You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 36. Today, we’re talking all about investing in yourself. You ready? Let’s go.
Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach, Olivia Vizachero.
Hi, my friends, how you doing? It has been a wild ride over here the past week. One of the things that I’ve learned from my coach is that life is 50/50; 50% good and 50% not so good. And that you can really reduce the amount of emotional suffering that you experience when you just embrace that 50/50 split. Instead of, you know, going to war with it, and not accepting it, and wishing that things were different or better than they are. I’ve just been living the 50/50 lifestyle over here.
Things have been so amazing with the Mastermind launch, so far. Enrollment is open, and the next cohort has already started to come together. Applications have come in. Acceptance decisions have already gone out. So, there are still some spots left, but it’s just been so amazing to see the people that are going to be in the next round. I can’t wait to meet them in person in Charleston, that’s going to be so exciting.
So, while all of that’s been going on, though, I’ve been dealing with the 50% of life that hasn’t been that great. I’ve got a sick cat; my babe, Bear, has not been doing too hot. So, I’ve been navigating that. And it’s just always a really good reminder that, you know, things come in ebbs and flows in life. And you’ve got to be willing to accept that and to expect it. And if you do expect it, you’re going to be so much more capable of navigating the emotional ups and downs that come with those 50/50 shifts.
I just wanted to share that with you, in case you’re dealing with your own 50/50 splits, right now. And you’re battling between, and bouncing between, the good and the not so good. If you are, I see you. I’m with you; I’m in it too. I just want you to know that A; you’re not alone. B; nothing has gone wrong. That’s just part of the human experience. And you are capable, and resourceful, and competent to weather that storm. So, I wish you all the best as you weather it.
All right, today we’re continuing on talking about kind of like this two-part series that I’ve come up with. Last week, we talked about the impact of coaching, and all of the different ways that I apply the coaching tools that I teach my clients in my own life. And, the impact that knowing these tools and having the skill set has. How I navigate just everyday challenges, the little annoyances, the little unfortunate things that pop up in our day-to-day lives.
How I manage those so much differently, now. Now that I found coaching, and I know how to implement these tools myself, it’s the same exact stuff that I teach my clients to do. It’s how they navigate the world, now. It’s what they implement on a day-to-day basis to also experience the same shifts and changes in their own life. So, I wanted to give you some examples of that.
In today’s episode, I want to talk about investing in yourself. Because in order to get those changes, to make those shifts that I talked about in the last episode, you have to be willing to invest in yourself. In order to learn how to navigate the world in the different way that I teach my clients how to navigate it; the tools that I teach them, the skills that we develop together.
In order to get the benefits of coaching, you have to invest in coaching. And, I see a lot of people hesitate when it comes to investing in themselves. So, I wanted to record a podcast episode specifically about that hesitation. Explain it to you and teach you how to overcome it, if you are really eager and wanting to make a shift in your life, but you find yourself a little apprehensive, a little hesitant to move forward and invest in yourself.
Now, I think there’s an important distinction that I just want to highlight, the difference between self-care versus personal development. I definitely think personal development and investing in it is part of self-care. But a lot of people spend a lot of money investing on self-care that provides temporary relief and instant gratification, but doesn’t have the same long-term impact. So, going to get that massage, or that facial, or going on vacation.
I know I was guilty of this, back in the day, when I was really overwhelmed and dealing with all of the stress from working in big law. I traveled a lot, and I did it as a way to escape my stress. But if you do this, you know what I had to learn the hard way. You don’t escape it permanently, you come back to it. It’s there waiting for you at the airport when you get back from wherever you traveled to.
So, travel’s one way that people invest in self-care, but not necessarily in personal development. I also see this with things like taking a bubble bath, or maybe going for a walk, maybe going to yoga, those things are all incredible for you. But when you stop doing the activity that brings you some peace, the peace tends to go away. So, you have to keep doing it.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t keep doing it. If you’ve loved doing yoga, or working out, or taking bubble baths, or resting and sipping some tea, and just taking some downtime, all of that is so incredible and amazing. It’s just not the same type of investment that you’re making when you invest in your personal development.
Today’s episode is really about investing and working with a life coach. Now, why would you want to work with one? The shortest answer that I can come up with, is really just to do life better. I teach my clients how to live lives with less stress, and far more fulfillment. And I know you hear me say that all the time, but I want to talk today about what that actually means.
There are critical skills that you need to learn in order to do that. In order to live a life on your terms. In order to create a life you’re obsessed with. Which is, really, the commitment that I make to my clients, to the people that choose to work with me; we’re going to create lives that they’re obsessed with.
That’s what I’ve gone and done for myself. It’s what I help the people that work with me do, as well. But there are specific skill sets that you need to develop, in order to do that, in order to create that life, to live a life on your terms.
And it’s skills like learning how to manage your time; how to control your calendar, how to plan your schedule accurately, how to honor your plan, how to learn how to follow through and do what you say you’re going to do. It is utterly impossible to build a life you’re obsessed with if you don’t follow through. So, you’ve got to learn how to master that skill.
As I go through this list of skills that I teach my clients how to develop, how to build, how to master, I want you to pay attention to the fact that a lot of these skills were never taught growing up, okay. So, there’s nothing wrong with the fact that you haven’t learned them yet, that you haven’t mastered them yet. But you do want to be mindful that you haven’t learned them.
And that if you want to get the results that come from developing these skill sets, and executing and implementing these skill sets on a daily basis, you’re going to have to invest in an education in getting them, okay. The skill of following through, learning how to set boundaries, how to say no to other people and to things that you don’t want to do.
So, you can say yes to yourself. You’ve got to learn how to stop people pleasing, all right. How to stop doing things you don’t feel like doing out of guilt, worry, or fear. How to be able to honor what feels intentional and in integrity for you, and not sacrifice yourself for the sake of making other people comfortable.
I’m going to teach you how to care a lot less about what other people think, and to get very comfortable with their discomfort. Those are normally the two things that get in people’s way from living a life on their terms, and not people-pleasing.
You’ve also got to know how to increase your confidence. To identify where there are roadblocks in your confidence, where there are there gaps or holes. And, we’ve got to fill them in.
