You’re listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast, Episode 64. Today, we’re talking all about power in numbers and the benefits of group coaching. You ready? Let’s go.
Welcome to The Less Stressed Lawyer, the only podcast that teaches you how to manage your mind so you can live a life with less stress and far more fulfillment. If you’re a lawyer who’s over the overwhelm and tired of trying to hustle your way to happiness, you’re in the right place. Now, here’s your host, lawyer turned life coach Olivia Vizachero.
Hello, my friends, how are you? I have a special little treat for you today. So, I’m interrupting the Money Mindset series that I’m doing to bring you this special episode. I just spent a long weekend with really good friends of mine in Montana doing reconnaissance and planning for The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind live event that’s going to be taking place in August, August 23rd through the 26th.
One of the things that we did while we were there, we turned it into, essentially, a working retreat. And since meeting up, we’ve been talking about how we all came to know each other, which was through joining a group coaching program with our business coach, Stacey Boehman. We’ve been talking all about the power of being in a group, what the experience is like, why it’s so beneficial to our clients, and why it was so beneficial to all of us as we were students of another coach in a group program.
So, all four of us now run our own groups. And what we wanted to do was have a really candid fireside chat, essentially, about our own experiences in a group coaching setting. Some of us, myself included, had some aversion to being in a group setting initially, and how we overcame that, what the benefits were in our own lives personally, professionally.
And then also, what all of us, as coaches, experience with our clients. The benefits that we see be imparted on our clients, what their experience is like, how it’s transformational for them, how it’s so meaningful for them, and the different takeaways and benefits that they receive from being in a group coaching program, like the one that I run, The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind.
So, the four of us came together and recorded an episode, just like I said, a candid conversation that you guys get to listen to. And all four of us are sharing it on our own respective podcasts. So, it’s myself and three of my closest entrepreneur friends; Laura, Andrea, and Priyanka.
I’m so excited for you to meet them in this episode, for you to get to know them. And for you to hear a couple different perspectives about being in a group coaching program, in addition to the perspective I’ve given you throughout the course of these episodes, since I talked about the mastermind quite a lot.
So, buckle up and tune in to this fun conversation that the four of us had. I hope you enjoy it and learn a thing or two.
Laura: Hey, guys! Okay, so I’m here with my business besties. So, we’re going to go around and introduce ourselves to you guys. Because, guess what? We’re really smart, and we’re all having this podcast on our separate podcasts. I mean, #efficiency.
So, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Laura Conley. I’m the host of the Yummy Mummy podcast. And I am a life and weight loss coach living in Boulder, Colorado, with my two little babies and my husband. He’s 41, my son is three and my daughter is five. So, Andrea, why don’t you go next? Take it away.
Andrea: Hey, I’m Andrea Nordling. I am a business coach for holistic nutritionists and health coaches. I live in Minnesota. Husband, as well. Two kids, 13 and 10. And I have The Profitable Nutritionist™ podcast.
Laura: So fun. Priyanka.
Priyanka: Hello, hello. I am Priyanka Venugopal. I’m a mind and body health coach for high achieving professional moms. I have two little beans; one is big, he’s seven and he’s driving me bananas, like right now. And then my four-year-old who is super easy. I’m having all the struggles. I live in the Washington DC area, and I am the host of The Unstoppable Mom Brain Podcast.
Laura: I love that. So good. Olivia.
Olivia: Hi, everyone. My name is Olivia Vizachero. I am a life coach for lawyers. I run The Less Stressed Lawyer, and I help attorneys who are over the overwhelm live lives with less stress and far more fulfillment. I’m based out of Detroit. And I’m the host of The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. I’m super excited to talk to all three of you today about all the things that we’ve learned from being in communities with one another.
Priyanka: I’m so excited. So excited for this. This is going to be so fun.
Laura: I’m not. This is going to suck. I am just sort of going through this. You guys are just only okay. But yeah, so we are going to talk about community, connection, collaboration, why we think it’s important, and some of the stumbling blocks that might arise, In hopes that you guys, our listeners, get something out of this.
Because I, personally, do think it is one of our basic human needs. I think it is what makes life so sweet and special. And I rarely, rarely, I mean, this could be because I’m an extrovert, we could talk about that too. But I rarely come home from a retreat in Montana with you girls and wish I didn’t. Or a coffee with a friend, even if I’m kind of dreading it. Or a walk, or whatever it is, I rarely come home from connecting with another human and regret it.
So, I just want to shout it from the rooftops, especially post COVID, that I do think that this is something important, like food or water or shelter. So, Olivia.
Olivia: I totally agree with that. And just to give people who are listening context, I’m getting ready to host an event. Actually, Andrea is, as well, in Big Sky, Montana in August. Whenever I host these retreats, I go out and I do a reconnaissance mission. And the four of us all went last weekend.
We went to work on our businesses, brainstorm together, and run ideas past each other. Just really be in an immersive environment where we get to focus on ourselves and that connection, exchanging ideas, deepening our relationships, and being able to share parts of ourselves with one another.
Through that experience, of the four of us coming together and meeting up in Montana, we realized just how much of an enriching experience it is for all of us. And the fact that all four of us run group programs for our clients, same exact thing. So, I think it was the Andrea who got the idea to do the episode?
Andrea: I think it was Priyanka.
