You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 90. Today, we’re talking all about giving yourself permission to want and have more. You ready? Let’s go.
Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.
Well, hello there. How are you? Can y’all believe it’s already February? I cannot get over it. Actually, I take that back, that’s partially true. I had so much going on in January. January felt like a million years long. I had two friends come visit me in Charleston, and then I was in Nashville working with my business coach for a whole week. So, I feel like I had a lot going on.
But I also can’t believe that we’re already into the second month of 2024. How’s it going so far? Are things off to a good start? I sure hope they are. Things are off to a good start in my neck of the woods. I feel so refreshed and refocused after spending a week with my business coach. It just feels so good to reset and recalibrate, and really get my bearings for everything that I’m working to accomplish this year.
So today, I want to talk to you about a concept that directly applies to what you’re working on this year. I’m currently in the middle of a launch for The Obsessed Retreat, which is the retreat that I’m hosting in Miami, in March. And one of the things that’s come up as I’ve been marketing the retreat, I’ve had quite a few people say to me that they don’t know if they’re sure they want a life they’re obsessed with.
I’ve found that so fascinating because it seems like such a no-brainer to me. Why wouldn’t you want to live a life that you’re obsessed with? And if you’re not sure what I mean by ‘living a life that you’re obsessed with,’ what I mean by that is living a life that you truly love.
A life that you wouldn’t be even remotely tempted to trade places with someone else. You’re really passionate about the things that you have in your life; the work that you do, the income you make, the freedom that that provides you, the relationships that you have in your life, where you spend your time, how you spend your time, the adventures that you get to go on, the memories that you get to create the people in your life, the things that you get to learn and do, the opportunities that you create for yourself.
My goal for everyone I work with, and everyone listening to this podcast, is for you to live the biggest life imaginable. The biggest life that’s available to you. And I promise you, the life that’s available to you is so much bigger than what you can even see for yourself.
One of my all-time favorite quotes, and man, I get emotional even when I read this quote, it’s from one of my favorite authors, Laura McKowen. She’s the author of We Are the Luckiest. One of her quotes, my favorite one of hers… She says, “If you could see even a fraction of what’s possible for you, you would fall to your knees and cry.” I believe that so deeply, and I can see it for people.
I can see what is possible for them, what they’re capable of accomplishing. I can see the grandeur of the life that’s waiting for them to come and claim it. And every ounce of me wants as many people as possible to fully step into that version of themselves. To fully embrace the life that’s available to them. And yet, some people are reluctant to do so.
So, today I want to talk about why I think that is, and what I believe needs to change in order for you to really play full out and pursue a life that you’re obsessed with, a life that you truly love. If you think you want more for your life but you’re hesitating to go after it, this episode is for you.
What I want you to do, I want you to start by asking yourself this question, and I want you to get really honest with yourself. If you want more, or you even think you might want more, ask yourself, what is it that you’re waiting for? I’ve watched so many people tolerate parts of their life that they don’t love. And change is available to them, up leveling is available to them, it’s there for the taking. They just have to take it.
But they don’t pursue it. And I think a big reason why this is, whether people realize it or not, I believe that it’s because they’re waiting for people to give them permission to go after what they want. They have a couple people in mind; you know, the invisible “they.” They have some people in mind and they’re waiting for people to give them the green light.
They’re waiting for someone to cosign them pursuing their big dreams they’re big goals, the big life that they think they might want to live. And if that’s you, if you’re waiting for someone to give you permission, you’re going to be waiting for a really, really long time, okay? Because no one’s going to give it to you. No one’s going to give you that permission that you’re waiting for.
I’ve had this epiphany several times in my own life, and I want to share some of those stories for you. Because maybe you’ll see yourself in those stories and this will resonate with you at an even deeper level. The first example is, of course, my biggest example. It’s when I made the decision to go all in on myself, start my business, and quit practicing law. I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, I believe.
But the people in my life were really not supportive of that decision. They didn’t want me to do it. They wanted me to stick with the status quo. They wanted me to keep practicing, stay at the big law firm that I was at; the one with all the “security and stability.” Because that was the responsible thing to do, at least in their opinion.
I know some of you who are listening to this episode right now, you’re in that exact same boat. You’re in the position where you want to make a change. You want to start doing something differently. You want to pursue a new career. Maybe you want to start your own business, or just start your own law firm, whatever the case may be.
