work into it?” We kind of poked and prodded, and just explored. Not in an antagonistic way but just in a curious way, helping her sort of flush out what her options were.

She ended up coming to a decision, pretty convincedly, that she had absolutely no interest in getting divorced, at least not anytime soon. She has kids, she wants them to go through high school and what not, be out of the house, before she makes a decision on what to do with her marriage. And based on the age of her kiddos, that means that she’s going to be married for a considerable amount of time.

So, it’s not like they’re going to be moving out within the next year. She’s got some serious time in front of her before anything changes. So, we talked about it over the course of this time that we were all together, this friend group, and then it came up once more, before we all left one another to go back to our respective cities.

Another friend that was there, she made this statement, and it ended up really sticking with all of us. It’s kind of become a catchphrase of ours. She said, “You know what? If you’re not going to get out of it, why don’t you get into it?” That was sort of the parting wisdom of the weekend.

Several months later, we were all back with one another and she reported back, gave us an update on the situation. She said that was the piece of advice that shifted everything for her. She really took it to heart and she thought it. “Okay, if I’m not going to get out of it,”… and obviously she could get out of it, she was choosing not to. She was choosing to stay in that situation.

She recognized that she could have two different experiences. She was choosing to stay… So, the third experience would be that she could leave and go pursue something else. But the two options with staying are, you can continue to have your current experience, which is being dissatisfied, not enjoying it, not making the most of it.

You just keep looking for the faults in the situation, finding the things that you don’t like, and you’re going to create a pretty negative situation for yourself when you do that. So, that was the first option.

The second option was like our other friend suggested. If you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. She could look for the positives, and work on finding new thoughts to think, finding new ways to show up in that situation. Really investing herself and leaving it all on the table.

That had also come out of some conversations that we had had around how I’ve shown up in a relationship that I was in that recently ended. One of the things that I feel so proud of myself for is, I deeply feel like it’s the best I’ve ever shown up in a relationship, even though it didn’t end up working out.

I’m very proud of myself for how I showed up, how I contributed to the relationship, and how I coached myself on things that might have been hard for me in the past. I really feel like I gave it my all.

So, as we had been talking that initial weekend, she realized, “Oh, I really haven’t been giving this my all. I’ve been sort of nitpicking, looking for the things that aren’t working, finding faults in this situation.” Kind of just half‑assing it, so to speak.

She was having the exact experience that you have when you don’t put all 100% of your effort into something. When you only half-ass it, right? When you half-ass something you tend to have a half-assed experience of it, it’s not that great.

So, she realized that these were the two options that were available to her. You could keep going on like you have been, maintaining the status quo. Which is a pretty abysmal, less than incredible experience. Or she could really change her tune. Like we said, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it.

That’s what she chose to do. She went back and she really started making a concerted effort to get into it. To look for all of the positive things. To show up in a way that she was really proud of. To make every effort to improve her marital situation; to enjoy her spouse more.

To be the partner that she knows that she’s capable of being, and would like to be. And figuring out, what is it that I’d like to create here? What would I need to do in order to create that result?

This is a concept that I teach my clients, we work on reverse engineering results. So, when you get clear on the result that you want to create for yourself, you can work that process backwards. What are all of the actions that I would need to take? What are all of the things that I might be doing now that I would need to stop doing in order to improve the situation?

What positive emotions do I need to cultivate in order to take that action and show up in that way? And then last, but not least, of course, what thoughts do I need to be thinking about myself, about my marriage, about the situation, in order to feel those feelings? In order to cultivate those emotions? In order to fuel me to take that action, to show up differently, and to produce that result that I want?

So, she did that. And then, when she reported back many months later, she was having a completely different experience in her marriage. It was so much better, so much more enjoyable. She was so much more satisfied than she had been when we first talked about this.

I’ve really been sitting with this idea, ‘if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it.’ How many things, how many situations, are you currently invested in and you’re complaining about them? You’re not liking your experience. You’re finding fault in it. You’re either dreading it, or just going through life tolerating the status quo. Being pretty dissatisfied with what your experience is, but yet you’re not doing anything different.

You’re not leaving, which is the first option. Nor are you making a change to improve the situation, to make the most out of it. You just keep choosing to find fault, complain, and tolerate. Think about this. You might be exactly like the person who is the main character in the story that I’m telling you. Maybe it’s a relationship that you’re tolerating, that you’re not going to get out of so you could get into it. Right?