Priyanka: I was actually just going to say, I felt like these kinds of weekend getaways sometimes it turns into friends just getting together, like a girls weekend, right? Like a girls night out, a girls weekend, or a group that just gets together in a way that’s for fun. And this was that, but I also really feel the reason that I even thought that this would be such a great experience for our audience to hear about, is we had some hard conversations.
When you think about a weekend getaway and a girls night out, you don’t always have challenging conversations that is going to level up your results that you have in your business, in your life, for your body, for your mind. And I feel like the four of us got together, and we had brain exploding conversations, that I think pushed all of us.
And that was what I thought was something worth sharing. That it’s not always easy to put ourselves in groups and to share vulnerably. But because the four of us all have similar goals, in that we want to expand our reach, we want to expand our orbit. I feel like we did that, because we put ourselves together with other people that had similar goals. That doesn’t happen very easily.
Laura: Yeah, I was actually a little nervous about that. And even my coach called me out. It was like, “Oh, okay. Yeah, let me know how that goes.” I mean, she didn’t say it in those words, but I think she had the same thought. Of like, “Oh, it’s totally going to just be a girls weekend.” And I do, to your point Priyanka, I think it is so important to have those girls weekends for sure.
But how rich and how lucky are we? And we’re not just lucky, because anyone listening, you guys can put yourselves in these rooms, too. But to be able to put yourself in a room where somebody loves you enough that they’re willing to ask the hard question and have the hard conversation in the name of your future self, in the name of your growth is pretty freaking special.
Andrea: Oh, my gosh. Oh, I just jumped it in on you Priyanka. I’m sorry. I’m curious, for you guys, if you have the same experience. I love my friends I’ve had for a really long time. I have history with lots of people; love them. But I don’t have these kinds of conversations that we have with anybody else in my life. And I wonder, I don’t know… I’m wondering, as you’re saying that, Priyanka and Laura, as you were saying that, I was just thinking about it.
I’m like, “Ooh, is it because we have just the best group ever? Or is there something to be said for kind of like, I don’t know, a curated, goal-focused group?” It’s a different experience. We’re all here working on some version of the same goal. And you can just leave all of the past behind. There’re no stories and nobody knows your backstory, unless you want to tell it to them.
It’s not that we don’t do that, but it’s really the ‘future you’ that you’re talking about, that you’re exploring. I don’t know, it’s just so different. I don’t even know how to articulate it. But I think you guys know what I mean. It is so different.
Olivia: Yeah, I think one of the things that we see in all of the groups that we run as well, it’s like everyone there has a common aim. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, you’re building a business, or like me, I focus on working with attorneys or former attorneys, people have this shared experience.
And I was really thinking about, in anticipation for us recording this, what have I found so beneficial about also being in rooms with people who are really similar to me. And I agree, I definitely don’t have a lot of these conversations with the other people in my life. But I also think it takes pressure off of the other people in my life.
Because I stop looking for the people in my life who aren’t like me, like our family members or friends from back home, they’re not entrepreneurs. They don’t understand the same struggles that I face every day, the challenges, or the goals that I’m working towards. So, they can’t really converse with me in as meaningful as a way as you guys can.
I think whenever you’re inserting yourself into a group where there’s that common goal, whatever the goal is, if you’re dealing with the same struggles, you’re encountering the same obstacles, you’re going to have these questions. And it takes that pressure off the rest of your relationships.
So, whether it’s your spouse or your mom or your sister or your friend, you can just enjoy those people, rather than needing something from them that they’re really not capable of providing you.
Priyanka: That’s so good. Yeah, that’s so good. And also, I’m curious how you guys feel about this, but when I am talking to my husband, for example, about a goal that I have, he kind of wants to motivate me and push me. Like, “Yeah, you can do it.” And he might be very practically minded around what my obstacles might be. So, my husband is a good sounding board, he’s meant to be a partner. But he’s very practically minded.
And when I’m with the three of you, what I’ve noticed is, I will be sharing, to me in my mind, a massive obstacle. What seems like the biggest shit show, that’s about… Sorry, I don’t know if we’re cursing or not… But the biggest pile of crap, right?
Laura: Not on mine, I’m going to have to edit that out. I’m going to have to charge you for that.
Priyanka: Edit out the crap. So, when I’m talking to all of you…
Laura: You can’t say “crap”!
Priyanka: We’re not going to say that? Now we’re really holding back. I don’t even know what we’re going to say, because we talk about a lot of that. So, talking about our serious obstacles, you’re not, all three of you guys, are not telling me what is practically available to me.
When we were in Montana, and I’m telling you, “This is what I’m struggling with. This is what I’m dealing with. These are my obstacles,” the three of you would ask me questions, and the conversation would go in a direction where you had my highest belief in your mind. You were like, “Priyanka, you are so capable.”
If you look at your, like what Andrea was saying, your future self, the future part of you is like, “This is solved, and this is done.” The way that you guys kind of had that conversation with me is from that lens. And I don’t get that anywhere, except being in business coaching containers, and in coaching containers that have that highest belief. The four of us have all invested seriously in group coaching containers. And I think that that shows that we take this seriously, which I think was the foundation for us to even have some of these conversations.
Andrea: Yeah. For me, that did not come easily. I would be curious what you guys think about that. But I really resisted investing in any sort of community for a very long time.