But you want to make what you consider to be a pretty drastic change. And it might not be the responsible thing that you were taught to do growing up. Maybe that’s work for other people, that might be how you were raised. So if you’re in that position, the chances of someone in your life really telling you to ‘go for it,’ especially if they haven’t done that themselves, the chances are pretty low. And if you’re waiting for someone to cosign that dream, for someone to give you the green light to go execute that game plan, you’re going to be waiting a long time.
You’re going to have to give yourself that permission instead. And you’re going to have to allow yourself to feel misunderstood by the people closest to you. They might judge you. They might think you’re being foolish. They might think that you’re taking too big of a risk. But you know you.
One of the things that I tell people all the time, when they’re like, “Weren’t you scared to go out on your own?” And this isn’t to knock anyone who is scared, but the truth is no, I wasn’t. I wasn’t afraid. Because I knew I could bet on myself. I knew that I would make this work.
I had brilliant examples of people who had already done it. They had forged the path for me. They were great examples of what was already possible. So, I had a template for what I needed to do in order to be successful, and I just followed it. I trusted myself to implement. And, I’ll be really honest with you, this is coming from someone who had a pretty shitty track record of following through and being consistent. I really struggled with that when I practiced law.
Now, I’ve done so much work through coaching to become someone who does follow through, who is disciplined, who is consistent. And that’s why I teach that to people now because I’ve done all of that trial and error myself, and I know what works, and I know what doesn’t. So, I’m able to cut through the bullshit, and just give you exactly what you need to know in order to solve that problem and develop those skill sets.
Anyways, I digress. As I was making this decision, I realized no one was going to tell me to go do this. In fact, quite the opposite. A lot of people told me not to do it. I had to put them on mute. I had to not listen to them. I had to listen to myself, my gut; I had to trust my own instincts. I was the one who had to give myself permission to pursue this dream.
To pursue this vision that I had for my life where I was self-employed, where I made more money than I did practicing law, way more money. And I will continue to do that. I just continue to grow, each year in business has been better than the next. I know, deeply, that making millions of dollars as a coach is inevitable for me. It’s just a matter of time, and me working the plan that I’ve created for myself in order to get there.
One of the concepts that I teach is, I teach people how to reverse engineer their results. So, we get very clear on the result that we want, and then we work backwards and figure out all of the actions that we need to take in order to create that result.
And then, we figure out what are the feelings we need to feel, the feelings we need to cultivate, in order to take that action? What are the negative emotions we need to allow in order to take that action? And then, what are the positive thoughts that we need to be thinking in order to feel those positive feelings that fuel us forward?
That’s one of the things that I teach my clients how to do, and I did that for myself when it came to starting my business and as I continue to scale my business. That’s what I’ve done. So, I continue to be the person who believes. I believe the most. I like to say I believe enough in myself and what I’m doing and where I’m going, enough for myself and everyone else.
I want you to do the exact same thing for yourself. I want you to believe in where you’re going and the vision that you have for your future, enough for you and for them. Then, from that place, I want you to give yourself permission to pursue it. Because no one else is going to come along and give you that permission. Okay?
Another example that I have is my recent move. Actually, I’ve moved four times in the past year and a few months. Starting in December of 2022, I’ve moved four times since then. So, I moved out of the house that I own in Michigan, into a furnished condo in Eastern Market, in Detroit.
That place was so beautiful. I loved it. It had this glamorous chandelier and these amazing leather sofas; I just loved it so much. And it was really industrial. It was a really neat loft in an old… I think it was a firehouse before and then it had been renovated to be lofts.
So, I moved out of my house. I bought my house in ’09, you guys, so my mortgage payment is so inexpensive. And I’ll be honest with you, I’m glad that that’s the case, I didn’t uplevel my lifestyle when I was practicing in big law. And that allowed me a lot of freedom to make some changes, to actually go all in on myself and start a business, because I hadn’t increased my overhead so much that I was reliant on the income from that job.
That being said, now that my business is quite successful, I have the ability to live in places that I really love. I’d been in my house since ’09, so A) I was just a little sick of it, B) I never really loved it. It was a really practical place to live, a lot of resale value, it’s a good, traditional three-bedroom brick ranch. I just never loved it.