I do that by teaching my clients how to identify their limiting beliefs that they have about themselves, about what they’re capable of, about what’s possible for their lives. And we work together to dismantle those limiting beliefs, so they stop holding you back.
You also want to learn how to build self-trust. I teach people to go from a system of external validation, where they’re constantly relying on feedback from other people, to learning how to become someone who internally validates, who evaluates yourself and the job that you do. And you know what you’re doing well, what you can improve upon, and then you create a plan exactly on how to make those improvements.
I also work with people to define a couple of different things. We want to define what your role is, so you’re able to feel a lot more accomplished and satisfied with what you’re doing in your life; both at work and in the roles that you take on in your personal life. In order to live a life that you’re obsessed with, we also have to work on your relationships, and really give them an overhaul, improve them.
One of the ways that we do that is by learning how to let go of the past, and again, stop caring about what other people think. Being much more honest with the people in your life. Allowing yourself to be known. Allowing yourself to be seen. Being able to have difficult conversations respectfully. Being able to advocate for yourself. Being able to resolve conflict very intentionally. And, being able to problem solve more effectively with the people that you interact with.
You also want to know how to lead and manage others really well, and understand why people do what they do, and why you do what you do. So, we’re going to increase your emotional intelligence. So, you’re able to show up in relation to other people much more intentionally, much more powerfully, much more in control.
You also need to learn how to make empowered decisions. A lot of the people that come to work with me really struggle with decision making; they spin in indecision, they second guess themselves, they’re constantly seeking input or feedback from other people, they don’t trust themselves, they avoid making a decision.
The quality of your life is really directly impacted by the quality of your decision-making abilities. So, we want to make sure that you’re able to make really intentional, empowered decisions quickly. And then, being able to implement them, take action towards them, to create the results of the decisions that you make.
You also want to become the type of person who’s capable of making changes. Whether it’s switching jobs, or moving, or starting to travel, starting a business, getting promoted. Whatever it is, we want to make you the kind of person that navigates change really well, really seamlessly. Because if you’re resistant to change… I used to tell myself that I hated change. I don’t do that anymore. I love change, now. I embrace it fully in my life.
But if you’re someone who hates change, you’re going to maintain the status quo, and you’re not going to thrive in the way that you’re going to want to thrive in your life. If you have other goals you want to accomplish, like getting more organized, either at work or in your personal life, developing business, transitioning businesses, changing your practice area, any of those things.
You want to be able to identify the result very clearly that you want to create, and plan for the future. I teach my clients how to reverse-engineer their results, so we get clear on exactly what we want to create. And then, we work backwards to create a roadmap, in order to make creating your results inevitable.
I also teach people how to simplify their lives. We constrain and cut out anything that doesn’t serve you, anything that’s not necessary. And we make decisions, that you make all the time over and over again, we decide on them one time, and then we just honor those decisions moving forward. So, your life becomes much more simplified, much more streamlined, much more routine, much more uniform. Not in a boring way; in a really sexy way.
In a way that makes everything feel a lot more effortless and easy, so you’re able to give your time, focus, and attention, to the things that really move the dial to create that life that you want. That get you closer to the unresolved that you’re aiming for.
Last but not least, I teach people how to set and achieve goals. Most people come to me, and they really don’t know how to do that well. They kind of think that they know how to do it, but they struggle with it. They set really ambiguous goals, and they don’t know how to work towards them. So, we’re going to do that together.
And through all of the things that I just covered, what you ultimately get is you’re able to feel so much better. You go from feeling overwhelmed, and stressed, and inadequate, and insecure, and uncertain, and guilty, and worried, and frustrated, and disappointed, and discouraged, and defeated, and confused, and stuck. To feeling in control, capable, competent, determined, committed, intentional, okay? That’s what you want for your life.
Because how you feel determines how you show up. So, we need you feeling better, so you can show up better, so you can create what you want in your life. All right, this is exactly what I teach people to do. I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s your whole, complete life. Right? It is a lot; it should be a lot.
Those skills are everything you need to know, in order to really thrive. And like I said, most of the stuff you’ve never been formally taught how to do any of it, so you struggle with it. My goal, in working with all of my clients, is to stop the struggle. To get you out of spin cycle and get you really clear on how to create what you want, and to arm you with the skills that you need in order to create it.
Now that’s what you do when you work with a coach; you learn to master those skills. So, if you’re asking yourself, why would I invest in working with a coach? In a program like The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind?
Here’s some reasons that might come up for you, to start: You might invest because you’re sick of squandering your own time, fumbling around, and trying to figure it out for yourself. One of the things that I hear in the coaching industry a lot is that people need to work with a life coach. And that’s absolutely not true, right?
You will make it through life, you won’t die if you don’t work with a coach. But here is what I find to be true. Number one, the progress that you’ll make on your own is going to take you a lot longer, than the progress you make when you work with an expert.
Number two, there are just some revelations and transformations that you get out of coaching that you’ll never get on your own. Because you can’t see your own roadblocks. So, the fastest way to create the life you want is to work with a coach. The fastest way to learn is to learn from someone else, instead of trying to figure it out all on your own.
If you want to be inspired, and get unstuck, and have support while you start curating a life that you love, one that you live on your terms, you want to invest in yourself. You want to invest in working with a coach and joining a mastermind, like The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind, because it’s a container where you get to do all of this stuff at warp speed.
Another huge reason to work with a coach and to join a group program, like The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind, is to become a part of a community and to surround yourself with really incredible people who are all committed to living intentional lives, just like you are.
Another reason to invest in yourself is to simply become someone who invests in yourself. To be someone who pushes themselves to do more than settle for the status quo. There is such an uplevel in your self-concept when you invest in yourself.
When you actually pay money to invest in your own personal development, it’s like you’re saying, “I believe in my future and what I’m capable of so much, I’m willing to put money behind it. I’m willing to bet on myself. I’m willing to invest in myself. I’m willing to bankroll my future success; the success that I’m going to make inevitable through making this investment.”