Laura: Yeah, I want to go to that topic. Because I think that that’s huge for a lot of the people listening. It’s definitely a barrier, and it’s worth getting over because of all the benefits. I just, real quick, want to speak to what Priyanka was saying, because it came up when Olivia was talking and even Andrea before that.
This idea that when you put yourself in a room with other people with a shared vision or shared goal, you have… Say you’re a Yummy Mummy, you have 29 other Yummy Mummies, or however many are in the group, holding the vision. It’s kind of a cheesy way of saying it, but you have 29 other women holding the vision for you, even if it feels like unrealistic.
I think back to our basic need as humans. I think why connection is such a basic need is to feel not alone. And it can feel so lonely when it comes to weight loss or being stressed at your job or wanting to build your business as an entrepreneur in the nutrition world, or whatever. And so, I think if you are in a container where you don’t, number one, you don’t feel alone. And then you have 29 other people, or however many, whatever, holding that vision for you, it circumvents the doubt and the disbelief that comes up.
I have big goals for my business, and if I’m in doubt, you three are holding the vision for it. I can be in doubt and disbelief and wanting to cry and quit my business and go to the pool every day with my kids, and you guys just sort of think it’s cute. You’re like, “Okay, yeah, that’s cute and normal.” And you help me through it, versus if I were just on an island, I probably would be at sunset pool right now. So, I think that’s a huge benefit.
And so, I kind of want to sell our audience of people listening on why these communities are so amazing, why this connection is so amazing, so that they want to have the motivation to get over their own B.S. Which I think all of us, or at least you three… I was going to sleepaway camp when I was seven. I loved groups from the get-go.
But if we can sell the audiences on why being in a group is so worth it, and then talk about kind of some of the obstacles that we had to overcome, maybe we can convince some people to get in a group setting. So, I just wanted to kind of put that out there.
Priyanka: Just one real quick thing to kind of follow up, and I definitely want to get back to Andrea’s initial thing about investing in a group, for sure. The one thing that, Laura, what you were just touching on, is this idea of being in a group and supported by the group vision. I think the other thing that I have found, and I noticed this when I transitioned from one-on-one to a small intimate group, that I did not get with one-on-one, when I had one-on-one clients, a client can be in their problem, right?
They’re looking at their pile of crap, and they’re trying to navigate it and trying to move forward. But when you’re in a group setting, and you see that you’re not alone in the crap, that it’s not a unique defect of yours. It’s not that you’re uniquely incapable, that you’re not uniquely not skilled at solving this problem. That “Oh, actually, I just have a human brain like every other person in this room. I’m not alone in the struggle.”
I think that being validated in that is deeply impactful in solving the problem. When you feel like you’re alone in not solving a problem, that is a barrier that I think is really hard to overcome. And being in a group, I think, naturally; I love obliterating things; it just naturally obliterates you putting yourself on your own island, which I think is priceless.
Olivia: I totally agree with that. And as the three of you were talking, one thing that really jumped out at me, and I do want to make sure that this is really clear for the people who are listening, the four of us are all coaches, right? So, I don’t want people to hear this and think, “Oh, I can just gather three of my friends. And we can have this incredible experience.” If that’s possible for you, amazing.
But all four of us are professionally trained to be able to hold belief, and to be able to identify someone else’s limiting beliefs, and to be able to ask those questions that really probe at the heart of the issue. So, there’s two components here: There’s the community support that you get from being in a group setting, absolutely.
But it’s also being curated by a coach. Which is what the four of us all do for our respective audiences. It’s that we curate this experience where we’re holding belief, we’re teaching a group how to hold belief collectively for other people.
As much as it’s amazing to rely on your friends, we have the extreme good fortune to all be coaches, and friends as well. So, we’re able to create this experience that I think a lot of people don’t get, unless they invest in coaching containers run by a coach. Which is definitely how I first invested in a group coaching experience, was paying, and working with a coach and joining a community that someone else curated, that was already set up to enable my growth.
Laura: That’s huge. Because I don’t know, Priyanka, if you’ve seen this in weight loss. And I know that this happens in the workplace and with business. If you get a group of friends together, and you can. You can get a group of friends together, and you guys can have this shared vision. But then what happens? This is what used to happen with me with weight loss.
I used to get all these games going, and all these bets going, with all my friends who wanted to lose weight. And then, we’re all rah, rah, and then they’re not doing it. And I’m like, well, fuck. I’m like, “Well, they’re not doing it, so I’m going to quit too.” It’s this false accountability, it doesn’t actually work.
And then you are the one suffering because you thought you did it, and then they’re quitting, and you’re using it as an excuse to quit too. So, to your point, Olivia, I think friend groups and accountability groups can be great, but I just haven’t seen them really work unless you’re invested energetically, financially, timewise too.
Priyanka: It’s fun, when you have that group of friends that you’re having a shared common goal with. There’s an aspect of fun that gets infused into the process. But I think when you have not invested, and by investing I don’t just mean financially. I think you have to decide to invest your time, your energy, and your bandwidth as well.
In the shared goal, the first thing that’s going to go is somebody’s going to drop off. Somebody’s going to drop off. And if we’ve attached our results with the accountability of a group, it’s a surefire way to not hit your goal if you haven’t invested seriously. I think that’s kind of what we’re talking about why we invest seriously. But Andrea, you were saying you hesitated.
Andrea: Oh, yeah.