So, when I became successful… I waited a while before making a move. But when I felt like I was in a place where I could really sustain my income and everything felt very secure, and I had more than enough money coming in, I contemplated moving out of my house into a beautiful furnished rental.
I didn’t want to buy something because I didn’t want to be stuck somewhere. I really wanted to be able to be a bit of a digital nomad. If you’ve been listening to my podcasts for a while, you know that I’m snow birding down south for at least the winter, and probably the better part of the spring. So, I knew I wanted to be able to hop around.
The easiest way for me to start doing that, rather than moving straight from Detroit to Charleston, was to just get out of my house and get used to living in a different space. Having consolidated all of my things, I didn’t take a lot of stuff with me. So, that allowed me to be very transient and mobile.
And then after I lived in the loft for six months, I moved into another place with a really gorgeous pool. That was a building in Brush Park, in Detroit, which is a little bit more in the mix of everything. And from that place, I moved to Charleston. I lived in this beautiful house for a couple of months, and then I just moved, after the first of the year, into a new place.
This place is gorgeous too, you guys. I love everything about it. The wood floors, the beautiful staircase, it’s kind of got “farmhouse” vibes a little bit, but not completely. I don’t know how to describe it. I just really, really love it. It’s furnished beautifully. The bedrooms are amazing. The bathrooms are amazing. I love the kitchen. And I love being in the city that I’m in.
It is so incredible to be someplace that I can walk around in January and February. I really don’t even need a coat. I’m a little bit of a baby, so I typically do wear one. But I don’t need one. It’s so refreshing to be someplace where there are blue skies almost every day. It’s a rarity down here that it’s gray and gloomy outside. Which is definitely the case almost all the time during late fall, winter, and early spring, in Michigan.
I say all of that to talk about how I gave myself permission to live in beautiful places, beautiful spaces that I love. I remember, I had gotten rid of most of my stuff in my house because I was torn between ‘am I going to renovate everything in this place? Or am I going to move?.’ I was leaning towards moving but I wasn’t moving forward, yet. I was hesitating, okay?
I finally had gotten rid of so much stuff that my house sort of became unlivable; I really didn’t have much other than a place to sleep and a place to work.
And I realized, at a certain point, I was like, “Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you living like this?” It almost felt, at a certain point, sort of punitive. I’m like, “What’s going on here, Olivia? Are you being mean to yourself? Are you not loving yourself? Are you not giving yourself the things that you want?”
I caught the thought that was holding me back. The thought was that I didn’t need to live anywhere else, technically. And that I didn’t want to be impractical. One of the things that I really had drilled into me growing up was that it was a good thing to be practical. Maybe you were raised that way, too. If you were, maybe you will resonate with this.
I have decided to say, “Fuck that,” to being practical. I don’t want to be practical. I don’t like the restrictiveness that comes from practicality. I want to be over the top. I am over the top, and I’ve fully embraced that about myself. So, whether it’s practical or not… No, I’m not suggesting that you take on a ton of debt to go do something. Be reasonable to a certain extent. But don’t hold yourself back in a way that prevents you from living a life that you truly love.
I remember this moment, I was sitting on the floor of my living room, because had gotten rid of most of my living room furniture by that point. I was just looking around, and I was like, “What are we doing here? What’s holding you back? What’s getting in your way?” And I realized, this clicked for me, no one was going to come and give me permission to go be “impractical.”
In fact, most people I knew were going to tell me, “Your house is fine. It’s beautiful. It’s great. You should just stay there. Throw some money into it, just fix it up, make the most of it, it’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.” But that’s not what I wanted. And it hit me that I was just waiting. I was hesitating. And whether or not I realized it, I was waiting for permission from someone. I’m not even sure who, maybe my parents, I don’t know.
But no one was going to come and give me that permission. I had to give myself that permission. I had to tell myself that it was okay to do something that other people might judge. Because I don’t know if y’all were raised like this, but I was raised that it is irresponsible to pay rent when you could just buy something.
That doesn’t work for me. That doesn’t align with the life that I want to live. So, I had to give myself permission to buck that system, to do it differently, to forge my own path forward, to do it my way. Even if that meant being quote “irresponsible” in someone else’s opinion.
So, I recognized, in this moment on the floor, I was like, “No one’s going to come tell you that you should do this, you’ve got to tell yourself. You’ve got to make up your own mind. Do you want to live like this? Do you want to live here, in a space that you don’t like and haven’t ever really liked? Or do you want to move? Even if that means spending a lot of money that you don’t need to spend, you don’t have to spend.”