You start to see yourself as someone who is worthy of investment. Someone who has a future that is so valuable, that’s so remarkable, that you’re willing to put your money into it, in order to make it the best that it can be. And that is really a transformative way to think about yourself.
To be that intentional with your life, that intentional with your future. To say, “I’m not going to settle for mediocre. My life is worthy of this type of expenditure,” that is so powerful. Being someone that takes yourself and your future, and your life and your goals, and everything that you want to accomplish so seriously, that you’re willing to put money behind it.
I’m gonna go on a quick tangent here. I went on a date; I think last fall. And while I was on the date, the man that I was out with was talking about some of the goals that were kind of like pipe dreams, that’s how he talked about them. He was really wishy-washy when he was talking to me about them. He didn’t seem really confident; he didn’t really seem sure of himself. And he kind of joked about what he wanted to accomplish.
He didn’t have the same gravitas that I have when I talk about my goals. I take my goals, and my future, and the vision that I have for my life so seriously. So, it really stood out to me that he didn’t talk that way, that he didn’t speak about his future and himself in the same way that I do. I left that date thinking this; simply, that you have to be the person that takes your life, your goals, your dreams, more seriously than anyone else.
It’s got to be you. That’s your job. No one else is going to care about your dreams, your goals, the life you want to create, as much as you. Nor should they, everyone should be worried about themselves and creating their own lives that they’re obsessed with. That’s everyone’s individual job.
So, you want to check in with yourself. Do you take your life, your dreams, your goals, the things that you want to have in your life, the accomplishments that you want to achieve, do you take them seriously? Seriously enough to invest in?
If you don’t, I really want to ask you to question why. Why is that? And then, I want to invite you to start thinking about this differently. To start telling yourself, to start mentally rehearsing, that you and your future are worthy of investment. Now, why is it so important to invest in yourself?
Number one, and I kind of already talked about this, but you get further faster. And one of the things that I teach my clients is that success compounds. So, the further you get faster, the more time you give yourself for your success to compound. It’s just like interest in financial investments; there’s compound interests. So, when you start saving earlier, you reap the benefits of having made those investments earlier.
The same thing is true with what you accomplish in your life. So, the faster you start taking action, to get where you want to go, the further you’re going to ultimately get, because your success will compound.
By investing in yourself, you’ll also achieve things that you would never otherwise achieve. I’ll use myself as an example of this. I run a business now that blows my wildest dreams; I’m quickly scaling it to seven figures.
And, I know that that is truly just the beginning. And had I not invested in coaching and worked with coaches that held that vision for me before I was able to hold it myself, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have the future in front of me that I now have, but for me, investing.
Coaches also help point out your blind spots. And I really do mean this; they’re your blind spots, so you will not see them if you don’t work with someone else. You just won’t know what to look for. So, coaches will help you identify limiting beliefs that you have. And they will help you dismantle them. They know what questions to ask, in order to tear down some of the things that you’ve been believing about yourself and what’s possible for your life, that are really holding you back.
Another thing that my clients love about working with me is that they’re able to borrow my belief. I believe in you so fully and completely. I believe in how resourceful you are. I believe in how capable you are. I believe there’s nothing you cannot accomplish. And most people don’t have someone like that in their lives.
If you start to pay attention, you’re probably surrounded by a lot of negative people. And that’s not to, like, insult your inner circle. It’s just how most people operate in this world. So, investing in being surrounded by someone who isn’t like that, who is full of belief, who thinks the world is your oyster, and that the possibility is endless, the opportunity is endless, and that you are capable of creating whatever it is that you want in your life.
Spending time around someone like that, investing and being around someone like that, is so incredibly powerful. I truly believe that we are a direct reflection of the five people you spend the most time with. And when you work with a coach, one of the five people that you end up spending the most time with is your coach.
Even if we only see each other an hour a week. Think about it, most of my friends I don’t see an hour a week. If I see them like once a month, that’s a lot, or a couple times a year. So, I see my coaches more frequently than I see my parents, other friends, and family members. And as a result, they become one of those five people that has the biggest impact on my life.
Which is so great, because they have a mind that’s so different from anyone else in my life. So, I really learned to think so much differently, by exposing myself to the way that they operate, to the way that they view the world.
Another thing that my clients love about working with a coach and investing in themselves, is that they expose themselves to someone who’s completely non-judgmental. Working with someone who’s completely non-judgmental, and is able to help you navigate situations without putting their opinion and their own limiting beliefs into the situation, is so powerful.
We call this “holding space” in coaching. And it’s one of the most impactful things that you get out of investing in yourself; having someone hold space for you, not judge you. And help you explore all the options that you have.
Help you make decisions and figure out which direction you want to go in. Figure out what questions you need to be asked, in order to create awareness and really figure out what’s next. Figure out the direction you want to move in, to help you become the best version of yourself. Having someone who’s able to hold that type of space. without judgment. is so incredible.
I also just had a client reach out to me, and she said that one of the most incredible things that she’s experienced about working with me, is that I’m so honest. So, it’s so fascinating how these two concepts tie in together; being non-judgmental, but also being very candid.
And she explained that it’s not just with some of the “bad stuff” that happens; some of the things that she struggles with. But also, the things that she does well, that she celebrates, or would want to celebrate. But sometimes that inner critic in her own head would discount the accomplishments.
When you work with a coach, we cheer you on from a really honest, loving, supportive place. So, you have someone in your corner who’s here solely to support you. I tell my clients all the time, “I’m not your husband’s life coach. I’m not your mom’s life coach. I’m not your boss’s life coach, or your client’s life coach. I’m your life coach.”
So, I’m in your corner. I’ve got your back. I’m holding space for you. I’m going to be honest with you, and sometimes that requires me saying the tough thing. The thing that you might not want to hear, but that will set you free. That will really help you access your transformation, access the breakthrough, that’s going to get you to the life that you’re obsessed with.
We usually don’t get this from the people that are in our inner circle. They’re either people-pleasing us, or being too polite, or giving us their negative limiting beliefs, and their opinions based on their worldview and their experiences. A lot of that does not serve you, all right? So, I’m not going to be your parent, and I’m not going to be your best friend, and that’s the best news ever.