Priyanka: What was the whole hesitation?
Andrea: No, no, no, no. Let me clarify. Not hesitating on joining up coaching container or a group, but I just didn’t think I needed the group. I was like, “I just want this strategy here. I just want that coach. I want to learn the things. I don’t actually need to know these people. I don’t need to know them, I have friends. I’m good.”
I’ve been trying to really pinpoint what the thought is here, as we’ve been talking, because I want to be honest about it. I guess the thought was, “If I engage in the group,” this is going to sound terrible, “I’m not going to get anything from it. And this is going to take a lot of time.” So, it seemed like a big investment timewise. I already have friends. That’s great.
Priyanka: How did you get over that? How did you get yourself across that line?
Laura: But hold on, she’s totally telling you the truth too. Because I don’t think I even fucking knew you until round three of the container we were in. You were just over there in the corner, and then I’m like, “Wait. Who’s this sleeper cool chick?”
Andrea: Doing my thing. I know, right? My open time was not on… I was closed for friendships, totally closed. “I’m very busy. I’m very focused. Nobody bother me.”
Laura: And very important.
Andrea: Totally. I was an idiot. Because this is the best part of the group, is having the group. Yeah, so I just thought that was a fluffy extra, life if you need accountability. As I’m hearing you talk about accountability groups, I’ve never identified with needing external accountability.
So, I think that’s what I thought a group was. Like, “Oh, a group is for people that don’t get themselves to do things on their own, and I totally do, so I don’t need that.” I just mentally opted out on any benefit that that could possibly bring to me. And I was so incredibly wrong. Because the friendships that we have made…
I mean, it doesn’t even have to be a friendship. Luckily, we are all actually friends. Like, I believe we will be friends forever. We do amazing things together. We get to enjoy as our businesses get bigger. As we do all this cool shit, we get to celebrate with each other. And I think that that’ll continue forever.
But I’ve met so many people amidst these communities I’ve now been part of, that maybe aren’t going to be friends of mine forever, but still those relationships are so valuable in other ways. And I’m so glad that I got out of my own way and got over myself to experience that.
Priyanka: How did you get over it? What did you finally tell yourself when you were like, “You know what? I’m considering this investment. But I don’t know whether the group is going to be valuable for me.” How did you get yourself across that line?
Andrea: So, I always thought the group would be valuable. I just didn’t think I would really participate in the group. I think it was very selfish. Like, I’ll get what I need, but I don’t need to engage. If I’m being honest, some version of that. I mean, that sounds awful, but it was some version of that. I was like, “I’ll just do my thing over here, The lone wolf, that’s cool.”
Priyanka: The cool chick. The lone cool chick on the side.
Andrea: But nobody knew I was cool because I was so quiet about it. I wasn’t telling you how cool I was. I was being so quiet. Okay. So being in-person, the honest answer there is being in-person. When we started doing in-person events together and COVID was over, that was a game changer. Because given the opportunity, I will totally jump in a group. I just would not prioritize that online.
And I do think I really missed the boat. Because I don’t think there’s any comparison to being in-person versus being online, as far as connecting with people. I think in-person, hands down, is a completely different experience. However, when you’re intentional about it, you can have an experience like that online. You just have to be intentional. And I wasn’t until we were in-person together.
Laura: So, it just kind of happened naturally for you. Once you were in the group, you’re like, “Okay, I’ll just do this group, and I’ll take the things that I can get business wise.” And then when you were in person, it sort of just took care of itself.
Laura: But I know that we have some people on this Zoom call that want to share about what they might have been scared about, in terms of actually joining a group. Because there does take a level of vulnerability of putting yourself in that space. Olivia, do you want to speak to that?
Olivia: Yeah, I see this with my clients too. I, if I’m being completely transparent, and I think this is like the honesty hour for sure, for all of us. At least the three of us, not Laura, because she loves groups.
Laura: Plus, I love to lie too. I don’t like telling the truth. Just kidding.
Olivia: I really love to be in my expert energy. And most people don’t see me as shy. But I tell people all the time, in a group setting I’m a little bit of a wallflower. Just because I love to always be the expert. I don’t love to need things from other people. I don’t love to have questions. I like to appear like I have it all figured out. So, I can definitely hide in a room. Priyanka is also raising her hand.
Priyanka: That’s me. That’s so me.
Olivia: Yeah, she gets it too. I think when you’ve been a high performer in your past life, I’m a former attorney, you get used to that role. And I see it with my clients all the time. Not everyone, but there are certain people in my group, and they love to be in their helpful expert energy as well. They don’t raise their hand, and they don’t end up getting as much value out of the opportunities.
So, for me, and I think this is true for everyone here, but my program is set up where people can continue to reenroll. And one of the things that I learned, through my own process of re-enrolling in the coaching container that we were all together in, was that as I got more familiar… I was like Andrea; I came for the content. I came for the tactics and the skills, and the strategy from the coach.
But then, as you stay in the same container, time in, round after round after round, you’ve already kind of learned that stuff. So, if you want to keep growing, I think the way you utilize a program changes. So, for me, it kind of dawned on me two things: Number one, and I see this with people too, if you get bored in a group coaching program, and you’re not raising your hand, that is a red flag that you are hiding.