But this is the thing, I wanted to spend it. And, now that I’ve done it, oh my goodness, I could never go back. I love living in places that I love. I love being in a space that just feels so much like me. The amazing thing about living in a furnished place, I don’t have to do any of the work and I get all the good vibes, all the aesthetic that I love. That really just makes me feel at home, and so comfortable in the space that I’m in.
And let me tell you something, if you work from home, you’d best like your space. All right? I spend almost all of my time here. I’d better like it. I want to like it. So I gave myself permission to do that, even if it’s not the popular thing to do, or the responsible thing to do, or the practical thing to do. I don’t care. I just gave myself permission. You get to do that, too.
Okay, three more examples. Years ago when I was going through… I was getting ready to go through my coaching certification. And at the time, it was a big expense for me. I hadn’t ever paid that much money, it was $18,000. I hadn’t ever paid that much money all at once on a training like that. So, even though that’s very common for me to do when I pay to work with my business coach now… That’s a $25,000 investment every six months.
At the time, it was a really big expense; the biggest expense that I was paying. I didn’t want to come up out of pocket, in cash, and deplete my cash reserves in one lump sum. So instead, I took out a loan. I took out an unsecured loan through Upstart.com. It was super easy to get.
I was working in big law at the time, so they were like, “Yeah, sure you’ve got a W-2 job, everything’s great.” They gave it to me, I used it to pay for my coaching certification, and I paid it off. It was no big deal. And had I asked other people whether or not I should do that, they probably would have told me no. They probably would have suggested that I wait, that I shouldn’t do it, that I should save up the money first.
Thank goodness, I didn’t think. Thank goodness, I trusted myself and gave myself permission to do the thing that made sense in my brain. It made it accessible for me. It made it easy for me. Again, I think the common theme here is, that you’ve got to trust yourself to do what you’ve got to do on the other side of it. Right?
I trusted myself to start a business successfully. I trusted myself to be able to make enough money to pay very expensive rent, depending on where I’ve been living, but especially Charleston. Y’all, it’s pricey down here. I trusted myself to pay the loan back. If you trust yourself, then you got to give yourself permission.
And if you’re not accustomed to trusting yourself, what would it look like for you to just bet on yourself just once? Just to give it a shot. Just to see what happens. What if you had your own back, and you just believed that you could possibly do it? Okay, so the loan is another example. I’ve actually done that a couple of times over the course of my business. You pay off and it’s not a problem, everything’s fine.
Another example, this is back years ago. This is actually right before I started going to law school. My aunt and uncle gave me what I consider, still consider, a lavish graduation gift, graduating from undergrad. My aunt came over to my parents’ house, and she handed me $1,000 in cash. She said, “Here’s your graduation present. Buy yourself whatever you want.”
I think she had planned for me to buy a luxury bag or something like that, or at least put it towards an expensive bag. I looked right at her; I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I had spent several years in a row going to Italy, and I knew that I probably wasn’t going to have much of a chance to go while I was in law school. That I was going to be busy studying, and then working during the summer and all that good stuff.
So, I wanted to get one more trip under my belt before I embarked on the law school adventure. I looked at her, and I said, “I’m taking this and I’m going to Rome.” I was able to get a buddy pass through a boss of mine, actually. He had a second job working at Delta, for the perks of being able to fly for free. And he had coworkers that would sell their buddy passes, so I was able to get a really inexpensive flight, flying standby to Rome.
Then, I used that $1,000 to, I think, pay for the hotel that I stayed at in Rome. I met my aunt and uncle there; we went to dinner several nights in a row. I went to the Amalfi Coast for the first time by myself. And it was just incredible. I remember, when I got that gift I told my mom about it, and she looked at me and she goes, “Absolutely not. You have to give that back. That’s way too extravagant. That’s way too much money. You have to give that back.”
I just remember feeling like a punch in the gut. I’m like, “What? I don’t want to give it back. I want to go to Italy.” That’s just how she was raised. She was brought up to be, again, very practical. In her mind, gifts like that were impractical. It was not okay, it wasn’t acceptable, to receive generosity at that level.
I remember she told me, “You have to give it back.” I thought long and hard about it; she had very strong opinions, which I disagreed with. And I let it marinate for a little while, and ultimately decided, no, I’m not going to. I’m not going to give it back.