I want you to take a second and think about what are all of the thoughts that you have about investing in yourself? Does it feel unavailable to you? Do you feel hesitant or apprehensive to do it? Do you feel like it’s not for you? Investing in yourself isn’t something that you do. Isn’t something that you were raised to do.
It certainly wasn’t something that I was raised to do. I had to become someone who viewed myself and my life as being worthy of investment. And now that I have changed my beliefs and the way that I look at making that type of investment in myself, it has become a non-negotiable for me. Because I’m so committed to achieving the seemingly impossible, to living a life where I truly blow my own mind with what I’m able to create.
I’m so committed to exceeding my wildest expectations. And I know that I will never achieve that if I operate on autopilot. Operating on autopilot doesn’t create the results that I want in my life. I want next level results, so I have to invest in a next level way, in order to create them. That has just become a fundamental part of my life. I’m always going to work with a coach.
Whether it’s one-on-one, or to put myself in group programs that give me access to peer groups that I would never otherwise be around. Where I’m able to access their up-leveled thinking, and their brilliance, and their wisdom. To put myself in rooms with coaches who have the results that I want to have in my life. Who have achieved what I want to achieve, and I can learn from them. Because they lead by example, and they share their wisdom, they share their knowledge with me.
That has become a foundational part of my life, and it always will be. If you are someone who has never invested in yourself in this way, I want you to consider that now is the perfect time to do it. Especially, we’re coming up on the end of the year.
This is my favorite time to make investments in my personal life and my professional life, to decide what is my 2023? What’s the next year going to look like for me? And how am I going to support myself, as I work towards the goals that I want to accomplish over the course of the next 12 months?
So, be thinking about this. Don’t wait until January to figure out what you’re going to do, in order to get to the results that you want to get to in 2023. You want to be making those decisions now. You want to be lining all of that up right now, so that it’s done, so that it’s taken care of.
Now, as you explore your thoughts about investing in yourself, the other thing that I wanted to talk about is a couple questions that you can ask yourself to figure out whether it’s time for you to invest. So, number one, I went through that long list of the things that we work on together; with the skills that I teach you to master, that we develop, so you’re able to create that life you’re obsessed with.
If there are items on that list that you really feel like you struggle with, that you don’t know how to do right now, you feel like there’s skills that you’ve never developed, you were never taught, it’s time to invest. You want to put yourself in a room where you will learn those things.
The other thing that I see a ton of is that people are in consumption mode. So, if this is you, this used to be me, so I’m calling myself out here, too. But I’m giving you a loving call out, too; if you are in consumption mode, and you keep repeating the same behavior over and over and over again. You keep feeling the same way, but you keep consuming. You keep listening to the podcast episodes, and reading the social media posts, and watching the YouTube videos, and reading the self-help books.
But you’re not actually making changes, you’re consuming; you’re not applying. It’s time to invest in working with a coach.
Consuming isn’t learning; application is learning. If you are the type of person who identifies with saying, “You know, I know what I need to do, I’m just not doing it.” With all the love in the world, you don’t know what to do. I had this conversation with a client recently, we were talking about time management. And he was saying to me…
Actually, this came up a couple different times with clients recently; one on the topic of time management, one on the topic of weight loss. And both clients were like, “I know what I need to do, I’m just not doing it.” And I just took a calm, deep breath, and I said, “Respectfully, you don’t know what to do. Because knowing without doing, isn’t knowing.”
And we’ll repeat that again, because it’s really good: Knowing without doing, isn’t knowing. So, you may intellectually understand the steps you need to take, in order to get where you want to go. But you don’t know how to actually take the steps. And one of the things that I teach my clients how to do is to take the steps; the uncomfortable steps that make their success inevitable.
You need to learn how to take action, in spite of and despite the discomfort that comes from taking it. We don’t learn how to do this growing up. It may seem like it’s intuitive, but it’s not. It’s a skill that you have to learn how to develop. And it’s the thing that I’m an expert at teaching people, more so than any other coach that I’ve seen in the coaching industry.
This is really my sweet sauce; teaching people how to gag-and-go through the discomfort, in order to create the life that they want. So, be honest with yourself. Have you been in consumption mode? Do you keep taking in information, but not making any actual change?
If that’s you, you gotta invest in yourself to get out of that cycle. You want to put yourself in a room with people, where you’re learning and actually applying, where a coach is gonna hold you accountable, where they’re gonna push your toes to the edge. And get you taking action, auditing the actions you take and adapting, so you’re constantly improving. You’re not stuck in the same cycle of no development, of no progress, of no change.
If you feel stuck and confused about how to get where you want to go, that’s another great sign that it’s time for you to invest in yourself, and to work with a coach. Also, if you feel like you’ve plateaued. Maybe you’re not struggling as much as some people and things are pretty good, but you really feel like you don’t have access to that next up level.
If that’s you, time to invest and have someone push you outside of your comfort zone, and help you identify your roadblocks. So, you’re able to get to that next level of success.
Now, I want to talk about the common reasons that I see people not invest in themselves. And there are mainly seven reasons that I see come up for people. Number one, they’re afraid it’s not going to work. They don’t want to spend the money. They think that they should be able to figure it out on their own.
They think that they’re selfish for making an investment in themselves like this. They’re afraid they won’t commit to the program. They don’t want to feel exposed in front of other people. And lastly, they’re telling themselves that now isn’t a good time.
I want to explore each of these reasons in greater detail. Because if there’s one thing that you should have learned by now, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, it’s this; your brain likes to lie to you. The primitive part of your brain is always attempting to sell you snake oil, to get you to maintain the status quo.
It wants you to seek pleasure, avoid discomfort, and conserve energy. I want to explore each of these reasons in greater detail, so you can see how your brain is telling you lies.
Investing in yourself is counterintuitive to those three agenda items: to seeking pleasure, avoiding discomfort, and conserving energy. Your brain serves you up excuses like the ones I just listed, in order to keep you stagnant. Because your brain mistakenly thinks stagnant is safe. Stagnant isn’t safe; stagnant is just stagnant, right?