I have people say that to me. They’re like, “I don’t always love listening to everyone else deal with their stuff.” I’m like, “Amazing, what would you like to get coached on?” And they’re like, “I have to get coached?” I’m like, “I get the desire to hide…” But that was true for me, too.
I was like, “Oh, my next level of growth is to feel exposed and to feel embarrassed and to allow myself to be seen and known in that imperfect version of myself, the version that needs help.”
And then also, just learning to utilize, and see the people that are in this group with me, as a valuable resource. Sort of like what Andrea was saying. It’s like, I didn’t really think I could benefit either. I was happy to contribute, but I didn’t think I was going to get a lot in return. But the only way that that’s true is if you don’t engage in the process.
If you talk to people, then you will learn from them. And they will share different perspectives with you, and it will be super beneficial. But you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and exposed. And for me, that was really life changing work, if I’m being really honest. I think it was this ancillary benefit that came from joining a group program.
But I think that is where my true growth was. Of learning how to stop being such perfectionist and needing to have everything figured out, and allowing myself to be as much of a student as I like to be an expert.
Priyanka: I feel I was like shaking my head so much as Olivia was talking. Because I think, particularly as in my physician life, I always had the mindset of, I need to have all the answers. And it was just a part of my identity, was being someone that always had the answers. If you come to me with a problem, I will give you an answer. And it should be the right answer. It should be the best answer. It should be an answer that changes your life.
I think the biggest transformation for me, and what I’ve had to contend with coming into a group, is I am coming into this group container not having all the answers. That’s actually why I’m putting myself in these containers. Because I want to grow past the answers I have already come up with. If I had solved my problem, I would have already solved it. So, I’m putting myself in a container saying, “I don’t have certain answers. Being in this group is going to push me to figure out those answers.”
And I think the vulnerable part for me was knowing that I’m asking for help. There was a part of me that felt like I’m supposed to have figured this out by myself. Especially, again, high-achieving professionals. This was, again, my identity for so, so long. That asking for help is kind of weak. Does it mean you’re kind of lazy? You should have figured this out. Maybe you’re just not disciplined, that you didn’t figure this out.
And the idea of asking for “help,” I think implied, in my mind, that I hadn’t figured something out that everybody else had. So, that’s what felt vulnerable for me. I didn’t mind sharing my story. I didn’t mind sharing even the mistakes that I had made. But when it was like, wait, I’m saying that I don’t know the answer to something? That would strike a chord. And as an entrepreneur, I have not known the answer from day one. Because I’ve never been an entrepreneur before, before starting this business.
So, for me, my vulnerability was saying, “I do not know the answer.” But also knowing, this is an opportunity to go figure it out. I think that that’s kind of what helped me bridge my gap. That putting myself here is going to help me figure it out, which was so helpful for me.
Laura: Yeah, I think that our whole culture is set up like that. Like, can you lose weight on your own? Maybe. Can you build your business on your own? Maybe. Can you become less stressed as a lawyer? Maybe. I don’t know.
I mean, I had tried it by myself, the weight loss thing, 72 different times, literally. And I still had this voice in the back of my head, “Yo, you could do it on your own. You can do it on your own. You could do it on your own.” It wasn’t until I put myself in a group that I actually did it, once and for all, nail in a coffin.
And I don’t know where we think we’re getting this badge of honor that we can do it on our own, or we should be able to do it on our own. Okay, for me, I actually love groups. So, it’s like, whether you love a group or not, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, that’s kind of just an added bonus, I guess, if you love groups. Because you should obviously just put yourself in a group, if you want to achieve anything.
Maybe you do have a goal, and maybe you can do it on your own, but what about this idea of making it easy? It’s so much easier. And that’s another badge of honor, I think that we want to wear. Like, “I do it on my own, I get a badge of honor. And it’s really hard, so then I get a badge of honor.” And I’m like, “What about the badge of honor of putting yourself in a group, asking for help, and making it easy?”
Because when you put yourself in a group, it’s so much easier to achieve your goal. So, for me now, it’s like, “Okay, yeah, maybe I can do it on my own. I’m not really exactly sure. But let’s even give it to me; Okay, I could do it on my own. Why would I want to do it on my own? It’s going to be harder; I want it to be easier. And for me, it’s going to be way more fun, and that’s all I’m about, if I do it in a group.”
To your point, Priyanka, it’s like, yeah, we could do it on our own. Yeah, maybe we should know all the answers, but we don’t. We’re literally human beings, we are designed to do life together. Like literally, we are tribal freaking species here. We are. It’s our biology. Okay. Olivia talk.
Olivia: I think one of the other reasons… My brain, I get so logical. I’m like, “Okay, but why does it happen faster or easier in a group?” And one of the transformations for me, number one, I am not a hand raiser. So, there are things, even if I was working with someone one-on-one, that I might not feel comfortable bringing up, okay?
Two, like Priyanka said… What I mean by that, is someone else might bring it up, and you’re like, “Oh, my God. Thank God, you asked that question. Because I’m too embarrassed to ask the question, but I’m so glad you did.” And then you learn from that, because someone else is maybe a little bit more brave than you.
Or people bring stuff up that you don’t even realize is a struggle for you, and you’re like, “Oh, I would have never thought to bring that up.” It would have never come out of a one-on-one coaching container because you didn’t realize that that struck a chord or resonated with you.