I gave myself permission to keep it. And I made myself a promise, when my cousin, who is the daughter of my aunt and uncle that gave me this gift, when she graduates from undergrad, I’ll do the same exact thing for her. I can’t wait to do that. I’m so looking forward to being as generous to her as my aunt and uncle were to me.
And if you know me personally, you know that’s pretty on brand for me. I love to be generous with money. It is one of the ways that I show affection and love towards other people. I love sharing the wealth, spreading the wealth around that way. So, this is another time where I had to just give myself permission to do something that allowed me to live a life that I was obsessed with. To chase my dreams of traveling the way that I wanted to travel.
You know I always say, “Don’t take advice from someone who hasn’t done what you want to do.” And in this instance, neither of my parents have ever been to Europe. They’ve never seen Italy, so they don’t know how spectacular it is. And even if they did, they probably would still make the same decision.
That gets to be the right decision for them, but this was the right decision for me. I trusted myself to make the right decision for me, and then I gave myself permission to act in accordance with that decision.
Speaking of money… Actually, I have a friend who says this quote and I absolutely love it. It resonates with me so much, even though I think it can be kind of polarizing. She likes to say, “Life is bought.” I tend to agree with that. People love to say that there are all sorts of things that money can’t buy.
But I think when you take a closer look, even certain memories, if you have time off of work that is a luxury afforded to you by having money, right? You don’t have to be working, so you have time to spend with your family, to be able to make those memories.
Also, there are a lot of memories that money does buy. You wouldn’t be able to have incredible experiences in Rome if you didn’t have the money to get yourself there; if you don’t already live there, right? There are so many things that I did, even just last year alone; hot air balloon rides over Big Sky, whale watching in Cabo, swimming through caves off the Amalfi coast. So many incredible things that I got to do because of money.
I actually met one of my now closest friends… I was in Orlando, at the retreat that my business coach hosts, and I had met this woman over dinner, her name’s Andrea. And a couple days after we had dinner together, and what sort of sparked this conversation was that at dinner I ended up picking up the tab for everyone. So, she kind of saw the way that I like to interact with money.
A couple days later, she was at the pool, and as I walked by her we started making small talk. She goes, “I have a question for you. I think you’re the perfect person for me to ask this question to.” I said, “Yeah, go ahead, shoot.”
She said, “I want to know what are your thoughts about spending money? Because I kind of have a little bit of mind drama around spending money, and I think you don’t. So, I think you’re probably the right person for me to talk to about this. Because I’d like to know how you think about it, and maybe I can borrow your thoughts.”
We talked through all of the hesitations that she had about spending money on luxurious, lavish things; things that were “impractical.” And if this is you, if you’re hesitant to spend money on things that deep down, you really want, but you don’t want to be seen as being irresponsible or impractical, I want you to really think about, number one, what’s holding you back?
What are you afraid of? A lot of people are afraid that people are going to judge them. And maybe that might be true, but what I offered Andrea, and what I offer a lot of people is, what if you become the person that introduces them to luxury? What if you show them what’s possible? What if you show them what an experience can be like, that maybe they would never provide to themselves?
I hosted a retreat in Big Sky, Montana, last August, at a five-star hotel called The Montage; Montage Big Sky, to be exact. My parents actually came out to visit me while I was hosting the retreat. One of my clients, shout out to Gwen, was amazing. She represented my dad when he sold his business.
They had worked together via Zoom, but Gwen lives in Florida and my parents live in Michigan, so they had never met in person. And my dad really wanted to meet her because it’s a family business. It’s been in my family since my grandfather started it. It’s like the biggest deal to ever happen to our family. So, it was a big deal, and he really wanted to meet her.
So I told him, “Gwen is going to be in Big Sky, if you want to come out and meet her.” We ended up taking Gwen to dinner, to say ‘thank you’ for all of her hard work. It was just a really incredible night. As that happened… My parents had to fly out to Big Sky, of course, in order to join us. They got to stay at The Montage, and my parents are the type of people that would never splurge on five-star luxury like that.
The Montage is typically like $1,500 a night. Now, we didn’t have to spend that much, I had a discounted group rate, so it was only $600 a night. But people think, “Oh, it’s not going to be that much better than what I’m typically used to at a much more affordable hotel chain.”