What would be different if you did that? If you really focused… People, when I talk about relationships in this way, you’re going to want to say, “Yeah, but they need to try, and they need to change.”

One of my really good friends, Maggie Reyes, she’s a marriage coach. She talks all the time about the “power of one.” About the power of being the person who goes first and makes the change first. Who changes their mindset first. Who cultivates different emotions first. Who shows up differently first.

What if you were just willing to lead the way and be an example to your partner, or to the person you’re in relationship with? Because this doesn’t just have to apply to romantic relationships. If you have a terrible relationship, or a relationship you don’t enjoy with another member of your family, maybe it’s your siblings or one of your parents or one of your children.

Let’s be really honest, if you’re not going to get out of it, can you get into it? Are you willing to get into it? If you’re not going to cut off communication with the people in your lives, would you be willing to make a concerted effort to make the most out of the situation? To fix it? To improve it so that it’s something that you actually enjoy and can take pleasure in, that fulfills you or that adds to your life, rather than detracts from it? What would that be like?

If you’re very honest, like I said, and you decide, “Yeah, I’m not going to end this relationship. This person is going to continue to be in my life. And with that in mind, I’m going to not just complain, not put in the lowest amount of effort possible. I’m actually going to try. I’m going to show up the best version of myself, get clear on what I want, work towards it, leave it all on the field, and see what comes of it.”

Yeah, that’s going to require more effort from you. That’s going to require more intentionality from you, more energy from you. But what if it’s worth it? Now, you’re going to have to overcome some limiting beliefs about what’s possible. You might be doubting that that’s something that you could even create for yourself.

But if you could, just for a second, step into the idea that it might just be possible… like it was for my friend… to get into it because you’re not going to get out of it, what would that look like? If you could have a more ideal situation how fun would that be? How could that change so many different aspects of your life, if you stopped simply tolerating?

Outside of relationships, this also happens with work. I coach so many people who refuse to leave their jobs. Leaving your job is always an option. I don’t care what you want to tell me, you always have a choice. Yeah, there may be consequences that you don’t love from leaving your job, right? Financial insecurity, uncertainty, worry, judgment from other people; all of that may be true.

Having to start new, having to go through that process might not be super comfortable, and that may be part of that change, but it is an option available to you. And it’s always your determination of, are you willing to embark on that transition, on that change, on that uncertainty, on that worry, on the unknown?

For a lot of people, they’re not. So, they continue to stay in a situation that isn’t very fulfilling, that they’re not super crazy about. Now, if you’re not going to leave… Because that is an option on the table. You get to choose not to choose it… then you’re left with two other choices.

One, is that you can keep hating your job, keep complaining about it, keep putting in the lowest amount of effort possible, keep feeling sorry for yourself and really dwelling on how unpleasant and how unhappy you are; how unpleasant the job is and how unhappy you are in it.

Or you can opt for option three. Which is, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. What would it look like for you to recommit to your job, recommit to the work, you do recommit to the people you serve, recommit to the people you work with? To instead of looking for all of the faults in your position, to looking for all of the benefit in it.

What does it do for you? What do you like about it? What do you think might be possible if you really invested your full self? What might you be able to create? What could your experience be like if you were willing to put in the work to change what your day to day looks like? How you show up, and what you create from taking different action?

What if you could actually enjoy your job, even though for the longest time you haven’t enjoyed it? What if that’s possible? That was what was true for my friend. For a very long time, she hadn’t really enjoyed the relationships she was in. She made this cognitive, conscious decision to show up differently.

She was like, “Nope, I’m going to recommit. I’m going to leave it all in the field, I’m going to show up in a way that I’m really proud of, and that I can stand tall and stand strong behind. That’s what I’m going to do.” And when she showed up that way she changed her entire experience, both for her and for her partner.

So, if you’re doing this at work, you can change your experience both for you and all of the people that surround you; for your clients, for your colleagues, the people you supervise, the people that you work for. You can really change so much. Again, this is the power of one, if you just go first and you fully commit.