But I think the thing that was most transformational for me, I would say my first group experience. It was with the Life Coach School, with Self-Coaching Scholars and being on those calls. And I never, ever, ever raised my hand, and I would just listen to other people get coached. I see this with my clients as well, it’s why I’m such an advocate of group coaching now.
Because you don’t have the ‘can’t see the forest through the trees perspective,’ when it’s someone else’s issue. If you’re dealing with the same or a similar thing, but someone else is working through it and getting coached on it, the answer and the path forward is so abundantly clear. It’s like, “Oh, my God, this is so obvious. You just do that. You just think this way. That’s a thought, and that’s the circumstance. This is where you’re going wrong.” And you’re just like, “Duh, don’t you get it?”
And then you have this little breakthrough moment where you’re like, “Shit, if that’s true for them, that’s probably true for me too.” And then it clicks. And I think you just start to… One of the things that I teach my clients to do is use other people as examples.
What do other people get upset about? What do other people get hurt about? What do other people get overwhelmed about? And to watch their thinking around it so you can see they’re causing this experience for themselves. That’s just such a takeaway that I got from being in a group program. And I think I learned those lessons so much faster because I didn’t have the emotional tie to their situation. The A-ha’s happened so much more quickly.
Laura: It’s so much faster because you’re not in it. When you do get coached, you oftentimes, this is me at least, I have to go I can watch it because sometimes I just blackout, so to speak. So yeah, when you’re watching someone else get coached, you’re not in the blackout space. You’re in a space of total reception. You can receive all the goodness.
And to your point, Olivia, too, I think, yeah, you might be struggling with something, you might not be able to articulate it, and you might struggle with that thing for a week or a month, and you don’t even know that struggle is on the horizon. But then all of a sudden, you have the answer to that struggle, when you find yourself in it in a week.
So, I think it’s cool. It’s almost preventative in a way, too.
Andrea: Totally preventative. I hear my clients say that all the time. They’re like, “Oh, my gosh, this coaching call was so great. I don’t have to make that mistake now. Because I heard about… I didn’t even know that was coming, but now I don’t have to make that mistake. Totally preventative. I love that.
Priyanka: Yeah, there were two things that I’ve noticed come up in my groups. One is, I’ve had so many times, a client will separately message me and say, “If you had changed the time and the place of what that person got coached on, that was me. And I had no idea that that was a struggle that I was having.” A lot of what I coach on is working mom life. So, like, relationships and work life; time, productivity, and connection with your partner, with your kids.
And there are certain times that I think people feel, I think it’s a vulnerability in sharing a perceived weakness, whether it’s in their relationship, or maybe at work. And when they hear somebody else get coached on their marriage, on their kids, on their time, or on their productivity, they feel not only seen and heard, but they really feel like they just got an answer to something that they didn’t know was a problem.
Like, “Wait a second. Oh, I have been feeling so disconnected.” That’s what that is. When they hear somebody else being coached, kind of to your point Laura, they are able to receive the coaching because they’re not the one being coached. They’re able to observe it so much more clearly.
They’re like, “Oh, that’s what that feeling has been for me. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. Oh, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my partner. I’ve been feeling so stressed at work.” And all of a sudden, they’re able to take the coaching that somebody else gets, and change the time and the place, and they can absolutely apply it to their life. Which has been so, so, so, huge.
Laura: So good. I want to know, we’ve talked a lot about ourselves, we’ve talked about our clients to a lot. But do you guys have any fun stories from your clients of how they’ve changed by being in a group? Or what have you seen, the impact of the group dynamic on your clients specifically. Because clearly, we are benefiting from it.
Olivia: Yeah, I think two big takeaways: Number one, with my clients there’s a sense of isolation. Even if you’re not a solo attorney, and you work in a firm, or you work for a corporation, as in-house attorney, you’re really stuck in this ‘keeping up appearances’ space. And you are never really able to be fully vulnerable and talk to people about what you’re struggling with.
That was definitely my experience when I practiced law, as well. I felt very isolated. So, I think number one, just having a sense of belonging and support, and being able to be honest and open. That is a game changer for people on your isolation levels, your connectedness, and how you feel going through your career.
I think the other thing that my people struggle with so significantly, they think they are unicorns. And they have so much shame around struggling with the things that they struggle with. They think it’s only them, they’re the only ones with these problems. And when I work with people one-on-one, I would say over and over again, till I’m blue in the face…
I coach on this literally every day, multiple times a day. I talk to people about procrastination. I talk to people about people pleasing. I talk to people about perfectionism. This is my mainstay of the coaching that I do. Everyone that I work with struggles with this stuff, but they don’t see it themselves. So, I think they think that I’m just blowing smoke up their ass; I’m not. But I think that’s how they take it.
And then they hear other people actually struggle with it when they’re in a group setting, and it creates the sense of, not normal, because I don’t really believe in there being a “normal” thing. But that there’s something not abnormal about them also, like they’re not a unicorn.
They struggle with the same things everyone else struggles with. It’s very common. There’s no reason to be ashamed. And most of what my people, and I think this is true for all of us, the reason they’re struggling with something is because they’ve never learned it before.
Olivia: And my people have so much shame, they think they should have known it or learned it before. And I’m like, “You wouldn’t expect to know Spanish if you had never been taught Spanish. And you wouldn’t expect to know calculus if no one had taught you calculus.” So much of what I teach, whether it’s emotional management or time management, goal setting and achievement, all of that stuff, setting boundaries. If you’ve never been taught it, you’re not going to know how to do it.