And then they got to experience it, all of the things; the fireplace in the bedroom, the amazing shower, insane shower, the bathtub that you could literally swim in, the robes, exquisite robes, the best pillows, the best bedding. All that stuff, the service that just blows your mind, the décor. Everything’s next level. The scenery is next level. The whole experience is next level.
When my parents were there, my dad said to me, “I get it. I get why you do this. It’s amazing.” We talked all about all of the different aspects of the hotel that he really enjoyed. And when I introduce other people to luxury like that, they feel the same way usually. They’re like, “Man, this is nice. I could get used to this.” And then they start to give themselves permission to opt into some of those experiences, as well.
I think that’s one of the reasons that I absolutely love hosting the retreats that I host. Because I get to do that for the people who work with me. I get to introduce them to a level of luxury or exquisiteness that they might not have experienced before. I like over-the-top experiences.
I actually do this thing called a “returners retreat.” So if you come to one of my retreats, and then you enroll for the next one, you get invited to the Returners Retreat. In Big Sky, we did the hot air balloon excursion as the Returners Retreat. This time, in Miami, I’m renting a yacht for the day. It’s going to be incredible. This boat is fantastic. I’m so excited to bring people on it and for them to see it. It’s really over the top. There’s a jet ski on the boat. There’s all this fun stuff.
I get to introduce people to doing next level things like that. And when they see it, and they experience it, they realize that they want more of that for themselves. They see me giving myself permission to do that, and then it rubs off on them. They give themselves permission to do that.
So, like this conversation I had with my friend, Andrea, I want you to do a deep dive. Take an audit, an inquiry. Where do you hesitate in spending money on what you consider to be luxurious things? Where do you hold yourself back? Maybe it’s an expensive purse. Maybe it’s an expensive car. Maybe it’s flying first class, which I will only fly now.
I know I’m over the top, you can judge me if you want. But I love it. It’s just nice up there. There’s so much room. And I can tell I’m getting older, because I really appreciate being able to get on the plane first and get situated, rather than having to stand in that obnoxious line boarding the plane. And the other thing that I appreciate is being able to get off the plane as quickly as possible.
I also like the little, actual, real glasses that they give you, not the plastic cups. It’s just nice, right? I get to do it because my business provides for that. So, why not? Why not be “impractical” and fly first class? I’m kidding with the impracticality, of course. I used air quotes there; I hate that you can’t see me, I use them a lot when I record this podcast. I talk with my hands, of course, because I’m Italian.
Anyways, maybe it’s that, maybe it’s an expensive hotel. I’m planning a trip to Italy right now, actually two trips to Italy. And I love to stay in beautiful places. I’ve just given myself permission to do that, whether or not other people agree with that decision, whether other people would think that it’s a waste of money, I’ve just decided that it’s great. I like to do it, and I get to do it. And no one else needs to give me the green light. Only I have to give myself permission to do it. And, I do.
So if you want more for your life, if you’re thinking about pursuing more and you’re hesitating, maybe you’re telling yourself that pursuing more isn’t necessary. Guess what? You’d be right, it isn’t necessary. But this isn’t about what you need, this is about what you want. There’s a big, big difference there.
And it is okay to just do something because you want to do it. You are allowed to give yourself permission to go after something, to chase a dream, to purchase something, to make a change, to give yourself an experience. You are allowed to do that simply because it’s what you want to do. For no other reason other than that.
I had someone recently, in response to an Instagram post that I did about The Obsessed Retreat… I was talking about how I’m obsessed with my life. And I am, I really am obsessed with my life. That doesn’t mean everything’s perfect all the time. That’s unrealistic. I have highs and lows, ups and downs. I have tough times and struggles. But I am still obsessed with my life. I love my life. I love what I’ve created for myself, because I’ve given myself permission to want and have more.
I’ve had a couple of people say two things to me. One is, that some people are like, “I don’t know if I want to be obsessed with my life.” And I think it’s because people mistakenly believe that they’re going to have to hustle and kill themselves and grind, and that it’s not going to feel like fun. And that it’s just going to require more of them than they’re willing to give it.
If that’s you, I really want you to challenge that assumption. Where are you getting that from? What are you basing that on? What if you could just pursue more the way you want to pursue more? And you gave yourself permission to go about it the way you want to go about it, at the pace you want to go about it? To really just do it the way you want to do it.