I always think of like a gross, like murky pond; ick. And that’s not what you want for your life. That’s not where you want to be hanging out. You want like oceanfront real estate, not the stagnant pond, right? So, you want to be onto your brain. You want to see what it’s trying to do. You want to see how it’s trying to hold you back with some of these excuses.
Some of these reasons that might sound good or “look good on paper,” and seem really reasonable, but they’re really not good reasons to not invest in yourself. Once you realize what’s happening, you then get to interrupt this process and take intentional action, and move forward to create the results that you want.
So, let’s explore each of these reasons to not invest in yourself, and start to like, poke some holes in them and pick them apart. First things first, you might be afraid that investing in yourself won’t work, that working with a coach won’t work. All right? This is such a common defense mechanism that your brain loves to serve up to you.
It loves to jump straight into the doubt that it’s not going to work. But what I like to do is I like to break down the doubt, because ambiguity breeds anxiety. And this is a really ambiguous excuse. It’s like, okay, but Why won’t it work? Why are you afraid it won’t work? So, you want to flesh this out further.
If you’ve got this fear that investing in yourself and working with a coach won’t work, I want you to challenge yourself to figure out why you think that. Just know that your brain’s trying to protect you from the unknown. Because there is some unknown if you haven’t worked with a coach before, you haven’t worked with a particular coach before, there’s going to be a little uncertainty there. That’s normal. That’s okay.
But your brain is just trying to protect you from it, and you want to be onto that. That’s what’s going on here. So, if you’re worried that investing in yourself, making an investment like working with a coach, or joining The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind, there are only three reasons it wouldn’t work.
You’re worried that I can’t help you, which I can. You’re worried that coaching doesn’t work, which it does. Or, you’re worried that you won’t follow through, which you will. All right, I am 100% in belief that this program will work for you.
Of course, you aren’t at 100% belief like me, you haven’t done it yet. That’s super normal. It’s just a decision that you have to make, feeling a little uncertain. And you can borrow my belief, in the meantime. That’s one of the amazing things that you get to do when you work with a coach. You get to borrow their belief when your belief isn’t as strong yet.
I know I can help you. I know that coaching works. And I know that you will help yourself get the results that you want. I remember the first time that I invested in working with a coach, I was so convinced that it wouldn’t work.
But I was really kind of desperate and exasperated, and I really wanted the results that they offered. So, I took a leap of faith. I didn’t think the modality would work. I didn’t think the coach’s methodology would work. I didn’t know if she could help me. I didn’t even know what I needed to do in order to help myself.
So, there was so much confusion and so much uncertainty, but I decided, for lack of a better term, to throw money at the problem, and to see if it could work. Because if it did, the slight chance, that I thought in my mind that this might work, it was worth me making the investment.
I’m so, so glad I did. That decision to invest in myself changed my life. I live a completely different life. A life that I love now because I made the initial investment. And I had to do it while feeling uncertain. I had to gag-and-go through the discomfort, through the fear of the unknown, and do it anyways. That may be what you have to do in order to invest in yourself.
I just want to offer you that you can move forward, despite some of that uncertainty. I always describe to people it’s like you feel 80% hopeful, and excited, and confident that this will work, and just 20% scared, or maybe 10% worried, or 15% nervous, right? It’s those small percentages where that discomfort lies. You just want to note it and move forward, and take intentional action, in spite of and despite it.
Another thing, if you’re worried about this investment, working with a coach joining a mastermind like mine, if you’re worried that it won’t work. The other thing that I want to offer you is that the mastermind specifically is designed to let you reenroll if you want to keep the momentum going.
So, if you’re like, “Olivia, I feel like I have so much to do, so much change to make during a six-month time period,” that’s okay. I modeled my mastermind off of the one that I’m in with my business coach. And she also allows us to reenroll, and it’s the best gift that she gives us. Because it takes the pressure off for me to have to like change my entire life, and do everything that I need to do or want to do in my business, all within six months.
I get more time to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish. So, I want to offer you that you get to do the same exact thing. And it can take the pressure off of you feeling like you need to fit everything in, all in the first six months.
We’ll make fast progress together, but you don’t have to feel pressured to squeeze it all in. I’m here to support you for as long as you have goals that you want to accomplish. All right? And when you achieve the ones that we said at the start, we’ll move on to different ones. And we’ll just keep that process going.
Also, for this concern that working with a coach won’t work. I think the better question is, do you like fear being the reason you don’t get the results you want? Because that’s really what’s happening. You can guarantee yourself more of the status quo, more of stagnation, if you don’t do anything differently; if you don’t make a change, if you don’t make an investment.
Or, you can buy yourself the probability that you will get the results. Again, I know that it’s not just probable, that it’s inevitable. But you’re not going to know that on the front end, because you haven’t done it before. And if you’re anything like I used to be, you love evidence to support your decision making ahead of time.
Again, this is just one of those things in life, you’re not going to have that evidence until you move forward and do this. But I really want you to think about it. Do you like your fear, your worry, your uncertainty, for being the reason that you don’t get the results you want? Because the only way to have a different life is to do something differently, like make this type of investment.
The second reason that I see people not invest in themselves is that they’re apprehensive about spending the money. I’d probably have to say, this is the most common reason people don’t invest. And here’s how I like to work through this reason. First, you want to get really clear on the actual data. Our brains love to tell us that we can’t afford to do something when we actually can’t afford to do it. The math actually works out.
But I like to say it’s just a knee-jerk no. We tell ourselves; it’s too expensive. I can’t do that. I don’t have the money; I can’t afford it. And then, we just shut down and don’t move forward. So, I really want to invite you to discern between what’s true and what isn’t.
Do you absolutely not have the money? Or, do you have it right now, or you have access to it, via savings or credit cards or, you know, something else, but you’re reluctant to spend it? Those are the two camps; you absolutely don’t have it, or you have it right now or have access to it.
I find that almost everyone that I meet with, that I talk to, that I work with, they fall in the latter category. They have it or they have access to the money, but they’re hesitant to spend it.
Now, if you truly don’t have it, I want to invite you to get resourceful. If you really want to work with a coach and you really want to join a program like my mastermind, I want you to tap into your own resourcefulness. How can you create the money? I once sold jewelry on eBay® to pay my bills when I was just starting my business. I was so resourceful. It’s one of the things that I talk about on the podcast a lot, how resourceful I am.