This is also true for any social engagement that you agree to go to? Do you ever commit to something and then you complain about it? You’re like, “Why did I sign up for this? I don’t want to do this. This is going to suck. It’s going to be the worst.” And then you just dread it the entire time leading up to it, and maybe even while you’re engaged in it.

What I want you to do is get really clear. What are your three options here? Option number one: You can back out. You can not go. That option is always available to you. May there be a consequence for backing out? Sure, someone might have opinions about that. They might not love that you’re deciding to not go after you said you would go. But that’s a consequence you might be willing to endure, to take, to suffer. That’s up to you.

But if you’re not willing to suffer that consequence, or even the risk of that being a consequence that you have to deal with, then you’re left with the two other options.

You can continue to have your bad attitude. I’m saying that with all the love in the world. I’m calling you guys out just a little bit, but I think it’s really going to be in service of you. So, you can continue with your bad attitude. Complain, look for all the things that are going to suck, all the things that you hate, all the things that you can’t stand, all the things that are going to be miserable, and just keep highlighting them to yourself so you really make the worst of the situation.

It’s going to be very unpleasant; you’re not going to enjoy yourself at all. So, you can create that emotional experience for yourself, invest the time anyways, but really not get anything positive out of it.

Or, if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. Look for all of the things that you’re going to enjoy. Look for all of the positives that you’re going to get out of it. If you’re attending, look for all of the reasons that you would want to attend, not the reasons that you wouldn’t want to attend. What are you looking forward to? What might be fun? Sell yourself on it. Selling yourself on it is one of the ways that you can get into it.

That’s the first step, sell yourself on it. And then decide, ‘how do I want to show up?’ And then act in accordance with whatever you identified; being the way that you want to show up in that situation. Okay?

If you’re one to sort of complain, or feel sorry for yourself, or create some drama about the situation you’re in… you’re not willing to leave, but you don’t want to stay and make the most of it… you’re picking that middle option. That’s the worst option available to you. If you’re doing this, I really want you to question: Why? What is it that you get out of not leaving, and not making the best out of the current situation?

Two things that I want you to really pay attention to: Number one, it is normally more comfortable to stay in that middle option. You don’t have to deal with the discomfort of leaving, and you don’t have to deal with the discomfort of making an effort, of really putting yourself fully in to the situation to make the most of it.

So, it’s easier. It allows you to conserve energy, avoid discomfort, so it makes sense that your brain’s offering that up to you as the option that you should choose.

I also want to turn you on to this other thing. One of the human needs that we all have, but a lot of people they prioritize this more than a lot of their other needs, is the need to feel significant, the need to feel needed. And when we are the victim in a story we feel very significant. Not in a powerfully significant way, we don’t feel strong or powerful. But we do feel like we are at the center of that story.

And there is a certain significance there, so it meets that need for us to feel significant. So, if you’re someone who loves to feel needed, loves to feel important, loves to feel at the center of a situation; whether that’s as a helper, maybe you love to problem solve, you love to save the day, or be the hero in a situation. This is sort of the flip side of that same coin.

Where you still get to feel very significant and very important, it just has a negative tinge to it because you’re the victim not the hero. But again, victims and heroes are both very important characters in storylines, so you will get that need for feeling significant met.

You want to be on the lookout for these two things: Am I choosing this option to avoid discomfort? And, am I choosing this option because it allows me to feel significant? If the answers are yes, you really want to examine: Do I love those reasons for choosing this middle option? Or would I like to make a different choice? Either choose to get out of it, because that’s always available to you, or choose with intention to get into it and make the most out of a less than ideal situation.

You’ll be surprised. If you choose the third option, to get into it, you can really turn things around. It will blow your mind if you really commit yourself, and decide, “I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to leave it on the table,” what you’re able to create for yourself.

I can’t wait for you to try this out and to see the impact of deciding, “Hey, I’m not going to get out of it, so I’m going to get into it,” has on your own life. I hope you will clue me in to the significant changes that you experience when you decide to stop half-assing something, to stop being withdrawn, to stop complaining about it, and really give all of yourself do something. To make the most of it and contribute in a really meaningful way. It’s going to be a game changer. I guarantee it.

All right, my friends. That’s what I’ve got for you this week. Get out there. And if you’re not going to get out of it, get into it. Okay? I hope you have a beautiful week and we’ll talk to you in the next episode.

Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.

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