If you believed you wouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself, abandon yourself, or compromise your wellbeing would you want more? Would you want more? Would you think it would be fun to have more? What comes up for you when I say that when I ask you that question?
The other thing that I think comes up for people. I did this post about how I’m obsessed with my life, and someone in the comments chimed in and said that I was obsessed with myself. I want to tell you two things here. One, I don’t think it’s a problem to be obsessed with yourself. I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing.
But I don’t look at myself that way at all. I don’t think that I’m obsessed with myself. I think that I’m obsessed with my life, and those two things are very different. I think there are probably different definitions about what it means to be obsessed with yourself.
Maybe that’s “conceited,” or “full of yourself.” I am definitely not those things, so I don’t even take offense to the idea of being obsessed with yourself. But I don’t feel that I am. I really feel like I am obsessed with my life, the life that I’ve given myself permission to create.
Okay, so if you’re worried about that, you’re worried about either burning yourself out or having to grind too hard, that’s not the case. You don’t have to do it that way. If you’re worried about being self-obsessed, selfish, conceited, arrogant, or full of yourself because you’re pursuing a life you’re obsessed with… Maybe you’re afraid people will think that you think you’re too good for them.
None of that has to be the case. None of that has to be true. You get to know yourself; you get to trust yourself. And you get to give yourself permission to pursue more, to want and have more, in a way that feels really in alignment and integrity for you.
So, I want to sum this all up one more time just to really drive it all home for you. No one’s going to give you permission to set big goals, to chase big dreams, to live an over-the-top life. Because that’s what we’re talking about here today, living an over-the-top life, a life that you’re obsessed with.
No one’s going to tell you that it’s okay for you to want and have more. You have to give that permission to yourself. You have to decide to go for it all on your own. Not because you need it, but because you want it. You have to decide that that’s okay. That it’s okay to want more than what seems like “enough.”
No one is going to give you permission to pursue and create as full of a life as you’re capable of living. The one with all the success, the one with all the connection, the one with all the fun, the one with all the adventure, the one with all the luxury, the one with all the freedom. You’re going to have to give that permission to yourself.
In fact, “they,” the people you’re worried about, they might tell you that it’s too risky to go for it. That the life you have is just fine. But “fine” is not what you’re aiming for, is it? I know it’s not. If you were aiming for fine, you wouldn’t be listening to this podcast. I believe that in my bones.
The “theys” in your life, they might judge you. And that’s totally okay. Usually, it’s just temporary. That’s what I’ve found to be the case. They just need to see you win, so they can see what you see; that more than this is possible for you, and for them. And before you know it, they’ll actually be inspired by you.
That’s what’s happened in my life. So many people that doubted me, that thought what I was doing was risky, they’re now inspired by me. They now use me as an example of what’s possible. But in the beginning, if you’re just getting started giving yourself permission to want and have more, you can’t wait for their stamp of approval. You’ve got to make up your own mind without it.
So, I want you to ask yourself: What’s your choice? Do you want to play small, and wait for them to give you the green light? Or do you want to make up your own mind and start living the biggest life you can? Don’t overthink this question, pick the first answer that comes to your mind.
If you pick the second option, that you want to start living the biggest life you can, this is your invitation to join me in Miami, in March, for The Obsessed Retreat. I’m going to teach you how to create a life you’re obsessed with over the course of three days.
We’re going to go through and solve the problems that are keeping you stuck. We’re going to develop the skills you need to move forward. And then, we’re going to set goals and make the plans that you’ll implement in order to achieve them.
After our three days in person, you’re going to get lifetime access to monthly group coaching calls and The Obsessed Retreat member portal. That will have the event recordings, our monthly call recordings, additional course content, an unlimited written coaching platform, where you can get support from me in between our monthly coaching calls, and then a community platform where you can stay connected to all of the other retreaters.
This is going to be what changes the game for you. All you have to do is start by giving yourself permission to want and have more. As soon as you make up your mind that you’re going to give yourself that permission, that you’re not going to wait for anyone else to give it to you, I want you to head on over to my website; it’s going to be linked in the show notes: bit.ly/the-obsessed-retreat.
Go there and register. Sign up to join me in Miami, in March. I cannot wait to see you in South Beach, where we get to get started creating a life that you’re obsessed with.
All right, my friends. That is what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you in the next episode.
Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.