And it’s one of the things that I love and appreciate about myself the most. I also once used Upstart®, which is an online lending platform that allowed me to finance my coaching certification program, when I didn’t have the means to do it on my own.
I didn’t have the cash liquid, so I got resourceful. I was able to take advantage of a platform like that. You can do that, too. If you want to get resourceful and be inventive, and come up with different ways where you can finance an investment like this, there are a lot of different ways to do it.
But you’ve got to be able to discern what’s true and what isn’t. And tap into that resourcefulness, to search for options and different strategies that you may not have thought of originally.
Now, if you’re in the more common camp of currently having the money or having access to it in some way, but you’re reluctant to spend it, you just want to ask yourself “why,” and see if you like your reasons. Normally, people are hesitant because they’re afraid it won’t work. Which brings us back to the first reason that I talked about.
Or, you think that it’s selfish or irresponsible to invest in yourself like this. That especially comes up with a lot of parents that I work with, especially women. They really have a lot of guilt and shame around making these types of investments; I’m always fascinated by that, too.
That never happens with men that I work with. They’re just like, matter of fact about investing in themselves. They see the ROI (Return On Investment) and they have the self-concept of being people that invest in themselves, and do that in order to achieve their next level of success. So, they don’t hesitate in the same way.
It’s just something that I’ve been really fascinated by seeing. This is a generalization. I understand that not all of the women that I work with have these hesitations, but it’s just something that I commonly don’t see with the men that I work with.
And I think it’s really important to note, like, if that’s you, if you’re a woman, and you’re listening to this episode, and you feel selfish or irresponsible investing in yourself in this way, I just want to challenge you that that is a lot of societal conditioning. And you get to return those limiting beliefs about investing in yourself, anytime you want. You get to unsubscribe. You get to opt out of that line of thinking.
You get to decide that your future is worthy of investment, and that you see the ROI on making this type of expenditure. Because the results that you want to create for yourself are so worth it.
Now, if those are your reasons, whether you think it won’t work, or you think it’s selfish or irresponsible to make this kind of investment, you just want to decide if you like those reasons or not. And if you are likely to create the results that you want to create in your life, without making this kind of change, without making this kind of investment.
If you like your reasons, amazing. If you don’t, also amazing. You get to do something different, starting right now. I also think it’s helpful to think about the cost of not making an investment in yourself. I think about that all the time. I spend a lot of money working with my business coach; her group program is $25,000 every six months. Which I think is expensive, and also very worth it.
And every six months, when it comes time for me to reinvest, for me to re-enroll, I think about what will I miss out on if I don’t make that investment. If I don’t put myself in that room. If I don’t expose myself to that type of transformation, that type of growth, that type of constant education.
I know the cost, the negative impact on my business, on my bottom line, is huge. And I’m not willing to suffer that negative consequence, just in order to save extra money. So, I know that even though it is a significant investment, I will gain more in the long run. The ROI will be positive; it will be worth it for me.
I’m not willing to miss out on the benefit that comes from being in that type of environment. So, think about that. Think about what is the cost in your life, of continuing to stay the same. I’ve learned that you can keep your money and keep your problems, or you can spend your money and learn how to solve your problems yourself.
And when you invest in yourself this way, you’re gaining an education that’s going to last you a lifetime, not just for the length of whatever program that you’re investing in. So, once I started to learn this, that you can either keep your money and your problems or spend the money and solve your problems, I started choosing the latter.
I started to choose to invest. I even invested when it was a stretch for me, because it was always the best investment I could make, even when it was a stretch. And it was always the best investment because it helped me up level significantly.
An investment may sometimes be a stretch for you, that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad reason to do it. It’s just something to take into consideration. And you want to think about what might you be missing out on if you stay the same, if you maintain the status quo.
Another reason that people don’t invest in themselves is that they think they should be able to do it on their own. If you think this, if you think you should be able to build all the skills that I listed out earlier, I want you to ask yourself; why it is that you think that? What do you make it mean that you’re seeking out help to improve yourself? Really give some thought to that. What do you make it mean about your capabilities? Or, about what you’re able to do and what you’re not able to do on your own?
Can you do this on your own? Yeah, maybe you can, but it may just take you a lot longer. I also want you to consider that. Maybe you can do it on your own, but you don’t want to. That’s a big reason that I invest in coaching, especially masterminds, especially group programs. I don’t want to do it alone.
I think entrepreneurship, especially, is very lonely. I also… That’s a thought that I think about the practice of law. And you don’t have to take on that thought, that’s just my opinion. But that was really true for me when I practiced. And it’s also been true for me as I’ve started and now run my own business.
I work from home, it’s pretty isolating. I love putting myself in rooms, in containers, where I’m surrounded by other incredible people that really support me, cheer me on, push me to be my best, help me in any way that they can. It’s so incredible to be a part of a community like that.
I also want to get my results faster. And by investing, I’m able to do that and make that available to me. Honestly, though, a lot of what I’ve learned from coaching, I would have never learned otherwise. So, yeah, is there the possibility that you can do this on your own? Yes.
But there’s also the possibility that you can’t. That you’ll never learn a ton of what you’ll get out of coaching if you don’t invest in it. Like, how to manage your time, or how to stop people pleasing, or how to take action in spite of and despite your discomfort, how to develop business, or how to believe in yourself.
All of those things, you will get out of coaching. Those are things that I got out of coaching. That I needed to invest in coaching, in order to learn. I would have never learned them otherwise. There’s no shame in working with a professional to learn how to do something that no one has ever taught you to do. It’s like judging yourself for not knowing how to do calculus, or write a legal brief, when no one’s ever taught you how to do calculus, or write a legal brief.
Or it’s like judging yourself for not knowing how to ride a unicycle when you’ve never tried to do it before. So, if you’re judging yourself for wanting or needing to learn from someone else, I just want to offer you that that is optional. You can put down that judgment and unsubscribe from it right now.