So, you want to put yourself in a room where other people just like you also haven’t learned it, and you get to learn it together as quickly as possible.
Laura: Yeah, I feel like this question should bring us home and wrap up our episode. So, let’s definitely hear from Andrea, she was going to talk about it too.
Andrea: Yeah, I think for my clients, community, being in a group, they literally share resources. This is something I see all the time, is people not reinventing the wheel. So, I coach on business, and specifically, people come to me because I’m not on social media.
A lot of people are drawn to that, on building a business without being on social media. So, my community tends to be kind of the anti-establishment. These are my people. I love it for lots of different reasons.
So, inside of that community, just having people with shared values and shared ideas and goals, like we’ve already talked about; huge. But just pragmatically sharing resources. Like, how do you actually do this? Who do you work with for SEO? I had someone…
Oh, my gosh, just the most amazing conversation recently in our group around collecting testimonials. And she’s like, “Oh, I have a great process for getting video testimonials for my clients. I’ll share it with you.” And it’s like this huge google doc of exactly how it goes.
Things like that. That’s like, “Yes, we don’t have to all be by ourselves, figuring things out on our own. Laura, like you said, there’s no badge of honor in figuring it out.” Of course, you can figure out how to get testimonials. And you can take years and years to get your process. But having somebody be tried and true, here you go. So great.
So, sharing resources, huge win for the community, for my people. And I have experienced that. I know we’ve all experienced that. We love that. So, that’s a big one. And then, kind of like Olivia said, I think just normalizing the ups and downs of whatever goal we’re working towards. So, for us, it’s business.
Whether it’s health goals, relationship goals, personal goals, or whatever it is, when you’re surrounded by people that are invested in personal development; they’re reading books about personal development, they’re interested. There’s just a different conversation that’s going to be taking place in that group.
Of course, it’s facilitated by a coach. Hopefully, they’re going to have their own tools and their own frameworks, like we all do, which is really helpful too. But just being around people that are asking different questions, than maybe in the rest of our life and the rest of our relationships. That’s just a goldmine, for sure.
Laura: Oh, it’s so true. I remember going on a girls trip with a new kind of group of friends about a year ago, and I remember coming home feeling like really let down, I admit it. Because the conversations just were not dynamic. And for my besties, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about another trip.
Priyanka: It’s not you, it’s them.
Laura: Yeah, but I remember feeling really let down, just because the conversations were not dynamic. They didn’t light me up like these ones do. So, I think that’s so cool. Priyanka.
Priyanka: I think for me, putting myself into a group, what I’m really seeing for my clients, and what I really want for the universe of humans, is being willing to get shit wrong all the time and not quitting. I, again, because of what I was saying to you guys before, I’ve always kind of prided myself on having the right answer, knowing the right thing, not needing help.
And the biggest pivot I’ve had to make, both in reaching my ideal weight and in really becoming an entrepreneur after being a physician, is the willingness. The willingness to just get it wrong all the time. And a concept that I teach is leveraging mistakes. So, how can you be so willing to get it wrong and so willing to keep going, and then leverage every single mistake you’ve ever made?
If you don’t ever quit, and you leveraged every single mistake, do you know how far you would get? It’s like, your goal is inevitably done. Like, done and done. So, I think it’s that piece. I am so much more willing now… I mean, I still hate getting stuff wrong, let me be totally honest. I hate getting stuff wrong. I hate when I mess up. I hate it.
Laura: What are you making it mean about you though, Priyanka?
Priyanka: We’re human, but I think, again, what if that might be my tendency forever, to hate making mistakes? And also, I hate my mistakes, but I’m just willing to do it. I’m so willing to do it and leverage it and put myself out there and be embarrassed, feel like crap, and then solve the problem. I would rather solve the problem and be embarrassed than not solve the problem and just sit in my quiet bubble and live with the undesired result.
Laura: That’s so good because it’s you’re making it. And when you, whoever’s listening, Priyanka, Olivia, Andrea, our audiences, whatever, but when you put yourself in these containers and these rooms, in these groups, it’s like you’re making it almost impossible to quit. Which is so valuable. So valuable.
And so, for me, with my clients, I think one of the thoughts that they have, and they continually say over and over again is, “If she can do it, so can I. If she can do it, so can I.” And they’re constantly like passing the torch back and forth, I swear to God. Especially with weight loss. Because I’m always teaching it’s two steps forward, one step back. Or three steps forward, seven steps back, whatever, right?
But there’s always somebody that’s holding the torch, right? And it just this dynamic, cool thing of, again, holding the vision and believing in each other. So, it just doesn’t get dropped and you can’t quit. That’s what I would have to say, in terms of just how impactful…
I’ve even said to clients… Because I’ll get clients sometimes, they’ll be like, “Please work with me one-on-one, please.” And I’ve even said, “I don’t know if this is forever. Maybe I’ll do one-on-ones later in life,” or whatever. But right now, for me, it feels a bit out of integrity for me, with weight loss, just because of the results that I’ve seen. So, I’m so committed to the groups because of that.
I feel like this really brings us home. Why don’t we go around and tell the audiences how they can find all of us. Because they probably became obsessed with all of us, and they want to stalk us now. So, Olivia, tell us how we can find you.
Olivia: Yeah, you can find me I’m on LinkedIn and Instagram. LinkedIn, under my name, Olivia Vizachero. Instagram, under the handle The Less Stressed Lawyer. That’s also the name of my podcast and the name of my website. The Less Stressed Lawyer.com
Laura: So good. Andrea.
Andrea: Love it. Okay, I’m Andrea Nordling. You cannot find me on social media. I’m hidden from everyone. No, actually, this late breaking news: New LinkedIn profile has been created. I know. I know. By the time this episode goes live, I’ll get my shit together, and you’ll be able to find The Profitable Nutritionist™ on LinkedIn. The Profitable Nutritionist podcast. TheProfitableNutritionist.com.
Laura: Love it. Priyanka.
Priyanka: Oh, good. So, I am The Unstoppable Mom Brain everywhere on the internet. That’s my website, TheUnstoppableMomBrain.com. It’s my podcast. And it is exactly what I go by on Instagram. So, The Unstoppable Mom Brain, all over the place.
Laura: Oh, that’s so good. So easy. Okay. And I am Laura Conley. You guys can find me at LauraConley.com or LauraConleyCoaching on Instagram. My podcast is the Yummy Mummy Podcast with Laura Conley. That does it. Does anybody have any last things they want to say? It was totally fun.
Olivia: I have one thing I want to add. I think the theme, that I noticed from most of us at least, is you really needed to put yourself in a group program to figure out how exactly it’s valuable for you. Trust that it will be valuable. But it’s going to be one of those things that you’re not exactly going to know how it’s going to change your life until you’re in it.
And if you tend to be a hesitator; I’m not, I’m pretty impulsive. I’ll just make a quick decision and go for it. I think Andrea is probably pretty decisive, just from what I know about her, too. But if you find yourself hesitating, I just really want to encourage you to listen to the four of us. We’ve all had such extremely positive experiences from going through group programs.
Take, if you feel like it’s a risk, take the risk and just invest. You’re going to get so much out of it, but you have to go through it in order to learn that.
Andrea: It’s so true, too. It’s going to be the mystery. It’s the mystery present in that you don’t know what you’re going to open at the end. I know that I’m going to do this, and I don’t know what my prize is going to be at the end. But I’m going to learn something about myself and get something really great out of this. I don’t even know what it is, yet.
Priyanka: I also think, just one last thing, that high achievers love the feeling of certainty. And I think sometimes the reason we hesitate specifically, if it’s foreign investment, like financial investment, if you’re not used to investing in yourself, is you’re waiting to feel certain.
And I think the biggest, most bitter pill I had to swallow was, you can’t actually have certainty. I know all humans want it. High achievers want it. But what would it look like if you felt certain in yourself? Knowing that you are going to figure out how to get your ROI, in whichever group you put yourself. That’s what you get to control. You don’t actually get to control anything else.
I’m curious, do you guys feel like you hesitate when you feel uncertain? When we’re trying to feel certain, that’s why we hesitate. What if you just didn’t worry about feeling uncertain? Just take action.
Laura: Yeah, it’s totally just a part of life. Yeah. No such thing as certainty anyways. All right, you guys that does it.
All right, my friends. I hope you enjoyed that fun, little behind-the-scenes chat between me and my friends, Laura, Andrea, and Priyanka. I hope you learned a little bit more about what it’s like to be in a group coaching program.
If you are listening to this, and you’ve been wanting to work with me, and you’ve been curious about joining The Less Stressed Lawyer Mastermind; you’ve been intrigued by it, you’ve been curious about it, you’ve been interested, and you’ve been on the fence. Now is the time to get out of your own way to notice that desire to feel certain. To recognize, like Priyanka said, that certainty isn’t guaranteed.
You’re not going to feel that way, you’re going to have to do it 90% excited and confident that it’s the right fit for you. And that just that 10%, 20% uncertain, because you’ve never done it before. And that’s normal. So, if you’ve been on the fence and you’ve been thinking about joining, enrollment is getting ready to reopen on June 19.
Make sure you go to TheLessStressedLawyer.com/mastermind, and apply as soon as doors open on June 19. I can’t wait to have you in the next round. It is definitely the program for you if you’ve been listening to this podcast, you love what you hear, and you’ve been learning a lot just by listening. I promise you, there’s so much more that you’re not getting from the podcast that you will get when you’re inside that group program.
You also don’t get all those extra benefits from being in a group when you’re just in consumption mode all by yourself, listening through the other end of the speakers. You miss out on that community. You miss out on learning from your peers. You miss out on that support. You miss out on that accountability. So, make sure you take advantage of being in a group program where you get all of those benefits. All right?
Like I said, enrollment opens on June 19. It’s going to be your last chance to join the August 2023 Mastermind class. So, don’t sleep on it. Make sure you go apply. I can’t wait to see you in August, in Big Sky, Montana, where the four of us all just got back from visiting. So, you’ll get to experience what we just experienced. And let me tell you, it is absolutely incredible. It’s going to blow your mind.
All right, my friends. That’s what I have for you this week. Next week, we will pick back up with the Money Mindset series. And until then, I hope you have a beautiful week. I’ll talk to you in the next episode.
Thanks for listening to The Less Stressed Lawyer podcast. If you want more info about Olivia Vizachero or the show’s notes and resources from today’s episode, visit www.TheLessStressedLawyer.com.