I also want you to check in with yourself; how do you feel when you think that you should be able to do this on your own? That negative feeling, that’s what’s driving you to not make an investment in yourself; to not work with a coach; to not join a program that helps you create the life you want to be living.
I want you to name that feeling explicitly if this reason really resonates with you, and then ask yourself; if you like that feeling, that negative emotion, as your reason for not doing this?
Next reason is that you think making this type of investment in yourself is selfish or irresponsible. If you think that it is, I want you to ask yourself, why? Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. Not only is it self-care, it’s also a gift that you give everyone else in your life.
When you invest in yourself, the people you love get the best version of you. So, it’s a win-win. I recently had a conversation with someone who was talking about investing in herself, and whether she should spend the money on a family vacation, or in working with a coach. And we just explored this from curiosity, to say; what would the difference be? What would the value be?
And for some people, they may not have to choose between taking the vacation and investing in a coach. But other people might have to make that choice. Identify the tradeoffs and the benefits that come from the vacation, and the benefits that come from working with a coach.
The things that this woman wanted to work on with me, they were everyday things like being less frustrated, and being less resentful. Saying no more often than she says yes. Showing up more intentionally and more positively. Having boundaries and following through all of the things that would make a huge impact on her day-to-day life.
We were going to work on reducing her guilt, and her disappointment, and her frustration, and her resentment, and her overwhelm. So, she could show up feeling a lot less pressured, a lot less stressed, a lot less anxious, and feel more in control.
We discussed what would it be like in her household if she were that person? If she were living that kind of life, instead of the one that she’s been living? And then, we talked about the value of going on vacation for a week, and what would her family benefit from more.
We reached the conclusion together; that it was way more meaningful to her to be a different person day in and day out, to have a better mindset, to have a better approach to her daily life, than to go to Disney® for a week. Disney’s important, don’t get me wrong. If you are a Disney person, and you want to take your family to Disney, that’s amazing.
But it’s one week versus 365 days out of the year of having a completely different experience. And the compound effect of being that different person, of having that different mindset, of feeling so much better, and being so much more intentional on a day-to-day basis. So, she decided to move forward.
That she wanted to prioritize that this year, and then next year would be an amazing year for her to take that vacation. And how much more enjoyable it’s going to be to take that vacation, when she’s in a better frame of mind, when she’s not feeling awful.
So, if this is a reason that you have for not investing in yourself, that you think it’s selfish or irresponsible, I want you to ask yourself; how is it not selfish? How is it, actually, responsible for you to make this investment? I see making investments in myself as the most responsible, mature move that I can make.
Normally, these fears and judgments come from old conditioning that got passed down to us. And like I said earlier, you get to opt out of that anytime you want to. I’ve changed my views on this entirely. I did not come from a family of people that would work with coaches, that would make these types of investments in themselves.
But I became someone who does. So, I no longer view asking for help, or paying for help, or seeking out coaching or guidance, with any type of negative judgment or shame. Now, I look at investing in myself as like the biggest flex imaginable. So, I want to invite you that you can look at it that way, too.
Now, if one of the reasons you don’t want to invest is that you’re afraid you won’t commit. And you’re afraid that you won’t commit to the process because you’ve made commitments in the past and you haven’t stuck to them, I get it. That used to be me, too. I would make commitments and not follow through. And one of the things that you’ll learn, in working with a coach, and joining the mastermind, and being a part of this group, is how to follow through.
That’s one of the skills that we spend the most time developing. That being said, I want to offer you this, we’re going to work on building the skill set together, but you get to make a decision right now. You get to decide to be committed. That’s a choice you can make. It’s a decision that’s available to you. You can decide to show up for yourself.
I don’t bombard you with busy work, when you work with me, when you join the mastermind. You just have to show up for the calls, and apply what you learn in our sessions in your day-to-day life. I teach you how to do this in small increments, so you don’t get bombarded and overburden yourself with too much and then quit.
I used to constantly bail on my commitments, especially the ones that I made with myself, because I take on too much. That’s not how I teach. That’s not what I do with my clients. We make it really implementable. If you’re someone who constantly bails on your commitments, and you’re afraid you’re gonna bail on this one, I want to offer you that you get to decide to become a different person, today.
One day I decided to stop bailing. I recognized that I was trying to do too much all at once, and I wasn’t being present. And I made the decision to be present, to focus wholly and entirely on whatever it was that I was doing at this time. I made this decision when I went through coach training; I was torn between working on work, and working on the coach training.
And I decided, in that moment, that I was going to be all in. I decided to be committed. I decided to be decided. And I continue to practice that, with the programs that I now invest in as a client with my coaches. I choose to give my commitments my full focus. I choose to be present. I choose to show up. I choose to not bail. And that is available to you, too. So, you just have to choose to do that intentionally.
Reason number six, you’re apprehensive about being exposed in front of a group of people. Especially if you’re choosing to invest in a group coaching program, in a mastermind, like The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind, where you’re with a cohort of other people. And you’re afraid about being vulnerable, about showing your imperfections, about being seen and having people know that you’re not perfect.
If you’re a perfectionist, this may be uncomfortable for you; I get it. This used to be a big fear of mine, too. I hated not having everything figured out. I hated appearing like I didn’t have it all together. And if this is you, here’s what I want you to know. Truth is the antidote to shame. I believe that fully, and I practice it in my life.
That’s one of my guiding beliefs, one of my guiding principles. So, showing up and letting yourself be seen, and being honest about what you struggle with, will transform you. The members of the mastermind are so supportive, you’re not going to be judged for being you. You’re going to be accepted, you’re going to be held, you’re going to be supported.
Also, pretending that you have everything figured out is exhausting. So, being a part of a community where you don’t have to fake it all the time is so restorative. I’ve really learned that allowing myself to be seen has been the thing that has allowed me to create the most meaningful connections.
I finally feel like people really know me. I finally feel that I am connected with other people who like me for me, and not the version of me that I like to present to the world; the polished version that has it all figured out. I also learned that I’m not alone. So, this concept that truth is the antidote to shame, by me being honest about what I struggle with, I also give permission to other people for them to do the same.
I create safety for them for them to share their struggles, and they create safety for me; for me to share mine. And that’s where that connection, where those bonds are formed, where that comes from. Also, the amazing thing about being in a group is that you can learn from other people.
So, I get that it might be a little uncomfortable for you to feel exposed and to be honest about what you struggle with. But when you’re honest about what you struggle with, and other people are honest about what they struggle with, you will learn from one another. It’s so much easier to learn lessons when you see other people get coached on things that you struggle with. I know that’s been true for me.
I have benefited so significantly from watching other people work through the same issues that I face, the same struggles that I have, because I approach their issues from a completely different perspective. So, it’s easier for me to see the lesson, and to figure things out so much more quickly than when it’s the situation I’m dealing with.
It just feels so true and unshakeable for me. So, I want to offer that to you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing about something, you don’t have to share. You can listen and just learn from others going through similar situations. But the more you share, the more you open yourself up. The more you’ll learn, the more other people will learn. And we will support you as you do that, as you go through that process.
Now, last but not least, reason number seven, is that you think now is not the right time. This is another reason that our brains serve up to us all the time. And it seems so, so reasonable. It’s sort of like the money reason, that you’ve got to explore the truth behind this belief of yours. Normally, the ‘now isn’t the right time’ objection is just a cute excuse that our brains love to serve up to us to prevent us from changing the status quo.
So, I want you to ask yourself, if you’re telling yourself now’s not the right time for me to invest in myself; what specifically is the reason that now is not a good time? Like I said earlier, ambiguity breeds anxiety. So, you want to get clear on what the specific reason that now is not a good time, what that reason is. What will be different in the future, that makes later better? And what’s the cost of waiting?
If you can’t articulate a clear reason, with a lot of certainty, as to why later is better, then you want to be onto yourself; that’s just your brain serving you up some snake oil to get you to maintain the status quo. It’s just your brain serving you up that natural defense mechanism to seek pleasure, avoid discomfort, and conserve energy.
With the time objection, after the in-person event with the mastermind, we meet for three and a half days in Charleston, which is gonna be so amazing. Once we do that, the time investment’s just an hour a week, and you have an hour a week. Even if you feel like you don’t have one hour a week, I assure you, you do.
When I have clients do time audits, we find, all the time, that they squander all the time that goes to things where they spend time in a really unintentional way. I assure you; you have an hour to devote to your growth each week, you just have to find that time.
And finding that time starts with you believing that you do, in fact, have it. If you believe you do, you’ll be able to find it. Now, my rule of thumb here, is that if you cannot clearly articulate why later is better, and you’re relying on hope that things will calm down in the future, or that more money will randomly become available to you, I want to offer you that hope is not a good strategy.
I always tell people, “Don’t let fear, guilt, or hope be the reason that you make a decision, or that you don’t make a decision.” They’re just not solid reasons. You want to have a much stronger conviction, a much stronger incentive or reason for the decision that you make.
I also want you to ask yourself; how will things be calmer in the future? You should have a clear plan of how you’re going to create calm, if you’re telling yourself that now’s not the right time, and that things will be calmer in the future. You want to make sure that you specifically understand how you’re going to create calm, how you’re going to get there.
If you don’t have a clear plan, this again, is your brain lying to you. Trying to protect you from making a change. Just be onto yourself. Also, if you don’t have a plan to create calm, that’s one of the things that you’ll learn how to do when you work with a coach. Like I said earlier, I teach people how to simplify their lives, how to constrain, how to make decisions ahead of time, how to make their lives more effortless and more seamless.
So, if that’s one of the things you want to accomplish, it may be time to make an investment in yourself so you can learn that skill set. Now, lastly, I just want you to ask yourself the opposite question. Your brain’s so sold on telling you that now is not the right time, right?
So, I just want you to ask yourself the opposite question; how is right now the best time? Ask yourself that question and see what comes up. What reasons does your brain offer up to you when you give it a better question to answer? You’ve probably heard me say before, “If you want better answers, you’ve got to ask better questions.” So, instead of asking yourself; why is right now not the right time? Ask yourself; why is right now the best time? And, see what your brain serves up to you.
Ultimately, you get to choose to wait if you want to. You just want to know exactly what your reasons are for waiting, and be sure that you like them.
Alright, my friends. Those are the seven reasons that people refrain and hesitate from moving forward, and investing in themselves, and working with a coach. If you are interested in creating a life on your terms, a life that you love, a life that you’re obsessed with.
If you want to master the skills that I outlined in the beginning of this episode, but you’re on the fence about whether or not to work with someone. Whether or not to invest in yourself. Whether or not to join a program, like The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind, you want to think through what are the reasons to do it?
What are the reasons to not do it, and are your reasons just excuses your brain’s serving up to you to try and maintain the status quo? To keep you stagnant, not safe? And to get you seeking pleasure, avoiding discomfort, and conserving energy?
If those are your reasons, and you don’t like them, you get to interrupt this process, and make an intentional decision to make yourself your top priority. To invest in yourself in order to create the life you want to be living.
I also want to offer you this, you do not need to work with me. I would love to be your coach, and I would love to do this work with you, together, to get you from where you are to where you want to go. But if there is someone else that you think is more aligned to help you with the specific things that you’re struggling with, invest in working with them. All right?
Investing in the person that you feel can best support you to create the result that you’re craving, the results that you want in your life. I hope that you become someone who sees themselves as being worthy of investment. As someone who has a future that is worthy of investing in, because you are worthy of investment. Your future is worth investing in. And you get to start investing, right now.
I can’t wait to see what becomes possible for you when you do. If you want to invest in working with me, if you want to make sure you’re with me in February, inside The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind in Charleston for the three-and-a-half-day retreat, and then six months of coaching, growth, mentorship, and community.
Inside the Mastermind, after the live event; go to TheLessStressLawyer.com/mastermind and join now. I would love to have you inside; spots are limited, so don’t wait to enroll. The next cohort is already coming together. So, make sure you’re in it.
Join me in February. Join us in the Mastermind. You will be so grateful you did; your future self will thank you.
All right, my friends. That’s what I have for you this week. I hope you have a beautiful week. I will talk to you in the next episode.
Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.